All Comments on 'Secret Journey Ch. 01'

i'd like this to be continued .

As soon as the orgasmic high of being published and read has worn off I assure you I'll need another hit of every writer's favorite dru- ... I mean I'll be hard at work 😀

More more more more more please. Love it please write more

Thanks for your encouragement, I'm hard at work on ch2

My only criticisms are that the two main characters were a bit quick to be so welcoming of each other. Also it would be awesome if you spent more time detailing the orgasms. A couple sentences at least; describing the warmth, volume, sensation, etc of the cumshot. Let the reader "experience" those large loads. Not just, "she came alot.....and done". Otherwise, i like where this is going :)

A friend with a few stories archived here suggested the same things.hopefully you'll enjoy the next chapters, Thanks again for reading.

Really liked this story. Surprisingly, I thought your backstory and characters were much more fleshed out than the lewd bits. That's pretty unusual, but not unwelcome! I'd much rather be invested in the story than have some sexual scenes about characters I don't care about in a confusing setting.

And I do care a lot about the characters and setting! The conversation Suki had with the innkeep told us volumes about his character and filled us in on the world in one entertaining discussion. And I love the idea of a worldly-wise cleric who still has faith, IMO that's a much more enjoyable and nuanced character than the oft-used cynic. Goku seems to be bursting with energy, everything she does is just fun to read about. You did a great job of merging her style of speech, the way she acts, and the legends about her into a very enjoyable, believable, larger-than-life (in more ways than one) character.

I did quite like the lewd bits as well, but I do feel it happened rather fast. You did a good job of establishing that both characters had rather sordid pasts, so it didn't feel entirely out of the blue, but I felt it could have benefited from savoring their emotions a bit more. Don't be afraid to talk about what Suki's feeling as he watches Goku! The audience empathizes with what he's feeling. If he can't help but feel aroused from how she treats the would-be theives, that's something we can relate with. If Goku's being pushy, but he likes it, that's also fun to read about. Emotional details and what the characters are thinking as they fuck is just as important as describing the fucking.

Spelling/grammar wise, I didn't notice anything painful, but I did notice a few mistakes. You might benefit from an extra read-through before you post or from getting a proofreader. I might be able to help with that, if you're interested. But your story's flow and clarity was great. I never felt lost, and the conversations and action sucked me in. Great job!

Overall, I think this is a great start. Stay open to learning as you go along and I bet you'll be an excellent writer in no time. I know I'm really looking forward to reading more about these two!

I really like the world you’ve got going. My only criticism is that it seems like you’re rushing to get the ideas out of your head and onto the paper, so to speak. This chapter moved very quickly, and there were more than a few grammatical errors, though none of them were overly egregious. I would suggest having someone else edit before you publish it.

So this is just going to be a rewrite of the Hentai - Secret Journey, except the priest is a whore and Goku and presumably most other female characters are going to be hung?

I was initially inspired by the hentai but as I've dug into the manga THAT was based on and Journey to the West, the plot bunnies have been nibbling. There will probably be a lot of futa-on-male cause that's a fetish but I have a LOT of those, and a Journey to the West fanfic lends itself to indulging most of them.