All Comments on 'Sea Monster Pt. 01'

You lost me at "drain the main vein". Are you 12?

Oh dear, yet another individual trying to write erotic stories, why this fascination with weak and pathetic males who obviously have no life experience beyond the nursery?

We don’t need another chapter, it is obvious where this is going.

Great start.

Author wrote probably one of the worst dialogues on LW.

The story has no background and makes no sense.

Waste of a readers time

Run...run far away.

Not another "Best Friend with Big Cock Cuckolds Me with My Wife/Girlfriend." It's pathetic uninteresting crap; the MC should just dump the girlfriend now, she's a slut who will always be cheating on him. As for his "best friend," he needs to immediately get shown the door as well. Some time after the weekend is over, the MC should have a good alibi in place and then take a baseball bat to the "friend". He deserves it.

"... to be continued"...Really? Why the need to post more shit? Wasn't this more than enough?

every story starts out with potential, unfortunately this one is obviously drifting into deep left field and becoming a "humiliate the cuck boyfriend" story

Will read part 2 but not looking forward to it

The writing is not terrible but the storyline is .....aaghhhh

The boyfriend is an idiot from the start.

Boring....☆1

Sounds like a cuck storyline in the making - not my cup of tea.

... This is way more of a warning of what can happen if you hang out with snakes and backstabbers.

Cause, regardless of a hot a girlfriend is, a ACTUAL, REAL friend wouldn't make a move on her.

Same goes with the GF - if she's actually worth a damn, a big dick wouldn't make her unfaithful.

But here's why I have absolutely no sympathy for the MC here: he actually doesn't give a fuck about his girlfriend either! He doesn't love her at all - as he stated himself, her sole purpose for him is to be parade around, like a trophy, so his 'friend' could see him as on 'his' level... that's as pathetic as masturbating to being cuckolded, when you think about it...

Anyway... why is this story in LW again? Nobody here is even in a serious relationship, for chrissake...

These "adults" are carrying on as if they were aged 12 or 13! Grow up, ffs. Next you'll be talking about "boners" and laughing away at her showing her breasts. Hell, what happens when their other friends arrive tomorrow and they're all "high fiving" like juveniles over childish things. Yes, we all know where this is going. If the guy had any maturity and self respect he would pack his things and TELL his girlfriend they were leaving, since his "friend" is being a complete cunt. If she won't leave with him, she was never his. So stop the childish antics.

Cum up with a twist. We can see where this is going. The Beta male who is being manipulated by his girlfriend

Of course she is not lying. she saw it, wants it, and is tormenting the guy. no wife but OK story.

Why are so many stories fixated on big cocks? A vagina is only so deep. Any cock length beyond that is at best wasted, at worse, painful for the woman, if the man doesn't know what he's dong.

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It's like guys fixating on big boobs.

Just leave now and count yourself lucky...she is not worth fighting over and delete Aaron from your friends list and cellphone

I'm not sure how stupid you have to be to use the word "girlfriend" multiple times and still think that it belongs in Loving Wives. I mean, it does make the answer to "Are you smarter than a 5th Grader?" an easy "NO!"

PS: When you get to junior high, they'll teach you how to write dialog in English class...

Don’t bother, it’s plain stupid and already stinks. Try bungee jumping without a bungee, brings you on another level.

Captcha

Two stars generously.

Not a bad start, if you like your GF talking to you like you’re a Cuck. Not to mention he’s jerking off while his GF is outside, WTF………

Poor format, no real character development, and just awful dialogue. NEVER continue this drivel.

And how is this loving wives? Wrong category. Not married and won’t ever be from the looks of it.

It is a great shame that this site seems to be dominated by the infantile and (going by the comments) the infirm.

Learn to write and punctuate dialogue and put it into a scene using action beats and proper dialogue tags. Put another way, try building a house without basic carpentry skills. Nothing kills a scene faster than to allude to dialogue in commentary and not actually write what was said, how they said it, what the room/setting looked like, and how the hearer reacted. That's part of the inviolable rule of writing fiction: "Show, don't tell." Google it--you'll have an 'Ah, ha!' moment. Look at Literotica's 'How To' category for some decent masterwork writing classes. There are also like nine billion YouTube videos and writing sites on the basics of writing. The basics. We've all been there.

You're writing a story, not a script. Learn how to write dialogue.

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Ariel asked, "Do you like my tits?"

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"I love your tits," I replied.

First story!

4

As a newcomer to the harsh world of critics in this category, you should know that taking the main character and making him a source of abuse by his girlfriend and his school friend is usually a suicidal start. This is a 3- until part 2 shows if this is still totally predictable and unoriginal as in part 1.

What the hell! Of course you would assume that his cock was uncircumcised. How many years has it been since genital mutilation has been illegal? Well in civilised countries. That's horrific to assume he had been mutilated.

This is a nice college try. It would be better with spell check and proof read. He is definitely losing his girlfriend who may end up fucking everybody but him. Ok, little guy?

Pretty bad

Ariel is going to get her boyfriends friends big cock. Very exciting when you have a tiny penis and your girlfriend is horny for your friends big cock and calls you little guy.

"I am writing this story as a warning to every guy out there who is with a girl that is out of his league"...Really? What that guy should do, not being married yet to her and being just a boyfriend? Going away and let her stay with his ex-friend! Please try not to write stupid stories!

There were words. They formed sentences. Most seemed to be spelled correctly. That's the nicest things I can say about this.

Cracks me up how many people blame the author for their choice to read a genre that they supposedly don't like... Thou doth protest too much...

A bang stick is an excellent defense against sea monsters.