Seeing the Signs

"Great. When we get through here, can I get you to help me carry the sheets to the conference room? We just need to drop by my room for a minute to pick them up. I have two pretty big bundles."

"Sure." I'm comforted by the fact that there's not enough time for a possible problem.

After we finish our continental breakfast, I find myself in Steve's room. It's top-notch. There's a sitting/working area separate from the bedroom.

Steve has stored the handouts in the safe and the surveys are on his dresser. While Steve retrieves the stacks of sheets, I peek into his bedroom. The bed is a king and it's made-up perfectly without a single wrinkle. The room is neat and inviting.

Steve breaks my reverie as he hands me a stack of papers. I wonder if he's spent his time all alone in that bed. Then I wonder why I'm wondering. Good question.

A couple of minutes later, I find myself standing on the stage with Steve and General White. The general gives a short message describing the importance of this day. He tells the troops that the rest of the conference will build on what they learn today.

"This initial presentation is the foundation for everything that follows, so, listen-up, make notes and soak it in. If there's anything you don't understand, ask questions. If you slough off today, you may as well go home." Then the general introduces Steve Snow.

Steve explains that they are about to hear a joint presentation on the G8, 9, 10, and 11 systems. He explains why we decided to use a joint presentation format.

Then, he introduces me. "I'm sure you recognize this pretty lady standing next to me. I know you all took her factory tour yesterday."

The room breaks out in cheers, whistles, and foot-stomping. I'm sure that my face is red. Over half of the attendees are men, and they are playfully laying it on. It's embarrassing, but it sure calms my nerves. I guess Mandy chose the right clothes after all!

"As you were. OK, calm down. I would refer to her as eye candy if that were politically correct; but of course, it isn't, so I won't." That remark brings more cheers and whistles.

"What I can say is that she's extremely smart and very knowledgeable. Enjoy watching her, but listen too. Listen carefully. OK everyone, one more time; give it up for Janet Gorman."

Once again, the room breaks out in pandemonium.

I hold up my hands and ask everyone to be seated. After several tries, they finally obey and I'm able to begin my presentation. While I talk, the handouts are being passed around.

I must say, the joint presentation went very well. The time flew. We made it through the Q&A right on time. It was a good start for the conference.

When we left the podium, we made a quick stop at Steve's room to drop off the survey forms. Then we stopped at the Coffee Shack for another cup.

Steve asked me if I'd remembered the car pictures. I had to admit that I'd forgotten them again.

"Steve, I did locate the DVD and the videotape, but I forgot to bring them. It turns out that the video is an old Betamax. Can you play a Betamax tape? I don't know of any Betamax players in our office."

"Boy, I sure don't have anything in my equipment to play a Betamax tape, Jan."

"Steve, do you have any conference assignments this afternoon?"

"I have a workshop here at the Hilton at 2:30."

"OK, I have one at the office at 3:00. That gives us a couple of hours. Why don't we have lunch at my house? I have some leftover pot roast. While we're eating, we can watch the video on our old Betamax player. I was able to use it last night to check the tape, so I know it works. We can also view the slide show that I have on a CD."

"That sounds great, Jan. I have a bunch of adapters for my laptop, so I can probably use whatever outputs are available on your Betamax player to make run off a copy. That would be splendid."

"OK, you can ride with me to my house. When we're through, I'll drop you back here and then go on to the office for my workshop."

As we are driving to the house, I start doing some serious thinking. What will the neighbors think if they see me go into our house with this man in uniform? What will they think about us staying there for a couple of hours? If someone sees us and tells Brad, he'll go ballistic!

Then my thoughts turned to Steve. What if he has other ideas about being alone with me in my house? In my mind, it's innocent; but is it? Where are these thoughts coming from? Steve has never been anything but a true gentleman around me. I'm the one that has dreamed up some fantasies. I thought I was over that stuff. Guess I still have some work to do.

I start remembering what Victoria told me and what I learned when I did my comparison at the cookout. By the time we pull into the driveway, I've decided to use the garage door opener and park inside. I tell myself it's to avoid any misconceptions by the neighbors but is that my real reason?

When we get inside, I put the tape into the Betamax unit and begin playing it through the TV in the kitchen. After the tape starts, I serve our food. We sit and enjoy the video together. It brings back many memories for me. I still miss Dad. I wonder what he would think of me sitting in my kitchen alone with a man that's not my husband.

Dad thought the world of Brad. Dad wouldn't approve of this at all. I decide not to think about that right now. We finish the pot roast and snack on cheese and crackers until the video finishes. Steve is very impressed with the Karmann Ghias. He's like a little boy in a toy store as he watches the tape. His excitement is infectious.

When we finish the tape, I do a quick kitchen cleanup. Steve helps me. I'm careful not to leave any evidence of our meal. Why must everything be secret?

Next, we head to the living room to watch the slide show. We have two Lazy Boy rockers there that Brad and I use for watching TV. I get comfortable in one of them and motion for Steve to take the other one. I did give some thought to us sitting together on the couch, but using the rockers is more comfortable and much safer, right?

My dad had taken some really good pictures of the Karmann Ghia rally. I remember attending it with him long ago. I'd forgotten how many pictures he had taken of me sitting in, or standing near, various vintage cars. Of course, I'd taken quite a few pictures of him too. By the time the slide show had completed, I was in tears. Happy memories, but they rekindled a tremendous sense of loss.

It's getting close to the time that we need to be back for our workshops. Steve's been using the auxiliary outputs on the CD player and the Betamax to copy the data onto his PC. When he completes his copy procedure, it's time for us to head back to the Hilton.

Just then, I receive a message from Victoria's office. They want me to call them for my test results.

I tell Steve that I have to make a quick private call before we leave. He says that he needs to have a quick word with General White anyway, so he'll just go on out to the garage to make his call and meet me there when I've finished my call.

I speed-dial Victoria's office. Betty puts Vic on the phone.

"Hi, Jan. How are you feeling?"

"I'm quite a bit better, Vic. Those antidepressants seem to have helped a lot. Was I just depressed?"

"Nope, using those pills is like putting a band-aid on an infected wound. They may help, but they can't cure the problem. You have a serious hormone imbalance. I have the cure waiting for you at your pharmacy. There will be several prescriptions. One of them is birth control pills. They are in a monthly pack, just like what you took before Brad had his vasectomy. They'll give you the estrogen that you desperately need. The other pills, when combined with the birth control pills, should get you back on track pronto.

"Take the pills for a month, then come back and see me. I think you'll notice a huge difference in the way you feel.

"One more thing, Jan, please tell me that you haven't done anything to hurt Brad. Please tell me that you've been a good girl."

"I've been good, Vic, but I think it was all one-sided anyway. Steve hasn't made any serious moves to start anything with me. He invited me to have a drink with him in his room a couple of times, but he accepted my refusals with no problem and no pressure.

"I've been alone with him today at our house for over two hours and he hasn't made any attempt to take advantage of the situation."

"Jan, you're alone with him at your house? You've been there for two hours? Does Brad know about this?"

"No. I haven't told him and I won't. Even though nothing has or will happen, Brad wouldn't understand. I don't think it would be wise for me to let him find out about it."

"How are you going to keep it from him? Someone probably saw you. You'll probably leave some sign in the house that he'll notice. You're living on the edge, girl, and I don't recommend that. You need to stop doing things that can be misinterpreted unless you're willing to risk your marriage. Get out of there right now. Do you hear me, Janet? Hang up and leave right now."

"My marriage is everything to me, Vic. I won't risk losing Brad. My family is my life. I won't risk hurting Randy and Mandy either."

"Janet, leave that house right now!"

I saw Steve peek in from the garage to see if I was still on the phone. I waved at him and mouthed, "be right there."

"Thanks for everything, Vic. I have to get to a workshop, so I'd better ring off. I'll pick up the medicine tonight. Do you want me to keep taking the antidepressants too?"

"Take them for another week, Jan, until your hormones are in better balance. After one week, take them every other day for an additional week. Then you can quit them. By that time the hormone treatment should be working."

"Thanks, Vic. You're the best."

"You're welcome, Jan. Let me know if you have any problems. And Jan, please be careful. Get out of there."

"I intend to do just that. See you soon."

We back out of the garage and are on our way to the Hilton. I drop Steve off at the Hilton and then make it to the office just in time for my workshop. As it turns out, the workshop is interesting and productive.

On our first break, I call Mom to see if she knows where Dad's Karmann Ghia had ended up. She reminds me that Roger and Harriet Carson bought it before Dad passed away. Roger wanted to restore it, but he never did get around to doing it, as far as Mom knows.

I remember that Roger and Harriet live about 35 miles out in the country. They live on a gravel road located just past the big curve on the Green Springs Highway. They were best friends with my parents for years.

Mom didn't know if they still had the car, but she did know their telephone number. She still keeps in touch with Harriet. I decided I would call Harriet later.

Since it's Tuesday, I don't have to prepare dinner. I'm snoozing in my chair when Brad gets home and starts dinner.

He looks in the fridge and asks, "Jan, didn't we have some pot roast left over?"

"Sorry honey, I accidentally left it out on the table and had to throw it away."

One more lie. When will it end? Not a good way to start "date night!" At least, I was more than ready for lovemaking tonight. I put on a sexy little Victoria's Secret number and jumped into bed looking forward to a hot night. Brad is facing away from me again, but I'm not going to allow that tonight.

"Hey big boy, want to fool around?"

"I don't think so, babe."

"What? Are you kidding me? Why not, honey?"

"I don't want to risk getting an STD!"

"What? What did you say?"

"It's a joke, Jan. When a guy's not in the mood, he says he is afraid of getting an STD. It's just a joke."

"Well, it's a sick joke, Brad. What will it take to get you in the mood?"

"It will take solving the problem that is invading all of my thoughts."

"Brad, it's costing us too much. Let's talk about it right now."

"We've reserved Friday for that. I'll be ready then. Just give me some time, Jan."

So, chalk up another first. This is the first time we've missed making love on "date night" twice in a row. I'm tired of these awful firsts, but I have to admit, I'm the one that started it.

BRAD:

I have another uneventful day at work.

Janet gets home late again. She's ecstatic about the presentation that she and Steve gave at the conference. She says it went as smooth as silk and that they make a really good team. That's just what I needed to hear!

She went on to say that everyone was impressed. The surveys that the troops filled out gave the presentation top marks. Steve is going to obtain a letter of commendation from General White and have it placed in her permanent record.

She remains happy all evening. Despite everything, I can't help being happy for her. What she's doing to me with her infidelity makes me sad. It makes it impossible for me to trust her or continue in our marriage, but I do love her. I probably always will.

At one point in the evening, we are watching TV and Janet dozes off. I know that her purse is on the kitchen table, so I take this opportunity to do some more investigating.

I peek in her purse. I find birth control pills! I had a vasectomy after Mandy was born. Why is she taking birth control pills? I guess she's just not taking any chances of having a baby with Steve. At least she's being cautious in that regard. I guess she's not making him use a condom. Isn't that a hoot? She goes bareback with him but wanted me to use a condom!

That doesn't make me feel any better. Unfortunately, I feel a lot worse. Truth be known, I'm completely devastated. I wonder if she even worries about catching an STD. Does she even consider that she's risking my health too? Maybe that's actually why she wanted me to wear a condom on our "date night" last Thursday.

Before Janet wakes up, I call Ray for a report. He says, "Brad, didn't you tell me that Janet would be participating in a conference at her office all week?"

"That's correct, Ray. It's a conference that they host every year at their office. They play host to the military units that use their products."

"Well, when Janet left home this morning, she didn't attend the conference at her office. She went directly to the Hilton. She met Steve at the Hilton Coffee Shack. When they finished their breakfast, they walked down the hall and entered his room. They stayed there until just before noon.

"When they left the Hilton in her car, they drove to your house. They parked in your garage a little past noon. They left your house shortly after 2 pm. We have pictures and videos to prove all of this.

"It appears that instead of being at the conference, she was with Steve most of the day. They spent time together both in his room and at your house. It appears that she skipped the conference today to dedicate some more time to her affair."

I thanked Ray for his report. Now I understand why she seems so happy this evening. She's driven a huge nail in the coffin of our marriage.

In bed tonight, I turn away from her as I did on our previous "date night." She doesn't accept my lack of action. This time she comes right out and asks me what's wrong. I don't answer, but she won't stop pestering me. She almost begs me to make love to her.

Her performance was very realistic. She looked all forlorn as she murmured, "Tell me what's bothering you, Brad. You've been ignoring me in bed far too long. I know I wasn't feeling 'in the mood' for a while, but I want you now. I need you, Brad."

She's getting me really mad. Here she is, cheating up a storm and wondering why I don't want to make love to her.

I remember my concern about her catching an STD and passing it along to me. My test was negative, but they don't know about HIV yet. Finally, I can't contain it any longer and I yell, "I don't want an STD!"

She reacts in surprise, "What? What did you say? Brad, what has gotten into you? What are you accusing me of?"

I've gone too far. I've let my anger get the best of me. I need a way out. Finally, I say, "It's a joke, Jan. It's just a joke. When a guy isn't in the mood, he says he doesn't want to get an STD. It's just a joking way to say that I'm not in the mood."

"Well, it's a sick joke, Brad. I certainly don't appreciate it. What will it take to get you in the mood? What can I do to turn this around?"

I want to say, "Stop screwing around on me with your precious captain," but I just say that it will be different once we talk about my big problem. She didn't notice that I didn't say it would be better, just that it would be different. She has no idea just how different it will be.

She suggests that we talk about it right now. "It's doing too much damage to us to keep putting it off."

I wanted to say that the damage was all being caused by her cheating. Instead, I reminded her that I was still collecting information. "By Friday, I'll know everything I need to know. Until then, I just have too much on my mind to feel up for intimacy."

She says she wishes that we could talk before Friday, but if not, she'll accept it and just look forward to Friday. I'm dreading Friday.

Wednesday 14

JANET:

When I arrive at my office, I notice that Steve is not in his cubicle.

I decided to call Roger and Harriet to see if, by chance, they still own the Karmann Ghia.

Harriet answered the phone. After the usual small talk, I ask her about the car. They still own it!

I tell her about Steve's interest in the car and ask her if they would consider selling it.

Harriet puts Roger on the phone. When I tell him about Steve's interest in the car, he says that he will give the car to him for free if he will promise to restore it. He owes it to my dad to get that car restored.

I assure him that Steve will be happy to pay for it. Roger says that there is still damage from an accident that happened years ago. Also, there is quite a bit of rust.

I ask him if it would be alright if Steve came by to look at it.

He says "that's fine if you will come too. Harriet wants to talk to you anyway. It's about your mom. It's something that the two of you need to talk about."

I tell Roger I'll talk to Steve and see if we can both get away soon to visit them.

Next, I leave a sticky note on Steve's computer telling him about my conversation with Roger and Harriet.

I tell him that I don't have any assignments this afternoon and I have some personal time coming. If he can get away, maybe we could go look at the car. I ask him to let me know if he's able to get away today.

When my workshops are over, I check my messages and I have one from Steve.

He is overjoyed that the Karmann Ghia is still available and he's very excited about seeing it. He will be available for the rest of the day starting at noon.

I call and get Harriet on the phone. I ask if it would be alright for us to come out today. She says they would love to have us. We set it up for 1:30.

Next, I schedule personal leave for this afternoon. Since I don't have any events on my schedule for tomorrow afternoon, I apply for leave then too. I can always use the break, and there's a chance it will take more than one afternoon to complete the car-related tasks.

I message Steve to let him know. "Steve, I suggest that we stop at the Blue Streak Cafe for lunch. It's on our way and is a favorite of all the locals.

"They have great food, but what they're famous for is scrumptious pies. It will be my treat for all of the help that you've given me with the conference."

For just a moment, I think about how Brad would react to what I'm getting ready to do. Is there any way I could get him to approve of me taking personal leave to accompany Steve on a trip out of town to see a car? What would he think of us stopping at the Blue Streak Cafe for lunch? That's Brad's very favorite restaurant! Here I am sharing it with another man.