All Comments on 'Sarah's Story Ch. 05-06'

Marvelous story , great job keep it up !!

it has echoes of real life. Life isn't always neat and sometimes it's not pretty.

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Everyone makes choices and decisions ... sometimes right - frequently wrong.

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Nicely done story - good read.

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Regards, Jack

None of your characters had any "character" or stable minds of their own. They haplessly went about doing the will of others, and for what! A job? I don't think so, that is, unless they already wanted to do what they did sexually by selling out to another person.

Plausible ending for two characters who were a bit more flawed than the average people. I'm not sure either one had many redeeming qualities. Still a well written story as always from you DG so thanks.

Is there anything you can't write. I was mad at these characters, but I realize that it was because it could happen just the way you wrote it. Not all life is a bed of roses. You sure give us a great combination of stories. Thank you as always.

An avid reader of DG.

I apologize to the readers for the long wait before getting Ch. 5 & 6 posted. I submitted it three times and of course it was rejected because of the poem at the end. It was an anonymous e-mail that I received before mothers day. I changed it some and put it into the story. Thought it brought a lot to the story.

A special thanks to whoever wrote it.

Not all stories have perfect endings and I believe all people have flaws. Some more than others.

Thank you for reading my stories.

DG Hear

<p>This was dull, unemotional, and uninteresting. What good does it serve if the writer has fine technical skills, but a sub-par imagination?</p>

<p>Ron123XYZ@foreveranonymous.naturally</p>

It has been a LOOOOOONG time since you wrote a stinker like this.

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there are serious problems here... and some of them go back to the 1st chapters. It is absolutely impossible to accept that SARAH who was raped in college ... would then VOLUNTARILY agree to to fuck the husbands Boss to so the Husband gets a promotion.

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Even if we were to accept such bullshit Then there is the baby. SARAH does NOT want the father in her or the baby's life ... we know this b/c all this time he had NO idea SARAH was pregnant. The when she finally calls she makes all these demands...

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for a 1st time father to have No idea his wife to be is pregnant and miss 8+ months of that... then never see the kid except for a few times a year... THAT is a pretty high penalty to pay.... NO?

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THEN she asks him to give up his job for Her and the Baby... and what are they suppose to live on?? There are plenty of good jobs out there but this point gets ignored.

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Lastly she has all the pain on him. Yet she VOLUNTRAILY agreed FUCK Ray... <b>doesn't she deserve any of the responsiblity at all? </b>

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should they be together? Beats me. But her hate of the father by an action she agreed to do MEANS angel... her baby... has no father.

I have a bit of problems with some comments. If you didn't like ch. 1-3 and told me so, then you went ahead anyway and read ch. 4 and told me how horrible it was and how you wasted your time reading it. Then you went ahead and decided to read Ch. 5 & 6 and waste more of your time. I just want to give you credit for your stamina.

To the rest of you, thank you for the nice comments. They are appreciated and that's what keeps me writing.

DG Hear

past the heading that said "Ray speaks" This character is a low life scum bag. Why would anyone want to hear ANYTHING from him. I got to wonder about a person when the can imagine shit like this but I guess Im just not a writer. By the way, on this story, you weren't much of a writer either.

"""Sarah, I love you but I know you well enough to wonder if you might just be trying to get even with me in some way. How do I know that you aren't making all this up? Maybe you're doing it to get even with me. After I quit my job, what's to stop you from walking away?" asked Ray. <p>

"So, I guess you don't trust me enough. Well, Ray, that's what it's going to take; your complete trust in me. I always did right by you till after what you did. Just so you know, Ray. If I wanted to get even with you, I would have tried to kill you. So, here's my phone number and you can call me when you make your decision. No exceptions, let's find out what's most important to you." """"" <p>

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This was a woman who, without question, looked at a man she's date for no more than a few months and who was now her fiance, who had just asked her to FUCK ANOTHER and SHE, without blinking: <p>

"I will do ANY THING for you, including fucking your "friend" here. Is that what you want?... " and he, WITH SUPPOSEDLY BIG TEARS COMING DOWN HIS CHEECKS, said, "Honey, you can refuse, but it would mean SO MUCH to me, to get this promotion, which Mark can definitely,,, I mean, you don't have to FUCK HIM, but it'd be so good, for OUR FUTURE, if you could help me out?????" AND she said, "Okay, Mark, come upstairs..." This was THAT WOMAN, right? <p>

And the next thing, we hear she's with a gun, shooting into the air,,,, she's talking like Rambo: "If I had wanted to kill you, Ray, I'd have BLAH, BLAH, BLAH..." This was a woman/character who "fall in love with" a man every 3 or so months, even right after some miscarriage from a guy who seemed to want to kill her, when he was told she's pregnant with this kid...<p>

Why don't you write a more soundingly plausable fiction, dear author.

with this ending.She murdered a man and then let some other people take the rap for it! She has all the makings of a politician,and then she can have thousands killed.

conceive. The headhunter was way out and should have been threatened with a sexual harassment or sexual coercion charge. The girl was very stupid for giving in, more stupid perhaps than a guy who loved a job thought more than the woman he was in love with. He was right in self debasement tho, no man, no real man is thrilled by seeing his wife used by another man. And no man wants another man's cum in his wife. Yes there are grown little boys that enjoy this but then again, they really arent grown mature men. He should have told the girl what he found out about having the job before the sexual acts and gave her a full apology. Not doing that shows even more lack of character than him trying to give her away for a job while he was drunk. The implication of course is that she shot the guy and arranged for the gang to be found with the vehicle tho that is never stated. How can one be smart enough to be a corporate VP and not connect those dots? Personally had she given me the option of dropping the job and getting her, it would not have taken me a second of thought, she was a jewel. A woman that strong and caring is very rare. He was the waste of time in this story.

Literally, I could not believe such two-dimensional characters could ever have existed. It was like you had three stories on your shelf and decided to roll them into one. But the lead character in each story was different and incompatible with the others. I just kept reading it because I thought you would somehow rescue it in the end. I was wrong. I've read -- and enjoyed -- most of your stories, but this one you should never have published. It had no redeeming promise, it had no congruent theme, it only dealt superficially with the characters in it who seemed not to have a purpose in the plot.

I know that the queers and assholes will over-rate this poor submission just because of who wrote it. I would not have read anything else from this author if this was the first story I ever read of his. DG Hear is one of the few authors posting on this site. Most are just writers of pathetic drivel.

As noted, not your best effort, but certainly an enjoyable read. Being a Canadian, however, I will take issue with one bit -- "We didn't get the news in Canada like they did here." -- That's the biggest crock ever. Unfortunately for us, we get all your horrific news via cable. CNN, Fox, ABC and all the others. Mass murders, the idiocy of the NRA and their fetish for handguns, your idiotic administration (BTW, our pols are twits, too,) etc. We can't get away from it. Canadians hear more about what's going south of the 49th on a weekly basis than most Americans will learn about Canada in a lifetime. Pretty fucking sad, if you ask me.

Ray dealt with the police, and that was handled well. I would have enjoyed seeing Sarah deal with police directly. She would have been asked if she saw Mark after dinner the last night, etc... I wonder about her using the ticket. That seemed an insane risk. That aside, even that included, I loved the story.

DG, I read everything you write because I enjoy your work. Some of your stories aren't up to the standards of your best efforts, and this was one of those. That's OK, they can't all be jewels! You're still an excellent author, and I'll continue to eagerly look for new stories from you.

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Specific feedback - the characters here weren't sympathetic at all, the setup was over the top (even more unbelievable than usual considering the cartoonish plots typically seen in "Loving Wives") and it was all wrapped up too quickly and conveniently (at least in terms of what happened to the 'villain'.) That's OK, though. You're willing to try different things, getting your writing chops together to see what works and what doesn't. This didn't work, but it's another lesson along the way. Keep it up, sir!

I think the story should have continued on the heroine's POV because it was jarring to suddenly have it on his point of view. Apart of that technical aspect, I couldn't sympathize with this heroine. BOTTOM LINE, SHE COULD HAVE SAID NO. Instead now, she's a psychotic murderess who will kill again if given the chance. We know that because she did not only killed Mark, but threatened the hero of this story with the same action. I guess that once you kill it gets easier to kill again. So she killed and a gang took the rap--and now she's a mother which made me very uncomfortable even if the story ended with a sentimental poem. On the contrary, I found the poem macabre because of what and who is the heroine...poor baby.

They were both messed up but He was Pathetic.

Good read Though

You expect us to believe that Mark did what he did to the couple. All they had to do was to get a tape recorder...and don't tell me that every one in Ray's position would not have had a recorder. All they had to do was to record Marks threats and it's sexual harrassment time. What you did DG was to use a dumb ass premise to base your story on and it wasn't a compliment to you...shame

A very poor story line. Not of your usual quality.

Thanks for the entertainment! Not one of DG’s best for me, but the writing is very good and I was entertained.<p>Thank you for you efforts DG<p>PT

I think he's better off without her.. All that he did he did to secure their life.. Apparently, she can't see that, she obviously wasn't really behind him, she resented his every move to become successful.. Isn't that what a man does?? Work hard to become successful for the whole family to enjoy that success?? What was done with Mark was done with both of their consent.. I guess she feels he should never have asked her to do anything like that and she now resents him.. She didn't have to do it.. I can understand her feelings but I think they SHOULD have been willing to try to work things out with counseling.

Thanks DG for another well-written story. Although not one of your best being a trifle long, it had me hooked all the way through. Not very lovable characters but they all, even Mark, 'did all that was necessary to get what they considered important in life'. Pete.

Often times the only characters we get in these stories fall between perfect successful women or men and total losers. Thanks for presenting imperfect people who have to deal with difficult problems. Ray's betrayal was a deal breaker which represent similar break points in other stories. What I do not understand why some readers do not understand that there are certain actions a spouse can take that no tears, no therapy, no makeup or restitution can make a relationship whole again. These readers who I call the "reconciliation at all cost" crowd think that the victim owe the betrayer a second chance. If the victim does not provide the formerly trusted partner a second chance suddenly he or she is the bad guy._______________________

Of course, there are many reasons to stay with someone who has betrayed your trust but none of them have to do with love. When someone has betrayed you the probability that he or she will do it again went from zero to some finite number. The issue is the extent of the damage to the relationship. Only the victim can assess what that damage means to their future as a couple._______________________

Thanks for an outstanding story!

Very depressing but well written story.I don't think I have ever particularly criticized someone elses comments, but I thought Nightowl22's comment was pretty unbelievable. Ray asks beloved to have sex with letcher to guarantee his chance of getting job and Nightowl22 thinks he did it for her. Wow, what incredible logic.

the Ct. Yankee

"I really loved Ray, but because of what happened, I wasn't sure I could stay with him . . . " I agree with those who term both main characters "despicable." Sarah doesn't know how to forgive. Ray is immature and doesn't know what things are truly important in life; he gives his wife to 'Mark' (Dana) to land his job. Even though she "loves" Ray, Sarah can't forgive him; this is understandable. Interestingly they then become "friends" and raise their child together. This child will grow up in a home without marital love, maybe that's the way a lot of kids grow up these days, but it is not likely to be the best way. Sarah has committed first degree murder; although we may sympathize with her emotions and her rationalizations, wrong is wrong. She just took the law into her own hands and executed Dana (did she do this to get even for the rape back in college, or did she do this out of shame, despite consenting to sex with Dana to land Ray the job)? So what happens next? Ray never has another intimate relationship because of his guilt? Sarah focuses on her daughter and never loves (romantically) again? It would be interesting to see an epilogue and to learn if these characters ever find happiness.

Couldn't mark "loved it" because I didn't. This is a gritty harsh story that went from catastrophe to catastrophe. The main character was raised in many foster homes. Her first love interest was shallow but normal. The second she's shared like a toy at a frat party by her 'boyfriend'. Then looses a baby, then traded for an unneeded bribe for a job. So she went off on the rapist after finding her sacrifice a waste. If she had been a man, the 'kick to the curb' crowd would have applauded. She at least wasn't a wimp. This story was well-written, but a little police work would have stopped a lot of the problems. For instance, mentioning to the friend of Vera, that boyfriend held her down while Dana raped her. Just the accusation would have shut down the frat house. Come on readers, a little tact here, you don't like the story fine, rate it down. Tell people why you didn't like it. Don't attack the author. Thanks for sharing!

"Sarah". She reminds me of the old-time women. You don't capture/bargain w/a mad dog, which is the way I read the Dana/Mark character. You shoot them down. Period.

Great read!

I thought this was a very well written story with a very logical realistic plot. I was happy that she stayed single. Her fiancee proved to be a gutless wonder whose job was more important to him than her love. a great writing job DG.

60 year old George

And because their stupidity they have ruined the life of a new child that has Sarah as a role model for her life. Not much good here both are immature, and neither one of them know what love is.

Harsh, but very good. I loved Sarah, what a rough life. She probably could have had the frat house shut down, or at least investigated but she was young, traumatized and niave. I thought what she did to Dana/Mark was justified. In this situation, if she wanted justice, she had to take matters into her own hands. She did it smart, got her revenge and got away with it. Way to go! In response to Nightowl, how can you say everything he did was for her? What a putz. He was an irresponsible spender, Let Mark drug his fiance, pimped her out for a job, and you say it was done for her? Hell she could have bought and sold him! Yet he was the responsible focused one. Vulcan is another putz, concerned that the kid will grow up in a single parent household. Keep thumping that bible pal. You seem to think that the kid is better off with a 2 parent household no matter the circumstances? Even though there is no love or respect between partners? You couldn't be more wrong. Great story with a strong female main character. Good Job

I wasn't sure about the other's opinion but this one had realistic ending. I'm never made the same mistake as Ray but I made some mistake which made my former wife didn't want me with her anymore. And I still struggle to accept the fact.

In every bad situation she was in SHE put herself there. Yet she blamed the guys each time.

Some were in the wrong however if you go down trouble street and knock on troubles door guess what?........You are going to find trouble.

The whole setting her up as the poor mistreated girl/woman was overdoing it as well.

I enjoy some of your stories others just don't do it for me.

I will always read your new stuff though to see if you find another gem!!!

but this is one of your best.

Thank you.

I couldn't believe 5/18 comment. Personally, I hate stories where there is no one to sympathize or empathize with.

The heroine [1] Willingly fucked at a fraternity party. [2] Willing fucked the recruiter [3] Then committed murder.

There was NO ONE in this story with any moral fiber at all.

they all are fucked up pieces of shit

he thinks asphalt is a skin disease

I really liked this story, however I wish she would have told have told Ray to go to hell, after the incident. In my book she didn't get enough revenge!

Sad endings and despicable people are the seeds to unpleasant reading for me, at least. The story had too much pain and unpleasantness. There was no positive outcome only missed opportunities. For people like myself, fictional stories offer escapism as entertainment and a luxurious excursion. This story had nothing to offer as a pleasant experience. All characters lost. It was a disappointment.

His side of the story was unnecessary. This was all about her. Plus, the title says it all. Thanks for the offering. Would have been nice for her to find a good man. But at least she found motherhood.

she would have kept her self respect. Is stead she was pimped out by a moron. I wouldn't want him around my child if I were her.

all the vitrol in some of these comments, especially by "anonymous." First, if you don't have the balls to 'sign' your comments, keep them to yourself. Second, most of you have forgotten that, for the most part, these stories [on Literotica] are FICTION, and a product of the writers imagination. Third, who cares if one of the characters did this or did that, or it might be implausable in 'real life'? Again, IT'S FICTION. There is an old saying: "If you can't say something good about [insert person/event/situation], remain silent." Lastly: DG, I've only discovered Lit about a year,ago. I use it as a way to get away from the grind of daily life, and I really enjoy your writing. Keep up the good work, and don't let those anonymous idiots bother you. Thanks for your efforts - I wish I were able to write fiction like you do.

Sam

She got drugged and still tried to fight her way out of the first rape - but somehow it was her fault for even going to the party????

The second incident with Dana - she gave her word - we might excuse her for breaking it in those circumstances - but she did not do that - she them acted assertively to stop a predator - yep she committed a crime so did he regularly. Until you live that scenario keep your judgmental crap away from others - you're entitled to an opinion and it worth as much as everyone elses - nothing.

Thanks - a good story with a good finish -

He's the love of her life, they have a child together.

Yes, while intoxicated he asked her the unthinkable, SHE agreed, she could have said no. If she said no, how would she feel if he dumped her for not supporting him?

SHE killed a man. Granted he deserved it, but it kind of kicks her off the moral high ground.

You don't think Ray can put two and two together with regards to the gun? You don't think the Police wouldn't review the video from the airport and spot her using the airlines ticket to New York? And then using her real name and Passport to fly to Canada? I think the Police got a warrant and extradited her, matched her fingerprints to a set she missed on the car (what - she's all of a sudden James Bond, the perfect killer?), got Ray's testimony regarding the gun and arrested her for murder. Then Ray had a DNA test run on the baby and when she went to jail he went to Court and got full custody. I guess things didn't work out for her after all. WAY too many holes in this story to make it worthwhile. Maybe next time.

one of DGH's better stories. Too trite in too many places. Did not belong in LW.

As much as I think Ray is kind of wimpy, I also believe he's better off without Sarah and should move on.

Reading the comments, it seems like if the husband doesn't go nuclear on his wife, the story was a waste of time. Reading something where the wife has 'balls' enough to stand up for herself is something not seen too often. Does she bear some responsibility for what happened? Yes. But he had every opportunity to put an end to it. Too big of a wimp to do anything about it. He also liked the good life too much to give it up for her. Thanks for this one.

It was great to get the perspective of the female point of view. Being a Mom is the best thing ever to happen to me. I don't care how narcissistic that sounds. Guys don't seem to realize how ruthless/vicious girls can be. True we don't have the upper body strength of a man. For us it's very personal when I was a cheerleader back in High School. I got into a fight with a cheerleader from a rival school. My fingers were so wrapped in her hair as I was trying to drive her face thru the ground. It took two jocks and the school coach to drag me off her. Looking back I'm not proud of that but if I'd not done it to then it would have been me. I've seen guys fight then a couple of hours later they're drinking buddies. Agreed not all of them are and I'm probably generalizing a little here. Sarah stood up for herself no one else was there for her. Ray bless him was a wimp but probably an adorable man. I certainly felt for him but, I think like a lot of guys he wanted the glory

to think she would let another man fuck her in front of him just so he could get the top job ...but he already had it that asshole just used his position to have her....but in the end Ray was just a total asshole who needed to show off that he was the big man and it cost him dearly as he lost her because power...wealth....new toys were more important to him....just like they are to many high flying assholes who have no respect for others or who have to work hard for a pittance while he basks in glory....pity she did not do the same to him as she did to Mark...who got what he deserved.....and she got away with it...pity the tossers who took the car and got the rap for his murder...life is a bitch....

spectactular.

Really sad and I wish Ray would have got his.

It is too bad your heroine never attracted a real man instead of pathetic rapists and wannabe pimp boys.

Good writing about truly shitty circumstances.

It's nice that she's making ray a cuckold and raise her

Lovers child .

One star

She should have told him to fuck off and found herself a decent man that didn't expect her to fuck someone for HIS job. 'Love' only goes so far and no decent man would have asked it of her in the first place!

Good job .....Great story.

Ray sold or traded his wife for a job. What a brilliant idea!!! He should have been in the trunk with Mark!!! You have to be a real heavyweight above the shoulders to do what Ray did to Sarah. You can cry all you want afterwards but if you cannot plan and think of the consequences of you action ahead of time, the only benefit of this crying will be keep the economy going through the use of more tissues. In this story, the main characters never seem to gain any useful experience.

Barely 2*

BJ

She was a murdering slut wanting complete control over others and you make her out to be the hero of the story. Every man is written as a sniveling dirtbag wimp. Waste of my time reading this junk!!! A man hating radical feminist had to have written this dirt

Ray was worst than Leonard. Leonard, while a bit of a jerk, was normal.

Wow. How twisted. Dana, Ray, and Leonard were all bad men in different ways. I cannot imagine anyone who would trade a fiancee or wife for a job. Just surreal.

Ray was an unbelievable prick. Sarah is better off without him. Makes me sick. And yes pretty close she killed Marak and the gang members were railroaded.

I don’t buy Ray wasn't willing to quit his job. He seriously contemplated suicide and even had restraining order against him from Sarah's job.

That guy quits his job for Sarah.

Ray was absolutely despicable. Gross. Mark was pure evil and greed. Leonard was weird and probably did the ar accident on purpose to try and kill thie run born child. Dana was a wicked piece of work also. Poor Sarah. Wow. Such bad experiences.

Sarah was the only non detestable character in the series (and Angel and Vera). The men ranged from pathetic to evil.