Scenes from a Marriage Pt. 17

The first set on each cheek wasn't too hard. She didn't make me count this time, so I'm not sure how many she gave me, but my skin was only just starting to sting when she finished.

"You ready for the next one? It's going to be harder."

"Can you pass me my pillow, Mistress? Then, yes, I'm ready."

She passed me my pillow and I put it down beneath my head, grabbing onto it with my fists and biting down into the edge with my mouth.

This set was definitely harder than the previous one. I cried out into my pillow as she struck me, and I was starting to cry by the time she'd finished.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, Mistress," I said through some small sobs. I was starting to feel a little overwhelmed with the pain, but I really wanted her to get pleasure from whatever she wanted to do to me. "It's not too bad. I'm okay."

"Are you ready for the last set?"

"Yes, Mistress."

I again grabbed onto my pillow and bit down on it, tensing myself up for the blows that I knew were coming. Mistress did not disappoint: the last set on each ass cheek was extremely painful. My ass felt like it was on fire, and I howled my pain into my pillow.

When it was over, I found myself crying again. Mistress caressed my back as I recovered, watching to make sure I was okay.

I stopped crying after a minute or two, although in hindsight, I don't think I was actually done processing what I'd just experienced. But outwardly, it must have seemed like I had, because Mistress started looking more closely at my back, admiring her handiwork on my ass and shoulders.

"Hmm, it looks like your shoulders aren't nearly bruised enough. Go get me the paddle."

I wasn't really ready for any more pain at this point, and I thought about asking her not to continue, but I really didn't want to disappoint her. In hindsight, I probably should have, though. I had done enough research to know that a sub can sometimes let themself be taken past their limits due to their desire to please their dominant, so I really should have realized that that's what I was doing here, but I think this was another one of those lessons that some people just have to learn the hard way.

"Yes, Mistress. Which paddle do you want?"

"The plain leather one."

"Yes, Mistress."

I went into our closet to get the paddle and brought it back to her. She patted the bed in front of her, and I sat back down the same way I had before, cross-legged with my back to her.

I tried to get myself psyched up for the pain that I knew was coming, but I was having real trouble getting myself into the right head-space for it. I wound up bursting into tears again, this time sobbing harder than before. Mistress put down the paddle and pulled me to lean back against her so that she could hold me.

"What's wrong?"

I tried to answer her, but I couldn't stop sobbing long enough to get any words out.

"Tell me. Use your words." She seemed concerned. "I can't take care of you if you don't tell me what's wrong."

"I'm sorry, I'm trying, but I can't!" I sobbed. I just couldn't figure out how to put into words what I was feeling. In hindsight, I think that I knew at some level that I really wasn't up for any more, but I didn't want to admit that to myself out of fear that I'd be disappointing her. And I think that I wasn't allowing myself to think too clearly about that conflict, because I knew that if I did, I would have to face the possibility of her disappointment.

"What do you need? What can I do?"

"Just hold me."

She wrapped her arms around me and rocked me, and I leaned back against her as I sobbed. She let me cry for another moment or two.

"Are you sure you want to continue?"

"Yes!" I replied forcefully, then went right back to sobbing. "It hurts, Mistress, it really does. But I so want to do this for you."

"You are doing so well," she whispered in my ear as she held me. "It means so much to me that you are willing to let me do this."

That almost made me cry a bit harder. Hearing her say how much it meant to her just made it that much more important not to disappoint her.

"I'm so glad you're getting pleasure from this, Mistress," I said through my tears. "So glad!"

"If it makes you feel any better, I am incredibly wet from doing this to you."

Hearing that actually helped me calm down a bit. Knowing that I was giving her pleasure somehow made it all worth it. I felt like I could take anything if I was really pleasing her!

I took a deep breath and turned in her arms so that I could see her face. "Mistress, may I please pleasure you when you're done?"

She smiled at me. "Yes, of course."

That helped even more. Not only was she pleased by what I was taking for her, but by taking even more, I would get the reward of pleasuring her! Those two facts gave me the strength to continue for her.

I leaned my head forward to kiss her. "Thank you, Mistress. Thank you!"

We looked into each other's eyes for a moment. Then I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths, calming myself to continue.

I opened my eyes and turned back around, once again sitting cross-legged with my back to her.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes, Mistress."

She started out with a relatively light set on each shoulder. After enduring so many sets with the crop, even the lightest paddling was causing me pain, and I grunted a few times at the impact, but it wasn't too bad yet.

"You okay? Ready for the next set?"

"Yes, Mistress."

I braced myself, knowing the next set would be harder. Sure enough, it was, and I cried out with each blow. By the time she'd finished both shoulders, I let my torso fall forward as I screamed out from the pain.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, Mistress," I said shakily. "I'll be okay."

I took a minute to catch my breath and then sat back up.

"Are you ready for the last set? This one is going to be 10 full-strength strikes on each shoulder."

"Yes, Mistress, I'm ready."

I braced myself again, and I felt the blows start. I grunted with each strike and semi-intelligibly counted them out through gritted teeth, just so I knew how many more there were to go. My skin was burning, my nerves crackling with pain, but I knew it was almost over.

As soon as the last strike landed, I let my torso fall forward again and screamed out my pain. I was sobbing again, and just for a moment, I caught myself feeling so emotionally hurt, wondering what I'd done to Mistress to deserve that much pain. As soon as I realized what I was thinking, I knew it was an unfair thought, and I think I realized that I was going to have to talk to her about it. But for the moment, I knew that our impact play was finally over, so I let my muscles relax and just forced myself to breathe.

Mistress pulled me up to lay down next to her. She held me while I calmed back down.

When I was finally calm, we looked into each other's eyes and just felt our connection.

"Thank you," she said to me. "It so turns me on to do that to you."

I smiled. "May I pleasure you now, Mistress?"

She smiled back. "Yes."

I sat up, helped her remove her panties, crawled up on top of her, and gave her a passionate kiss.

Then I kissed my way down her neck, over her clavicle, past the key to my chastity cage that was hanging around her neck, and down to the neckline of her tank top.

"Would you like some time with my chest?" she asked.

"Yes, Mistress!"

She pulled the front of her tank top up over her breasts, and I dived down to lick and suck on her left nipple. After a few minutes, I moved over to give her right nipple the same treatment.

Then I started kissing my way down her abdomen, but she apparently didn't want to wait. She put her arms on my shoulders and pushed me down.

"Is there somewhere you'd like me to be, Mistress?" I asked innocently.

"Mouth on pussy, now!" she replied forcefully.

"Yes, Mistress!" I replied with a grin. I love it when she is assertive like that!

I moved down to her pussy and immediately started licking. She was wet but not yet dripping, although I knew that I was about to change that.

I started out with my usual approach, licking around her inner lips and then up to her clit, giving her clit firm pressure with my tongue. But after a few strokes of that, I could tell that she needed something different tonight.

I slowed down and focused on her clit, licking around it slowly and teasingly, randomly changing the direction and angle of my strokes. I teased her repeatedly, still dropping down to her pussy every once in a while, but otherwise focusing on teasing her clit.

"God, you have a magic tongue!"

"Is my tongue magic?" I replied between licks. "Or is it the thought of how you hurt me, the sound of the impacts on my body, the sight of the bruises on my skin? Or is it the knowledge that after you did all of that, I am lying here between your legs giving you pleasure, while you have my cock locked up and denied pleasure?"

She gasped as I licked her. "All of that could be, but your tongue is definitely magic!"

I smiled as I kept pleasuring her. Finally, I could feel the wetness dripping out of her pussy, and I knew it was time to go back to what really gets her off. I licked around her hole, relishing the taste of her delicious juices, and then ran my tongue up to her clit, giving it firm pressure as it peeked out of its hood.

She started gasping and bucking her hips, and I knew she was starting to get close, so I brought up my right hand and stuck my first two fingers inside of her, rubbing on her G-spot.

"Oh, god, yes! Fuck me with your fingers!"

I loved hearing her cry out like that! I started pumping my fingers in and out of her, synchronizing their motion with that of my tongue on her clit. I was also giving her clit even more pressure with my tongue, especially on the up-stroke as its tip popped out.

She spread her legs even further as she started bucking her hips and gasping, making her clit stick out even further, which gave it more contact with my tongue, which aroused her even further. I knew that she was experiencing a feedback loop that would push her straight to a great orgasm.

Sure enough, at that moment, she started cumming, crying out and bucking her hips, mashing her pussy into my eager tongue. I continued thrusting my fingers into her and bathing her clit with my tongue as she thrashed in pleasure.

She came down from her peak, but I did not stop, and soon she had another nice orgasm immediately on the heels of the first one.

She started to close her legs as if she was done, but I wasn't going to let her off that easily. Both of those orgasms had been solid, but I knew that she could give me more. So I kept my tongue and my fingers right where they were and kept going.

She relented without an argument, spreading her legs again and letting me continue. But apparently, she needed something slightly different.

"Slow down. You need to build me back up again if you want me to cum again."

I lifted my head just long enough to say, "Yes, Mistress." I decided to go back to teasing her clit with my tongue as I'd done earlier, and I slowed down my finger fucking at the same time.

After a few minutes, I could feel her arousal increasing again. When she started gasping and bucking her hips again, I once again increased the pace of my fingers thrusting inside of her and started giving her clit stronger licks.

I carefully timed my motions to line up with the frequency of her gasps as she climbed her next peak. Each time she bucked her hips or gasped, I applied more pressure with my fingers and tongue, which just made her buck her hips more. Her arousal increased slowly but steadily, the pleasure building, until finally she peaked again.

This was the big one I'd been waiting for! She suddenly tensed up and started crying out and bucking her hips in what seemed like an incredibly intense orgasm.

I kept licking and finger-fucking her through her orgasm, which must have lasted for at least a minute. I experienced her orgasm through every one of my senses: the feel of her pussy convulsing beneath my tongue, the sight of her bucking hips, the sound of her cries of pleasure, and the smell and taste of the juices flowing out of her pussy. I loved every second of it.

Finally, she was done. I made a half-hearted attempt to keep going, but this time she did close her legs and push me away.

I pulled myself up to lay down with her, snuggling myself against her side with one of my legs over one of hers. She wrapped her arm around me, making me feel very secure and protected. We were mostly quiet, just enjoying each other's company, but we also talked a bit when one of us thought of something to share.

At that point, I'd had enough time to recover from the impact play, and I remembered the thought that had gone through my head when she finished with the paddle. I realized that as much as I really wanted to please her, I really had to talk to her about how hard it was for me, because it wouldn't be good for me or for our relationship if I just let her keep doing that without telling her how I felt.

"Mistress?" I asked hesitantly.

"What is it?"

"I, um, really don't want to say this, but I think I need to." I took a breath. "I love it when you use me for your pleasure, and I want to give you as much of that pleasure as I can. I hate the very idea that I might prevent you from taking whatever pleasure you want to take from me. But..." I trailed off, trying to figure out how to say what I needed.

"It's okay," she said, tightening her arm around me for a moment. "Tell me."

I took another breath. "I'm having a really hard time with these impact play sessions. I'm having trouble handling this much pain."

"Am I striking you too hard?"

I was incredibly relieved by her tone - she was not disappointed in me; she was just asking for clarification to understand what I was telling her.

I paused for a moment, thinking about how to answer her. "I don't know that the problem is the strength of the blows. I think the real problem is that you're not warming me up enough. I feel like if we could get me warmed up enough first, then I might be able to tolerate this strength of blows. But without that warm up, I just get overwhelmed by the pain."

"Thank you for telling me. That's really important feedback for me. That means that instead of having more frequent but shorter scenes, we need to plan for longer scenes, so that I have time to warm you up."

"Yeah, I think that would help."

"Okay, then we'll do that." She hugged me again. "I'm really glad you told me. I'm supposed to be taking care of you, and I can't do that if you don't give me this kind of feedback. I don't ever want to be hurting you or abusing you or doing things to you that you really don't enjoy."

"I know, Mistress, but that's actually part of why this is hard. I think you do sometimes like making me do things that I don't enjoy. You've told me that sometimes you really do like just wailing on me without warming me up. And I do want you to be able to do that when you want to. I just don't want that to be all the time, because I don't know if I can handle that." I paused, trying to figure out how to clarify what I meant. "It's like, I want you to have the authority to decide what we do, even if that means that we sometimes do something that you enjoy but I don't. But I also want you to know how I really feel about it, because I know you'll take that into consideration when you decide what we're going to do. I want you to be able to use me like that when you want to, and I trust you to not choose to do that so often that I can't handle it."

"I understand. And I appreciate that. I do want to take how you feel into account."

We were quiet for a bit. I could tell she was thinking about what I had told her.

"I think I need more feedback from you as to how hard it feels to you. Like, I want you to tell me when I'm striking you too hard. You can also tell me when you feel like I've warmed you up enough and I can go harder."

"I can try to do that, Mistress. I guess the one thing I worry about is that we've been talking so much about making sure that you're the one in the driver's seat, and I don't want either of us to feel like I'm the one controlling the impact play sessions, telling you when to strike me harder or less hard."

"I understand that. But you won't actually be giving the orders; you'll actually be following them. Because I am giving you an order right now to give me feedback on how hard my strikes are. Can you do that?"

I was still a little uneasy about how much control she was giving me, but I did see the logic. Until we got more experience, it probably did make sense to err on the side of over-communicating. "I'll try, Mistress."

We hugged each other again, and for a while we were content to just lay there in each other's arms.

"So," I asked teasingly, "I have a magic tongue, huh?"

She laughed quietly. "You really do give me so much pleasure with your tongue."

I smiled, but her statement actually made me think. "Mistress," I asked a bit hesitantly, "do you get more pleasure from my tongue than from my cock?"

I was pretty sure I knew the answer, but I'd never asked her that question point-blank.

She hesitated. "That's a hard question to answer. I do get a lot of pleasure from your cock when you stay hard long enough and there's enough friction to keep me going. But lately, you haven't been able to do that."

I sighed, knowing that she was trying to make an excuse for me. "It's not just lately, is it? It's basically been that way for our entire relationship. I've never really lasted long enough to give you real pleasure."

"We just need to keep practicing. You've been doing your kegel exercises. And we can practice with that 'counting down from ten' approach from that book."

"I will absolutely keep trying, Love. And I do want to try that approach that we read about. But the fact is that because I haven't yet found a way to last longer, you've never really gotten as much pleasure from my cock as you want. So doesn't that mean that you don't get as much pleasure from my cock as from my tongue?"

She hesitated again, but she couldn't deny it. "Yeah, I guess that's true."

There. The words had finally been spoken.

I sighed, and we held each other tightly. "I'm sorry, Love. I'm so sorry that I haven't been able to pleasure you as much as you deserve."

I thought for a bit before continuing. "I think part of me has always known that you felt that way. For most of our marriage, I felt inadequate because I knew I wasn't pleasing you. But over the last six or eight months, as we've started exploring kink together, I've finally felt like I could give you pleasure, which has been an amazing feeling. But that pleasure has almost always come from my tongue, not my cock."

She just held me, letting me figure out how to say what I needed to. After a moment, I went on. "Knowing that you get more pleasure from my tongue than my cock fills me with mixed emotions. I feel emasculated. I feel humiliated. And bizarrely, it also really turns me on." I laughed a bit sourly. "I don't think I will ever understand my humiliation kink."

"I know. But I do want you to find a way to last longer. We'll find a way."

"I will do everything I can to give you that pleasure, Mistress. I promise."

I felt completely wrung out, both physically and emotionally. But I also felt very close to my Mistress. We curled up in each other's arms and fell asleep together.

The rest of the week was fairly busy. My wife asked me to take the day off of work on Wednesday to spend the day snuggling with her, which I did, but even that day wound up keeping us busy with errands (arranging grocery deliveries, etc).

By Friday night, we were both exhausted. We got into bed and snuggled up together. I was laying on my back, and she was laying against my side with her head on my shoulder, my arm around her shoulders, and her leg draped over mine.