All Comments on 'Savage af Ch. 01'

Total 5** loved it! On the lookout for part 2!!

Writes a fucking book like he/she is an expert on everything in the literary world BUT probably has auto spellcheck & "grammarly"! If you can't identify yourself "STFU" and perv somewhere else.

Yes, the author might need some word smithing assistance BUT if this is the venue for just putting his/her thoughts out there, so be it.

Get a life somewhere else, please.

can't wait to read it.

dam good story

If you read the story the reason she couldn't hire a lawyer and PI was because Chase controlled all the money. The money she was hiding was to escape.

Storm, though I enjoyed the story (as fantasy's go) I will agree with Anon about the editor.

You wrote, 'I got into my car and headed home' . Then the next paragraph you wrote, 'Making a quick decision, I got out and hopped in my truck', and at the end of the story, 'I started to wait in my car but his complex had a small basketball court'.

During the fight scene Julio slammed Jace into the garage door after the rebound, a basket ball court at an apartment complex would have been fenced in.

I look forward to part two but please try to tighten up the mistakes.

toxic couple has no remorse from me, but it was fun to read. most important part.

and it's realistic. women (especially non-white women) still understand the basics of sex. (sorry white women, you dumb as hell lately. prolly from stuffing your elders into nursing homes. no more wisdom).

This hot little Latina gets it. She wants a capable man. Period. Jace may lack social grace, but he has literally everything else. And his social skills are passable, otherwise he'd have no business nor friends. She may be confused about everything else, but she's honest about wanting Jace. And it's hot. I got a Latina friend, and she's very honest with me. She wants a smart capable man with strong features to basically shove her against the wall and take it. Hell, she was giving me subtle hints because I fit the bill. But we both know I have a g/f, but that undercurrent of tension was there. And both of us, thank god, don't like cheaters. Probably why we aren't as close today. Too much tension.

The story does need editing. That said, you are telling a damn interesting story and that is exactly what most writers here lack. Editing can cure your problems, but editing does not give a writer plots and storylines. You have them. Find someone to tighten up your writing but keep your ideas flowing and you'll do great. I will be looking for part two. Thanks!

Good work and I'm hooked!

I actually like your protagonist for what he is. Kiera is a manipulative whore at heart but you have written her so that I can have some sympathy for the stupid bitch and Chance just straight out sucks!

I'm actually as angry as Kiera over chance stealing her stripper/whore money!

Love this hot mess and I have a feeling your reluctant hero will sort Chance's bastard ass out as well as aligning a couple of stars for the wayward Kiera.

Truly enjoyed this work!

Thank you!

I can take criticism as well as anybody, but if you go on a diatribe and are anon, I delete you. I generally don't even read more than two sentences of your comment so all your hate is going to waste. Be constructive or don't bother.

"I'd held a cold beer to my chest so my nipples were nice and hard when I greeted him. His eyes almost popped out of his head as he stared at my tits." - So, she goes out of her way to make her tits noticeable, then he's an ass for noticing them?

I'm trying to picture the second session. She's tied face-down on the bed, so he can't lie down under her. The only way to give him a blow job, he has to stand at the end of the bed as she bends her neck back. Seems very uncomfortable.

Why the fuck didn't she put the money in a bank account?

"I haven't told Chance shit about you." - That implies that he knows something to tell.

Why don't writers ever say chapter one any more?

Very interesting story idea and a lot of action. Everything is positioned very well for the next chapter. Like others have said, you need an editor's help. Some of the word usage is a little off, such as departmental store, but that didn't hurt the story for.me. Keep going, you're on to something.

You got my attention with this fun tale.Looking forward to part II

An editor would help. And no girl is going to want him sexually when he was really young. When he basically rapes Jace, why wouldn't she press charges? And she doesn't need money to get a lawyer. She explains to a good lawyer who she is, who her husband is, who he works for and any lawyer has her to sign a contract and plans on getting his money when the divorce is over. So her working for a whorehouse made no sense. She holds all the cards. Her husband is a college professor (really?) and comes for money (and lives in an apt?). She has the Coach and the college by the balls. She can clean up in Court so why not just go there and save all this other nonsense? Too many extraneous things and plot holes in this mess.

It seems like everybody is a caricature. The main character is a bad ass GENIUS who cant do no wrong. is he a character in one of those video games?

Thanks for the effort. Chapter 2 will seal the deal. I'll wait to rate the entire story then.

And thanks for allowing anonymous comments. If you got any extra testosterone there's a shortage on this site. You could probably sell it, but I don't think they'd know what to do with it.

Could have been a great story but rape just does not cut it. Literotica should delete rape stories. Rape is NOT erotic

A "genius" who doesn't know how to use basic punctuation and grammar? Who doesn't know that all numbers under 100 need to be written out? Do you honestly think anyone is going to pay for semi-literate drivel on Amazon? LOL!

Really enjoyed the first part.

The inevitable love story ending/ direction IS a little predictable, even from here.

But that doesn't mean its a bad direction, nor that the story isn't very enjoyable.

Keep em coming. Please.

Actually, by stylebook, which is what I write, only numbers 1-10 need to be written out. the rest can be numbered unless it follows certain rules.

I liked the story and have been waiting for the next chapter. But why not post it if it's ready. Instead you post a new story.

Why pull your readers in and then tease them? Is this simply a click bait measure to “keep them coming back” much like a crack dealer? What makes you think these readers will continue to come back time and time again just to check for updates if they can’t get their hands on the “dope” so to speak. If you have the continuation available now, what then is your incentive to keep it from your fans? A simple “to be continued” would suffice. Not, “I have it and I’m intentionally withholding it from you unless you beg mercilessly” mentality. What’s the purpose?

That being said, 5 stars from me for this piece as is. Would love to read the next segment. Don’t be an ass, if it’s ready then please make it available to read. I’ve really enjoyed this as well as “The Sex Survey” from you. Can’t wait to see more. Hopefully sooner than later.

Hoping to see it soon.

So damn good! Always love your stories... you really seem to understand the female psyche, or at least mine.... it’s such a shame she never wanted to have the blindfold removed though. To me, the face is one of the most erotic parts- it betrays everything and makes it personal. Keep writing, you’re so gifted! F the rest who think other stories deserve higher scores on the exhibitionist/voyeur category. Yours are consistently the best.

Delightful, hot af and above all well written in proper English. More please!

A very good start on what I hope will turn out to be a great story. Can’t wait to get to chapter two. Semper Fi.

So that was fantastic! Really?

The guy is:

tall, handsome, genius, rich, super lover, brawler, ......

I'm sure we can make it even more perfect.

What is the point of having such a character in a story?

A good story, so far. Looking forward to the next chapter. Thanks, storm. Semper Fi, Marine.

That was a big bang, you fit right in.

Again. This was a good one. MC is interesting character.