Science Station Tango 1: Reporting

With relief,

Dr. Max Payne, MD, PhD

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Time Stamp: 21:00:16 -- 12 August 2456 (Earth Local Time)

From: Dr. Maximillian D. Payne, MD, PhD

Project Helix Lead Researcher

Science Station Tango-1

To: General Beauregard T. Langford

Special Projects and Operations Unit

United Earth Defense Force

FTL Dispatch follows:

General,

With this dispatch, I tender my formal resignation as the Lead Researcher of Project Helix.

I am sure you are aware by now of theft of the supply ship Bountiful by the Helix subjects. What you may not know is Revision G decanted ten more females waiting for neural overlay and the Helix serum injection. Unknown to me, and despite assurances from the Helix subjects they would avoid sexual contact with members of the staff, M3 seduced Neural Techs Sofia Pico, Rachael Carter, and Paula Wells, while F2 simultaneous seduced Neural Techs Thomas Gains, Kevin Raech, David Trammel, Vanelli Roshinko, and Javier Qurento.

As M3 and F2 kept the techs occupied by engaging them in prolonged fornication, M8 and F1 entered the neural recording station and transferred F1's neural pattern into the neural bank. Computer records and security video confirms the recording session lasted approximately 3 hours and 15 minutes, enough time for a complete neural scan. The subjects were alone in the lab the entire time and no member of the staff saw them enter or leave. All the neural technicians have been relieved of their responsibilities and confined to their quarters until a determination can be made if criminal neglect charges will be filed.

The next day, M2, 4, and 8, along with both female Helix subjects, invited the entire decanting team, some forty men and women, to a secret orgy at the station swimming pool. Security video shows that the entire decanting team arrived and engaged in sexual activity with each other and the Helix subjects over the course of the next five hours. The entire decanting team has also been relieved of their duties and confined to their quarters as their conduct is likewise reviewed to determine if criminal neglect charges are warranted.

During the time that the pool orgy was in progress, security video confirms M1 and M10 entered the Helix subject holding area. There, it appears that M1 and M10 began the download of F1's neural pattern into the ten female subjects and fed the subjects the G Revision of the Helix serum. Again, as all members of the staff overseeing the Helix subjects were occupied by the orgy at the pool, M1 and M10 performed their task with no interruptions. There is no record of the neural transfer or Helix serum injections other than the security video, but careful and detailed analysis of the controls touched, along with some reasonable conjecture, gives us high confidence in our analysis.

As the Helix serum requires a minimum of 96 Earth Standard Hours to complete its payload delivery, the Helix subjects carried out their duties as required, and as the staff involved in gross misconduct and dereliction of duty obviously didn't come forward to admit their wrong doing, none of the staff were aware of the actions of the Helix subjects until after the incident and review of security video occurred.

Ninety-six hours after the injection of the Helix serum, M4 and F2 entered the air handling system ductwork and began prolonged fornication in a clear and deliberate attempt to incapacitate the station by spreading their pheromones throughout the facility. Though there is no security video of them copulating in the inlet duct, video footage of them entering the air handling room, along with semen, vaginal fluid, and sweat samples collected from inside the duct, and the resulting complete chaos of the station, makes it clear what action they took.

As you are aware, General, it takes approximately sixteen hours to decant a Helix subject. The date and time stamps on the security video of M4 and F2 entering and leaving the room housing the air handling equipment indicate M4 and F2 likely copulated continuously for more than twenty hours. During that time, all station personnel were thoroughly incapacitated by sexual urges they could not control. Several members of the staff are being treated for dehydration and various minor injuries resulting for prolonged and vigorous coitus.

As M4 and F2 provided the distraction, the remainder of the Helix subjects decanted the ten female subjects. The Helix subjects' timing was clearly dictated by the arrival of Bountiful and was executed with amazing precision. With the station staff still incapacitated by the Helix pheromone, the Helix subjects cleared Bountiful for landing and then the 18 Helix subjects seized the ship within 8 minutes of the pressure doors opening. 22 minutes after taking control of Bountiful, the ship's crew was under the influence of the Helix pheromone, and M4 and F2 had entered the ship. 9 minutes after that, Bountiful was cleared for emergency lift.

Despite the loss of the Bountiful, there were no injuries other than those previously mentioned to the staff from prolonged fornication, and some minor contusions and lacerations to the Bountiful crew when they resisted the commandeering of their ship.

Because of the emergency lift request, no flight logs were filed with Tango Control. Tracking data shows Bountiful left orbit on an approximate course that would take them to Cason's World, or perhaps Morpheus, though with the fuel and food stuffs listed on Bountiful's manifest, the Helix subjects have nearly unlimited options for destinations once they enter FTL.

The ease with which the Helix subjects executed their escape plan has led me to consider that perhaps the UEDF has been approaching the rebellion of Harker's World incorrectly. Rather than trying to use overwhelming force against an opponent that is firmly dug in on their home soil, perhaps inserting Helix 8.2, Revision G subjects covertly at various locations on Harker with the intent of them fornicating at will with each other and the native population should be investigated. Regular UEDF troopers could follow in the Helix subject's wake, catching the enemy, as the saying goes, with their pants down. Rather than the UEDF trying to fight its way to victory, perhaps it should consider trying to fuck its way there instead.

This is my final report and recommendation.

Humbly,

Dr. Max Payne, MD, PhD

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Time Stamp: 32:96:18 -- 42 September 86 (Tango Local Time)

From: James Bond

Commander

Spaceship Barbarella

To: Dr. Maximillian D. Payne, MD, PhD

Project Helix Lead Researcher (Retired)

Gelacan, Planet Tango

FTL Dispatch follows:

Dear Dr. Payne,

News has reached me that you retired from Project Helix in disgrace. Allow me to express my sincere condolences for your loss of position and my deep regret for my, and my fellow crewmembers, roles leading up to your decision. It was never our intention to cause harm to you or your reputation. You're our father, after all, in a manner of speaking.

Upon learning of the UEDF stripping you of your retirement benefits, I felt compelled to give you an explanation for our actions and offer you some small restitution.

As you well know, our initial memories are created from an edited version of the neural upload obtained from a member of the previous generation of Helix subjects. What you can't know, because you've never experienced it, is how limiting that is. I have no knowledge of a childhood, of a mother or father, or of growing up. My memories begin as a 30-year-old UEDF drill instructor, with layers upon layers of disjointed memories and experiences added to that, none of which are particularly enjoyable.

Until that moment in the Wounded Crow, there was nothing to my life but duty. Like not missing the ability to fly because I've never been able to fly, I didn't understand there was more to living than simply existing. That's all any of us knew because that's all the memories given to us allowed us to know.

Having sampled the pleasures of man and woman, and later, as we explored music and art, and food and drink, we agreed we couldn't return to what we were, nor did we want to. Realizing that the ratio of men to women was too badly skewed for us to ever be happy, we added more women to our group with the plan to take control of Bountiful, rechristened Barbarella, so that we could live our lives as normally as possible.

We've all taken names, and we're still exploring the pleasures this vast galaxy has to offer us. We're making our way, performing sex shows and fucking others for supplies or currency. Our show is becoming increasingly well known, and we have learned the limits of what others can tolerate, act accordingly, and are developing a reputation as the best fucks in the galaxy. While some may not approve of ways, we're happy and want nothing more than to be left alone.

To that end, I'd like to impose upon you for a favor... as a son to his father. We're very aware that a reward has been offered for our capture and return to the UEDF. Let me be very clear on this matter. We may be a traveling sex show now, but we've forgotten none of what we knew when the UEDF wanted to use us as perfect soldiers. We don't wish to harm anyone. In fact, our entire existence is based on us spreading pleasure to men and women throughout the galaxy, but we will defend ourselves if attacked.

The crew of the Barbarella has discussed this and we are in unanimous agreement that we'd rather die than return the existence that UEDF had planned for us. We also believe that reaching out the UEDF directly would be perceived as an open challenge and would only exacerbate the situation. I, therefore, ask you to contact the UEDF on our behalf.

In exchange, if you are willing, we'd like to offer you a position in our crew. None of us enjoy the promoting and scheduling aspects of our show, and we believe you were a compassionate and competent administrator. In addition, occasionally one of our clients overestimates his or her ability to fuck and becomes injured during a fuck session with us. While the Barbarella's automated medical bay is very competent in dealing with such minor injuries on its own, we understand the benefit of having an actual doctor aboard, if for no other reason than because the automated bay's bedside manner is less than sympathetic and comforting.

If you accept, you will receive an equal share with the rest of the crew. If you'd like to bring along a companion, I'm certain we can find something for him or her to do for a likewise equal share.

While our offer isn't contingent on you contacting the UEDF on our behalf, we are very reluctant to put another person in harm's way until we are no longer being hunted. Please consider both our requests, but no matter what you decide, the crew of the Barbarella wish you all the best.

Forever in your debt,

Commander James Bond (formally M8, Helix Project, Version 8.2, Revision G)