Secret Pleasure

Lina kicked off her flats at the door, her ears at full attention. She kept her eyes on Nora, who was standing beside her near the door, zipping down her black ankle boots off in silence. For the past twenty minutes, her girlfriend was awfully silent, and that, along with the slight raise in her eyebrows, told Lina that a fight was coming.

I put my flats on the shoe rack, then walked to the kitchen to make coffee; our fight could go long. I came back with the tray that held two small coffee mugs. Nora was sitting on the couch, as expected, crossing one arm over her chest while she wiggled her long brunet hair around her finger, and crossing one leg over another, shaking her white-socked foot, her eyes coldly transfixed at the ground.

"So," I sighed, already eager to get this over with. I placed the coffee tray on the small table in front of Nora then sat on the couch beside her. "How was your day?"

My loving girlfriend rose an eyebrow and nodded, without looking at me, "Marvelous."

"That's nice to hear," I said, with no genuine interest. I wasn't really hoping to start a conversation, but to just wait for Nora to spit it out without having to crawl through the awkward silence. But it looked like the awkward silence was unavoidable, so I found my eyes wondering around the messy living room. My pants and long ankle skirts lying around on the backrest of the other couch, some dishes dirty on the table from our last night's dinner, and random items scattered all around, like my headphones and a ruffled ball of paper which I forgot its content. I remembered, it was Nora's day to clean, but I doubted Nora would take her chores seriously in her current state.

I took a sip of my coffee, saying with my lips over the rim. "Nice having you at work today by the way." I tried to push her further.

"Really?" she said, glancing my way briefly without turning her head. She pushed her brunet hair behind her ear and leaned in, grabbing her cup of coffee. "Not mad that I surprised you like that?"

"You didn't surprise me," I said immediately, hardly able to keep the aggressiveness out of my tone. Surprise implied I had been doing something wrong, and I hadn't been. "Do it every day if you like, you're welcome, I don't mind."

"Bet Anny would mind." She faked a smile before she sipped her coffee. "Don't wanna annoy your colleague."

"She doesn't mind."

"Yeah she does, she doesn't like me, she's made that clear."

"Well, you'll have to excuse my rude colleague, she doesn't feel that kindly towards girls who look at her like this..." I said before I looked at Nora and showed her an imitation of her unfriendly face, which consisted of my eyes narrowing slightly, one eyebrow raising over another, and my upper lip curling up in disgust.

I couldn't help but giggle at seeing her return the exact same face, before Nora shook her head and returned her face to natural, then said, "That's not funny."

"But you get the point." I nodded, controlling my giggles. "It's unwelcoming."

"Well I wouldn't be like that if she had some respect for boundaries."

"She does respect--"

She cut me off with a dismissive wave of her hand as she grimaced in irritation and looked away. I could only frown as I watched my girlfriend grow silent again. I waited patiently for her to move the discussion from her sorry excuse of jealously, and into the real reason she hated me having a job.

When we first moved in together, I welcomed Nora's idea that I didn't have to get a job, as her salary was good enough to support both of us. I liked the idea, for a time.

Relationships could be hard, that was a belief that I had been believing in more and more strongly in the last couple of years. In contrast to what I previously thought, love wasn't enough to have a happy relationship it seemed. Cause at the end of the day, I did love Nora, and there was no doubt in my mind that Nora loved me back.

But Nora was...difficult. Reasoning with her was a dream I had long ago abandoned. But since I couldn't just...let Nora have her way every time--knowing that would cause her growing even more thickheaded--I had to fight, and that was pretty much how our relationship had been going ever since we had moved in. Now, I was 25, with Nora only one year older than me--But for some reason Nora acted like there were ten years between us.

Maybe the one thing we fought about the most was who would wear the pants in our relationship. Nora was obsessive, bossy, loud and braggy, and even though I wasn't, I found myself over and over having to stand up to her aggressive attitude. Respect was an important thing in a relationship, and it seemed it wasn't always granted freely, peacefully. I knew that if I didn't do my best to stand up to her at every turn, it would only result in her growing more demanding, more controlling, more bossy and repulsive.

"I mean..." Nora said looking forward after a long silence. "Why is it that important for you to work. It's not like we need the extra couple of bucks you put on the table."

Here we fucking go. "They pay the bills," I said through gritted teeth. It wasn't an extra couple of bucks. But if there was one thing Nora liked to remind me of more than the fact that I didn't have a college degree, was how insignificant my meager salary was, compared to what her job as an Editor brought a year.

"Bills are already paid." She put a fake smile as she looked at me.

She was right, we could do without my salary. But it wasn't only about the money for me. I liked the freedom that my job provided. When we first started living together, Nora took care of everything: bills, rent, food, making me need for nothing, and it worked out just fine. But months into our new living arrangement, I realized it wasn't going to work.

Nora really had only herself to blame. I was a lazy person, too lazy. That was how hard she'd managed to push me; I gave up my right to laziness cause of her bullshit.

Whenever I wanted something, like a new pair of headphones, or new pair of jeans, or a new channel subscription, or anything that weren't absolutely necessary for my survival, I'd have to fight a war for it, starting with arguing and ending with us basically shouting at each other. It was always like, what's wrong with your headphones, they broke? Why, how? Oh my god you're so stupid, take care of your things. Jeans! Your jeans are fine, Torn? How many times have I told you not to bend like that...They're jeans Lina, they tear. I don't care, you can get two more months of use out of them, if I bring you a new one now you'll not treat it with care, you think I piss gold and silver or something? KFC! KFC! Why the hell do you want KFC for we have chicken and we have flour eggs and milk...matter of fact I'm starving, make us some. No cola, bad for the teeth.

It was true, that I always got all of what I asked for, but not once, had I got it without at least a twenty-minute fight, after which I would always be too mentally drained to even enjoy it. It wasn't like Nora was cheap; the hundreds of expensive gifts and take outs she used to give and take me on while we were dating in highschool and college had been a detriment to how generous she was, especially when it came to spoiling me. So, at least at the start, I had no idea why she acted that way.

So I had gone ahead and landed a job, started a career of my own, as a cashier in our local library.

I only felt how truly mentally draining that arrangement was after I received my first paycheck. That day, I held a big bunch of bills in my hand, and felt free, free to save that money, to buy a month salary's worth of chips, to buy a pair of jeans, then tear them, then buy a pair of jeans, then burn them.

That day, I went shopping without even telling her, and ordered a chicken bucket to-go on my way home. I came back home, swinging a pink new skirt and a cartoon bucket of fried chicken. While I sat alone in the kitchen, I was shocked at how much better it felt eating something I didn't have to beg; the food literally tasted richer, going down my throat with ease. When Nora came home from work and saw me eating, then saw the brand-new skirt I was boasting, she didn't say a word; she just...scoffed arrogantly, then went to change her clothes, snatching a chicken leg on her way in.

"Nora," I said, in a soothing, calming voice, as I scooched closer to my bothered girlfriend. "Even if...Even if--" I grunted at Nora who was still avoiding looking my way. "Look at me."

"What?" She turned around with a fake smile. "What?"

"Even if, Anny had...ominous intentions," I said, then gulped, doing my best to ignore the annoyed aggressive look that had overcome Nora's face. "Does that really matter...I mean, don't you trust me?" I asked, deciding to play along with her little game; I knew she wasn't really jealous. She just wanted me home to take care of her stupid chores and ask her for every cent. With how much Nora had been nagging me about quitting my job, along with being exhausted, I grew sad, realizing something new about the woman I loved.

Some people liked equal relationships. They didn't think that much about who wore the pants. Some people clung to those pants with their teeth, and I had been fortunate enough to have one of those people as a soulmate.

I had to admit, she did earn those pants, mostly. Nora took the car to the mechanic, and made sure they wouldn't bunk us out of an extra couple bucks, like the time when I took it. Nora took care of insurance and taxes, and any kind of paperwork that...in her words, was too complicated for me to understand. Nora cooperated with the police and the bank, when our account was hacked when I was dumb enough to click on a you-just-won-a-million-bucks email or this-is-how-you-make-a-million-bucks-in-two-days-and-a-half ad. Which wasn't dumb, I was an opportunist, I couldn't help it.

Even in the way she carried herself in public when we went out together, Nora made me feel safe. If tire exploded, Nora would change it, if we lost the road while driving to some distant location, Nora would calmly figure it out while I would whine and worry and lose my mind like a child, if some asshole cut in front of us while we waited in some line, Nora would punch him or shove him, or mutter at him if he was extra big.

And of course, the one responsibility for which I would forever be thankful, she got rid of those tiny, disgusting, shiny brown creatures...cockroaches, even though she always made sure to have a cruel laugh or two out of my phobia. Mostly, she'd just throw it out immediately, to get me to shut up and stop screaming more than anything else. But sometimes, if she was in the mood for some twisted fun, she'd chase me until I'd be trapped in the corner, and she'd hold the damn disgusting thing in her hand close to my face, and wouldn't throw it away until I had begged hard enough, usually making me kiss her hand a couple of times and thank her before finally throwing the damn thing out.

So yeah, Nora did earn her precious pair of pants, along with my gratitude, but...it was no excuse, to rub the point in my face over and over again. She didn't have to be mean about it, she didn't have to call me stupid and treat me like a child, even if I...EXTREMLY RARELY, acted like one. She had my gratitude, but apparently that wasn't enough.

So all I could do was fight, and stay alert to any of Nora's attempts to put me under her thump. It did get tiring at times, all the fighting and arguing, mentally exhausting. But my choices were limited. I could either bend to Nora's will, and be the little good housewife she was trying to make me, which would be hell, judging by the short two months I had lived following that arrangement. Second option would be leaving Nora, which would be...a hotter...version......of hell, or something.

This was my best friend since the third grade, and my girlfriend since Highschool, it was the girl I'd had all my firsts with, my first kiss, my first woohoo, and the girl I'd discovered my true sexuality with. We'd been together for almost half of our lives. Nora being a bit obsessed with authority wasn't going to change any of those things.

Nora looked at me, the screwing of her face growing a bit looser "...Of course I do." She said in a kind tone. "I know you're loyal, and that you'd never betray me... Intentionally."

"Intentionally?" My face screwed at the implication. "What does that mean?"

"I mean..." Nora shook her head. "Girls can be...devious I don't know. You get me?"

"Not really?" I pursed my lips, unable to help the defensiveness in my tone.

"You've never really been that..." She smiled awkwardly, as if waiting for me to understand the word without her having to say it.

"Are you calling me stupid?"

"See," Nora grinned and nodded. "You get me."

"Fuck you." I said as I scooched back to my side, eliciting a frown from Nora. Nora always did that, implied that I was like some...naïve child that could be jerked around and taken advantage of, which was simply not true.

"You're so sensitive," she said as she shook her head and stood up, like she'd gotten her fill. She stood in the middle of the living room for a while, before she looked around the messy apartment. "Why's the room this messy?" She put her hand on her hip, raising an eyebrow at me.

"It's your turn." I said in irritation, knowing she'd probably try to get out of it.

"Oh." She smiled. "Well I don't feel like cleaning today, I'm all tired from work. Cover for me today alright?"

I opened my mouth to protest, but didn't say a word. She did ask nicely, I thought. "Fine. But just thi--"

"No buts Lina, I'm not in the mood." She brushed me off, raising a hand as if to shut me up. "I'm going in for a shower, what do you wanna cook?"

"...Noodles?"

"Sounds great," she said. "Make it quick okay, I wanna eat when I get out."

"...Fine." I looked down at the ground as Nora made her way inside. I got up minutes later, tying my long blonde hair in a ponytail, then started tidying up the living room. It's not my day, I grimaced as the thought kept taunting me. Even now, Nora would find a way to...break the rules. The thought kept toying with my head reluctantly for a while.

But not for long, as I realized I was looking at this from the wrong angle. This was a tremendous improvement, compared to how things had previously been. Previously, having been the stay-at-home-maid, all the chores had been my responsibility. And Nora, having been the bossy bitch that she was, had made sure that I took that responsibility seriously. For some reason she thought that it was alright to boss me around. And just like the previous money situation, once I started looking, I managed to find the signs that Nora got some enjoyment out of it.

It had been normal for me to spend half an hour a day, running around, mopping windows and scrubbing floors, while Nora would lounge on her recliner with her feet up, and just order me around on how to clean. When I'd move to another room, she would follow, cause, apparently, I wouldn't know how to pick a fucking sock and shove it in the hamper if Nora wasn't above my head telling me to do it; I was an idiot who didn't have the mental capacity to perform trivial tasks without her help; Nora never said it, but she didn't have to say, she had that obnoxious ability to tell me how dumb I was, without actually saying it.

Was that problem solved, now that I had a job? not quite, but it was a glass half full. It was still a step in the right direction, away from Nora's demeaning vision for our relationship's future. That allowed a smile on my face as I walked around mopping my living room's floor.

The day proceeded, with me cleaning, then at night, lounging on the couch watching Netflix on my phone, resting my head against Nora's lap. We spent a lot of nights like this with the lights dimmed. Both of us in our pajamas, her working with her small laptop on one thigh and my head resting on the other. It worked out for both of us; it was just a way to spend time together even if she was busy with work. It was enough for me to feel the gentle touch of her fingers on my hair every now and then while I watched my show.

While I was scrolling to a new episode, a message arrived, causing my eyes to widen at seeing the sender.

Anny: Wazab 

Immediately, I tilted my head back slightly to look at Nora, who turned out to be focused on her work. Thank god, I sighed as I got up and sat straight on the couch, which caught Nora's attention who looked at me questionably.

"My...neck is a bit tender." I rubbed the back of my neck, as Nora nodded with a smile then returned her attention to her laptop.

Lina: Nothing much. Netflix.

I sent the message, then stared at my screen, a bit anxious at having to chat with Anny while Nora was sitting two feet away from me.

Anny: So you have nothing planned.

Lina: No. Why?

The anticipation felt weird. I and Anny never spent time outside of work, mostly because we usually spent most of the day together anyway. But the truth was, I wanted to hang out with her more. She was the closest resemblance I had to a friend, as I spent most of my time with the workaholic beside me. I had fun with Anny, not as much as with Nora, but she came in handy whenever Nora was busy, like now.

Another message came.

Anny: Will the mistress of the house let you out for the night. I'm here at the bar with some friends.

I snorted at the metaphor. I would've been offended, but Anny probably meant well. I smiled as I typed back:

Lina: You're speaking to the mistress of the house hun.

Anny: Yeah alright. I'm at the bar, wanna hang out a bit.

I exhaled a breath, as my limps shivered uncomfortably. My eyes glanced at Nora, who sat silently with her eyes glued to her laptop screen. There was no way she'd be happy about me going. She'd be pissed, mad. I shouldn't hurt her like that. Leaving her and going to hang out with Anny and a bunch of her friends would look like I was...leaving her and going to hang out with Anny and a bunch of her friends, which was bad, even without considering the fact that Nora hated the girl's guts, for whatever reason.

But we're not even doing anything. I pursed my lips. Nora was busy working, as she often was. It's not like I'll be ditching her.

Lina: Be there in twenty minutes.

I didn't have to wait long for the reply:

Anny: Wow...wasn't expecting that tbh. Okay honey, see you at the bar.

The text brought a frown to my face as I raised a blonde eyebrow at the screen. It was easy to see it as a joke when she tossed it the first time, but tossing it twice, what the fuck did she mean? Here goes nothing...

"Honey," I said in a bubbly drawling tone as I turned my head slowly towards Nora.

"Humm," Nora said, not taking her eyes of the screen.

"..." I thought about the best way to start this. "You busy?"

"What does it look like?" Nora giggled glancing at me then looking back at her screen. "Pretty much yeah."

"Cool." I nodded, then shuffled my butt on the couch in preparation. "I'll go swing by the bar for a couple of hours, Anny's there, so we'll have a couple of dri...nks...and...come..back...here--whaaaaaaay are you looking at me like this?" I shook my head at Nora's fuming glare. She looked at me as if I were strangling a puppy.

She shook her head, returning her face to normal, before she shuffled on her seat restlessly and propped her cheek on her knuckles. "She asked you out?"

"...She asked me..." I took a breath. "To hang out." I so wasn't ready for this to turn into one of her jealously acts.

Nora's brown eyes narrowed as she jerked her knee left and right with her slippered foot on the ground. "You wanna go?"

"...I mean....we're not doing anything--"

"We're hanging out!" She recoiled franticly, like she was explaining the obvious.