Seeing the Signs

BRAD:

The first time that Janet and I are alone is after the kids take off on Saturday afternoon to be with their friends. I was about to begin a discussion about that long lunch with Steve when Janet drops a bombshell. She tells me that she has invited him to our cookout on Sunday!

I can't believe my ears. I can't believe that she would be so brazen. I'm at a loss for words, so I don't say anything. I just pick up my book and start reading. I can tell that she's surprised at my reaction. She begins explaining that she only invited him because they are doing a presentation together at the conference. She's been working with him quite a bit and they've become friends. She emphasized the word "friends."

She says she's sorry for him because he's going through a difficult divorce. Now my suspicions are growing. Janet is noticeably uncomfortable. She tells me it's a mistake and she will call Steve to cancel.

I finally decided that I could use the situation to gather more evidence. Also, perhaps I could see firsthand what kind of relationship the two of them have. I tell her that it will be fine. She seems relieved. I guess she can't go a whole weekend without seeing her new guy. What has happened to my wife of 21 years?

Sunday 11

JANET:

I get up early and feel good! We have a normal Sunday morning breakfast, followed by Sunday school and Church.

As the time for the cookout gets closer, I begin to get nervous. Is this a good idea?

Brad has the grill ready to go. I have the big table ready and all of the sides have been made.

Steve arrives right on time. He has a watermelon under each arm.

I introduce him to everyone. Mandy catches my eye and raises her eyebrows!

Randy shakes his hand and offers him a beer.

Brad shakes his hand too and thanks him for his service to our country. They walk to the grill together.

I'm relieved to see that Brad and Steve are getting along well. They engage in friendly banter punctuated by lots of laughs.

I catch some of their conversation. They are comparing Steve's new army with the army that Brad had known. I'm glad to see that they are enjoying each other's company.

I begin to observe the two men rather intently, as Vic has recommended. I'm beginning to see why Vic wants me to see them together.

I continue to watch them as we eat and afterward when we play games and just enjoy ourselves.

I see two very handsome men.

One of these men is the love of my life. I know him so well, perhaps better than I know myself!

I have talked with him about anything and everything for too many hours to count. He is my best friend. He is the one that I turn to anytime I need advice or just need someone to understand me. I can talk to him about anything without feeling self-conscious. I'm comfortable with him under any and all circumstances.

I understand what makes him happy and what makes him sad.

I know what makes him laugh and what makes him cry.

I know his strengths and his weaknesses.

I know his dreams and I know his nightmares.

I have seen him at his best. I have seen him at his worst. I have loved him through both.

He is the father of my children, of our children. We have been a team in everything, including raising Randy and Mandy. They have turned out very well. We are very proud parents.

He's a great father. He would give his life for our children.

He would give his life for me!

He has always been great in bed. He has never demanded or asked for anything from me that would make me uncomfortable.

He is always gentle and patient. Most of all, he turns what is an animalistic act into an act of pure love.

He's never been unfaithful to me. I would stake my life on that!

He's a known quantity, and it is all good.

The other man is very handsome and he's younger. Sometimes, just seeing him turns me on. That's all I know about him.

He might be a good father.

He might be good in bed.

He might be faithful.

He might be a lot of things.

He might not be any of those things.

He might want things from me that would make me uncomfortable.

He is an unknown quantity.

Should I risk all that I already have for something completely unknown?

Should I risk doing irreparable harm to my relationship with my husband, just so I can experience an unknown pleasure with an unpredictable future?

Now, I know what Vic wants me to see. This is, of course, unfair to Steve. How could he possibly survive such a comparison?

Vic didn't mean for it to be a fair comparison; she just wants me to be forced to make the comparison.

She wants me to think it through and make a decision with my brain instead of letting feelings, of any kind, make the decision for me.

I walk toward Brad, intending to put my arm around him when my phone sounds.

At the same time, I see Steve answering his phone.

We are both listening to a message from Harry. He is telling us that General White has asked if we could add coverage of the new G11 system to our joint presentation.

The general has agreed to shorten other segments to give us an additional 45 minutes to devote to the G11 system.

Harry needs to know if we have enough information to cover the new G11 system and if we have enough time to adequately prepare.

I walk over to the grill. Steve is already telling Brad about General White's request.

As I walk up, Steve turns to me. "General White has no idea what he is asking for, Janet. You are under enough pressure already. This is just too much for you to do on such little notice. Let me handle this through channels."

"Steve, before I was assigned to participate in this conference, I was working on the G11 system. I have already made numerous presentations about the G11 system to interested parties within our company.

"All that I need to do is cut and paste from my previous scripts to put together a presentation.

"While I will need to make sure that I leave out some of the details that are currently classified, I can probably put together something fairly comprehensive in an hour or so. The question is; can you handle the military part?"

"I have a limited amount of data about the new system, Janet. Not much information has been disseminated at this point. However, once I see what you write, I can probably derive what I need through interpolation.

"It should be possible to formulate the necessary operational changes and protocol modifications once I have studied your data. I won't be able to do it in an hour, but I can probably have it done in time for our presentation."

"That's up to you, Steve. Can you find the time between now and Tuesday morning to be ready?"

"I hope so. When will I be able to see your G11 transcript?"

"I can probably put it together tonight. I have everything that I need here in my home office."

I turn to Brad with my question. "Honey, would it be OK if Steve and I break away for an hour or so to put together a G11 presentation for General White? Steve needs my part now before he can start on his part. If we work together for a few minutes, I can answer his questions as we go. I have everything that I need right here in my home office to get a good start on what we need."

"Sure, Jan. No problem."

I turn to Steve. "I'll give you each section as I complete it. That way, if you have any questions, we can make sure you have the answers immediately."

"That will be a great help, Janet."

"OK. Come with me to my office and we'll get the ball rolling."

"I give Brad a quick kiss and tell him, "We shouldn't be too long. Please explain our absence to the kids, if they happen to notice that we are missing. They're so busy with their games that I doubt they will even pay attention."

Steve follows me into my office. I make sure to leave the door open and leave the blinds up so we can see what's happening outside. Also, I need to be sure that the family, especially Brad, can see us at all times.

For some reason, I'm somewhat uncomfortable with this situation. Am I feeling guilty again?

I'm able to glean the information that I need from my previous transcripts. I have to make a few modifications, but every few minutes I have a section ready for Steve. He's using my laptop to make notes. He's running behind since his job is considerably more difficult than mine. After all, he's developing a presentation on the fly, while I'm just cutting and pasting.

At one point, Steve shows the strain that he's under. He says, "Janet, do you think we should be doing this? Do you appreciate the risks we are taking? If we don't get this right, we could cause problems for everyone. We have no choice but to keep some things secret. If we fail to do that, there will be consequences that could change our lives forever!"

This is not like Steve. He's usually so upbeat. But I understand what he is saying. Important people are going to sink their teeth into our hurried presentation. If we impart any inaccurate information, those people will suffer immensely, since they will be making important decisions based on incorrect data. Also, since classified information is involved, we have to keep some important details secret. If we slip up and let those secrets out, we could, potentially, face some stiff retribution.

I know that I must ease his fears, so I say, "Steve, the risk is mostly mine. I'm the one that has the most to lose. I know that we can pull this off. Don't be a worrywart. I will be especially careful. If I'm careful enough, you can't possibly get into trouble."

Steve knows what I mean. As long as I'm diligent in removing all of the classified data, there's no way that he can be involved in a security breach of any kind.

"OK, Janet. If anything does go bad, you know that I've got your back."

"Nothing will go bad, Steve. This is not my first rodeo. I have been through this kind of thing before. Not exactly like this, but very similar."

"Wow, Janet. I assumed this was probably a first for both of us. I feel better knowing that you have experience handling this kind of thing. I will be content to follow your lead."

We both get back to work. We are making good progress. After some hard work, Steve gets up, stretches, and walks around my office to take a quick break. While strolling around, he happens to see a picture of me standing beside my dad's old car. The picture was taken when I was a senior in high school. I was wearing a very tight sweater. It was very flattering.

"Wow, what a beauty!", he exclaims.

"Thank you, sir", I blushed.

He leans over and whispers in my ear, "I was referring to the car, but the statement does apply to the girl beside it too!"

I blush even more as I say, "That's my dad's old car."

Steve answers, "That's a vintage Karmann Ghia, Janet. I would love to get my hands on one of those. Car restoration is my hobby. I have restored a Studebaker and a Hudson Hornet so far. Does your dad still own that car?"

"Dad passed away 6 years ago. He had already sold it. I think that it had been messed up in an accident. I remember that it was pretty rusty. He sold it to a friend that wanted to restore it. I haven't heard anything about it in years."

"I would sure love to have a copy of that picture. Do you have it in digital format?"

"I do. Randy converted most of our old pictures and slides to digital format and put them on a CD. I'll see if I can find it. There's also an old videotape that Dad made at a Karmann Ghia car rally. I'll see if I can find it too. It runs about 45 minutes and has shots of all of the cars that were at the rally. I'll look them both up tonight and bring them to work tomorrow. You can copy any of them that you want."

"Thanks, Janet. Much appreciated. Be sure that the one you have on the wall is among them. That's a stunning photo. The car looks nice too."

I laugh and punch him on the shoulder.

After our little break, it's back to work. I glance out of the window and notice that Brad is using his cell phone. He seems upset. He walks over and says something to Randy and Mandy. The next thing I know, I hear his car pulling out of the driveway.

I assume that he's been called to handle an emergency at work, although that has been a rare occurrence lately.

It takes Steve and me a little over an hour to finish our work. I have my G11 transcript finished, except for the inevitable tweaks that I will perform later. Steve has a copy of my results and enough notes to allow him to complete his transcript. We are convinced that we can tell Harry to let General White know that we have answered his question in the affirmative. We will, indeed, be able to add the new G11 system to our presentation.

We rejoin the family group and grab a couple of beers. Randy tells us that Brad has been called away. "Dad asked me to let you know that he's very sorry, but it's something that he has to take care of immediately."

Steve finishes his beer and then announces that he needs to head back to his room to put the finishing touches on his presentation. He says his goodbyes to everyone and asks us to tell Brad how much he appreciated being with our family tonight, and that he hates to be leaving early.

I tell Steve that Brad will understand. Mandy and I walk Steve to his car and I wish him luck with his script.

We watch him speed away. I know he has lots of work to do and a short amount of time to get it done. I do not doubt that he will come through.

I ask Randy and Mandy about the phone call that Brad received.

Randy says that what he had heard was: "Please repeat that. Are you certain? Well, I guess we need to talk tomorrow. What? OK, maybe we should do it tonight. Are you kidding? I'm devastated. I'll see you in about 20 minutes.

"Dad told us that he needed to leave. I asked him if it was something at work. He said it was something very important. He seemed on the verge of tears when he left. It must have been something really bad."

Two hours later, while the kids were packing their car to leave. I called Brad and asked him if something was wrong.

"Yes, it appears that something is very wrong."

"Can you fix it?"

"Probably not, Jan. There are some things that just can't be fixed. This may be one of those things."

"I know you, Brad. If you can't fix it, then nobody can. The kids are leaving. Can you break away for a few minutes?"

"I'm done here. I'm on my way home. I'll be there in about five minutes."

"Good deal. See you soon. Love you."

He hangs up. I tell the kids he's on his way home.

Mandy pulls me aside and says that if she didn't know better, she would swear that Dad was jealous of Steve.

"Mandy! Why on earth would you think that?" I ask.

"Well, several times when you were in your office with Steve, Dad walked up and stood beside the open door. I think he was listening to what you guys were saying. He pretended to be picking something up from the floor once and he pretended to be doing something to his shoe another time. Once, he dropped something on purpose and stopped to pick it up. Maybe it was nothing, but it appeared odd to me."

"Dad would never spy on me, Mandy. He might have been interested in how we were coming along and wondering how much longer we would be working, but that's all. Your Dad trusts me and I trust him. Don't be so paranoid."

Deep down, I'm wondering if Mandy is right. Was having Steve over a mistake after all? Had it just made Brad more suspicious and jealous than he already was? I knew the invitation was good for me. Seeing them together had solidified my feelings about Brad. My love for him far outweighed my infatuation with Steve.

As I was having those thoughts, Brad arrived. He was just in time to kiss the kids goodbye and wish them a pleasant and productive week. He was saying something to Randy about being sure to get his car serviced when Mandy grabbed my arm.

She looked me in the eye as she said, "It looks like Dad's been crying. His eyes are red."

I guess Randy had noticed too and he's saying something to his dad. We hear Brad saying "It's something that I have worked on for a very long time. This could mark the biggest loss of my lifetime. Guess it shows. I'm sorry, it's just that I can see no way to win, and I hate losing. I'll tell you all about it when the time is right. I just need to live with it for a while before I take any action."

"Dad, are you sick? Is there something wrong with you that you're not telling us?"

"No, Randy, there's nothing wrong with my health. Don't worry about that. I promise that I will share the problem with all of you soon."

"OK, Dad. If there's anything any of us can do to help, just let us know."

We wave goodbye and watch till their car is out of sight.

Brad and I always do that, and then we walk back to our empty nest hand in hand.

When I reach for Brad's hand, he's already halfway back to the house. He heads straight for the bathroom.

I make a quick effort to restore the house to normal after the "weekend hurricane" and then I beg Brad to tell me what's wrong. He just shakes his head and begins to get ready for bed.

Now, I'm face to face with another "date night". We always get together after the kids leave. This time I'm ready. I feel better and I want this man. He needs me tonight. I need him too. I don't need anything but him. No lubricant is necessary. No acting is required. Brad is hurting. I'm his wife. I love him so much. I will love him and comfort him tonight as never before.

I put on my best Victoria's Secret outfit and crawl into bed next to him. He's facing away from me and he doesn't make any effort to turn and face me. What should I do? Should I make the first move?

I move right up behind him and spoon him, pressing my breasts into his back. There's no response. I finally scoot back. He must be hurting too much over whatever transpired at work to allow him to respond to me. I wonder what it could be. I know that he'll tell me about it when the time is right.

It feels good to be next to him. I hope this lets him know that I'm here for him no matter what. I don't think of anyone but Brad. Steve doesn't even cross my mind.

I wait to hear Brad begin his light snoring. It's always a comforting sound. It helps me go to sleep.

As I drift off to sleep, I realize that this is another first. This is the first-ever "date night" that Brad has not wanted to make love to me.

What was that phone call all about? It must have been a really big problem. I wish he would tell me about it. Why is he shutting me out? This is so unusual. We're a team. We face everything together. I want to help. I need to help.

BRAD:

So, here's her lover. He's one of those "pretty-boy" officers. She introduces him to our children. She introduces him to me. I try very hard to make everything appear normal. I talk with him about the army. I tell him about my time with the "Big Red One." I tell him about their motto: "If you're going to be one, may as well be a big red one." He laughs at that. I laugh at his jokes. I watch for more signs as I grill our burgers and hot dogs. I watch them during our meal. She sits beside him. I'm not happy about that. I'm sure our kids think that she just wants him to feel at home, but I know better.

After eating, when we're playing lawn games; they touch once in a while. They aren't doing anything obvious. They haven't separated themselves from us to talk or anything like that. I'm starting to get more comfortable with the whole thing. Then, we witness a huge coincidence. Both Janet and Steve get a phone call at the very same time. They tell us that they've been asked to extend their joint presentation to include a brand-new system. After some discussion, they determine that they can get started on it right now in Janet's home office.

Janet has the nerve to ask me if they can take an hour or so in her office to work together. I decide to feed them some rope. I tell her it will be fine. I tell myself, it's my opportunity to do some investigating.