All Comments on 'Sandra the Babysitter'

The story was to rushed

But that can be remedied in a subsequent chapter! Good start

A good start to a possibly great story... I hope you will continue writing it.

Lynda

as title says pish,both story and grammer

I noticed a lot of your spelling errors, aren't so much errors rather than just difference in regions...as in you spell like you live in Australia/New Zealand rather than America. Good story, would love to read more!

Nice "quick" story, especially the ending. Maybe you were a little nervous, for a first story. Love the line, though, please give us a sequel, or two!

Spelling and grammar mistakes pulled me out the of story. My personal favourite was:

He grabbed himself a bear and sat at the table checking emails on his laptop.

Spent most of the story wondering what Deane was doing with that bear.

I think you rushed through the actual sex, which is unfortunate because the buildup was well executed.

It was a good story, but the spelling was crap.

If you're not a good speller, but still have stories to tell, please find a mentor to help you through. They're a bit like an editor.

Don't be put off, you have promise.

Once there, Lana took control. She pushed Lana back onto the king size bed as she worked her way up her legs and to her mini skirt, pushing it up till she was face to face with the glistening pussy lips of the beautiful 18 year old.

Too many instances like above where you mixed up the people.

i loved this story... it was cut off a bit too soon tho... what'd sandra do to lana?

You are a good story teller but you need to pay more attention to grammar. You also mixed names and there was an obvious mistake with Dean grabbing a 'bear'. If you do come from Australia then there is no problem with spelling because English is an international language and there are many ways to spell the same word I refer you to the Oxford English Dictionary. May I give a little bit of advice - when you complete your story print it off and with pencil in hand read it out loud, you will find errors such as 'Dean's Bear' will leap out at you. Also you will find that you can see ways to improve the story. I do not write Erotica but I am a published writer and this is how I develop my stories. I may take up to 20 drafts,printing and reading each one until I have arrived at how I wish my story to appear then I give it to my publisher. Good luck and please keep writing because you do have a talent. I will look out to further stories from your pen.

Spellcheck is included with most computers now, so what's the excuse??? I wasn't aware college was spelled as College, either. :)

I couldn't get past that part where Deane grabbed a bear! lol

this story needed to be longer,oh its good

There is no excuse for sloppy writing. This deserves a failing grade and should be removed by Lit.

The story is just so-so, but the lack of adequate grammar and punctuation makes it impossible to read.

Very good very good