All Comments on 'Saturday Night Five Ch. 05-06'

Can't wait for more of this, if it's gonna be a 20+ part series then i'll be very happy, been waiting for these 2 for a while, glad you decided to post 2 at a time instead of teasing us too much

Rose is a bad friend. Intentionally distracting Leo for final exams. Leo is a terrible friend to his boys. He’s not even trying to help them with women and politeness, just dropping them. You seemed to want to capture high school, you did. I don’t really like any of the characters any longer.

@lancerinLA Without giving up too many of my future ideas and plans, the characters are meant to be flawed. The SNF is labelled as a toxic group for a reason and find it super easy to manipulate someone as vulnerable and inexperience as Leo.

There’s a long way to go and a lot of character development too so hope you keep reading for the eventual pay offs, thanks!

YES!!! Been checking every day for an update. I love what you’re doing

After seeing you respond to, quite frankly, the whiner, I wanted to rebut. I don’t see them as a toxic group John. Not when they include him at functions and oh yeah, have sex with him. I speak as someone who was used by a toxic group. I wasn’t ever included like he was. The girls are flawed sure, but they actually like him too. That’s why I like the story so much and hope you keep it up. You can see them as toxic but relative to what I experienced, I genuinely think they’re real teenagers who at least become genuine friends with him to the level they have instead of “oh here’s the smart nerd that will help us with homework.”

Rose sounds HOT !!!

Hey your SNF stories are too addicting and love them but just one request please be regular please like ik you post once in a month and that's fine but just be regular

Will certainly try and be as regular as I can. Next chapter almost finished so hopefully up soon.

Until then, let me know your thoughts. What you like, what or who you’d like to see more of, anything to improve on, etc.

Outstanding story line but please find an editor.

Ummmm if any girl could be more freaky like anal or some other stuff

Great storyline John. Agree with others above, post more frequently if you can.

Would like to see how you handle the Annie situation now.

Hood story. Can't wait to see what's happens in chapter 7. Hope Leo makes up with Anne and she goes with Leo and his parents away for Christmas break and Leo gets her in bed. Leo needs to screw Rose's brains out soon. Not just get blow jobs from her

Honestly been loving all the stories but this series especially, cant wait to find out what happens next!

I love the dynamic between the characters. The fascade put up by both boys and girls. The fragilities of even the most hardened.

Cannot wait to read more!!

Waiting for your storyyyyyt please post soon mi Amor❤❤❤

Finish the story, you have the the girl athe the mercy of a deranged mam and her submissive mother, perhaps abusing Rose, who was to dam scared to talk about it, but because she was getting abused at home why not give it away to whoever she wanted to have it . He has the friends now to handle her step-dad or mothers boyfriend. An in the terminology of my great uncle who was connected, he needed an order of buckwheat delivered hard cold and fast.

For those that are to young and innocent to know what that is it is a beating delivered by several men using pipes in rolled paper, and chain in a length of tubing and beaten so badly he he loses bowel control and several ribs are broken,usually a testetacal is damaged and he is left where he will be found no cameras. The paper and tubing destroy the evidence of what was used.

This series has an incredibly deep font of potential. The build up, tension, the conflicts between characters, it's impressive. At this point, I'm mostly reading this for the actual story as opposed to just the porn (mostly).

Obvious criticisms have already been stated -- I think revision needs to be handled a little more proactively, just to clear up grammatical errors, misnaming characters, skipping chunks of sentences, etc., but those are minor things that every writer understands the struggle of. The first draft always feels like it has to be the final draft.

Not so obvious relates more to characterisation and plot development, and these things are entirely up to you as the writer, so take with a grain of salt. But I think you're onto something with the conflict between Annie and Peter -- the hypocrisy of the girls, and even our protagonist.

You've touched on this with Pete's small interaction with his old group, the comfort and acceptance he feels as opposed to his life now. The way you've written it so far, it does come across very much that the girls seem to see him as a more superficial "pet project" as opposed to his other friends. I think that delving into this more would certainly add to the nuance, having Peter pull away from the girls as he develops more confidence in himself to show how growth comes from acceptance rather than dependence. Dig deeper into the hypocrisy of the girls and the (frankly) insane logic they use to continue to treat him as a harmless friend (the "strip show" scene, for example, and Annie mentioning how it was all platonic -- dont lose rhat thread). If the resulting conflict causes a confrontation, expand on something you may have unintentionally laid out earlier -- the girls see Michael as a "freak", but the only objective difference between him and their hookups are his place in the social hierarchy.

Now, this doesn't mean that it has to be a bitter-sweet ending, where the messaging is "girls are stupid and bad", but instead a way for the girls to grow, too. Not to suddenly realise that Peter is a perfect stud and they all want and need him, but that they've just been victims of the system they thought they were on the top of. Michael may see them the same way all of the other men do, but he also doesn't treat Peter like an object of entertainment -- that humanity can act as a narrative catalyst for their transformation.

Finally, Peter: he can't be exempt from this growth, too. I suspect most of us here were dorks in high school, and we all know we weren't these perfect kind, witty, infallible geeks that were just looked over. We were probably awkward, guarded, maybe even conceited as a self defence mechanism. Peter should have this, too, and you've expressed that in glimpses, which is great. Emphasise his own responsibility in everything that has and will occur. Intentionally or otherwise, the girls may be manipulating him, but his actions are his own, as are the consequences. A good arc for him, as an example, could include actualization, understanding what he wants as a person, such as accepting that being a disconnected "plaything" (from his perspective) isn't fulfilling anymore and he may actively refuse to take part in the games the group plays. That also means acknowledging his mistreatment of Michael, his own hand in his current circumstances with Annie and the others, and attempting to hold himself accountable for those things.

This was all very long winded, and I know it's just written porn for most of us, but I'm really digging the possibilities this series has going for it! Hope you keep up the good work, man.

Bruhhhhhh new storyyyy whennnnn?

A like unrealistic that they would have sex in the bathroom with his parent’s down stairs!

Re-reading the story yet again and you have a real I mean real chance to make an all time great story on this site. I feel like you’ve captured the teenage girl better than most people. I feel like each one of these girls I’ve met an incarnation of in my life. This is quickly climbing on my list of fav/best stories and I’m extremely picky because a lot of stuff on this site is junk to me.