Seeing the Signs

Of course, I justified the trip by focusing on the fact that Harriet wants to talk to me about my mom. In reality, it's just another secret that I'll be keeping from my husband.

At 12:10 we find ourselves starting the 35-mile trip for him to see a special car and for me to find out what Harriet wants to talk about.

As we drive, Steve tells me that my survey forms came in "over the top." He said he passed them on the Harry. Harry promised to enter the results in my permanent record. It was quite an "atta-girl" for me. We reminisced about the conference and engaged in some small talk. At one point, Steve turned the conversation to the imminent breakup of his marriage.

He told me about how his heart was broken when he caught his wife with another man. He found out that she had been with the other guy for most of the time that he was on his Iraq deployment. He also uses some skillfully worded comments and questions to uncover any possible problems that might exist in my marriage.

Even knowing his agenda, I mention how the sex in my marriage is on a downward spiral. I take the blame for it and go on to tell him about my hormone imbalance problem. Even as I'm speaking, it occurs to me that I'm telling Steve something that I haven't bothered to tell Brad. I realize that I've gone too far. Telling Steve something of an intimate nature that I've kept from Brad is very inappropriate. It meets the very definition of an "emotional affair."

I quickly guide the conversation into less dangerous waters, so to speak.

When we get to the Blue Streak cafe, both of us are hungry.

I have the chicken and dumplings while Steve has the meatloaf.

For dessert, Steve has lemon meringue pie. The meringue is over 6 inches tall! I stick with my "doctor's orders" and do not have a dessert. That was one of the harder things that I have ever done, resisting all of those great desserts. Would that sacrifice make a difference if my husband found out about this trip? While I was thinking those thoughts, Steve moved his loaded fork towards me offering me a bite of his pie, saying, "One bite won't add any pounds, Janet," What could I do? I took it, told him how good it was, and thanked him. So much for my resolve to avoid doing that.

We are about 10 minutes late when we pull into the drive and get our first glimpse of the Karmann Ghia. Steve is impressed and his excitement is soaring.

It looks like a pile of junk to me. I say nothing, however, to dampen his mood.

I had forgotten how many trees Roger and Harriet have in their yard. Their house is all but hidden by beautiful old trees. They give plenty of shade in the summertime and good protection from the wind in the winter.

Harriet meets us at the door. We hug and I introduce her to Steve. She makes him welcome and we follow her to the kitchen. She has made a pot of coffee and brewed up some fresh tea.

I introduce Steve to Roger. Right away they begin to talk about cars in general and the Karmann Ghia in particular. They are like a couple of teenagers.

They head out to the garage to check out the car. That's the last time that Harriet and I see the guys for a long time.

Harriet and I spend our time in a catch-up conversation. Throughout our conversation, we are both aware that there is an elephant in the room. Neither of us wants to be the first one to turn the conversation to my mom.

At some point, the guys message us that they need to go into town to get some car parts. They ask if we want to go with them. We decide that it's a "guy thing" and we would rather continue with the "gal things" that we're doing.

While the guys are gone, we finally start talking about my mom. First, we talk about the trip that she took to California last month. She said that she went there to visit an old college friend. Both of us have noticed that she's been depressed since she got home.

Harriet tells me that her niece, Alice, works for Dr. Ruby. She handles paperwork. She doesn't interact with patients. She does, however, recognize my mom's name and remembers that Mom and her Aunt Harriet are good friends. She mentions to Harriet that my mom is seeing Dr. Ruby for depression.

Dr. Ruby is a psychiatrist! Mom hasn't mentioned to either of us that she's having a mental problem. Alice wouldn't say anything more since she was worried that she had already violated the rules by even mentioning that Mom was a patient.

Harriet finds herself between a rock and a hard place. She can't talk to my mom directly without giving up her source, but she wants to know what's wrong. She would like to help, if possible. She hopes that I can devise a way to find out why Mom's seeing Dr. Ruby.

Harriet and I spend the rest of the afternoon scheming about how I can confront Mom about her problem without letting her know how we know that she's in therapy.

At 4:30, we hear the Karmann Ghia's engine spring to life. It's not exactly purring, but it is running. The guys are in a celebratory mood. They've performed a road-test and they're happy with the results. They decide that Steve should be able to drive the car back to town tomorrow after Roger replaces the brake lights and make some other minor repairs and adjustments to get their "masterpiece" road-worthy.

Steve turns to me saying, "I know it's a lot to ask, but is there any chance that you can bring me back out here sometime tomorrow to get this baby? I'm confident it will be able to make it back to town."

Harriet asks if there's any chance that I can get my mom to join us tomorrow. She says, "If we both corner her, maybe we can get some answers."

I know that I don't have any assignments tomorrow afternoon and through some sort of clairvoyance, I've already scheduled leave. I'm certain that if Steve does have something scheduled, he'll play hooky to get that car.

Since I'm going to be pretty late getting home, I call Brad to let him know. My call goes to his voice mail, so I leave a message. I tell him that I'm running late at work. 'I'll bring something home for dinner. I assume that he'll think it's because of the conference. Just one more secret that I'm keeping from my husband. Just one more lie.

I also call Mom and ask if she would like to come to Harriet's house for a "girl's day in" tomorrow. She's delighted at the opportunity to visit with us.

I tell her that Harriet has invited us for lunch. Mom says she'll just meet us there since it would be out of my way to pick her up.

So, we leave for town after 5 pm with a return trip scheduled for tomorrow at lunchtime.

On the way back to town, I ask Steve how he intends to get the Karmann Ghia back to DC. I'm quite certain that it's not in good enough condition to drive that far.

Steve tells me that a motor pool guy came with them to the conference. He drove a big truck.

Steve is in a big hurry to locate the motor pool guy to see if they can rent a trailer and tow the car back to DC behind the truck.

When we get back to the Hilton, I say a hurried goodbye to Steve as he thanks me for my help. "I owe you one, Jan."

"No problem. See you tomorrow, Steve."

This time I get a slab of ribs with Brad's favorite sides. It dawns on me that this marks yet another first. This is the first time that I've failed to cook for Brad on my meal day two times in a row.

At least I'm bringing his favorite food. Is it because I feel guilty?

I'm getting sick of these firsts. I don't feel that I'm doing anything wrong, so why can't I level with my husband? Why do I feel guilty when nothing bad has happened? Deep down, I do worry about how it might appear to Brad. I suppose that's why I haven't told him.

I'm significantly tardy. It's well after 6 pm. It's the latest that I've ever gotten home from work. Luckily, Brad is so happy with the ribs that he doesn't say anything about my late arrival.

BRAD:

All-day, I'm just going through the motions while waiting for my meeting with Ray. At 4 pm, I'm sitting in his office.

He begins by telling me, "Today at noon, they left her office together in her car. They drove 10 miles out to the Blue Streak Cafe where they had lunch.

"After lunch, they continued to drive until they were about 25 miles further out in the country. They stopped at a deserted house. The house is surrounded by trees, so it was hard for my people to get a good view. The car left just one time for a quick trip to a neighboring town, possibly for supplies. It returned in less than thirty minutes and, as of now, they're still there. So, it appears that they're spending a lot of time together today."

Of all of the restaurants she could have chosen, she took her lover to our favorite place! It's not my favorite place any longer.

With tears in my eyes, I told Ray about Monday when Janet left home in slacks and returned in a short skirt. I also mentioned that both the slacks and her panties had a caked white residue on them that covered the crotch area and was spread clear to the butt area.

Ray said, "We are accumulating a mountain of evidence, Brad. What has she told you about the rest of the conference?"

"She told me that she will be participating until Friday. Steve will be going back to DC Friday night."

"We should be able to accumulate more evidence during the next few days. Just hold tight until we get some hard evidence. They're getting more and more careless. They will slip up soon, and we'll be there with cameras and microphones.

"Speaking of evidence," Ray interjects, "can you retrieve those befouled panties from the trash?"

"I already have, Ray. I saved them in a zip bag."

Ray was ecstatic. He asked me to bring them in so he could have them analyzed by a laboratory. He remarked they should prove to be a very good specimen of "hard evidence."

I left Ray's office a defeated man. What are they doing in an abandoned house? I'm afraid I know the answer. It breaks my heart.

When I get to my car, I notice that I have a voicemail message from Janet. I listen to her telling me that she'll be later than usual tonight. She says that she's tied-up at work. She may be tied-up alright, but I don't want the details. Or maybe I do. I decided to call her to see how she'll handle my interruption. She doesn't answer her cell. Now I'm frustrated. I try her office phone. Once again, no answer. I finally call her office switchboard. My call is answered by a new girl. I ask to speak to Janet Gorman. The new girl tells me that Janet is on personal leave. She left at noon and will not be returning today.

At that point, I just give up and tell her that I'll give Janet a call tomorrow. She tells me to be sure to call before noon since Janet has personal leave scheduled for tomorrow afternoon too.

The handwriting is on the wall. Janet hasn't said a word to me about taking personal leave. She gets three personal days a year. She usually takes them at Christmas time.

I've just arrived home when I get a call from Ray. His people have called to say that Janet and Steve left the empty house around 5:15.

I wonder what she'll say when she gets home tonight. I make up my mind to just keep my mouth shut. I've heard that if you ignore bad behavior, it will stop. I think that pertains to training dogs, but I'll try it anyway.

Finally, at 6:15, Janet walks in the door. I don't even bother trying to kiss her. I don't need to bother with that trick anymore. I already know all that I need to know.

She's very late and she knows it. She has a worried look on her face, or is it a guilty look? I decide, just for grins, to see what she'll have to say about it. So, I say, "Wow, Jan, that conference must be very time-consuming work."

"Not exactly, honey. It's just that nobody keeps to the schedule. The speakers must be getting paid by the hour."

I force a giggle response to her humor as she empties her sack of take-out food on the table. I see that she's brought a slab of ribs.

"Jan, you've been working hard at the conference. You should take some personal leave when it's over so you can unwind. You haven't taken any so far this year, right? It might be a really good time to take some."

"I'll be alright after the conference ends. I won't need to take personal leave to wind down. I'll be much more relaxed once the conference ends."

"So, you intend to take all three days at Christmas again?" I ask

"I'll take whatever is left at Christmas."

"Well, if you haven't taken any that will be three days, right?"

"I guess so."

So, she continues to lie to me. We're going downhill fast. Well, at least the food will be good tonight. Nothing else in my life is good, but ribs are never bad.

Thursday 15

JANET:

Once again, I have a meeting and a workshop this morning. Tomorrow at noon, I'll be done with the conference. I'm glad to see it winding down.

I'm finished with my final workshop and back in my office at 11:00. Steve and I leave shortly after that to have lunch with Harriet, Roger, and my mom. I'm looking forward to talking with them.

Steve is excited about picking up the Karmann Ghia. He was scheduled to fly back to DC at 2:00 pm tomorrow, but he canceled his flight and will be riding back in the motor pool truck. He wants to travel with his "dream car."

When we arrive for lunch, Mom is already there. I introduce her to Steve. She's pleasant to him, but she's not very welcoming or warm. She pretty well gives him the cold shoulder.

I don't know if she doesn't like him, or if she's showing her disapproval of me being with him.

The lunch goes well. Just like yesterday, as soon as we finish eating, the guys head for the car.

The three of us gals have a great time with girl-talk and general reminiscing. Finally, there's a lull in the conversation. That gives me my chance to change directions, so I take the plunge.

"Mom, yesterday when I was talking with Harriet, we found out that we are both worried about you. You seem depressed. Your infectious smile is gone. We hear rumors that you're in therapy. Mom, are you?"

"Not now, but I was. I had one session with Dr. Ruby and two sessions at his associated sleep clinic. I had started waking up after about four or five hours of sleep and couldn't get back to sawing logs. The sleep clinic identified the problem and gave me a prescription. I don't know what it is, but it's not a sleeping pill. I take it every morning with breakfast. Whatever it is, it has me sleeping like a baby. You know, waking up every couple of hours crying! Just kidding, those pills did the trick. No more Dr. Ruby or sleep clinic visits. Now, however, I may lose some sleep worrying about you."

"Say, what?"

"I'm serious, Jan. Can I ask you a few questions?"

"Sure, Mom. Ask away.

"Ok, Jan. First, was Steve here with you yesterday?"

"Yes. I told you on the phone that we came to see the Karmann Ghia. Steve worked with Roger making repairs to the car while I talked with Harriet. Why are you asking about that?"

"Does Brad know about your trips out here?"

"Mom, why do you want to talk about that? Don't lose any sleep over that, for heaven's sake."

"Please answer the question. A simple 'yes' or 'no' will suffice.

"The answer is 'no.' I haven't talked to him about it. I see what you're insinuating. Nothing-absolutely nothing-has happened between Steve and me. I have nothing to hide."

"Then why doesn't Brad know?"

I just looked at the floor. The silence was hurting my ears.

"It's an easy question, Jan. Why is my daughter keeping secrets from her husband?"

"Nothing has happened, Mom. I made a joint presentation with Steve at the conference that I've already told you about. Brad knew about it too. Steve and I worked together quite a bit and became good friends. It was all 'work-related' stuff. Steve and Brad have met. Steve has been to our house. He's met both Randy and Mandy. He's a friend, a 'work-buddy', that's all."

"Hearing all of that, I just have to wonder why you haven't told Brad about your trips out here. You surely don't count these trips as 'work-related,' do you?"

Those words gave me pause. "These trips are different, Mom. Our presentation is over now. We came out here because Steve saw a picture of Dad's old Karmann Ghia when he was at our house. He restores old cars as a hobby, and he asked if we still had the car. One thing led to another and we ended up coming here so he could try to buy the car. That's all it amounts to. I've been here talking to Harriet and he's been working with Roger to get the car ready to transport. We've hardly talked to each other here, let alone engaged in any hanky-panky."

"What about the hours spent driving back and forth? What about the times you stopped to eat or take a break? Have you counted those hours? Would you want Brad to find out about them from someone other than you? Since you admit it isn't 'work-related,' I assume that you're taking vacation time while Brad believes you're working. Believe me, it's not good to hide things from your husband. No good can come of it."

Once again, her remarks made me shudder. "Mom, something really bad has happened where Brad works. He took a call last weekend that seemed to change everything for him. It was bad enough to make him cry. He refuses to tell me what's happened. I don't want to bother him with anything that might make things worse for him right now. That's why I haven't told him anything that could rock the boat. All he needs is another thing to worry about, even though it amounts to nothing. As you have intimated, it just looks bad."

"So, you're telling me that at a time when you're hiding things from Brad, he's not confiding in you about his big problem. Think about it. Isn't that worrisome to you? Don't you think there could be a connection?"

Mom's words hit me like a slap in the face. "I don't think there is, but I have given it some thought. I sometimes have the feeling that I'm being watched. Mandy told me that she thought Brad was jealous of Steve. She said that Brad had been spying on Steve and me when we were working together in my home-office last weekend. I didn't believe she was right about that, but now you have me reconsidering. I know he was really upset when he caught me having lunch with Steve at the Hilton."

"Now we're getting somewhere. Tell me about that."

"Well, Brad was going to attend a meeting close to where I work and he dropped by to take me to lunch. I had already left by the time he got there. He assumed that I'd went with some of my co-workers. He asked where we were lunching and was told we were at the Hilton. He came by to join us, and that's when he saw me with Steve. The restaurant was crowded and we were sitting at a table for two. At that point, we were having dessert, so Brad made no effort to join us. He did, however, wait for us at the door. Steve wanted to show me the Convention Center where we would be giving our presentation, so we ended up leaving through the back door. That, of course, meant that I didn't know Brad was even there.

"That evening, after prayer meeting, Brad confronted me about it. He was upset that I had let the evening pass without mentioning my 'lunch date.' I assured him that it was work-related and in no way a 'date.' He pointed out that we had fed each other a bite of our dessert. He said that it looked 'exactly like a date.' I apologized for the dessert fiasco and stressed again that it was a 'working-lunch.' I'm glad that he didn't question me about us leaving through the back door. That door exited to a hallway that led to the Convention Center, but getting there took us right past Steve's room. We didn't enter his room, of course, but I'm glad Brad didn't know about the proximity."

"So, there were no further repercussions, Janet?"

"As I said earlier, Brad was upset. He told me that I should only spend time with Steve in the office during working hours. He thinks it's inappropriate for us to meet outside of the office or on my 'off-duty' time. He didn't realize the amount of interaction that's required to prepare for such a big presentation. Plus, he didn't consider that it would have been downright rude for me to refuse Steve's invitation. So, I continued with the lunches and we kept spending time together as necessary to get the job done. It was all innocent and work-related, so I didn't bother Brad with the details."