Saving Grace

I'm too tired to push her away. "Gee, thanks."

Alice stays close to the stairs and doesn't bother staring at us. She's checking the place out, not too subtly.

Charlie has been much friendlier with Alice around and I don't pretend not to like having Alice feel like the odd man out for once. With the two of us immune to her charms, she is quite on her own. My only concern is that Charlie thinks my hate for Alice means there is room for her to swoop in and try and get me to like her. I don't totally hate her now, but we're long ways away from liking or trusting.

Vlad comes back out with three cups and pours some tea into all of them. Alice doesn't take any. Charlie and I drink it embarrassingly fast. He fills it up again with no qualms.

"Well, spit it out." He settles back down in his chair.

"I need three days tops. Have to settle some business." I place my cup next to me on the floor.

"And you need them because?" He prompts.

"Apparently they're trying to protect me against The Golden Circle." I shrug. I'm starting to come to terms with it. I don't like it, I don't trust it, I can barely believe it but I no longer gag when I think about it.

He whistles. "How in the hell did you get mixed up with them again?" The disappointment is evident.

For years he promised my mom nothing would ever happen to me. He's been one of the more helpful adults in my life, especially after her disappearance. This must be an unexpected burden.

"I actually don't know why they're trying to kill me this time. But don't worry, they won't." Not while I can shoot my gun and hold my knife.

"I thought you found yourself a nice quiet place and a nice girl to settle with." He's annoyed.

My eyes immediately fall on Alice and the blood rushes to my face. I should have never mentioned her in my letters. I only ever talked about her as my friend, but he must have read in between the lines. I'm pathetic. She probably would have just assumed he was talking about another girl, even though she knows I'm not seeing anyone. But the fact that I just gave it all away with one look, is enough to make me balk. Annoying old man.

She raises her eyebrow at me.

"I got too comfortable, they found me." I stand and groan. "Just three days and I'll be out of your hair."

"Sure, you will." He stands too and picks up the jar of iced tea along with his cup and the one untouched by Alice. "I'll get the guest room ready."

Charlie and I put our cups in the sink.

"Just so you know, it's only one bed." He looks between the three of us and wiggles his eyebrows.

"Don't be a perve, you old man." I roll my eyes.

***

At night, I settle on the couch in the living room, Charlie on the floor next to me, while Alice sleeps in the vacant room. We're all pretty much cooked from living out of a car for a full week so we go to sleep soundlessly. By the time we wake up the next day, Vlad is gone, and we take turns showering. The house is small, we can hear every creak on the floorboards, and the water pressure leaves something to be desired. Yet, it is the safest I've felt since I left my home.

Once the three of us have had a cup of coffee and some toast we walk out to the front porch. Charlie and I wear similar, recently washed, dark shirts and jeans, with boots. Alice wears a tight spaghetti strap with bootcut jeans. She also places a yellow scarf in her hair. Even when she tries to be incognito, she has to look stylish.

"What's the plan, Grace?" Charlie runs a hand through her short hair.

I ignore the way her shirt lifts up and a small part of her belly shows. She's all muscle, but I know she can be a big softy when she wants. I try not to think about the fact that she only lets me see that side of her. That caring side that she reserves only for me.

"I need to pick up some things. I'll meet you two back here in a few hours." I double-check my pockets to make sure I have my wallet and the burner phone. "Or you both could decide to leave, which I would be okay with as well."

Charlie comes up to me and takes my head in her hands. She presses her lips against mine but steps back quickly. I want to smack the stupid out of her. But all my hand does is come up to my lips.

"We'll be here." Her face is serious.

My face is varying shades of red. I don't say anything. I can't.

Alice's face is impassive as I walk past her to get to the car.

***

The drive to the bank is filled with memories of my past haunting me.

It is hard not to take my locked from under my shirt and rub the metal heart until its warm.

I try very hard to think of the future but my mind is gnawing at the early memories in my head. The first time I saw my mom hold a gun. The first time I was in a car with her and she had to drive like a maniac to lose a tail. I am a spitting image of her. Brown curly hair, tan skin, brown eyes, killer hands. She was a fearsome sight when she felt threatened. Her eyes would turn flat and I knew the woman I called my mom was on hold while this other woman, turned primitive, took her place.

From a very young age, I spent a lot of time alone at home. There was sometimes a babysitter for nights when she didn't come home but she tried not to do that a lot for the early years. Before she left, she would spend a lot of her time in her study. I would peek in and see endless papers spread all throughout her giant desk. She would lean over them, write down notes every once in a while, and just completely immerse herself in whatever she put her mind to. Then she would leave and I would stay and wait. I would read and cook, but mostly wait. On the days she got back late, she would greet me with a tired smile and sleep through the next day. I knew I had to let her recover before I asked for anything. After a few days, she would go back to just being my mom and we would have fun. We would go out to museums, restaurants, or kickboxing classes. She always made sure I was learning something new when we were together.

It wasn't hard to determine that I was different from girls my age. Young girls would dress pretty, get their hair done, and try not to get dirty. I wore my hair whatever practical way my mother decided to arrange it, never wore a dress, and learned my way around a pocket knife by the age of 7. We did normal mother and daughter things like go shopping and watch movies but I didn't see the same worry-free smiles that those girls and mothers had between my mother and me. Although she tried to protect me from her world, I couldn't help but notice the looks she would throw over her shoulder. I counted the number of times she would check the lock on the door before she went to bed. It was instinctive for me to always take a different path home in case I was being followed.

She showed me her fighting moves. Had me practice them on her. Every year she would increase the intensity. No longer would I just go through the motions. She wanted me to take her down by any means necessary. Then she started introducing weapons. My homeschooling was a lot like a training camp. But none of the camaraderie. Just mother and daughter bonding over favorite guns and cool pressure points.

'One day, we will live like queens.' She would whisper to me as I fell asleep.

She never offered an explanation as to why she did what she did and I never asked. She would leave and I would wait, and then she would arrive and I would wait some more. I didn't know the details and I preferred it that way. All I knew was that she didn't trust anyone, she wanted to keep me safe, and she killed and would continue killing up until her disappearance.

There was only one time when I turned 15 that I remember voicing my curiosity.

We were going over defensive tactics. My mother thought it was boring but still essential to learn. By then I knew how to shoot a gun, slice someone's guts open, and take on whoever was a threat with my bare hands. She taught me to always be on the offense. 'don't give them time to think of my next move, just do it' she'd order. We would train for hours. I could see the pride in her eyes when I managed to catch her off guard. I lived for those days.

Suddenly that pride turned to horror when I asked: 'When will it be my turn to join The Golden Circle?'

It was the first time I saw true fear in her eyes. She pinned me to the ground and forced me to promise her never to repeat that name and never to associate myself with them. That life wasn't for me and I would never be one of them. There were unshed tears in her eyes which stopped me from asking why I bothered learning any fighting techniques at all. Up until then, I thought she was training me to eventually start doing what she did. It came as a shock that my life would lead a different path.

And yet, here I am. Dangerous people breathing down my neck. Using all of the techniques that she taught me.

I go into the old bank and get taken to a deposit box.

I open it and take out its contents, not allowing myself to take my time and think of each piece individually. The jewels burn a hole in my pockets as I drive back to the house. They were passed down through generations and I was supposed to save them for my children. It never occurred to my mom that I would never want to bring a child into this dark world.

Not when we would always be under threat.

***

That night Vlad comes home late, we eat a silent dinner and he retires as soon as he finishes.

Our stay here is probably causing stress to his already overflowing plate. I'm sure he would rather us leave as soon as possible. Maybe I should have been more considerate before bringing two guests but I had to come here. I need his help. Just two more days and I can let him off the hook. Keeping an eye out on The Golden Circle is also probably another headache he didn't expect to have. Not after my mom went missing.

The next day Vlad is gone early again.

I spend most of the morning making calls and arrangements for our next destination. Alice sits on the couch, reading through the newspaper and Charlie goes out for a run. I remind her to stay within the parameters. She blows me a kiss as she walks out. I swap it away before getting on another call.

I feel myself getting tired and wander up to the guest room. I kick off my shoes and allow myself a few minutes of rest before continuing with the rest of my calls.

It feels like moments later when I feel a hand against my cheek. My body feels like lead, refusing to wake up completely. It has to be Charlie, being stupid. Her lips lightly brush my own and I moan in response.

That is all I remember before going back into deep slumber.

***

By the time we have everything packed up, in the car the next day, Vlad is past being paranoid.

He practically rushes us out and stuffs an envelope in my back pocket as he hugs me goodbye. He shakes Charlie's hand and just nods toward Alice. She ignores him as she gets into the back seat and I turn the car on. She is a lot more colder and reserved than I ever saw her. Alice used to be the sunshine of the office. Who is this stranger?

The note shifts in my back pocket but I manage to wait until we make it to our first gas station stop before reading it.

Kid,

I wired over some money to your secret account. Below are three locations that you can use as a safe house. They're all abandoned, so don't expect the royalty treatment. The Golden Circle may reach out to me to ask about you, but you can bet on your life that I won't let anything slip. Keep an eye out on that Alice girl. Don't sleep with the blonde one unless you're ready for commitment. And always remember to watch your six.

-V

I huff.

So, the biggest issue I have to deal with when it comes to Charlie is exactly what I expected. Her kisses and her flirting are deeper than she is letting on. Hearing his warning about Alice leaves me unsettled. I know why I don't trust her but now that it is coming from him, it must mean something. Fuck.

I almost wish I hadn't read the letter.

******

The clock strikes 2 in the afternoon, a week later.

We pull into a secluded motel. The only one around for miles with nothing worth visiting within a 15-mile radius.

This is the type of place where drug deals happen and prostitutes hang around. Basically, anything that happens here stays here or you risk becoming a liability. I've visited many motels like this in my life, it is almost like coming home. It's hard not to think of my past. My mother sure did know how to pick them. This one is extra special though.

This one has something I need.

"There's a diner up the road, meet me there. I have something to pick up." I toss Charlie the keys to the car and hop out before she can say anything.

I hear the car door slam behind me and know she's following.

Although neither she nor Alice have done anything malicious toward me, I still feel the stab of their betrayal in my back. They know each other, they won't tell me how and they share these small looks whenever I try to ask certain questions. I've since just kept my thoughts to myself and try to ignore them as much as I can in the small confines of the car. There is only so much secrecy I can withstand before needing a breather. Dragging them around with me is taking more of a mental toll than I have the mental capacity to deal with at the moment.

On top of that, the sun is beating down really hard today. It's been too long since I've slept in a comfortable bed. I just want to wash all the dirt away in a real shower.

She almost runs into me when I turn around to glare at her. "I need time to think and blow off some steam. You two are the last people I want to be around right now."

She puts both hands up. "Easy, girl. I just want to make sure you're safe."

"I can take care of myself." I angrily whisper through my teeth.

"I know." Her hands are still up but she starts walking toward the front office. "We'll get a room and then head to the diner together." She leaves no room for argument.

I pull her forearm and force her to stop walking. "I'll get the room. You wait for me in the car." There is no way I'm letting her follow me around.

"You seriously don't trust me." She sighs.

"I trust you about as far as I can throw you." I cross my arms. "If you want to earn my trust, you have to be able to trust me too. Go wait in the car."

Her stupid smirk returns and she nods. "Yes, ma'am."

Two bells ring as I open the front door of the check-in office. An old black lady is sitting on a tall chair watching some news on the TV across the room. Her elbows barely reach the high counter but she manages to look competent behind the computer.

"I'm here to see Shawn." I put a hundred-dollar bill on the counter.

She puts out her cigarette and pulls out a room key with a green plastic triangle on it. "He's in the back, knock twice."

I take the keys and am almost tempted to ask for a smoke. It would be helpful to have something that takes off the edge. But it won't be worth the smell and the lingering taste on my tongue long afterwards.

I knock twice and wait. When I hear nothing in return, I unlock the door and open it.

It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. It's a supply closet but there is a desk in the far corner. He comes out of the side door and looks surprised to see me. "Didn't expect to see you for a while. If ever."

Closing the door behind me, I take a long breath. "Ditto."

He pauses but nods after a moment. His beer belly pokes out of his stained white tank top. He has white hair poking out of his stomach, it almost matches the few strands of hair he has left on his head. He's as slimy as the work he does. He takes out a cigarette and lights it.

"Want one?" He holds the box out with his dirty hand.

I wouldn't be surprised if it was laced with something. I shake my head and follow him over to the table.

He pulls out a thick entry book and starts thumbing through the pages. When he finally reaches the page he's looking for, he puts on some glasses. "I have you down for a car, papers, and a credit card. Is that all?"

"How long would it take you to get papers for two additional people?" I don't bother sitting down. Knowing Charlie, she is just itching to find an excuse to come in and look for me.

He looks surprised but doesn't comment. "If you can give me some headshots, I can get it as early as tomorrow afternoon."

"How about tonight?" I take out a wad of cash and see the glint appear in his eyes.

Smoke comes out of his mouth as he speaks. "Get me those headshots within the hour and I can take care of it."

He hands me a key, some false identification, and the credit card that matches the names on the driver's license. "Paula?" I wrinkle my nose.

"Love her music." He gets up and shakes my hand.

"I'll see you in a few." I walk out and rent out a room for the night at the front desk.

The lady behind the counter looks uninterested in me, which I appreciate. It's all probably an act or maybe she has just learned over the years to keep her thoughts to herself. I prefer it that way. She has to know whatever goes on in the back is not worth fretting over.

Not if she wants to live through another day.

***

We wait as the waitress fills up our water cups.

After eating a hearty meal, we're all ready to talk. Charlie and Alice sit across from me in a short booth. They're both as tired as I am, but they're just as used to it. They actually have one up on me since I didn't expect to have to deal with this for many years to come. If The Golden Circle ever caught up to me, I expected it to be when I was on my deathbed. I really thought they had forgotten about me. What has caused this stir and newfound interest in me?

Neither one of them asked any questions when I asked for them some headshots, they were practically expecting it. They've done this more times than I'd like to imagine. I can't believe I allowed myself to become mixed up with them. To get dragged back into this life. All of these years fighting and running have been for nothing. But why now?

"After I give my guy your headshots, I'll get you new identities. Then we will go our separate ways." My tone leaves no room for argument.

Both of them try to speak but I put my hands up.

"Spare me whatever bullshit lie you're trying to feed me next. I'm leaving you guys behind and taking care of the rest on my own." I make sure not to break eye contact with either one as I speak.

"What does that even mean? 'Take care of the rest'. What are you planning to do?" Charlie isn't as upset as I expected. Good.

"That is none of your business." I lean back.

"What am I supposed to do on my own?" She asks.

"That's also none of my business." I shrug.

"We won't let you go." Alice responds. She looks up from her coffee. "Wherever you go, we go." Her tone is as lifeless as her eyes.

Her words anger me a lot more than I can stand. I'm still sore from her betrayal and I want to be as far away from them as I can be, unfortunately I'm stuck here. Until tonight. Then I don't ever have to think of them again. I can't trust them and I know they have little faith in me. I need to do the rest on my own. The sooner they come to terms with our parting, the better.

They seem to consider my silence as acceptance.

"So, where are we going?" Charlie puts her hands behind her head.

I slam some money on the table. "I'm going to turn in your pictures, sleep for a few hours, and then be on my way. You two can stay at the motel until check out tomorrow morning."

We walk back to the car, ignoring some guys near the diner's entrance. They're not regular guys, they all have tattoos and wear dark colors. They have scars on their faces that make them scary to look at, so I don't. Charlie and Alice follow in silence, probably giving each other more looks but I ignore them. As soon as I open my car door, Alice's hand comes up to slam it shut.