Sapphic Holiday

In Charles Dickens' novella, A Christmas Carol, the ghost of Christmas past reminds Scrooge of his life before his money and his loneliness. The memories are so distressing he begs the ghost to take him back to the present. Unlike Scrooge, in December of 2005 Joy Southwick found that a ghost from her past made her present very, very stimulating.

❆❆❆

There was a nip in the air as the wind shook oversized ornaments on the giant Christmas tree welcoming shoppers to Highland Galleria. The mall outside New Haven Connecticut had built a temporary ice rink in one of the parking lots and bundled-up skaters glided along to the sounds of holiday music.

Joy Southwick walked briskly through the chill enjoying the seasonal sights and sounds. She took the loose change from her coat pocket and dropped it in the kettle of the bell ringer as he opened the door for her.

The mall was as busy as you would expect on the evening of December 22nd. Every store, restaurant, and kiosk was buzzing with activity. People were scrambling to get their shopping done before the big day. Joy grinned to herself, at least she wasn't the only procrastinator in town.

Joy had only a few gifts to buy and knew exactly where to get them. With expert efficiency, she maneuvered around men staring at lists, women pushing strollers and the winding line to see Santa Clause. She cut through stores to avoid crowded laneways and paid in cash rather than waiting for overloaded credit card systems. Before long she was finished and headed out.

On her way to the exit, she passed the lingerie store. She paused to look at the lavish window display of perfectly shaped mannequins. One was wearing a dark red Cami, the other had on a deep green, lacy bra with matching panties. The image easily inspired a daydream of a cold winter's night filled with hot sex. A night like that would be fantastic, she thought to herself.

"Joy?"

The calling of her name snapped her back to reality. The voice was familiar but she couldn't place it. She turned towards the speaker and was met with the smiling blast from the past, "Carol!"

The two women closed the gap between them and hugged deeply. The bags they were carrying made the embrace physically awkward but the surprise and happiness of each was evident. "Wow," Carol said. "It's so great to see you."

"It sure is stranger." Joy exclaimed. "How long's it been?"

"Too long."

"Since graduation, I think. We saw each other almost every day for four years then you disappeared. It was like you walked across the stage and became a ghost."

Carol was smiling as she bobbed her head side to side, "I know. I know. That's how I am. I get so busy with the life in front of me that I lose track of everything else. I got a job at Hamill Bank in Cincinnati right after school and just went all in. I lost track of all my college friends. I'm so bad."

"Ah don't worry about it, it happens. Is the bank working out for you? Do you like it?"

"Yeah, actually that's why I'm here. I got a big promotion and I'm moving to London at the beginning of the year."

"London! Wow, that's amazing. Good for you."

"Thanks, it's so exciting. I packed up my stuff and shipped it out last week. Now I'm spending the holidays with mom and dad, then away I go."

Carol smiled and let their eye contact linger. Joy was happy to let it as she thought about how Carol hadn't changed a bit. Her hair, makeup, and clothes always had a keen sense of style. Some used to say that she could've been on the cover of a magazine, but Joy always thought she was more likely the inspiration for the magazine.

Throughout university, Joy had crushed on Carol. Carol, however, never guessed it was more than friendship. They were the same age and both Business Management majors so they logged a lot of time together. Between classes, studying, and partying they became friends but never anything more than that. After graduation, they went their separate ways and the crush became a memory.

"How are you? What've you been up to?" Carol questioned not breaking her warm inviting smile.

"Doing ok. My life hasn't changed much," Joy frowned. "Still living at home. Still working at the furniture store."

"But you liked that business right?"

Impressed with Carol's memory, a grin returned to Joy's face, "Yes I do. But it's not London."

"Oh please work is work, no matter where it is. Sure it sounds exciting but ask me in a couple of months. I'll probably be terribly lonely and want to be home with my parents."

Joy knew Carol was exaggerating. Carol was tall, smart, and outgoing. She was comfortable anywhere and with anyone. She would have no problem in a city like London. But the blonde's effort to make her feel good about herself was appreciated.

The two friends chatted for a few more minutes as busy shoppers walked around them. Joy shifted her bags from one arm to the other before saying, "Well Carol have a great Christmas, and don't get lost in all that London fog."

Carol nodded. "Take care of yourself, Joy. It's been great seeing you again."

Each woman turned to head off in different directions. Carol stopped, spun, and grabbed Joy's left elbow, "Wait."

"Oh," Joy yelped in surprise.

"Do you want to have dinner tomorrow?"

"Sure, yes. Yes definitely," Joy responded quickly. "But I won't get out of work until 8:15."

Carol made a dismissive motion with her hand, "That's fine. My parents are raving about this place downtown called Crosby's. Have you heard of it?"

Joy smirked, "Yes I know it well. It's across from the store."

"Ok, perfect. That makes it convenient for you. Let's meet there at 8:15?"

"Sounds good."

"Great, see you then. I'm so happy I ran into you," Carol said. "But I have to get this shopping done."

"I get it, go, go," Joy said and watched Carol hurry to the next store. It was exciting to see her college crush again and having dinner with her would be a great Christmas gift to herself.

❆❆❆

The next day was a mix of emotions for Joy. She was happy to have run into a 'ghost' from her past, thrilled that the ghost was someone she'd always pined for, and excited that this might be considered an actual date. She did feel, however, some anxiety. What if Carol didn't consider it a date, maybe there was a reason she didn't keep in touch after college.

Joy worked hard not to let these emotions get to her. Carol had found her, Carol asked her to dinner; those were both positive signs. Even if it wasn't a date, dinner with an attractive woman was always a good time. Besides it was Christmas, a time to leave your worries behind and be merry.

❆❆❆

When Joy exited the furniture store she could see Carol standing in front of the restaurant. She was wearing an elegant solid red, winter, skirt coat with high-heeled black boots. Her hands were in the jacket pockets and the hood was up. Joy thought 'even all covered up this woman was attractive.'

Carol met Joy with a wide welcoming smile and friendly embrace, "Hey I'm so happy we were able to do this."

"Me too, come on let's get inside it's cold out here."

They stepped into the restaurant and were immediately taken with the ambiance. There was a large fireplace creating a cozy warmth and a full tree that added a scent of pine.

"They do it up right here don't they," Carol said.

"Yeah, they know the only way they can pull crowds away from the chain restaurants near the mall is to give a genuine Christmas experience."

"Well, I love it."

Soon the hostess sat them at a quiet spot near the fire. The red table cloth was offset with a green moss runner, black napkins, and white silverware rings. The menu had the usual fare but offered specials like Roasted Turkey with Lemon Parsley and Maple Glazed Ham. The traditional holiday setting was perfect for the two women to get reacquainted.

Both ordered a festive cocktail and clinked a toast to each other. Carol started the conversation, "This place is great. I can see why my parents like it so much. And that's your store across the street?"

"Yes, and our house is only a ten-minute walk so I don't even have a commute."

"Lucky you. I hate driving. Time wasted in the car, finding parking, paying for parking, it sucks. I'm envious of the simplicity of your life."

"Yeah, it's simply boring."

"What do you mean?"

"It's just, I have a plan and it's going fine. But I'm still living with my parents, I'm still working at their store. No nightlife, no love-life. Sometimes I think I made a bad plan."

Carol nodded her head in understanding and with an honest face asked, "Sure, sure. You've got me curious though. What's the plan?"

Joy was happy to answer. She never had a chance to talk about her life with someone who had any interest. "My parents are retiring at the end of next year. They don't want to sell the store, they want to give it to me. So after college, I started learning everything I could about running the business. That way I can be ready to take over."

"That sounds great to me. You'll be a woman business owner at 27. Pretty amazing," Carol encouraged.

"Thanks"

"No, I'm serious. And don't be worried about living at home. I'm sure you're saving a ton of money. I'll be broke paying London rent rates. Besides, it won't be long before you can afford a house."

"Well, that's part of my plan too. My parents own the building and I'll get it with the business. There's a poorly used storage space on the second floor. I'm going to take my savings and renovate that space into a loft then move in there."

"Owning a business and loft living in a building that you own. Joy, that's incredible."

"Thanks but it kinda sounds lame in comparison to being a manager in London."

"No, no, it sounds pretty awesome. The job is a job and London is just a place. You have a dream and a plan. You're going to do great. I always liked that about you, you were steady, not surprising, and that kept you out of trouble. Well except that time we took the bus back from Salem."

"Oh no, you remember that. I had the worst hangover of my life. We barely made it to the bus on time. I immediately ran to that tiny onboard bathroom and puked my guts out. My head was pounding so bad I felt like if I moved, even a little bit, I'd start puking again. So I spent the entire trip locked in that bathroom."

They laughed before Carol said, "Well, you're not the only one with a college puke story. Did I ever tell you about the first time I smoked pot? "

"No."

"Well there were four of us in the room, none of us had a lot of experience so I tried to show off and go first. On my first pull, I started coughing so hard that I threw up. The worst part was I puked all over the rest of the weed."

Both women began laughing so loud others turned to look at them.

"Oh no! They must've hated you"

"Oh yeah. A few never talked to me again."

"Really."

"Yup. I was not great at making long-term friends freshman year."

"We met freshman year."

Carol paused and took a sip of her drink then said, "Yeah, you were the exception. There was this one time I hooked up with a junior and the sex was pretty bad. So when we were done I told her she couldn't stay the night and then completely ignored her. A few weeks later I was in this other girl's room and we were really going at it. Like totally naked all over each other. Then, in walks the girl I was ignoring. Turns out they were roommates."

"Oh, no way!"

"Yup."

"That's crazy. No way that happened."

"It's the fucking truth, happened just like that. They were both furious and threw me out of their room."

"Oh no that's terrible, hilarious but terrible."

"Yup, gave new meaning to the walk of shame."

"Why have I never heard that story before?"

Carol's humorous tone fell, "I felt bad about it afterward. I realized that I needed to be a better person when it came to relationships, not be so selfish."

"Did you ever try and make amends?"

"Never had the chance. The next semester they transferred to some college in France."

"Well don't feel bad, we've all been there. Do you remember Silvia?"

"Yeah, she didn't like you very much."

"Well, there's a reason for that. One night we were at a party and ended up going back to my room. We started fooling around, which led to some serious stuff and I went down on her. After a while, I realized something felt different. So I opened my eyes and realized I had gotten a nose bleed.

Carol cupped her hand over her mouth, "Oh no!"

"Oh yes, and it was bad. Blood everywhere. All over my lips and chin. And all over her, every crease and fold."

"Oh no, oh no, oh no," Carol said, shaking her head while trying to contain her laughter. "What did you do?"

"So that's the shameful part. I didn't know what to do. I froze, then blurted out the first excuse that came to mind."

"Which was?"

"Silvia I think you got your period."

"Get out! That's what you said."

"That's what I said and she was mortified. She was practically crying as she rushed her clothes on and ran out of the room."

Carol was trying so hard to contain her laughter tears were welling up in her eyes.

"Silvia never talked to me after that," Joy explained. "I don't know if she figured out what really happened and was mad at me for lying, or for bleeding all over her, or just so embarrassed she pretended that I never existed. So yeah we've all done things we're not proud of. And like you after that I decided I should be more honest and committed in my relationships."

Carol's laughter slowed to a trickle then used the topic of relationships to pivot to the present, "Are you seeing anyone now?"

Joy shook her head, "No, like I said earlier, no nightlife and no love-life. How about you?"

"Lots of dating but nothing serious. I guess that was for the best. I didn't have to do the 'what are we going to do when I move to London' thing."

Joy nodded, "Yeah true."

Carol took a long sip of her drink before asking, "Why didn't we ever go out?"

Joy had a surprised look on her face but was quick to answer, "Oh I don't know, the timing was never right I guess."

Carol wrinkled her nose, "So are you saying if the timing was right you would've?"

"Of course," Joy responded in a tone that made her answer seem overwhelmingly obvious. "Me and like three-quarters of the student body wanted to go out with you."

"Oh come on!"

"No, I'm serious. Me and every other lesbian, girl-curious, bi, and guy on campus wanted to go out with you."

"It wasn't like that," Carol responded with a hint of blush.

"Oh it was exactly like that. Come on, you know you were never wanting for dates," Joy said, having fun with her friend's embarrassment.

"Well maybe, but you should've asked. It could've been a lot of fun."

Joy looked down at her drink and sloshed the liquid around before meeting Carol's gaze, "Yeah looking back I don't know why I hesitated."

There was a long hanging silence that was almost to the point of awkward when the waiter showed up with their dinners.

They ate, laughed, talked, and remembered. The food, drink, and friendship filled an emotional void neither woman knew they had. They ordered a few more rounds and a dessert to split, not because they were hungry but to continue the intimate holiday dinner.

When the bill came Joy grabbed it. "No way, my treat," Carol protested.

Joy, shook her head, "Nope, I'm the one with a savings account and no rent to pay, I'm buying. Think of it as a Christmas slash going away present."

Carol put her hand over Joy's and nodded, "Okay, thank you."

Joy looked up and watched as the lights of the fireplace danced little shadows across Carol's face. She wanted to say something but was at a loss. A loss for words or a loss of courage or both. The waiter broke the moment when he returned and asked, "All set?"

"Yes. Yes, I think we are." Joy responded by handing him her credit card.

The women stepped out of the warm cozy restaurant and into the chilly winter night. It had been snowing and the fresh coating of white gave everything an authentic Christmas feel. There was a bar down the street emanating sounds of live music and merriment. Joy turned to Carol and asked, "Do you want to stop in for a nightcap?"

Carol smiled but shook her head, "Not really. I'd rather see your store. Could you give me a tour?"

Joy was surprised by the request but was happy to do anything that extended their time together. "Sure," she responded and led the way across the street.

Joy unlocked the outer doors, stepped inside, and punched a code into the wall panel. When the indicator changed from red to green she unlocked the inner doors, turned on the lights, and motioned to Carol that it was clear to come in.

"We won't be in trouble for doing this?"

"No," Joy said, locking the doors behind them. "I turned the alarm system off. But even if it did trigger, I'm the one the cops are going to call anyway."

"What if someone sees us and thinks we're robbing the place?"

"I doubt that's going to happen. My Dad loves frosting the windows at Christmas. He's been doing it for thirty years. People on the street might see the lights on but they won't see us."

As the women hung their coats on a rack, Joy flicked a few more switches. Moments later the background sound system began playing holiday music and several Christmas trees on the showroom floor lit up. An electric fireplace with stockings on it began to glow next to a brown leather sectional.

Carol started moving through the store. "Wow, this is amazing. I love the layout."

"Thanks," Carol replied. "It's called free-flow. It allows for more creativity and flexibility in designing displays. It took me forever to convince my parents to move away from the old-fashioned grid pattern, but as soon as we did sales went up."

"I'm sure they did. I really can't get over how amazing it looks. Everything is staged perfectly. The Christmas dinner settings on the tables, the holly on the dressers, and the festive bed coverings all look so good. This must be you, you've always had good taste."

Joy blushed a little at the compliment, "Thanks but this was a combined effort. My mom and I both worked on it."

"Well, I should've had you come to my Cincinnati apartment. It looked like a glamorized dorm room the entire time I lived there."

Carol continued to walk the floor dropping genuine compliments the entire time. The positive attention made Joy feel good. Her work almost always lacked any type of emotional positive reinforcement. To have it admired by someone she cared about felt special.

"Oh look at this sleigh bed," Carol gushed. "I've always wanted a king-sized sleigh bed."

Joy grinned, "Me too and this one is great. I bought one for myself and have it in storage. It'll be the first thing going into the loft when I renovate."

"Oh, that's awesome. It's bigger than my London apartment will be."

Joy laughed then said, "Go ahead lay down on it."

Carol slipped off her heeled boots and flopped on the bed. "Oh fuck me this is incredible!"

"What did I tell you?" Joy responded as she kicked off her shoes and joined her.

"Like this is the most comfortable bed I've ever been on."

"Yeah, and it's huge. You can roll around on it for days."

"Let's try," Carol giggled.

The two women started rolling around on the bed. They moved in unison, rolling all the way to the right then to the left. Joy was the first to start laughing and when Carol joined her they lost their synchronicity and began bumping into each other.

The silliness continued for several minutes before they collided. Each woman was on her side facing the other, their noses were just inches apart. The giggling faded and they stared into each other's eyes for a long moment before their lips came together.

Each could tell immediately the other was an excellent kisser. They melted together naturally. There was no clumsy bumping, no teeth clattering, or getting used to each other. Each knew how to kiss a woman and made sure to apply their skill and experience.