All Comments on 'Samantha's Tale Ch. 01'

Mmmnn I love where this is going. Not too long,, please?

a good start... a gripping story, of course now I want to know how Louise came up with "submissive"! And a nice, captivating writing style - with an appealing vocabulary that goes beyond "moan" "fuck" and "AAAAA" after all ;-)

Please don't let me wait too long for the next part

Well the first part of this story gets going really well, even though you stopped it way to short. If you’re going to make this a chapter-ed story, don’t just leave us barely a page to read and wander off. I look forward to what you’re going to do with this story-line. I just hope you don’t break her. Good luck with the coming chapters.

Maybe it's me, but the construction of the third to last paragraph, with the "I" sentence, then "you're tempting me now", then the next "I" sentence, gave me the impression it is Samantha saying "you're tempting me." Which then left me confused as to whether you then had two speakers in one paragraph.

So I was then uncertain who says the last line, which killed it's impact.

Samantha's last line is "I wouldn't want to tantalize, etc."?

Again, maybe it's just me.

Otherwise very good, keep going.

Thank you for the encouraging and positive feedback so far! I've been playing around in my head with where dialogs and the story goes next, so I'm hoping it won't be tooo long, although I'm a bit of a perfectionist!

A few answers I'd like to give:

- Glad you liked the vocabulary, I try hard!

- @markelly - This being my first story, I had no idea that my 2.5 page word document would be 1 page on the site, otherwise I would likely have kept writing a bit! The plan is to make chapters either longer, or to combine chapters together.

- Third to last paragraph construction- not just you, I agree with that, and am sorry my three proofreads missed it (along with a couple of other things as well. There should be an edited version of chapter 1 come out soon, perhaps with more content as well!

Great first start!! I can't wait to read more from you

That has to be one of the best first lines I've read in a story here. The image of Samantha's head dropping to the table with a thud really sets the mood right away. Looking forward to more.

Wow, thanks for writing this. Excited to see where it goes. <3

- a subby trans lesbian