by wieliczka
Like an objective reporter recounting a news story of a slow-moving train wreck, the inertia of the forward motion you created with the opening of the story inevitably drove the train to hit the wall...and the shit to hit the fan. Loved the twist of the knife in the gut at the end by "the Loving Wife That Might Have Been If Only"....
Really, really loved it. Kudos and More Please.
I really enjoyed this angle from a female that is betrayed. They aren't married though so shouldn't be in LW.
Quick and to the point . Not much of a story though, but quick and to the point i repeat Imyself.
......I understand it may be because you want it to come off like conversation in a coffee shop...but it tends to make the reading tougher and more stilted....because it is not conversation, but narration.
That said, one of my favorite stories this month. I especially liked how she got out, and played the reversal of the BTB subgroup so well. No, she did not go agro on his ass, but her burn was mental and emotional. For Jerry, filled with fear, sadness and anger...distilling later into something more like constant, dull sorrow or regret. Life as he has known it, has ended. He'll likely have to change jobs to avoid the constant reminder of all the foolishness.
For Diana, it will be initial terror, then ,intense sadness, as she realizes how much damage her follis hen's, arrogance and perfidy have caused...then, eventually mitigated with either anger or fear, as her life changes dramatically for the worse.
For the boss and co-worker...well, let's say that for them, life will be very interesting indeed...for awhile....then they will become very dull.
Yup, fallout's a bitch ain't it?
Real good story, mostly a good read!
I agree that your writing is improving and you certainly did not lose creativity with it!
You certainly are improving your writing without losing your creativity
WTF? First of all,what century are you from,if two people agree to be monagamous and one isn't,that is cheating.As far as her being a slut,typical of Catholic morons everywhere,notice Jerry isn't a slut but Sandy is,men of course should be able to do what they want....and if you are of the no sex before marriage,virginal bride kind of person,what are you doing on lit,Aces?According to the church,reading erotica or watching things of 'prurient' interest are a sin,too,Better go off and confess your sins...
Hard to tell what the second chances are,does that mean Sandy finds someone new,or is it Jerry somehow was coerced? Kind of confusing right now.
Wow, what an improvement ! Much better writing from your previous stories .
Natural sound to the dialogue. Enough information about her that we can empathize .
A very good story. And it looks like Jerry isn't going away. I suspect that Dan and Diane are upto something, embezzlement maybe, and setting Jerry up.
Anyway, so enjoyable I gave you 4*s. Excitingly awaiting the next chapter as
AMerryMan
This chapter was confusing. I got lost with the characters and why Diana brought other men over to Sandra and Jerry's place to cheat. Did she have a key to their place?
to Pissed in Portland, is everybody happy. TK U MLJ LV NV
Thanks for plugging my favorite city, but I wish it wasn't in such a confusing story.
The story TITLE is 'Second Chances!' THAT hasn't happened, yet! It really hasn't even been hinted that Sweetie is leaving ANY chance of her (potential) Hubby getting in touch with her! I cannot see ANY rationale for her to reconsider her decision to drop the untrustworth shithead!
SplitAces - WHY, with your attitude that adult females should remain chaste until after the wedding ceremony, do you read stories in the Cheating Wives section of LIT? As a matter of fact, why do you read ANYthing in LitEROTICA?
I find this story hard to believe,but is just a story. This relationship and what we know went down plus the brother putting together the spy cam . Seems unreal.
So why does Diana have a key to the apartment?
For the story it is convenient to be able to video them, but it makes no sense.
As a hook to get me to read another chapter to find out it may work.
i dont think jerry was cheating willingly. i think he was being pushed somehow. i got a hunch that there is something strange going on at his work. not that its any excuse at all. oh and one more thing, even tho they arent married it was still cheating. just because your not married in a relationship you still need to be faithful.
The story itself was rather bland. One correction: Sandy lost nothing; she gained. Jerry is the loser. Let's see, in one hand I have a beautiful slender stupid cheating whore. In the other hand I have a virtuous loyal intelligent partner, who has 15 excess pounds she can lose anytime she wants; she's that smart and hardworking. No one dumb enough to chose the skin-deep whore deserves the true beauty of a loving loyal woman. No contest, Sandy and her cohorts are the winners, every time! It just takes time, but its worth waiting for.
But she wasn't married! She was fornicating. She's a slut, unless she stops being one. Try dating. Find your soulmate, get married, then consummate it. Be faithful. Then her man can't think "hey, it's not like we're married". You can't be cheated on unless you're married. If not, it's just casual sex with no commitment.
Until now is a good story...only one detail: I don't think he would give his lover the key of his house!!! So, how could she take the other lovers there? For me this is the weak point of this story! 3*
Excellent start. I see the makings of a great series. Please continue...