Secret Prayer Ch. 07

Gage gave Jarek and his brothers some space over the next few days to reconnect and find out if they were there for the right reasons or not. Besides, he had to balance trying to rest while still going to work. Gage hoped that Jarek's brothers would prove him wrong about this all being disingenuous, but only time would tell.

Addison sent a message to Gage to tell him that they were making a quick trip but she would message him soon to come see him. He didn't know what that meant, but was trying not to let himself worry. He was coming to hate these cryptic messages from family members. He realized now it left him feeling anxious and scared that he would have his entire world rocked again in just a few days. Rather than keep it inside though, he told Jarek later that night that while he appreciated everything Addison and them were doing, the cryptic "we'll be back" message made him freaked out.

Jarek considered that and responded that Gage didn't owe his family contact whenever they wanted. He suggested going no contact with the more problematic family members and letting the less difficult people know what his boundaries are. Gage thought that over for a while and agreed with him, so he sent Addison a message saying he'd like her to at least let him know she's okay because Craig's last messages to him were cryptic and he had some trauma with that.

Addison told him that she would be happy to do so, and kept him updated on their travel. From what he could tell, they were going back to Utah for a little bit, but then coming right back, though he couldn't think why they would need to. Jarek's brothers shared that they were only in town for a little over a week and then they had to get back to Texas but they hoped to reopen communication with him. They came over each day and didn't say too much that was problematic, though they never did convince him to go to church with them.

It was a week later, on a Saturday, that Addison told Gage they were back and wanted to come over in the afternoon. Once Gage checked with Jarek and Tate, he gave them the okay to come over. Jarek's brothers were leaving the next day so they were coming over later in the evening.

When Addison, Brett, and Marina showed up, they came with one of Brett's brothers and a uhaul truck. Gage wasn't sure what they were up to, but they backed up into the driveway and then Brett and his brother came around to open up the back of the truck. Gage's mouth dropped when he saw what they had done. Inside the back of the truck were all of Gage's dirt bikes and gear for them. This was all equipment that Gage had saved up for with Craig in order to be able to buy for himself.

There were some boxes in the back, as well, though Gage couldn't tell right off hand what they were holding. He was too focused on a bike that was sleek and painted in black and purple.

"Dad will kill you for this," Gage said as he shook his head. "My bikes are one thing, but Craig's?"

Brett brought that particular bike down and stopped next to Gage. "It has your name on it."

Gage gave him a surprised look and then came over to run his hand over the metal surface of the frame, looking at the "Gage Belford" that had been written there in silver lettering. It was Craig's handwriting. Gage swallowed hard as he processed that, tears stinging his eyes.

Jarek arrived home to see the moving truck in the driveway and panicked, thinking Gage's family had convinced him to move out. He came charging around the edge of the truck like a man possessed, anger evident on his face, and stopped short when he saw the bike. "Gage," he said, a little shakily, "however much candy they offered you, do NOT get into the van, ok?"

Gage looked over at Jarek, and now Jarek could see the tears in his bright green eyes. He took in what Jarek had said and then started laughing. "No candy being offered. Addison and Brett went to get a bunch of my things apparently. Including this. It was Craig's pride and joy. I think he loved this bike more than he loved us." Gage's voice broke on the last few words.

Jarek looked appreciatively at the bike, "I can see why. She's fancy. What is all this?"

"Most of it is Gage's bikes and gear for that, but we packed up some of his clothes, his yearbooks, and personal mementos that I know matter to him," Addison explained. "I thought it was best to grab them before mom and dad went back to Utah."

"If you don't have the room for it, then we can get a storage unit," Brett added. "But Gage deserves to not lose everything he worked hard to get."

Jarek had been living a fairly Spartan lifestyle up until he had found himself with roommates, so his garage was pretty empty. He opened the door and started organizing the few articles that had found their way into the garage over his time living there. With all of them working on it, it was quick work to get the bikes and boxes into the garage. Gage sat down to go through some of the boxes, sending the clothing inside the house.

There was a smaller box filled with things that came from Craig's room. A few books, an old pocket watch that was well taken care of, a journal, some trophies, and the little bit of jewelry that Craig wore constantly. While they looked through it, Gage told Jarek some stories of his brother, like how the pocket watch used to be their grandpa's, and about some of the games the trophies came from. There were photos of the two brothers in hockey and soccer gear that came along with the trophies. Gage always looked so young and excited in the photos while Craig had on his game face.

There was also a photo of Gage and all of his siblings where Gage had on his missionary uniform. It was clearly taken at some sort of party to see Gage off, as balloons were around and behind them. Jarek could see the resemblance between them all, especially the two brothers. Craig was just a little taller than Gage, with dark brown hair and brown eyes, but he had a similar build and his face looked like the two could have been twins.

Before long, Gage's family needed to return the now-empty moving truck and head back to the airbnb but as they were preparing to leave, the Phillips Brothers arrived. Addison watched as the whole gaggle of men got out of the car, and she whispered to Gage, "It's good Kayla isn't here. She'd already be flirting."

"The brothers could do better," Marina commented.

"You don't even know what they're like," Gage pointed out.

"Unless they're like Stalin, they could do better," Marina said firmly, and then she turned her attention to Jarek's brothers. "We were just finishing up here before we take the truck back and go to the Airbnb. I'm Marina, Gage's most amazing and wonderful cousin, and this is Addison, his sister, and her fiancé Brett. That there is Brett's brother, Cody." Marina smiled at Tate when he chuckled at her words.

"Pleasure to meet y'all, ma'am," Robert responded, actually tipping his hat. "I'm Robert, this is Alec, and they're Noah and Elijah. Even they don't know which is which."

"Nice to meet you," Marina replied back, then she turned to Jarek. "Wait, does this mean my cousin is dating a cowboy?"

"A reformed cowboy," Jarek answered, cutting Robert off from saying something.

"Aww, don't be too modest, Jarey!" Al said, with a wink at Gage. "We'll have the folks send his awards and buckles for proof."

"Cowboys have awards?" Addison asked. "Is that a rodeo thing?"

"Gen'rally," Noah said. "Buckles for rodeos, and awards for the 4H activities. He raised a calf every year since he was small and won ev'ry damn rodeo he entered, 'til he cracked his shin bone."

Gage looked over at Jarek, and Jarek could tell he was imagining that in his head. "I can't say I'm surprised by that, but it's cool learning new things about you. I have a ton of trophies in dirt biking and hockey myself." Then he said quietly to Jarek, "I wouldn't mind seeing you in just a cowboy hat sometime, though."

Jarek blushed at that, visibly flustered, making Gage grin because he loved how easily Jarek responded to him. They shuffled through the logistics of getting the Phillips boys into the house while navigating goodbyes from Marina, Addison, and Brett. Tate, his head spinning from the various introductions and well-wishes, had forgotten his news until they were seated around Gage's table in the living room. He had finally passed the entrance exams and would be starting at the university next semester in Engineering.

"Well look at you!" Gage cried. "Out here kicking ass and taking names!"

"Yeah, I texted my father to tell him and I think his head is still spinning from anger," Tate laughed.

"I'm proud of you," Gage told him, and Tate beamed like a kid being told by his big brother that he was proud of him. Jarek could see how both of the ex-Mormon boys had been growing up and changing, coming more into themselves and feeling comfortable both in his home and in their professional lives. They had the space to find themselves and figure out how they wanted their lives to go.

Then Gage turned his attention to the Phillips brothers. "So, you all go back home tomorrow. How do you feel about your visit here to our home?"

"It's been enlightening," Al allowed. "We'd still love to take news home that Jarey is concerned about the state of his soul, but we understand his position. Maybe it's something that time and experience will change. Either way, I'm happy to reconnect with my brother."

"Have you considered that Jarek feels that his soul is safe right now?" Gage asked. "My family wants to believe I'm doomed for being with him, but as I've told Jarek, I don't see what's so wrong with loving each other. We're living in a time period where Jarek and I could very well have children if we wanted to. It should be up to God to judge us later, and decide whether he blessed us for loving each other or not."

"Plus, I would think God would understand that sometimes his churches can get really toxic," Tate pointed out. "Holy men are still humans, and they can do terrible things. Surely God is not okay with men in the church touching children, right?"

Robert addressed Gage first, "To be honest, we all came here not caring much what Jarey felt so long as he toed the line for the parents but meeting you and seeing y'all together has been eye-opening. I don't presume to decide what God can judge or how He may do that.

"As for holy men being human, that has never been up for debate. They certainly are and if Jarey ever told us who touched him..."

"Right, murder and all of that," Tate agreed. "Which is why he probably never will, more to protect you than the man who did it."

"Well, I'm glad you got to see what Jarek's 'choices' actually look like, rather than just assuming," Gage replied. "I know for a fact that if not for your brother, I would have died on my mission, and I don't mean that metaphorically. And while he's certainly not asking for your permission to be himself, having family standing behind you can sometimes be life and death in our community."

The four brothers nodded thoughtfully, not committing to anything but beginning to understand things a little differently. One thing the brothers could see from their interactions with Gage was that he would willingly put himself in harm's way to protect their baby brother, which was more than they could have expected and wanted for their brother and the person who loved him.

Gage looked over at Jarek and smiled warmly at him, taking Jarek's hand in his own. Gage's green eyes twinkled as he looked at Jarek. Just then, Jarek's phone started vibrating rapidly, its staccato buzzing clearly from more than one message. Gage let go of Jarek's hand to let him check his phone.

Jarek stared at his phone, the look on his face one of utter disbelief and shock, for a long moment before turning the screen so that only Gage could see it. On it was a long text from someone starting off with an apology about never contacting him again followed by the news that the person had HIV and recommending that Jarek get checked out. Gage stared at the text slack jawed, unsure what to say or feel. His body suddenly felt cold and he turned his eyes back to Jarek as he started to calculate what they would need to do to make sure Jarek was safe.

Jarek, meanwhile, was mostly panicking at the thought that he may have inadvertently passed something dangerous onto Gage with that one night that they had done things raw. "We have to go to the clinic," He blurted, then remembered that his brothers were visiting. "Uh, sorry y'all, we've gotten some difficult news and we've got to follow up on it."

Every one of the Phillips boys looked concerned but they nodded. One of the twins asked, for the first time on this trip using their brother's actual name, "What's going on, Jarek?"

Gage made a mental note that it was good to know they knew how to pronounce that K. He looked to Jarek though, as it was more his news to tell even if it included his own health too. No one there should be surprised by the fact that Gage and Jarek were having sex with each other. They'd had sex since that first time they went raw by accident, with Gage becoming more accustomed to topping Jarek now, taking to it like a fish to water. They had used condoms every other time since then, but the risk was still there. It was possible to spread something with just one time.

Jarek looked down at his phone, then looked at Robert. "An ex just told me he tested positive for an STI, so for our own safety, Gage and I have to get tested."

Tate looked at Gage then, knowing far more about safe sex than Gage had when they met, and asked, "Is this one of them that you test once and you're good, or is waiting six months better?"

Gage considered that, well aware the brothers were watching and listening. "Waiting is usually better, but Jarek hasn't had another partner besides me for months now. So, we might need to test again in three months' time."

That told Tate everything he needed to know, and so he nodded his head solemnly. The brothers shuffled out the door, already discussing among themselves their concern for their baby brother and when they could check back in with him. Gage turned and pulled Jarek to him, hugging him tightly.

"It'll be okay," Gage whispered to him. "No matter what the outcome, we'll deal with it together, like we have everything else."

"You say that, but most relationships don't survive this," Jarek nearly whined. "What happens if I'm positive and you're not? We can't keep risking your health."

"If you're positive, and I'm not, then we find a good doctor that helps us manage medications until your viral levels are almost non-existent," Gage replied. "And during that time, I'll get onto PrEP and we'll make sure we never forget condoms. We both just got a little ahead of ourselves the first time we actually made love. I get really good health insurance through my work, and I'm sure if we need to figure out good health insurance for you, the Foundation can help us with that."

Gage backed away from Jarek enough that they could look at each other and he gently tipped Jarek's head up so he could look him in the eyes. "I love you, Jarek. And that's not a small thing for me. We will get through this together."

"I just feel so terrible," Jarek said. "Your parents were right about me."

Gage's jaw clenched at that. "In what way are they right?"

"I'm just a bad influence," Jarek answered.

"Jarek Phillips, your influence has saved my life," Gage told him. "In more ways than one, too. There's nothing wrong with having a slut phase, there's nothing wrong with being free with your body. On top of that, you've done everything you could to be safe. Mistakes happen though, and humans are fallible. You're one of the best people I know, and nothing could make me believe otherwise."

Jarek nodded, then seemed to shake off his mood, hugging Gage tightly. "I love you too, by the way," he said.

Despite everything going on, Gage smiled at that as he hugged Jarek back. It was a wondrous thing to hear the man he loved say he loved him back. Gage kissed him in response, and they only broke apart again when Tate cleared his throat to get their attention. Tate pointed toward the door and Gage grinned at him before putting his shoes on and waiting for Jarek to get ready.

At the clinic, they both checked in to be seen, meaning they ended up alone in their own rooms eventually to speak with the doctors to explain what was going on. There were a few ways to test for HIV, all of them involving blood tests. The doctor had them go get blood drawn for the test that took longer to come back, and then had their fingers pricked for the antigen test, which came back within 20 minutes. Those ones were both negative, but they would need to wait at least two weeks for the results of the other test.

The whole experience was a little jarring for Gage though. He had never gone to a clinic like this for testing before. Each man was tested for other STIs as well, just to be safe, which was far from a pleasant experience. Gage seemed more subdued when they met up again after everything, but he took Jarek's hand to remind him they were still in this together, even if the testing was sobering. Jarek was pretty used to the experience, but even he was quiet as they reunited. It was one thing to be tested prophylactically, and quite another to be tested when the outcome was so terrifying.

They weren't intimate much during the waiting period, and Gage made sure he didn't push that. Each night, though, he made sure that they spent some time in bed cuddled up together, because Gage wasn't going to let Jarek completely pull away from intimacy.

Gage confided in Marina about what was going on too, as she had an ex cheat on her and went through something similar as far as testing and scary waiting periods went. He didn't feel comfortable talking about it with Addison and Brett because they couldn't relate and he didn't want to alienate the little family that stood by him.

It was easy to talk to her alone too because she was coming over more often during the evening when Tate was back from work. There seemed to be a romance sprouting there, and Gage didn't know what to think about it. He didn't want to cockblock either of them, but he also was worried about what may happen if it went badly. In the end, he decided to let them figure it out without him interfering. He would handle it later if they dated and then broke up.

It didn't surprise Gage a week later when after they wished Marina goodnight, Tate sat down on one of the chairs, silently looking between Gage and Jarek for a moment, looking like he wanted to talk. "Marina is going back to school next semester, just like I'll be starting school."

Gage looked up from the wood pieces he was gently carving. "Yeah, she mentioned her and her mom had been working to get her the right accommodations at school for her disabilities so she could go back. Why? Thinking of going to school on the east coast?"

"No, but she did mention that she might consider transferring everything here..." Tate said, trying hard to sound casual about it all.

Gage had to suppress a smirk and looked at Jarek, who rolled his eyes silently. "I mean, I'm always happy to have my cousin around. She's a great person and very funny and creative and wonderful. I didn't know that you were so invested in it though."

"Right, so I'm not subtle," Tate replied.

"Not even a little bit," Gage agreed. "Are you trying to ask me if I'm okay with it?"

"I mean, you and Jarek are basically the only friends I have," Tate said, looking down at the ground. "Which...probably sounds really pathetic right now."

Jarek clapped him on the shoulder good-naturedly. "Just don't replace your faith with a constant chase for validation through sex or relationships like I did."