All Comments on 'Scarlet Ribbons'

There’s abrupt endings, then there’s slamming right into a brick wall. Just… wow.

I did like it but, I have to agree the end was rushed

Jesus, that daughter was a venial, mercenary little bitch. I have to agree that the ending was rushed, the story as a whole was pretty good, though.

Would have been a 5*, but needed a confrontation with at least the daughter.

Great story . . . I thought the wind-up was a bit rushed. Hopefully he gets to see his daughter again at some point. A touch more embarrassment for the wife and daughter as they had to deal with the fallout of people condemning them for abandoning him might have been in order. However, all-in-all, pretty satisfying!

That ending gave no satisfaction. It's as if you suddenly realised the deadline to post it was approaching and had to finish it quickly

A couple of typos too, which is unlike you

" I thought sure he'd be at the house,"

I thought FOR sure he'd be at the house,

No?

I really enjoyed the story, but have to say I hated the ending, there has to be more to the story?!?! I HOPE!!!!

Great story.

Rushed ending.

Needed a final confrontation between the MC and his family; wife and daughter.

4.5/5

Great story but the end seemed a bit rushed. I am glad, however, that the daughter doesn't get forgiveness from her father. She should be dead to him.

While the ending was a little rushed, adding the details about the divorce filing could have saved that. What I enjoyed was the natural consequences the bad guys felt.

Oh my what a bad ending me thinks.

Good story @laptopwriter.

But honestly the ending was a bit of a let down.

Loved the story, just wondered if the ending was a little abrupt.

On page three now. Laptopwriter, I see you continue to make the same mistake with punctuation. Instead of (For example) " What am I going to do now, he asked himself?" It should be "What am I going to do?" he asked himself. Still an enthralling tale. Back to page three now...

JPB

Great great great 5*

The Meh ending dropped it from five stars to four.

JPB

Yeah, the ending, etc etc.

However, your stories are a must for me. Well written. 5*

I went ahead and gave it three stars. It so well written. A most unusual beginning. However it got rather weak at the end.

But I enjoyed it anyway.

good story although the end seemed a bit rushed

Brilliant well thought up story .I couldn’t put it down I think people are right about the abrupt ending but was still quality throughout .5⭐️

Loved it. Laptopwriter always develops interesting characters, especially MC’s who get tons of shit dumped on them bet come out on top in the end! It did slam into a brick wall at the end. A short part 2, maybe with Axel having a big show of his work in Chicago and meeting up with ex-wife and ex-daughter would be interesting and would tie up loose ends!

That was…..abrupt.

Mom is bad, but Carrie deserves a lifetime of loneliness for her role.

Excellent story. I read it in one go.

Great story! Thank you.

Loved it -- 5* for sure.

Kind of fell off the cliff there at the end but I enjoyed it.

Great story until the rather abrupt ending. The characters and plot are great up til then, and really deserve a part two to bring it all home.

Reminds me a bit of ‘Traveler’. The wronged hero flees an untenable circumstance and in the process, reinvents himself, though ‘Scarlet Ribbons’ doesn’t end quite as happily for the ex. A story of ‘just deserts’ for all the principal characters. Thanks for an entertaining and gratifying story.

Yep - Hate the ending! Everything else was aces. 4.7*

Usual 5*

Loved it. Thanks for sharing.

Hooked

Wanna know if he ever got back to his daughter..... She was young and self-involved. Many teens are that way. D

Always enjoy your stories.

The story was great. The writing was excellent. The characters were fleshed out well without being tiring. The end unfortunately was rushed. The response his cheating wife and daughter to finding out about his fame and family was anticlimactic. This was a solid 5 until the last half a page. Ended up with a 4.

I am always looking forward to your new stories.

A really engaging story. My only critique would be to make it a two-part, and expand the ending; it just felt like you wanted it over with.

You were so good in writing about Axel's feelings of loss, grief, betrayal, and inspiration... you approached it with richness and patience. It wasn't the same when he was falling in love or being intimate, though. Those passages were curt and a bit forced - described more as positions and events, but not feelings. You didn't connect with those as much. I would almost like this better as a non-erotic story where Axel connects with Barb at the very end and they don't have sex yet. Still, it was a great yarn and I wish I could write as well as you do.

Full marks for another great story. I’m in agreement with other commenters in the rushed ending to the story.

I do concur with the other readers here, the ending was abrupt.

I did expect as a minimum, reconciliation with his daughter

Wanted just a bit more, but a fantastic story. Thanks.

Good story but I also agree that the ending wasn't satisfactory.

Well....

There's a five for the composition quality; covers all Writers' Workshop criteria regardless of one or two minor quibbles. Character development/personality development was quite good until the final section where I have to agree with those suggesting a somewhat rushed ending--which short-circuited creating greater delineation of the ex-wife, the daughter, and the new wife beyond the bare minimum.

So there's a definite need for a sequel here--a comment written with the hope that you'll write it. Which translated means I really liked the story and want more of it!

And thanks for sharing this (first?) part of your creative imagination with us.

MLJ

just desserts. Screw the both of them.

Meh, needed a final confrontation with the daughter at least.

Great story, but a bit rushed at the end.

Great story. Ending lost it for me by trying to wrap everything up in a couple paragraphs. 4Plus

I liked the ending, the dad rode of with his new family into the sunset, the backing stabbing wife and daughter left to ponder their betrayal and the guy who stole the wife ended up with nothing.......perfect 5 stars.

Abrupt ending, I feel their was more mileage in the story.but still a 5 star yarn

Great story, superb writing. Thank you for posting.

Love your writing! Another enjoyable yarn!

4 Stars…. It was almost 5 Star worthy. The end seemed rushed and left a lot of loose ends - especially with the daughter. Nevertheless, a quality piece. As usual. BRB

Great story. I can't think of any more information I need about Axel. It had that happy ended that most seem to crave. A good read thanks for sharing.

I was surprised that his daughter made no attempt to contact him at the end but that was the only thing missing from this superb story.

Wonderfully written story.

Til the ending.

Retconning in a divorce settlement? Carrie giving up on her dad after what happened to her and Julie? I get that Carrie'w selfishness triggered the marriage's demise, but being booted out of Camelot to live in a hovel would have bern a wake up call that she and Julie were taking Axel for granted. Anyway, the ending was way too sudden and forced.

Strange ending. The daughter gives up her father completely?

5 stars for a great read.

You do tell a good story.

Enjoyed it immensely

5 stars

Cagivagurl

Great story.

As others have said ending a bit rushed.

Surely he would have got in touch with his daughter and then discovered she initiated his marital problems.

Could have been a 5-star story, but shit moved WAAAAAY too fast. The daughter is a worthless piece of shit, and the wife is worth even less than that. If this was longer and more fleshed out it would easily be 5 stars, but as is it's a 3 star to me.

A nice story and things turned out well for Axel.

Also, I don't know why people are surprised the good-for-nothing trashy-ass daughter gave up on her dad. The dumb bitch is the reason her mom cheated on him, and she hid it from him and actively helped her mom cheat. Even if she didn't give up on him, if I were in his place I'd never talk to her again other than to say that as far as I'm concerned her dad died the day of the stabbing and don't contact me ever again.

I loved this story, but I expected a reconciliation and confrontation, at least with his daughter. On the other hand, I can see where the wife and daughter might have realized the damage they caused him and left him alone, or a meeting with his daughter is assumed. This is undoubtedly one of the best stories in this challenge. Five stars.

Great story and thank god no RAAC and know BTB, she did it to herself and the daughter? I could have seen her reuniting with her father but I guess she was just a shallow as her mother. I kinda know how he felt. My ex left some 40 years ago and my two two daughters and even me sister didn't like my new wife but I did and she brought 4 kids with her that were all great kids and still are today 40 years later. I guess 4 out 6 are good but I would like to say 6, oh well guess I'm just greedy. 5 stars

A damn fine story. The very end was a little flat for me, but not enough to lower it from 5*.

Enjoyable story but rushed at the end. It just felt like you got bored and wanted to end.

Fabulous story, but the ending felt a bit rushed and less detailed than the qualities of the early segments of the story. You write well, so the disappointment is minor.

You snatched mediocrity from the jaws of fantastic. Like a painting showing great talent and promise, and then just empty white space where the artist quit. Why'd you quit?

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I shouldn't have to list ALL the questions and open plot holes you left unfilled or ignored. I will point out that it seems very VERY unlikely that a man with an artist's eye for detail, definition, shading, and perspective, how that man could have a wife, And Daughter, so completely betray him, disrespect him, lose all love and care for him, that he Never Noticed. How does a discerning sensitive perceptive person get that blind sided and fucked over, like Shazam!, I'm in love with another man, your daughter manipulated the breakdown of our marriage for her ignorant puppy love, but we never changed Anything about how we acted around you. Sorry, but that is just Too deaf dumb and blind, for a world class artist?

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And without any resolution of all those begging questions, its looks like you treated the story like the whore wife treated the marriage: just quit and walked away. Maybe someone will be inspired to take up a great story where you left it. It really is a great start. Thanks for that.

5 stars. I would have preferred that the selfish disgusting bitches suffered at least a little (instead of getting a house and all the money he worked for in a divorce), but "best revenge is living well" works for me.

Excellent story Mr. Laptop Writer, excellent! I love it when you come up with an original, like this one! Thank you for 5 BIG ASS FUCKING HUGE FLAMING NOVA STARS!

I don’t believe Carrie would have abandoned her father. I also don’t believe her dad would have given up on her.

That’s his daughter. Only a sociopath could pretend he didn’t have a daughter.

I loved the story until the end, at best i would say it was rushed but why wreck a such a good story.

Good story

The ending was like spit off a dock tho

It’s nice when the people that purportedly love you proceed to take a metaphorical dump on you finally get the reward they so deserve. Which explains why this story is on a fantasy site because sadly it very rarely happens in real life.

Excellent writing as is the norm for LTW, only spotted one change of name so hey-ho it’s 5*s from me.

The daughter gave up too easily, should have tracked him down on the internet, or followed up after he was published.

Good story, nice that the rescued woman did not fall into his arms immediately, MC had time to find himself and reach out, just a bit

Some elements felt a bit rushed and not as tightly thought through as they could have been. Your writing is tight with enviably few wasted words. I enjoyed this story and thank you for posting.

Why was Julie so willing to fall in love with another man? There were no indications in the story that she was anything but happy, yet she just suddenly decides to fuck around. And why did Carrie not notice that the love of her life was no longer at school. Pretty gaping plot holes, but I guess not important for the story you wanted to tell

Great Read!

You do fantastic work. I have read all of your stories on LITEROTICA and enjoy them. From one Illini to another keep them coming.

You are very talented in making your characters real even your villains, although you make them into people who are most likely decent they just manage to screw up their lives and everyone else's.

So damn sad

Ending just dropped Carrie off the truck. No consequences for anyone but her. and the villain

Very good

@Wh00sher, I think that "I thought sure he'd be at the house," is correct. Try replacing "thought" with "felt." "I felt sure he'd be at the house." I think that works fine. I have no problem with "for sure," I just don't think it's wrong the way it's written.

A good story that could have been great but I guess the author ran out of time to meet the deadline for Randi’s event. If you read the submitted stories this is a common thread. Disappointing ending but still a solid 4*

Great until the end, very empty.

She had him served divorce papers when he was in the hospital - but she didn’t know he was in the hospital until he had left.

As always good entry. I just wish it would take a bit more than Blackrandi's challenge to bring your stories here, really enjoying then

Well, sometimes a good deed goes unpunished, a 'long and winding road' leads the oppressed to a happy outcome, "happy days are here again"....

High to the Right Score.

Thank You..

"he's not going to abandon you" - Why not? She's abandoning him.

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"Your dad is a catch." - Yeah, he's such a catch that she's throwing him back.

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Wouldn't the hospital have given the police his address so that they could notify if family? He IS a crime victim, after all!

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"she was pissed at her fiancé for his selfish attitude" - Wait until she realizes that she might be losing her meal ticket.

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"I'm sorry, you're too young to be in there with me" - Too bad she wasn't too young to cover up the affair.

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"I'll find you an apartment for now." - Doesn't she still have the house? Even if Alex got it in the settlement, he's not using it, and he didn't sell it.

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I agree that the ending was a bit abrupt, would have liked a confrontation. Also, since he wasn't hiding, I'm surprised that he wasn't found.

Would love to have seen what kind of letter the daughter left for him. I could then decide whether or not to feel sorry for her. Considering the last sentence, I’m leaning towards NOT!

There are few certainties in life: Death, taxes, and rushed story endings for stories on this site.

That was a very good read. Watching his blood going fdown the drain and thinking it was a metaphor for his life was a really good touch

Agree with HDK comment below that it was a very good read, right up until the end. Second to last paragraph says they got divorced - she got him to sign the papers in the hospital. Oh, she did? Daughter hears from her mother. He signed the papers at the hospital - she didn't know he was there. Did we miss something earlier in the story (not unusual for me)? Ending could have been a lot tighter but I still enjoyed how the story progressed.

Five stars for a well developed and successful convoluted story. Another masterpiece by this fine writer. Thanks

I enjoyed this one very much. Very well done

Besides Axel the person I feel the most sympathetic towards is the son. He had his life turned upside down because of three idiots.

I am glad Axel found a good life to live.

The daughter was a piece of work, and in my opinion she was worse than her mother.

completely disagree @whackadoodle. If I had a daughter that helped her mom cheat on me by lying to e about where she was and i found out she introduced her mom to this guy, Id have nothing to do with her ever again. She would just be the 2nd biggest mistake i ever made the first being Marrying a two timing whore

She engineered the destruction of her parents' marriage so she could live with a boy she had a crush on - a boy who had no clue about her feelings and who didn't reciprocate them. This is sociopath/stalker/bad seed territory, and the next step is the object of any of her feelings finding their dead pets decorating their homes.

I liked the daughter's declaration at the end!

5

Just like OBB said. The setup in the beginning was awesome--draws the reader right in. Great writing. 5*

Thanks for sharing...

I don't understand why you "skipped" the confrontation? Basically because I don't think this ending works well considering the "emotional daughters" situation. Regardless of my rant its still a strong four.

Excellent story, Mr. Writer.

Great story, however the ending seems to be a bit rushed. 4*

I enjoyed your story. Excellent read.