Sarah White - A Smoking Fairy Tale

"Oh hello, how can I help?" Sarah asked then coughed as Gremelda stood at the door.

"Are you alone?" Gremelda asked using her spare hand to hold on to the door frame.

"Er, yes!" replied Sarah. "Err, who are you?"

"You should recognise me my dear? I used to be famous! Who are you?"

"I am Sarah White, the home help for the miners..."

"Ah, excellent that's your name!" Gremelda smiled, "I am Gremelda Whinch, a neighbour of sorts, you may have seen my many movies or shows on Broadway." She said thoughtfully "White...White...Ah yes, I starred as Snow White once, when I was much younger of course." Gremelda mused and then dragged on her cigarette, "but it was a flop, pretty much lie my tits!" She smiled, then exhaled and frowned. "I stole the 'magic' mirror from the set designer, it's not very magic without the clever computers mind you, anyway silly me, I fu.. digress!"

"Oh wow, really, I will have to check the movie out on Netflix at some point, I am sure, I am so pleased to have met a real celebrity out here in the middle of nowhere!" Sarah grinned, "Especially a near neighbour, my friends at uni will be so jealous!"

"Hmmm, so your fu...little miners or any fu...friends not about?" Gremelda asked biting her tongue trying not to swear, whilst poking her head through the door, wondering where Jeremy might be hiding.

Sarah smiled, "No, they are still at work, and, er I am very much on my own, just got back from the lake, the rain got me just as I got home!"

"Excellent." Gremelda grinned, then realised she was grinning, instantly changed to scowl. "Oh yes sorry, that is so unfortunate, can I come in? It's freezing and rather damp on the doorstep." She ordered and then paused; Gremelda sniffed the air "You are baking?"

"Yes, some sausage rolls, I put them in the miners packed lunches" Sarah smiled triumphantly. "Please come in, I am in the kitchen." And she welcomed Gremelda in.

"It's wine that is best for lunch, you know, a nice Merlot!" Gremelda stated digging into her 'bag for life' shopping bag. "I was planning on bringing you one bottle of wine," she said as she plonked the bottle on the table, "to welcome you to the area, but I may have already started drinking it this morning, so I brought another!" She said as she placed the fuller of the two bottle down on the table.

"That's very kind of you. Thank you for the, er, bottles." Sarah stated raising her eyebrow and looking over her shoulder at the time.

"It's ok, if you get some glasses, I could do with another drink now!" Gremelda suggested. "Oh, and a smoke, you don't mind, do you?" she asked.

"No, carry on, the guys here have got me smoking again, I was so good during my first year at uni," she frowned, "Hang on, I will get the sausage rolls out of the oven before they get too burnt, and join you! As you say it's nearly lunchtime."

Gremelda dug into the now nearly empty bag and picked out her pack and lighter and lit a cigarette, "That's better," she said with her exhale, before glancing to the window, "It's fucking bloody awful out there." She said wincing as was trying not to swear too much.

"Tell me about it, I was down by the pretty lake when it started raining!" Sarah replied as she bent down and opened the oven and using the oven gloves placed the rolls on the table. She then opened the cupboard and placed two wine glasses on the table.

"You really should test this wine," Gremelda said, "when one has a headache, it does wonders to remove, it. I call it my 'special medical wine' she grinned as she unsteadily poured her glass from the half full bottle before putting it down and then dragging on her cigarette before twisting and opening the second one to pour Sarah's. "I will finish the very open bottle myself; "she exhaled "and let you have the whole other bottle to yourself!" Gremelda grinned as if it made perfect sense as Sarah came over confusion reining across her face. She pulled out the chair and sat down at the kitchen table and nervously played with the pack of cigarettes, before opening the pack and lighting a cigarette with a quick drawing inhale.

"Not sure I can drink a whole bottle before lunch Gremelda!" Sarah stated before she sipped the wine.

***

Jeremy sat in the driver's seat of the car watching both Gremelda and the girl though the kitchen window, getting on chatting, drinking and smoking as if there wasn't a care in the world, he tapped the steering wheel as he watched the two women smoke their cigarettes.

***

"This seems very nice, but very strong wine?" Sarah slurred after a couple of sips of it and then lazily drew on her cigarette.

"It's great wine, I would drink some more if I was you!" Gremelda said taking a big swig of her wine. Before licking her lips, "Shall I top your glass up?" Gremelda asked as she poured a little more wine in to the glass.

"Are you sure? It...is...making... me... feel... very... sleepy...all...of a...sudden!" She stretched and yawned.

"Oh yes, excellent drink up!" Gremelda ordered and watched as Sarah took a good gulp of her wine. "It's one of the finest from my cellar!" she exclaimed.

"Maybe... its...afternoon...drinking." Sarah slowly mused and attempted to flick the ash into the ashtray, and missed the ashtray, she screwed her eyes to try again and the succeeded as her focus was just on the burning tip of the cigarette, she then her heavy arm around back to her mouth to try and inhale on her cigarette.

"Oh, absolutely, you should try morning drinking as well, makes my day go so much better!" Gremelda said before taking a slug of her unaffected wine.

"I.. er...ha.." Sarah stuttered and slurred as fought her eyelids before her body crumpled, she then slowly slipped down and then her eyes rolled and her neck became loose, and her head leant to the left, and gravity took over. She instantly fell out off the kitchen chair banging her head on the table leg and floor as she landed.

"Oh, that worked quicker than anticipated. Thought I was going to have to make up some boring chit chat regarding pastry in sausage rolls for longer." Gremelda smiled as she carefully bent down and picked up the burning cigarette from between Sarah's fingers and stubbed it out in the ashtray. "Sweet dreams!" She cackled as she turned picked up her glass and necked the contents, licked her lips, flicked her ash in the ashtray, inhaled deeply and then stepping over the crumbled Sarah she left in a cloud of smoke not looking back as Sarah was out cold on the floor, her face white as snow.

***

"What have you done?" Asked Jeremy after she had wobbled out to the car and sat down beside him the car.

"Fucking what you fucking, should have fucking done! Plus," she looked a little confused, "fucking what are you fucking doing fucking here?" She slurred and wound the window down a little to flick her ash, which instantly blew back at her into the car.

"Watching the house as promised ma'am."

As she brushed the ash off her top "Cu...Hunt, Fucking gets me fucking home, it's fucking time for fucking lunch, I am starving, should have pinched a roll!" She growled and inhaled on her cigarette as they drove off.

Chapter 11

"High Ho, High Ho, home from work we go!" Sang Doc loudly as he came off the minibus.

"The house is looking very dark." Grumbled Grumpy.

"Maybe Sarah has fallen asleep?" Yawned Sleepy.

They all stomped into the house, taking off the shoes and lining them up against the wall in order.

"The oven is not on; we are going to starve this evening!" Bashful said in a panic.

"Guys, we have more of a concern rather than dinner, it's that Sarah is on the floor!" Doc said matter of factly as they marched into the kitchen.

"Oh, she's a bit dead." Happy said.

"Very," said Grumpy.

***

"Fucking Mirror, Fucking Mirror, who is the fucking fairest of them all?" Gremelda asked as she swayed in front of the mirror with her cigarette in one hand and her lunchtime neat 'pick me up' vodka in the other.

"You are ma'am."

"Well. Fucking. Done!" She tried to clap, but her hands were full. She grinned into the mirror and took a long celebratory cheek caving inhale on her cigarette.

***

"Excuse me, sorry, I know it's late, I'm lost, but you couldn't help me find my way to my mother's House? You may know her? Gremelda?" The man asked as the rain beat down on his rain mac.

"She's not here!" Replied Grumpy, who had opened the door whilst the others stared at Sarah lying on the kitchen floor.

"I know she is not here; I have made a wrong turning in the forest somewhere, it's very dark and I know its late, but I was wondering if you could help me?"

"No!" Grumpy firmly shut the door with bang.

The man again loudly banged on the door.

"No!" Grumpy stated as he opened the door.

"Erm, I notice the cigarette pack in your top pocket, I couldn't steal a cigarette from you? I finished my last one from my last pack hours ago!" Scott asked.

"Ugh," Grumpy rolled his eyes "Yes!" Grumpy said as he took the pack from his top pocket and gave the man one his cigarettes, and even offered his lighter as the cigarette was alight, he started to shut the door.

"Who is it?" shouted Doc from the kitchen.

"A man saying, he is Gremelda's son and is lost!" Grumpy shouted towards the kitchen.

"He is not lost, he is here!" said Dozey.

"Ah, he might be able to help, I think all of this is his mother's doing!" Doc shouted back. "Let him in!"

"Oh ok..." He reopened the door. "If you must, come in!" Grumpy grizzled dejectedly.

"Thank you," smiled the man as he followed Grumpy into the kitchen to see the seven other men all staring at a beautiful woman lying on the floor. "Oh! Wow, she is or was gorgeous, hang on...I think I recognise her from somewhere, so what's happened?" He asked taking in the girl laid out on the floor below him.

"We are not sure!" They all said in unison.

"Sorry, who are you?" Doc asked the blonde chiselled jaw gentleman.

"Oh, yes, sorry, I am Scott, the son of your 'Neighbour' Gremelda." He said used his fingers as commas. "But more importantly is the girl breathing?"

"We think she is very dead!" Said Grumpy.

"Absolutely, actually dead!" Said Happy.

"Totally Dead." Said Bashful.

"Right, can you help me get her off the floor, and er let's say on the sofa in the living room?" Scott asked looking around.

"Dead person in the living room, how morbid!" Stated Bashful.

"Come on guys help me! Move the table and chairs out the way, she is not going to be particularly heavy, I don't think, just don't want to hurt her" Scott said taking control of the situation as the table and chairs were pulled away. Scott bent down and picked her up. "Christ, she stinks of wine!"

"That's where we think your mother may have been involved." Doc said wryly. "There is nearly full bottle and an empty bottle of wine on the table and there are two empty glasses of wine beside them!" He followed up.

"Ah, yes, probably, unfortunately my mother is prone to an afternoon drink or two!" Scott said wistfully before bending his knees and picking the lifeless Sarah up in his arms and carrying her into the living room and placing her gently on the sofa. "Right, I need to finish this cigarette and have time to think what we do next." Scott said out loud to the group as they nodded, and seven cigarette packs were offered up to him.

***

"Gremelda, you do remember your son is arriving like today?" Jeremy asked.

"Oh, where is the fucker?" Gremelda asked flicking her ash from her cigarette, as she was lying down in the dark on the sofa watching evening TV.

"Not entirely sure, but I am sure he is due soon." Jeremy replied.

"I will, fucking deal with him, when he fucking gets here!" Gremelda replied before taking another deep draw on her cigarette.

***

"Hello, Hello Sarah, can you hear me? I am Scott." Scott said gently tapping Sarah on the shoulders. Just as he was taught on a recent first aid course. "I think she is very, very, much just asleep." Scott mused shaking his head as he got up picked up his cigarette from the ashtray on the table and paced around the room and inhaled deeply on his cigarette.

"Maybe you should give her the kiss of life? Isn't that what they do in the movies?" Doc suggested.

As he exhaled, he stated "Good idea Doc, but she is breathing very, very, gently, you can see her chest moving" Scott said as he crouched down put his ear to her mouth and looked down over breasts as they very slightly rose and fell as everyone's eyes all followed along her chest line staring at her breasts.

"So, she is not very dead?" Grumpy asked.

"Or, totally dead?" Happy asked.

Scott shook his head, "No! She is not" he smiled as he replied.

"Oh, but she isn't going to make our tea!" Happy said.

"No Happy, she is still asleep" Doc said "Scott, I still think a kiss from you would work!"

"And Scott might wake her up so she can make my tea!" Said Grumpy.

"I would scare her kissing her, I know she is gorgeous, but she is not expecting a kiss and could thump me?" Scott questioned before dragging hard on his cigarette.

"Oh man up, you are far better looking than us ugly miners, get on with it!" Doc said.

"Give me a little privacy guys, this might go horribly wrong!" Scott said before biting his bottom lip. "She is likely to hurt me!" He grinned and stubbed out his cigarette and picked up a glass of water and took a gulp.

The miners in unison turned their heads away as Scott bent down and put his lips against Sarah's. He pecked her gently on the lips, accidently exhaling a little residue smoke in the process.

"See, nothing has happened!" She is just asleep Scott said as he heaved himself off up the floor beside the sofa rubbing his hands together.

"Just wait, it may have worked." Doc said as everyone looked at the Sarah lying prostate on the sofa.

"Ugghhhhhhhhhh" Sarah said as she coughed her guts up. "My head, Aghhh."

Everyone stood on tenterhooks waiting for Sarah to wake up.

"Water, I need water!" Sarah called out.

"Yay!" The congregated men all shouted as Sarah slowly opened her eyes.

"Get the girl a glass of water!" Doc ordered and Sleepy yawned and moved to go towards the kitchen, "Thank you Sleepy!"

As Sarah came round, the guys excitedly provided Sarah with the story, of what they knew. With a couple of glasses of water and some paracetamol she was starting to feel a little more human.

***

"Cunt, where is the little fucker?" Gremelda asked before fighting her lighter to get her cigarette lit.

"He is not here yet." Jeremy said as another relentless salvo of smoke climbed up over his head towards the ceiling.

"The fucker better turn up soon, as I need to fucking go to bed." Gremelda stated before taking a long drink of her vodka before drawing again on her cigarette.

***

"Right, I am glad that you are now ok." Scott said biting into sausage rolls as he was about to leave through the door.

"I am glad that you rescued me." Sarah smiled looking deep into Scott's sparkly blue eyes, as he stood by the front door.

"Erm Umm" Doc coughed and brought the two away from gazing at each other.

"Oh right, yes, I better get on, thank you for the Sausage rolls!"

"It's ok, they will be the grumpy ones in the morning as there is no packed lunch."

Scott smiled and he dug into his pocket, "Here is my business card, call me any time, stay safe and watch what you drink!" he grinned.

"Yes boss!" she smiled sweetly "Bye-bye." She smiled and waved and lent her head against the door frame dreamily.

"Bye bye" his eyes twinkled from the house lights just as his car door closed.

"He was gorgeous! Don't you think?" Sarah asked to the group of miners once the front door was shut.

"Erm, not sure." Said Doc.

"Can't comment," said Grumpy.

"If you say so," said Happy.

"Whatever..." said Bashful, whilst Dopey just shrugged his shoulders.

Chapter 12

"Mother hello?" Scott called out as he pushed the front door open.

"Jeremy bring the fuc...him in." The deep gravelly voice echoed down the hallway.

"It's ok mum I know the way. Let me guess you are feeling a little too delicate to get up?" Scott grinned as he walked down the network of long corridors towards the living room.

"Maybe" Gremelda coughed from the dark living room as she lay there waiting for him.

"Sorry I am late" Scott said as he walked into the smoke filled living room.

"You will be!" Gremelda snarled.

"You will never guess what happened I got lost, I keep forgetting that junction a few miles back anyway I ended up at this beautiful cottage where there was a stunning black-haired beauty." He paused for effect, "She had drunk too much at lunchtime and fallen off her chair. You will never believe me, but I managed to rescue her by kissing her!" He beamed.

Jeremy's eyes opened wide in the darkness of the living room as his whiteness of his eyeballs brightly stood out as he bit his bottom lip so hard, it almost bled.

Gremelda sat bolt upright from the sofa hacked a large cough and bellowed "FUCKING GET THE FUCKING OUT!"

"Mother?"

"OUT!"

Scott turned on his heels and headed back the way he came.

***

Twenty minutes later Scott returned to the cottage to be welcomed in by all, and after a couple of beers, he spent the night on the sofa, before returning to the house after a rather delicious breakfast cooked by Sarah. He still had to face his extremely hungover mother that morning.

With some negotiations along with Jeremy they had agreed to get her properly dressed and to talk sensibly and soberly. During that summer Scott had managed to get Gremelda into rehab. Several months later, after the paparazzi had got wind of her being in rehab, there had been a flurry of offers of new roles for once she had got out. Especially as she had got herself photographed by the paparazzi with a telephoto lens as she sat naked smoking a cigarette on a sun lounger. They had been aiming and looking for the latest young starlet who had found herself in the same rehab, but a photo of Gremelda still had enough to make a story. She was happy to be back in the gossip columns, they had all assumed she had already died. Her old shows were then put back on Netflix and Prime and the royalty money started again to trickle in.

Gremelda loved the newfound attention and milked it as much as she could. Finally, to have her career again. Even if it was bit parts as her demands on the producers were seen has strenuous.

As for Sarah, at the end of summer she had left the miners and their little house and headed back to university. She had managed to plan out her dissertation on "How to survive living in a remote forest location?" The conclusion of the nearly 14,000 words- Take every day as it comes, and enjoy plenty of naked wild swimming, too many cigarettes and far too much alcohol.

Whilst at university she had plucked up courage to finally call Scott. As of today, they were now making plans for meeting up again at Christmas when she finished for the term, and nowhere near his mother.

THE END