Saint Joan's School for Girls

I sat outside the principal's office, trying my best to eavesdrop on the conversation going on inside.

"Your son is a little different Mrs. Carson."

I could hear my mom sigh a bit, "We know Mr. Hendricks, we know he is, but he's just a boy."

"Barely" I could hear my dad grouchily reply.

The principal decided to ignore this remark, "This is the fifth fight he's been in this year alone."

"It was hardly a fight, more like a massacre. You saw how he looked afterwards, and look at the boys who did this to him. Not a scratch, and besides isn't it the school's job to keep this from happening?" my mother quipped defensively.

I could hear Mr. Hendricks sigh, "For your information both boys have received a two week suspension, and we have given similar punishments to your son's previous uh... aggressors." being careful to choose his words, "But with all due respect your son is still facing a lot of harassment we feel is going unnoticed. We do our best, but 1,500 kids and 100 odd staff, we just can't keep an eye on him at all times."

Mom sighed again, "Well there must be something that can be done."

"Well, first option is to transfer schools."

"We've tried that sir. This is his third school and nothing has changed, it's always the same."

Mr. Hendricks remained silent for a bit as if contemplating something, "I think we need to address your son's identity."

I immediately tensed up, I was hoping this would never be brought up. I remember the day I came home a couple years ago and my parents were sitting there with my diary in their hands. I remember my blood running cold as I knew the secrets that lied within. I remember the initial feeling of betrayal at having my privacy violated like that, to which my mom quickly told me that they had been so worried about my depression and just wanted to know what was wrong. I remember my mom calming telling me there was nothing wrong with wanting to be a girl, hugging me as I cried. Most of all however I remember the look of disappointment my father gave me the whole time.

"His counselor informed me of his situation" the principal said snapping me out of my momentary flashback, "I assume you're familiar with it?"

"Yes we are, and we've been trying to manage it and keep it under control. We know how people would react if he started dressing like a girl."

My dad remained silent letting my mom dominate the conversation.

Again the principal stayed silent for a moment as he contemplated what to say next, "I'm sure as you two are aware we are a private Christian school, under our guidelines our dress code is very strict on not letting our students dress as girls."

He paused for a moment before continuing, "However there is a new Christian school opening soon that is a bit more... lax on these rules."

My mom made a confused noise.

"Saint Joan's school is a bit more understanding on these sorts of things. It's come to our attention that our homosexual and uh... transvestite..."

"Transgender" my mother corrected.

"Uh right," Mr. Hendricks stuttered out "Well these students make up a pretty surprisingly large amount of our parish. In the past these students would be expelled, however these days that would result in 15% of our student body being expelled, yes Mr. Carson it is that many."

I could just imagine my dad's dumbfounded expression at the revelation that the school he went to as a kid has that many LGBT students. The thought almost made me amused.

"Our solution instead is to create a safe environment for them to be. There they can feel supported, while learning to be beneficial members of our church. Those who are from homosexual can be in a safer environment and those boys such as yours who have a girl's soul can learn to be good Christian women..."

"I'm sorry, WHAT?!"

This time I didn't have to eavesdrop, my dad's voice may very well have carried throughout the building for all I know.

"Maybe we misheard you sir, but did you say they learn to be Christian women?" My mom asked almost just as dumbfounded as my father. To be fair, I could hardly blame her, even I was shocked at what he was proposing.

"No ma'am you did not mishear." He got up, and began to pace around his office, "In the past we have tried methods of... curing individuals with this behavior. Praying, therapy, shock reinforcement..."

I could hear my mother shudder at the thought.

"None of those would stop the feelings." He paused and continued "After that we tried to ignore it, unfortunately that didn't work either. A 41% suicide rate showed how damaging an unsupportive environment is to these uh... transgenders."

"Transgender individuals." My mother corrected.

He simply ignored her this time, "So finally we were left with only one effective solution, let them be the way they are."

My dad simple laughed, as if this was all some elaborate joke despite it being several weeks passed April 1st.

"I don't believe this, you can't actually be suggesting this. Doesn't the bible say this shit's an abomination."

Mr. Hendricks ignored his swearing, "The bible says a lot of things are abominations. Shrimp, mixed fabrics, tattoos..."

I could almost picture my dad uncomfortably trying to cover up his marine corps tattoo he has on his arm.

I heard Mr. Hendricks sit down and drop his voice just above a whisper, "Look I won't pretend I'm comfortable with this either. To me it sounds like a disaster waiting to happen, but I've seen the numbers, 41% suicide attempt isn't something I'm comfortable with either. So ultimately I'd rather have some women who used to be guys in my church instead of empty seats and more tombstones in our graveyard."

This must have struck a cord with my parents because they remained silent for a bit. I never particularly liked Mr. Hendricks but this made my respect for him go up considerably.

"Tell you what," He said returning to his normal voice. "School year is almost up, about a week left, why don't you all take the rest of it off. Don't worry he already took all his exams, and he won't be missing anything important. Take some time to think this over, and I'll send you off with some numbers to call if you wish to start the enrollment process."

With that all three exited his office and came to where I was sitting. I looked up and saw my mom smiling, though it was clear she had been crying very hard only moments before. My father's face was expressionless as always.

"Let's go home sweetie."

~~~~~~~~~~~

Dinner was a quiet affair. Barely anyone had spoken throughout the day and everyone was focused on their plate avoiding each other's gaze. Finally when the plates were nearly clear my mom coughed and spoke up, "Sweetie, we need to talk."

"I already know, I could overhear you guys talking to the principal."

I could see my mom's face go pale as my dad muttered something about eavesdropping under his breath.

She sighed and continued, "Listen, we know it's a big decision, but your father and I talked about it and we agreed that it's probably for the best." He grunted begrudgingly again muttering something about a rock and a hard place as she continued, "But we think ultimately the choice should be up to you."

Of course I had been thinking about this all day. Ultimately however I knew what my decision would be.

"I don't want to be bullied anymore. I just want to be normal. I don't want to feel like a..a freak!" I hated myself for crying at this.

My mom immediately sprang up and hugged me consoling me. I looked over and my dad was giving me a strange look, almost like he was sad.

It was decided that I would start the following school year. My mom would send an email to the Saint Joan's for more information. It had been a long day for everyone so we all decided to retire earlier than usual. As I was preparing for bed I heard my door knock and my dad peek in, "You got a moment sport?"

I cringed internally at him addressing me this way and opened the door for him. He smiled and scuffled my hair playfully before going and sitting on my bed. He picked up my worn stuffed rabbit I slept with every night and smiled, "You know we bought this a month before you were born."

I silently kept trying to get ready not responding.

"You know we thought we were gonna have a girl, I don't know if I ever told you that."

He had told me, but I let him continue, "Had a name picked out and everything. We were gonna name you Hailey. I remember panicking when you were born trying to think of a boy's name. We just settled on Hayden 'cause it was easiest."

I just nodded as I put my hair into a ponytail.

He sighed, "Kiddo, can you come sit down?"

I complied and looked at him. He ran his hand through his non existent hair uncomfortably and sighed again, "Look I ain't gonna pretend to get what this is all about, but what your principal said today hit right at home. I looked more into it. I don't really get why you wanna be a chick, but I don't want a dead kid dammit.."

And suddenly I could see his eyes begin to water. I had never seen him so vulnerable like this. Then he turned to me and gently put a hand on my shoulder, "Honey, is this gonna make you happy?"

I could feel myself tearing up too "Yes daddy, it will!"

He just nodded silently and looked up sniffing trying to hold back his tears. Then he looked back at me and hugged me tight, "You're not a freak. You're the greatest thing to ever happen to me."

We remained like that for a bit and pulled away kissing the top of my head. Goodnight sweetie..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next few months were a bit of a blur. At the advise of the school my parents began to refer to me with she/her pronouns and my new girl name. I settled on Hailey remembering what my dad has said. They both struggled with the adjustment, my dad especially so, but they were trying their best to adjust.

Around mid June my mom took me out, helping me change my wardrobe and buying my new school uniform, which disappointingly was a very basic skirt and top with the logo of the school imprinted on the left breast.

"At least it's fem" I thought to myself.

My mom had also began to teach me how to do my makeup. Several trial and errors later I had finally gotten it down pat and while I still looked clocky (A term I had learned from trans forums online meaning I still looked a little male) I looked way more feminine than before.

Finally came the hormone therapy. This my dad objected to the most. He kept going on about the side effects and worry about me being too young. He even at one point said I looked feminine enough without hormones (Something that actually flattered me much to his embarrassment). Ultimately we managed to compromise on the subject and he agreed I can start when I turned 18 in August, a week before school started. I was of course disappointed, wanting to start HRT as soon as possible, but being under 18 there was little I could do. Mom did her best to reassure me that I did already look quite feminine, and my short stature would really help.

I had also begun Skype calls with a psychologist from the school who insisted on weekly meetings with his future students. He would be the one administering writing our HRT prescriptions. I was skeptical but Dr. Mitchell's actually was a very nice man. He was a short stocky man with a shiny bald patch atop his skull and had a very contagious laugh. After the first few meetings we just began to talk about whatever was going on. My uneventful home life, my progress in games I was playing, it was actually quite nice. It was just like talking to a friend. Before long I had begun to really look forward to more meetings with him.

Before I knew it my 18th birthday had arrived, I briskly walked downstairs still in my pajamas. My mom happily hugged me, "Happy birthday honey!"

My dad smiled up from his morning coffee, "Happy birthday Hayd.. uh Hailey."

"So darling, I was wondering if you wanted to have a girl's day out for your birthday?" Mom pointed at some cards on the dining room table from various relatives. "I have a feeling that you got a good amount of money from your grandparents and I'm sure you'd like to spend it before you get stuck on a campus for a year."

I smiled feeling like I'm on cloud nine, "Yes I'd love that!"

"Well open your cards! Then we'll go in an hour or so."

I felt a little pang in my heart as the cards were all addressed to "Hayden". Mom had mentioned waiting for the right time to tell the relatives, but I suppose that time had yet to come. Still! I walked away with just shy of $200, not bad at all!

Mom then came out with two gifts, one long and flat and the other nicely boxed shaped, "and these are from your father and I"

I opened them revealing a gorgeous yet modest purple dress and a pair of matching heels. I was on the verge of crying at this point, "Oh my God you two! I don't know what to say!"

My mom giggled, "You can thank your dad. He's the one who picked out the dress. He wanted something church appropriate, and knew purple was your favorite color."

My dad just diverted his eyes still sipping his coffee acting coy about the whole situation. I smiled and hugged him and thanked him and my mom over and over squealing still.

"Alright sweetie I gotta make some calls and get ready. You should start getting ready too, we leave in 45 minutes."

I began to skip off to my bedroom, but my dad called out to me, "Just a second Hailey."

I turned around surprised and saw him looking at me seriously, "I've got another thing for you."

I sat down and faced him. He looked down anxiously and from his pocket produced two pill bottles. One with small blue pills and the other with slightly bigger white pills, "I assume you know what these are?"

I nodded trying to stop myself from smiling, but my dad still wore his stoic expression, "Sweetie, I don't do this lightly, but bottom of my heart I know you need these. So please promise me, if anything goes wrong let me or your mom or your doctor know right away, okay?"

I nodded and he handed them to me. Taking a bit to loosen his grip around them, "Just remember, one of each every morning and evening."

I smiled taking as instructed and kissed him on the cheek, "Thank you for trusting me sir."

He chuckled, "Ah your an adult, don't "sir" me anymore, makes me feel old."

I giggled and went off to my room. I knew it would take weeks, if not months to see the effects, of my HRT, but still I giggled elatedly realizing this is just one more step towards womanhood.

I quickly got dressed and settled into the car, my mom double and triple checking my makeup in the mirror, my mom giggling watching me, "Sometimes I forget you were ever a boy"

I just stared at her for a few seconds before bursting out in laughter. It feels good to laugh.

"So honey, I heard you got your HRT."

I smiled and nodded my head

"Well then, as you know you're going to be umm... developing soon." She awkwardly stated. "So I was thinking we should probably get some bras for you today."

"Mom!" I said embarrassed.

She just made a dismissive hand gesture, "Oh hush up, girls go bra shopping with their mom's the first time around. Ain't nothing to be ashamed of. Now I remember Doc saying your size is probably gonna be genetically similar to your parents. When I was your age I was a 32B and you look about my proportions so we'll shop for that."

I sat there a little stunned, "You sure have been doing a lot of research into this."

"Well I'm trying to be more educated on the matter," She gave a little smirk, "Sue me." and continued driving.

When we arrived I immediately began to gravitate towards Victoria's Secret but she tugged me away, "Nah we won't go there. You only have $200 missy, that's enough for like 2 panties and one bra and they won't last through the week."

"Yeesh seriously?"

"Rule number one of women's shopping missy," She held up a finger to drive the point home, "Avoid name brand stuff like the plague, unless you're trying to show off. Stuff is expensive and won't last long at all. Here," She pointed to a nearby shop." This is much more your speed."

We walked into the local Rue 21 and immediately went towards the back for the underwear. We found a large assortment of bras, and I was happy to find that many were my projected size.

"Get used to it, small bras are the cutest. I swear these manufacturers just give up when it comes to making D cups and above" She nodded her head over to a rack of DD bras and sure enough they were plain and boring in the most basic colors.

I held up a pink and frilly one and smiled at it. She noticed and smiled back, "I think that one suits you just fine dearie."

We continued the process until I was laden with a dozen or so bras and panties. I gave up trying to find matches between the two after about 10 minutes so they were a mix of all sorts of colors and styles. Personally I liked it, it felt more fun that way. My mom also picked out a couple of sports bras for me to wear. While not as cute I understood form over function, "Trust me, you don't want to run without these."

We checked out and I still had about $50 left. Passing by Victoria's secret I decided to take a quick peak in and saw they were having a sale.

"$60 for only 2 bras?!" I sat there stunned.

My mom gave me a "Told ya so" look smiled "And you still have a bit left over. Wanna go anywhere else?"

I looked around and eyed the gamestop. I had spent most of my time there whenever my family came to the mall. For some reason this time I felt conflicted. Obviously girls still played games, but a part of me felt like it was too male oriented. That if I went in there it would practically be evidence that I wasn't really a girl. My head started to spin and mom looked at me, and practically reading my mind squeezed my hand, "You don't have to be nervous hun. I know you still wanna go."

I smiled and we walked in. Nobody even took notice of our entrance, not even the cashier. I breathed a sigh of relief and giggled to myself, realizing how silly I was for worrying so much. I gravitated over to the used games section and found a copy of Oblivion.

"That's a classic." A boy next to me said.

A little startled I looked over and met his eyes. He was significantly taller than me, definitely over 6'. He had wavy brown hair and deep brown eyes I couldn't seem to look away from.

"Oh uh yeah! I used to play this all the time, but my disc got scratched up."

"Shame," He looked to the game and then back to me smiling, "You look familiar, have we met?"

I panicked and shook my head. Worried I immediately put the game back and went to find my mom. She was over by a shelf looking curiously at a copy of Plants vs Zombies.

"Hailey what are yo..."

I grabbed her hand and rushed out of the store. She managed to pull away after we passed a few stores to catch her breath, "Yeesh girl what's gotten into you."

"A guy said he recognized me.. I, I panicked and just ran and... I'm sorry!"

She just stared at me for a minute and pulled me into a hug, "Don't worry honey, it's alright. I'm sure he couldn't tell. Honestly I doubt anyone could unless they looked real close."

I started calming down, and hugged her back, thankful to have her there.

Shortly after we got lunch and headed home deciding we had enough for one day. Surprisingly the rest of the day was uneventful. Before I knew it I was slipping on my nightgown and brushing my hair into a ponytail. I smiled looking at myself in the mirror knowing soon I'd look even more feminine, like the woman I am.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next week went by in a flash and before I knew it I was riding down the highway with my bags packed next to me filled with my outfits, console and small TV, laptop and everything else I needed. I was dressed in my school uniform, which despite first impressions I had to admit made me look rather cute. I nervously fidgeted my hands as my dad kept glancing in the rear view to look at me. My mom kept turning back to reassure me it would all be alright, which only served to make more more nervous.