Scrooge's Little Women

Scrooge's Little Women: An Inheritance

I recognized Bob Cratchit's abilities almost as soon as he started working for me. My genius was loaning money to good businesses that would not be able to pay back. I would then take over the bankruptcy, fix the previous owners incompetency, and then sell it for a huge profit. Marley had the same skills. Bob's skill was recognizing highly effective owners who could build their business into giants. For them, we would only take a silent partnership and let the profits build. Of course I never let Bob know that he had any skill at all. Otherwise he might want a raise. Worse, he might go out on his own, and compete with me.

The situation changed when my cousin Bob March died from his wounds shortly after their civil war ended. I always considered March to be a self-righteous wimp. His dying however redeemed him in my heart. The delightful law was that the closest male relative inherited. Since he had no male heir, I now owned all his property, and the livelihood of all his women was in my control. Since I understood that I could expand my business and make more money in New England than old England, I would move into my inherited house. I had no doubt that my business would prosper with Cratchit running it, but I wanted him to think that his promotion was because of my benevolence, not his skill. Thus, I created the ghost humbug.

I was surprised when I saw Cratchit's wife, Emily. How he snagged such a comely creature was beyond me. I knew that my most important objective was Cratchit's running the business for my profit, and a minor point, Emily hated me for my treatment of Bob. I had no trouble handling these little problems. Giving Cratchit more responsibility kept at work even longer than I had before, and he even thanked me for it. When she saw what I could do for Tiny Tim's medical care, I gave her the choice of being a good mother or a good wife. I knew she would choose, mother. What surprised me was how much the minx enjoyed cheating on Cratchit. Unfortunately it was only a short interlude, and I was on my way to America. However, in that short period, Emily was enlarged with another tiny one, whom she would name Ebenezer after their family's benefactor. Cratchit was actually proud, thinking it was his.

One week into the Atlantic crossing, I was questioning my business plan. I realized how large and dangerous the ocean was, and was any profit worth the risk. But, before I could try to bribe anyone to go back, we were halfway there.

Once in New England, I immediately took over the March home. Marmee had already checked the law and knew that she couldn't contest my dominance. When I told her what I expected her to do in order to maintain her and her children's lifestyle, I expected begging and crying. She would be forced to give in, and then I would show her, through her tears, that she could enjoy her body in ways that she never thought of. What I got was entirely different. There was a brief, "Oh I am forced to!" for show. Then she spread her legs wider than I thought possible, and I never had a wetter woman. She then taught me how to treat the female body. My respect for Robert March immeasurably improved. It seems that celibacy for life in order to remain respectable was Marmee's great fear.

My first entree into American business was to take over Ben Franklin's publishing business. If Ben wasn't long gone I would have tried something different. Nobody got the better of Ben. However this was the third generation of ownership after Ben, and the weakest. I cashed in on their bankruptcy and soon dominated publishing in New England. Not only was publishing a hugely profitable business, but it set me up for my next conquest.

I intended to bed Amy and Jo. I figured that Jo was the smartest of the March women, and the hardest. I would start with the hardest. Wrong again. I believed that once I published one of her stories, she would slowly and eventually be persuaded to join me in bed in order to further her career. I never realized that by her choice of a husband it was clear that she had Daddy issues. I was head of her family home. At the slightest hint of seduction, she jumped into bed. I honestly believe that if Robert March had survived, her first child would have been March on both sides. Who would believe that after meeting Emily, Marmee, and Jo, Ebenezer Scrooge would be turned into a cynic.

I used the same plan for Amy that I thought was necessary for Jo. I thought Amy would be easy because she was somewhat flighty. I bought a fashionable Art Gallery in Boston and showed one of her paintings. I made sure it was purchased. Then two paintings in the next exhibit. Only one sold. Boston was far enough from Concord that she had to stay overnight, but she remained faithful to her husband, even though the wine flowed. It turned out that she was the hardest of the Marches. It took an exhibit of ten of her paintings and a lot of wine before I got to sample Amy.

What about Meg? Meg was the least handsome of the March women. I felt no need to complete the set.

I can unquestionably state that my American venture was even more successful than I expected. Probably my best day in America was when Marmee's friend Carol joined us for Christmas brunch. I added some items from the Caribbean to the punch. Let me say that both women performed in ways that none of us expected. In fact, Carol comes by about once a month to repeat parts of the spectacle. I would give more detail, but one Christmas Carol story is enough for anyone.