Seeing the Signs

"Nonsense, Jan. Please stop crying. We'll get to everything that's bothering you and work it out. Let's start with what you told me about being tired all the time and losing your enthusiasm for life. How long has this been going on?"

"Oh, Vic; it started toward the end of last month. It was not too bad. This month has been different. It just gets worse each day."

"You mentioned that you have lost interest in sex. Has that been during the same time frame?"

"I noticed it a little bit last month. There were a couple of times when I was not in the mood, but Brad was patient with me and eventually, I came around.

Like I mentioned, this month has been different. I'm never in the mood. But here's the thing that I don't understand; it seems to be just with Brad! Like I told you, my body has been responding to a new, young guy at work. Just looking at him causes me to tremble. How can that be when I've lost interest in sex with Brad? Vic, I'm so humiliated about this. I love Brad. He's my whole world. Why can't I respond to him?"

Reluctantly, I tell her about my "firsts" and how ashamed I am of each one of them. I manage not to shed any more tears, but she can tell that I'm devastated.

"I think I know what we're dealing with here, Jan. To be sure, however, I need to do some tests.

"First, I'm going to have Monica come in and take you to an exam room. You will need to undress and put on your favorite garment, the famous green gown."

She knows how much I hate those things, but she's trying to lighten the mood.

"Then, it will be 'feet in the stirrups and assume the position,' while I check out your equipment. Relax and let me do the worrying. You just let it go and trust me. We'll fix this, Jan. We'll get things back to normal. You can bet the farm on it. Wait here for Monica. I'll see you in the exam room." She hugs me again before she leaves.

My equipment checks out fine. Vic seems happy about that. Next stop, the lab and the extraction of about a pint of my blood, or so it seemed. Then, back to the exam room to wait for Vic's verdict.

Vic is soon there explaining that it will be next week before she knows the results of the lab tests. "This is Friday, Jan, so I hope to have the results early next week; probably on Tuesday.

"In the meantime, I'm going to give you some samples of a mild antidepressant that I think will give you some relief." She handed me the sample packages and a glass of water.

"Take one now and then take one each morning. I'll give you a call when we have your labs back. I'll tell you right now, I think that menopause has caught up with you. Admittedly, you're getting a bit of an early start, but it's not all that rare for a woman to begin getting symptoms at your age. It can cause all of the problems that you're experiencing.

She sees the worried look on my face. She holds my hand saying, "Not to worry, it's very fixable. We'll know what to do as soon as we have your lab results."

"But Vic, I would have expected to lose all interest in sex if I had that kind of problem. Why would I lose interest in Brad, but not in the young guy I told you about? His name is Steve, by the way."

I tell Vic everything that I've found out about Steve. I tell her exactly how my body has been reacting to just seeing him. I stress how ashamed I am about that reaction.

"Jan, you know that I'm not a psychiatrist, but I know from experience with my patients that this happens to many women entering menopause. As you will remember from that class we had with Professor Garland, we are all born with a basic program. One of the strongest features of our built-in program is to ensure the survival of our species; most notably, it drives us to have children.

"As we sense that our time of productivity is running out, some of the older, baser parts of the program can get activated. One of these is the part that seeks to diversify the gene pool as a mechanism for survival. That's why some of us are attracted to a new person at the very point in our life when we should be enjoying our new freedom with our longtime spouse in our empty nest.

"Modern medicine allows us to bypass those ancient instructions in our program. The tool we use is hormone replacement. Hopefully, your labs will tell us exactly what we need to do for your particular case.

"Another powerful tool that you can use, is your mind. Your mind can make it possible to bypass that part of your program. One very effective step is to see the new with the old. Do a comparison with your mind, not your feelings.

"I would encourage you to invite Steve to a family function this weekend, if at all possible. From what you've told me, he's probably lonesome and would welcome some home-cooked food and a bit of socializing. You need to see Brad and Steve together. I know that sounds crazy, but it will help your mind draw a line that needs to be drawn. Watch them together, not with the narrow eye of desire, but with the all-seeing eye of your mind.

"Steve will no longer be a mystery man. He will no longer be a secret that causes you to feel both excited and guilty. I know that you think it's stupid and maybe even risky, but it's a proven technique in situations like what you are experiencing. You may not believe a word of this, Jan, but just give it a try.

"Watch the two of them together. Think about both of them. That's the key, thinking instead of feeling. Please do it. Do it for Brad. Do it for yourself.

"In the meantime, take your antidepressants. Level with Brad if you don't feel like having sex. Tell him that you've seen me and that I'm going to help you fix the problem. Brad is a smart and perceptive man. He'll understand.

"I'll call or message you when we have your labs back. Then, we'll take the appropriate steps to get you on an even keel. Try not to worry. Trust that we'll get everything solved. We will, Jan."

I had high hopes that Vic would be able to help me, but I must admit that I have many misgivings about getting Steve and Brad together.

I decide that it will probably not happen. I'll just cross my fingers and hope that the antidepressant pills do some good.

Just minutes after I arrive at work and enter my office, Steve is at my door asking if I've had lunch. When I say that I didn't stop for lunch, he grabs my hand and leads me towards the Hilton. I could get used to this treatment!

When we finish yet another very pleasant Hilton lunch, it's time to start our testing. We had a late lunch due to my appointment with Victoria, so we walk straight down the hall to the Convention Center.

At 3 pm sharp, we are there and ready to test. Steve has his equipment in place and the adapters are installed and ready. He plugs my devices into the adapters and we begin our test run.

Everything works fine except the computer displays are going blank intermittently. Steve double-checks for bad connections. He tries new cables. He tries changing the configuration of the adapters. After an hour of trying things that don't work, he decides to call an expert at the Pentagon. The expert is in a meeting, but his secretary says that she'll have him call as soon as he's available.

In the meantime, I decide to act on what Vic had said. I ask Steve what he has planned for the weekend.

He seems a little surprised, but he tells me that a group from his unit is going to the baseball game on Saturday. He says, "The Nationals are playing close by and the Hilton folks wrangled some tickets for us. We're going to the game to root for them. We may not be too popular with the local fans, but since we are going in uniform, maybe they'll cut us some slack."

It dawns on me that I have never seen him in uniform. I'm looking forward to that!

He doesn't have any plans for Sunday, so I bite the bullet and ask him if he would like to come to our house for a cookout. He can meet my family and have a delicious grilled burger.

I'm trying to kill two birds with one rock. I'll be able to follow Vic's suggestion and Brad will be able to see that Steve is not the big bad wolf.

"We are having a cookout and Brad is fantastic with his grill. You'll love his burgers."

"I appreciate the offer, Janet, but I know that you reserve weekends for your kids and Brad. I don't want to interfere with your family time."

"Nonsense, we would love to have you. Everyone would like to meet you. You won't be interfering with anything."

"If you're sure that it's alright, I would love to come. What can I bring?"

"Just bring yourself, Steve. We have everything that we need. All we are missing is you. Let me write down the directions on how to get to our house."

"Just give me the address, Janet. I'll have Siri give me directions."

"OK, Steve. I keep forgetting that we're living in a high-tech world."

As he was thanking me for the invitation, his phone starts playing a Sousa march. Steve answers his phone. In just a few minutes, his expert has figured out the problem and Steve has the equipment working perfectly.

We finish our test run. Everything goes as smooth as silk. We're looking good for our joint presentation.

Then, along comes temptation. Steve asks if I would like to stop by his room for a celebratory drink. If this had happened yesterday, I might have made a life-changing decision. Thankfully, my talk with Vic is still fresh in my mind.

"I appreciate the offer, Steve, but I need to get back to the office and let Harry know that we are 'go' for our combined presentation. Also, I need to get ready for the arrival of our 'weekend hurricane' known as 'the kids.' I'm glad you got the equipment working and I look forward to seeing you Sunday."

As I drive home, I know that I have dodged a bullet. I wonder again what would have happened had I accepted his invitation. A drink in his room! What could possibly go wrong, right?

I also think about what my husband had told me about those "pretty-boy-skirt-chasers." I'd better remain cautious. Truthfully, Steve hadn't subjected me to any pressure whatsoever. He had accepted my refusal without any argument or attempted persuasion.

I'm running about an hour and a half late. I'd called Brad earlier and told him that I was stuck at work. I arrived home just before the kids drove in.

I'm feeling a little better. Are the pills working already? Maybe it's just the placebo effect. Maybe it's because of my conversation with Vic. Probably, it's because when I was tested, when I had a chance to act on my fantasies, I didn't accept Steve's invitation. When push came to shove, I was strong enough to resist temptation. Maybe there is hope for me yet.

Whatever it is, I'm very happy to see the kids. It's so good for us to be together again with me feeling almost normal, for a change.

I'm especially proud of myself for not accepting Steve's invitation! Has all of this nonsense just been due to depression? I don't have an answer, but I don't need one. I'm thoroughly enjoying my family for the first time in quite a while. I feel good. I feel happy.

BRAD:

This turns out to be a really busy day at work. We get three new engineering projects, plus we have a lot of meetings for a Friday.

Finally, just before quitting time, I have enough time to call PI Ray Sampson. He says he was getting ready to call me. He has a name for me. "The name is Steve Snow. He's a 29-year-old army captain. She had lunch with him yesterday at the Hilton. They left the office just past noon and returned just before 2 pm. That is a pretty long lunch."

He tells me that he did some scouting and saw them sitting across from each other in a booth. Later, they were joined by another couple. At that point, each couple sat together in the booth. "I have pictures of your wife sitting very close to Steve. I also have a picture of them holding hands. He seems to be making a point of showing her wedding rings to the other couple. It is as if he's bragging about being with a married woman."

So, now I know the conversation we had about her "lunch date" didn't change her behavior one bit. After our conversation, she had lunch with him again the next day! I wonder if she remembers what I told her about the way those guys like to make it with a married woman. Did she think about that when Steve was showing off her rings?

PI Sampson continued, "Brad, here's the really serious thing; I found out that Steve has a room at the Hilton. I don't, however, have any hard evidence that they spent time together in his room. If they had left the restaurant through the back door, I would have more evidence that they went to his room, since that door leads to the hallway where the rooms are located."

"Ray, when they left the restaurant yesterday, they did use the back door."

"Well, that's significant, but it's still soft evidence since you didn't follow them and witness them entering his room. There are three kinds of evidence: hard evidence such as pictures, phone records, credit card receipts and such; soft evidence like what both you and I discovered at these lunches; and surmised evidence."

I interrupt him at this point and tell him about our super slick sex escapade last night. Also, I mention that she had asked me to use a condom.

He ponders that for a while, then he says that we now have both soft evidence and surmised evidence.

"We know that they took a long lunch break at a restaurant in the hotel where he has a room. Added to what you told me, that is two lunches in a row for the two of them. One of those times, they left the restaurant through the back door, which leads to the first-floor rooms, one of which is Steve's room. Now, add the fact that she wanted you to use a condom, which could mean she wanted to keep you from discovering something or that she wanted to protect you from something. It would be prudent for you to get tested for an STD.

"When we put all of that 'soft evidence' together, we can surmise that they probably had sex in his very-handy room sometime during those long lunch breaks. That's a typical example of 'surmised evidence.'

"The only thing that bothers me, Brad, is why a smart woman would fail to clean herself up. Why didn't she get rid of the incriminating evidence before having sex with you? That part does not compute."

"Well, Ray, she did ask me to use a condom. Maybe she just felt certain that I would go along with that."

"Perhaps, but she had to know that was a big risk. She had plenty of time to clean up. It still bothers me, since she is way too smart to do something like that. It's a mystery to me."

"Ray, maybe she just doesn't care. Maybe she's in love, or at least in lust, with that guy and wants me out of her life."

"I guess that's possible, Brad. We'll just have to keep up our surveillance to see if we get any more corroborating evidence. By the way, I've installed a tracking device under her back bumper. That will enable us to keep track of her whereabouts."

So, here we are with soft evidence that leads us to surmise that there's a strong chance of infidelity. I'm thinking that I should just confront her and see if she has an explanation. The problem is; our kids will be home from college today. This is probably not a good time for such a confrontation.

Saturday 10

JANET:

It is a typical family weekend day. We have a family breakfast where we discuss school, work plus anything else of interest. We go to our favorite Mexican buffet for lunch. I participate in the family bike ride and thoroughly enjoy it

After lunch, Mandy and I go shopping to get me a couple of new outfits for the conference. I need a pair of slacks and a blouse for the factory tour and a nice new dress for my presentation. I decide to bow to Mandy's judgment since she is more "in tune" with today's fashions.

The slacks are a little tighter than usual and the blouse shows more cleavage than I prefer, especially when combined with the push-up bra that Mandy insists must be part of the outfit. Then there's the dress. It's a far cry from my normal attire. It's very short. It fits like a glove. Mandy thinks it's fantastic.

The kids take off with some of their friends in the afternoon. Brad and I decide to just kick back and relax on the patio.

The only thing out of the ordinary is when I tell Brad that I've invited Steve to our Sunday cookout. There's no response from Brad. He just picks up his book and begins to read.

I decide to explain. "Honey, I just thought it would be a good idea for you to meet him and see that there's no reason for you to be suspicious of him. You'll see that our relationship is strictly professional. Also, you'll be able to confirm that he's a genuinely nice guy and not a 'skirt chaser', as you put it."

There's still no answer from Brad. He just keeps reading. I'm regretting that I acted on Vic's advice. I've made a huge mistake! I need to make a course correction.

"I'm sorry, honey. I guess I should have cleared it with you. I just assumed you would be OK with it. As you know, he and I are doing a presentation together on Tuesday. I've been working quite a bit with him this week preparing for that. There's been no 'dating' and nothing at all inappropriate."

Brad just continues to read his book. This is so unlike him.

I finally say, "Since you seem to have a problem with it, I'm going to call Steve and cancel. I'll tell him something has come up."

"Do you have his number handy, Janet?" he screams.

Brad never calls me Janet, except when he's mad. This is not going well.

"No, I don't have his number, Bradley. He's staying at the Hilton, so I'm sure I can call the desk and have them ring his room or leave a message for him.

"I'm sorry, honey. I just thought it would be a nice gesture since he is away from home and all. He's going back to Washington on Friday and will be going to Europe next month. His marriage is on the rocks. Not much good is happening for him. I just felt sorry for him."

"You seem to know quite a bit about him."

"Brad, we've been assigned to work together for the conference. To do that, it is inevitable that there will be conversations between us. Sometimes we take breaks together in the cafeteria or the coffee shop. We talk. We tell each other things about ourselves. I don't see anything abnormal about that.

"His divorce bothers him and he mentions it often, maybe TMI. He's hurting and I try to say things to comfort him. Of course, I have only one side of the story. I'm not participating in a conference with his wife, so I naturally tend to take his side."

"Do you tell him things about us? Do you mention how things have cooled between us in the bedroom?"

"I didn't know they had! We need to talk about that. I don't talk about 'bedroom things' with anybody. Apparently, not even you! I tell Steve things about Mandy and Randy and our family life. I never tell him anything of an intimate nature. Having said that, I think that it's time that we, you and I, should talk about it."

"It's OK, Jan. Forget it. It's just that I'd wanted it to be just our family, for a change. Seems like we always have friends and neighbors over and I was looking forward to just the family this time. It's no big deal. I understand. It will be fine."

"Are you sure? I have no problem with canceling, honey. It would be good to have just the family. You're right about that. I was inconsiderate."

"No, you're right. It's a hospitable thing to do. We'll have just the family next time."

I'm furious with Vic. She created this situation. Now, I'm certain that it's not going to make things better. There's a good chance it has already made things worse.

I don't understand Brad's reaction, but at this point making him unhappy in any way is the farthest thing from my mind. I've already crapped on him enough on our "date nights."

Oh god, I wish I had kept my mouth shut no matter what Vic had suggested. I should have followed my intuition. I shouldn't have invited Steve.