Seduction Ch. 04: Wingman

"Kathy, if your feelings for him are so strong that you can't resist him, then we don't belong together. I can't watch over you all the time. I can't go to Marcie's wedding, say, and be afraid that if I go to the bathroom you'll be gone when I come out. And there's nothing to stop him from calling you at work and asking you to take the afternoon off. Hell, you said he lives nearby -- you could leave work a bit early and stop by his place for a quickie, and I'd never know! Somehow, you have to convince yourself that you can resist him every time. Then, just maybe, you can find a way to convince me."

"You're right, honey. I'll find a way, and I promise that if I fall, I'll tell you right away and just walk out of your life. But I'm sure I won't."

Tom shook his head. "Don't be so sure. After all, you said you didn't feel guilty until you were caught. That tells me that you didn't think fucking him was so very wrong. Like it's no worse than cheating on your diet -- you know you shouldn't, but if someone offers you a slice of cake, you might just say, 'Why not? I'll make it up later.' Maybe you think you've learned your lesson, but what lesson did you learn? Don't do it, or don't get caught?"

"No, honey, I knew it was wrong. Driving home last week, I kept wondering why I wasn't feeling guilty. I guess I was just too caught up in the fairy tale. Believe me, I feel guilty now."

I lifted my left hand. "I remember the day you put your engagement ring on my finger. At the time, it was the happiest day of my life. I remember they joy I felt whenever I looked at it, or showed it to my friends. When you slipped the wedding band on me, I knew I had found my partner for life. And now they're gone. I can't bear to see my finger like this, honey. I'll wear the band that my grandmother gave me just before she died. That ring will hide my sin from other people, but for me it will be a sign of my guilt. It will remind me that I am married and need to behave like it. Every time I look at it, I'll remember what I lost, and what I need to do to win it back someday. I see you're still wearing your ring. Thank you, honey."

He looked at his ring, and said sadly, "I'm not like you, Kathy. I can't just decide not to love you for a while, then put my ring back on and go back to loving you. I still love you, even if I'm not sure we can stay married. The day I realize I don't love you anymore, I'll take it off and never put it back on."

I broke down at that. When I stopped crying, I looked at him and said, "I'm so sorry, honey. I never meant it that way, but you're right. The last three Fridays I took my rings off when I left home. All the time the rings were off, I never even thought about you. I didn't act like a married woman. Then I put them back on, and everything would be just as it had been. I was so wrapped up thinking about Alex last night that I forgot to put them back on. I swear, honey, if you ever put your rings back on my finger, I'll never take them off again.

"I can't change the past. Instead, I'm going to work my way back into our marriage. I have a two-step plan. First, I will become the wife I should have been all along. That will be the easy part. All I have to do is think of how much I love you and Jimmy, and everything will come naturally. The second step is the hard part. I have to find a way to make you fall in love with me again. Truthfully, honey, I have no idea how I'm going to do that.

"I want to spend today with Jimmy. I want to take him to the playground, and then to lunch at that pizza place. You're welcome to join us. Afterwards, I'll bring him back for his nap and sing him to sleep. While he naps, I'll move my things into the guest room and then I'll go grocery shopping so I can make us a nice meal tonight.

"Honey, that's my plan, but I'm open to suggestions. What do you think?"

"I think it's great that you want to spend time with Jimmy. Even if we separate, you should still be in his life. I'll go with you today, mostly because I'm not sure how he'll react if I'm not there. After that, we'll see."

It was awkward at first, but it went rather well. We could focus on Jimmy, and for a while we could forget our problems. We even laughed at his antics, although it was bittersweet for me, as I realized what I had been missing. We enjoyed the pizza, but I didn't get to sing him to sleep as he passed out on the way home.

Moving my stuff to the guest room was the most painful chore I've ever had to do. Tom offered to help, but I told him this was part of my penance. Every armful of clothing had a memory -- a dress I wore on our honeymoon, the expensive jacket Tom bought me just because I admired it in a store window, the dress I wore when we went dancing on our first anniversary, the boots from when we went hiking in Colorado. Then I broke down when I saw the dress I wore when I met Alex. I took the three dresses I wore for my times with Alex and set them aside. They will go to Goodwill - I will keep only the clothes that bring me happy memories of my time with Tom.

When I finished, I collapsed on the bed and let myself sob for a good five minutes, then forced myself to get up. I gathered the clothes I was taking to Goodwill, and walked to the car. Tom saw the tears streaming down my face and said, "Kathy, you don't have to..."

"Yes, Tom," I interrupted. "Yes, I do."

When I got back, I worked in the kitchen like a madwoman. I made lamb chops, rice pilaf and sautéed broccoli. For dessert, I baked brownies. The meal went over well, but the big hit was the dessert. I served each of us a brownie with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top and chocolate sauce drizzled over everything. Jimmy loved it. He made a big mess with the ice cream and the sauce, and Tom was laughing as he took his picture, chocolate all over his face while he intently spooned up the ice cream.

Of course, I had to give Jimmy a bath right away. I put him into his pajamas and carried him into the living room. I saw Tom had cleared the table and started the dishwasher. "What a good man," I thought. "How could I have done what I did to him?"

I sat Jimmy on my lap, and he looked up at me. "Mommy," he said. "Why are you sad?"

I hugged him and said, "Oh, honey, I'm not really sad. It was such a nice day, and now it's over."

"But we can do it again," he stated.

"I hope so, honey. I really, really hope we have many more days like today."

"Me too," he said.

I started to sing to him, a lullaby that my mother used to sing to me. When I finished, Jimmy said, "You sing nice, Mommy."

"Thank you," I said. "I guess I haven't been singing much lately."

"Why?"

"I don't know. Sometimes, as people get older, they just stop singing. They forget how wonderful it is. But I promise, I'm going to remember from now on."

"Good," he said. "Sing some more."

I sang a few more songs, and noticed he was asleep. Tom came and picked him up. I followed with tears in my eyes as he carried him to the bedroom and put him in his bed. As he tucked him in, he gave him a kiss on the forehead. I smiled and did the same, and we quietly left the room.

"Tom," I sobbed. "Thank you for today. I saw what I had been missing, and what I should have been doing all along. I know I'm not your favorite person now, so I'll go to my room. Remember, you're always welcome there, to talk, to yell at me, to cuddle -- anything. Good night, honey. Believe it or not, I love you."

The next months passed by slowly. We fell into a routine. I got up early every day, fixed us a nice breakfast and made an extra effort cooking dinner. We would alternate tucking Jimmy in; Tom would read to him and I would sing. But there was no sign of affection from Tom. I would see him smile at Jimmy, and remember when he would look at me like that. I wondered if he ever would again.

We never talked about what I had done. What more was there to say? After we put Jimmy to bed, we might watch some TV in silence, I would tell him I was sorry, that I loved him, then go to my room and try to figure out how I had made such a mess of my life. Tom joined me there, sometimes, and for a moment my hopes would soar. But he would just talk about household things. Then he would leave, and my heart would break all over again.

I felt so alone. Tom had been my rock, the one person I could always turn to. I couldn't even talk to Marcie -- I didn't want her to know what I had done. After all, Alex was Jason's friend. If she knew he had seduced me, and perhaps destroyed my marriage, it would definitely cause problems for them. She was practically living with Jason now, and they were talking marriage. As I expected, she asked me to be her maid of honor, if and when. Then she chuckled and said, "I guess that should be matron of honor, right? I mean, since you're married."

I said, "No, 'matron' sounds too frumpy, and we're the same age. I'll be your 'maid.'" It was all I could do to keep a smile on my face as I thought how appropriate 'maid' would really be.

I started seeing a psychologist, so I would have someone to talk to. He did help, though. While not trying to minimize my role in all this, he got me to see how cleverly I had been manipulated. Alex's "I always let the woman make the first move" was total bullshit. A man as attractive as he is could always charm a woman into making a small move. I realized that, after Marcie left, I had given Alex a quick kiss, like I might have given someone on New Year's Eve, even if Tom were standing right there. Then he gave me a much bigger one, and it felt really good. That's when I should have realized the danger I was in. I was letting a man turn me on. When I kissed him after the contest, he held me tight and when I responded as I did, I was his for the taking. I made a serious error in judgement when I went into his house when I was feeling sexually excited, but once I was inside, I really didn't have much of a chance.

He could understand my lack of guilt feelings immediately after the event. I was still caught up in the euphoria, and then in the anticipation for the following week. Getting caught had made the guilt come crashing down all at once.

He wanted me to embrace the guilt, as it would keep me from doing it again, either with Alex or someone else. But not to let it make me feel like I was a bad person. I was a good person who made a bad mistake, but had the power to not repeat it. The guilt would remind me that I was not invulnerable.

The psychologist agreed with Tom that I had to be able to see Alex on a social basis without dropping my panties. But he cautioned, "Don't tempt the devil. Don't think you can go alone to his house, or get in his car or go out to dinner with him. In fact, don't even have intimate phone conversations. You mustn't underestimate your adversary. He may very well try again."

Sure enough, after just three months Marcie and Jason were engaged, with the wedding only a month away. It was going to be a small wedding, with just a best man (Alex), a maid of honor (me) and about thirty guests. Still, they wanted to have a rehearsal with dinner, and a reception at a small hall. On the night of the rehearsal, I asked Tom to go with me. Jimmy was spending the next two nights at Mom's. "No," he said. "I'm not part of the wedding party. This is your test. You have to find out if you can be with Alex without swooning. If you can't, then we'll know to move on with our lives. We can't live like this much longer."

As I got ready to go, I told Tom, "Honey, you're right. I need to give him a chance to seduce me. I have to prove to you, and to myself, that I can resist him. I'm sure I can, but I fell before. I'm scared."

"Good," he said. "It means you'll be careful. Here's a little incentive." He came to me and gave me a kiss. It was just a peck, but I sobbed and hugged him. It was the first kiss he had given me in almost four months. Hell, it was the first time he had touched me.

The rehearsal went well, and I sat next to Alex at the dinner. He was charming, of course; I smiled at him and was able to act casually around everybody. I can't say I felt comfortable, but I could look at Alex and not feel my heart pounding or my pussy getting wet. It helped to see Marcie glowing with happiness. When the dinner was over, Alex asked if I could take him home.

"Don't you have your car? How did you get here?" I asked.

"I had to drop my car off at the dealer, and they gave me a ride in their van. I figured you could give me a ride, since we live so close."

Well, that was pretty transparent. I remember my therapist warning me not to get in his car. But in my car, I would at least have control. I still had to find out if I could resist him. To do that, I had to at least give him a chance. So far, this evening had not been much of a test. Sitting near Marcie, he couldn't even flirt with me. "Sure," I said.

We got into my car and he selected his address from my GPS. I wondered why I hadn't deleted it. At the first red light, he slid his hand under my skirt, rubbed my thigh and said, "I must tell you that the last evening we spent was truly spectacular for me. Your body was so beautiful in the evening sunlight. I still dream about the naked dancing, making love at sunset -- well, all of it. Was it as special for you?"

He gently massaged my thigh as I started driving again. "Yes, Alex," I sighed. "It was truly spectacular for me, too. That was the best evening of sex I've had; possibly the best I will ever have. I must admit that you got into my head, too."

"Kathy, great sex is not about a big cock and lots of stamina. It's about stirring emotions. It's what turns a physical act into an act of love."

"So do you make love to all your women?"

"I always try to make it special for them," he chuckled. "But let's not talk about them. They're in the past. We should remember the wonderful times we had, but focus on the present and our future."

I stopped at another red light, and he pulled my face toward him and kissed me. His kiss was warm, tender and gentle. His fingertips traced small circles on the inside of my thigh, sending tingles through my body. Suddenly, everything became clear, and I knew what I had to do.

The light turned green, and I moved his hand away. I smiled and said, "I can honestly say that night changed my life. You see, my husband found out about it. It seems that while we were rutting away, Marcie called and asked to speak to me. He talked to her and figured out I had probably gone home with you the week before, and was certainly with you that evening."

"So, what did you tell him?"

"I told him the truth, of course. What was I going to say? That I lied to him about going to a dance club so that you could take me to your church for their Bingo night?"

"And he forgave you?"

"No, he didn't. We're barely holding it together. I'm afraid we're probably heading for a divorce. I've been trying to redeem myself, but it's been a struggle. I have to prove to him that I can be trusted, and how the hell can I do that?"

He turned to me and asked, "Is it that bad? You're still living together, aren't you?"

"We have a little boy to take care of. He hasn't filed for divorce yet, but there's no sign of affection from him, he hardly talks to me and I'm sleeping in the guest room, so yeah, it's bad."

We drove in silence for a while. Then I said, "You're going to meet Tom tomorrow at the wedding reception. He is a very good man, a true gentleman. I know you must have a lot of experience keeping a straight face while meeting the husbands of women you've fucked. Make sure you do that tomorrow. If you give him an 'I fucked your wife' smirk, it will not go well for you."

"If he touches me, I'll bust his ass and throw him in jail!"

"Oh, he won't hit you. He has a very even temper. Just trust me on this."

We pulled into his driveway. He put his hand back on my thigh, and asked, "You're not even having sex?"

I had to chuckle at such an obvious ploy. I moved his hand away and said sarcastically, "No, Alex, you can take pride in knowing that you're the last man who's fucked me."

"I'll bet you can spend an hour with me tonight without arousing suspicion. I'm sure I can give you memories to rival the ones from that night."

I laughed. "I'm sure you could give me some great sex. But my husband can give me that and so much more. Tom is a real man. He takes his responsibilities seriously. He always puts me and our son first. He deserves a faithful wife, and I want to be that for him. You're just a boy, playing a game, heedless of the harm you're causing. Grow up, Alex. Find yourself a woman you can care for; whose happiness is more important to you than how many notches you have on your bedpost."

"And if you could be that woman?"

"Very tempting," I said sarcastically. "But the fact that you're hitting on a married woman tells me you aren't there yet."

He chuckled. "I suppose you're right. But, still, you must be getting very frustrated. Are you sure you can't come in for a few minutes? I can at least help you take the edge off."

"That's very considerate of you, but I think I'll manage. Another roll in the hay with you will destroy any chance I have."

"Even if he doesn't know?"

"I'll know. See you tomorrow, Alex."

As he stepped out, he gave me a wink and said, "I think I can get you to reconsider. Until tomorrow!"

I walked into our house and Tom was waiting for me. "How did it go?"

"I passed the test. Come up to my bedroom in a few minutes and we can talk about it."

Things had slowly been getting a bit better between us. At first, he would look at me with a look of utter disgust. Lately, it had become a look of sadness. His emotions were fading, but which was fading faster, his anger or his love? I took comfort in that he had given me a little kiss, and he had never taken off his wedding ring. Small comforts, to be sure. Still, I felt empowered to push a little bit. I went to the bedroom, took off all my clothes, got into bed and pulled the covers up to my neck. A few minutes later, Tom came in.

"Thank you for your incentive, honey. It really helped; it gave me hope that we may still have a chance. Now, give me a little reward," I said. "Lie down under the covers with me. You don't have to touch me, if you don't want to, but I want to talk to you like this. I hope that someday we can have all our serious discussions like this."

Tom chuckled and said, "Okay. Let me take off my shoes."

"Take off all you want. I'm naked here, completely bare, body and mind. I want you to know that I am hiding nothing from you."

Tom took off his shoes and jeans, and laid down under the covers in his t-shirt and boxers. I described the evening up until Alex asked me to drive him home. "He obviously had set it up so I would have to give him a chance to seduce me. My therapist had warned me not to get into his car, but I realized that I hadn't really been tested, and it would look awkward for me to refuse. I knew it was dangerous, but I had to let him try, to see how I would react. And anyway, in my car, he couldn't refuse to get out if I asked him to. I could just drive home and leave him in the car to find his own way home.

"On the way, he turned on the charm. He squeezed my thigh and went on about how wonderful that night was, and how he could give me even greater experiences. I played along, and told him it was great for me too, and that he had gotten into my head. He told me that he always worked on a woman's emotions, and that's what made it so great.

"At the next red light, he pulled me toward him and gave me a long, tender kiss. That kiss made everything clear. Yes, it sent a tingle through me. But the little peck you gave me as I was leaving affected me so much more. His promised an hour of pleasure, while yours gave me hope; for the first time in months, I had a glimpse of a lifetime of happiness.