Seeking a Friend to Cure the Blues

The course fabric of the bedspread scraped my nipples with each hard thrust. They were painfully tender and erect. I took a deep breath and tried to grab onto a lick of sanity, taking stock of my current situation.

I was naked and couldn't be more exposed. My ass was up in the air, my cheek on a pillow that smelled of bleach and cheap detergent, a thin sweat coating my body. Both of my hands were fisted in the bedspread, holding on for dear life as that creamy black cock shuttled furiously in and out of my pussy.

Yes, the elements had combined to completely blow my mind this evening.

Jolting me out of my dreamy reverie, he suddenly grabbed a handful of my dark hair in one of his big hands and smacked my ass hard with the other. My head snapped back, and I couldn't help the moan that was pulled out of somewhere deep inside me. Did I make that sound? It seemed like it came from far away. Oh dear, what had I gotten myself into this time? I smiled. Even as his cock pushed all the way against the inner walls of my pussy, why was it that I could only think about getting more, deeper, harder, again and again?

I had wanted this, needed this so bad, needed this man in my life. As I pushed my muscles to the limit in order to crane my head around to get a glimpse of that handsome face, I thought back to how it all began...

At this point in my life, I knew what I wanted, and I wasn't afraid to go after it anymore. That didn't just apply to sex, but the sex part was damn good. My enlightenment hadn't happened overnight though.

It had all begun on one of those lonely nights. Sitting in my kitchen sipping my daily made-it-through-another-day glass of wine, it had hit me before I knew what happened That mild yet persistent feeling of discontent. When this happened, I typically laughed it off because I was normally such a happy person it annoyed most who knew me. I owned my own business, I had the two best kids a single Mom could ask for, both in college and both making me so proud every day, I had great relationships with my friends, my family, my colleagues and at 45 I felt like I'd finally made it. Life was good.

So, what could it be making me feel sad out of the blue?

Feeling just the teeniest bit tipsy (okay I had actually downed 3 glasses of wine on the night in question, but was anyone counting?), I made my way to my bedroom. Under my bed was a black and red toolbox with a combination lock. I knew it by heart by this point - right 30, left 23, right 5, and the lock clicked open. Something in this box was usually the cure for this kind of problem. Sigh, which toy to use tonight?

Running my fingers over the assortment of dildos, vibrators, magic wands and magic bullets, I finally landed on the one I'd had in mind. My porn star replica cock that matched a certain gentleman I'd loved to watch while I masturbated. The smooth dark silicone felt so much like real flesh. So much, yet nowhere near enough at the present time.

My discontent had me putting it back in the box, closing the lid and locking it up again. I sighed and laid back on the bed, and it was then I began to accept that I wanted a man in my life. Not needed but wanted, and really not in the traditional sense. And not just any man. I needed to find the right man.

Men weren't terribly hard to come by I had found as I had entered the dating world after my divorce. They just never had "it," and when I found myself looking forward to my alone time more than our time together, I knew it was time to break off the relationship. It was a cycle I had gone through until I gave up on dating. Though I did feel lonely at times, I knew it wasn't right for me to take up a good man's time with a relationship that wasn't going anywhere.

I absently fingered the small pearl buttons on my blouse as I reclined on the bed. Unbuttoning a few, I reached inside my shirt and toyed with a nipple. I was doing this alone stuff way too often these days, I thought as I grazed my fingers lightly over the material of my jeans. Though I wanted to be strong and not need a man, it was time to admit that's exactly what had been missing.

Yes. I needed good dick, and I needed it now. And not the plastic kind either.

What are you going to do about it? taunted the voice inside my head.

I sat up straight and glanced at my laptop, annoyed with the thought of pleasuring myself yet again. I wanted to play like I didn't need anyone or anything, but was it right to lie to myself the same way I lied to the rest of the world? I needed physical intimacy. I craved it and could no longer deny it. The emotional entanglements I could do without, but my dilemma was simple. I needed to get fucked. I needed hard, hot, sweaty sex and the satisfaction that I knew could come with it. The challenge would be in finding the right man for the job.

I had done the online dating thing before. Is that what I needed now? To start a new profile on Match.com? I stared at the Google search bar. Feeling frustrated, I typed in ten different things then backspaced them all out. "Find a Lover" ... lol no. The word "lover" just reminded me of old Hollywood, and I giggled a bit. "Find a playmate" landed me on a lot of backpage prostitute classified ads. Finally, I searched for "Find an adult friend" and found a website devoted to just that.

I debated, struggling to come up with a sexy yet cute username and go through all the ridiculous hoops you have to jump through to start a profile, including paying a membership fee. Am I really doing this? I thought once I entered my credit card information and agreed to monthly auto-renewal. Then I was there on the site's landing page with an offering of a variety of gentlemen the site's "algorithm" thought I would like.

A grid of photos and brief descriptions of eligible companions came onto the screen, and I was struck by the varying sizes and shapes of the array of penises now in front of me. Did every man choose a dick pic as his profile picture? I laughed. Some of them made me giggle, some of them generated a little sympathy, and some made me question if they were actually real.

Almost immediately my inbox began pinging with messages.

"Want to peg me?"

"Come over and sit on my face"

"Watch me suck off my boyfriend"

Not one message appealed to me and I had no desire to reply. I shut my laptop with a loud snap and folded my arms over my chest, pouting. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep with that frown still on my face.

Days went by and I continued to browse the deluge of cock pictures on the site night after night, telling myself it was just for entertainment purposes. The profiles seemed sad, sad and sadder, and I just kept wondering what I was doing there. The messages in my inbox kept adding up, most going unread.

Then I got that message.

Right away it struck me because the little thumbnail profile picture was not protruding male genitalia. Hmmm, that's' strange, I thought. The only thing I could make out in the small picture were huge, HUGE beautifully shaped male lips. That's it, and just a small amount of dark chocolatey skin surrounding them.

I just stared at those lips. They were like a work of art. Damn. What would they feel like on my body?

I opened the message and tentatively began to read, and I was pleasantly surprised. It wasn't nasty, it wasn't pushy, it was actually kinda sweet and sexy. It sounded like this man was in search of the same thing I was looking for.

Could it be?

So while I had made up this profile and had some hopes of finding a man, at that point I began to ponder if I truly had it in me to be so bold; to meet a complete stranger and start up a relationship based primarily on sex? Well gosh I hoped so, because otherwise why was I wasting my time? I wasn't sure if I could go through with it, but it would be wrong to lead him on and then not have the courage to continue.

Then I began to wonder, what were the rules in this kind of thing? Would we meet in some back alley and have a quickie? Would it happen in the backseat of a car? Should I invite him to my place? What would we call each other? FWBs? FBs? Would we actually become "friends" as well as lovers, was that even allowed?

Deciding I liked the idea of a friend with benefits much better than a "fuck buddy," I decided I would try the route of getting to know this new admirer. What did I have to lose as long as I didn't reveal enough personal information to threaten my anonymity?

Carefully I began crafting a reply, and that's when it all began. We started exchanging sexy messages. This went on for a few weeks, and I was really enjoying all that I'd learned. We finally made plans to meet at a local bar for a simple meet and greet.

As I got ready, jitters ran through my body while I fretted over what to wear, which make-up to put on and how to do my hair. At one point I threw my brush down and decided - why not just show him the real me? No act, no airs, no fronting, just me. Be a big girl for the first time and don't worry about rejection. If he rejects you, it just means he wasn't the right one, I thought with a shrug.

That's what I was telling myself as I sat at the bar drinking a large glass of Cabernet. I was in need of liquid courage. He was late, and my imagination was on overdrive as I tried to do some deep breathing exercises I'd learned in yoga class right there at the bar. What if he looked nothing like his pictures? I heard that happened sometimes? What if he was a total weirdo and followed me to my car? Girl, I told myself, sometimes in life you've got to take risks to earn rewards! You don't get one without the other!

Finally, he texted that he was in the parking lot, and a sudden calm came over me. You've got this, I told myself. My eyes were trained on that door like a sharp-shooter looking through the sights of a rifle. Anticipation was killing me! Then he pushed open the door, did a quick perusal of the room and his eyes found me instantly. He began striding toward me with an easy smile.

I felt the corners of my mouth slowly turn up until I realized I was grinning like a damn fool. Stay cool! I admonished myself, forcing myself to look all around, anywhere but at him, just a typical gal sitting there bored at a bar.

"Heyyyyy" he said as he reached me and leaned in for an informal hug. Right away I heard that Jersey accent that the world hated but I had always found soooo damn sexy. "Hey, you," I responded, just looking in his eyes. What was I trying to find there? I'm still not sure, but apparently, I found what I was looking for.

As we sat across from each other at a table, I listened intently to his story as I secretly appraised him. He was confident but not overly so. Smart. Driven. We were the same age, and like me I felt he was at a stage in his life where he was sure of himself and what he wanted, yet he wasn't overly arrogant. I kept thinking about how much I liked what I was seeing. And hearing.

Had I found the one?

We talked for hours, and I realized we had a lot of common ground. He definitely had that thing. That intangible thing. The spark. It was hard to deny that chemistry was the name of the game.

His skin was dark, his hair sprung up in a modern style and I wanted so badly to run my fingers through it. It looked soft. His lips were even bigger and more tantalizing than his pictures revealed. He was tall, much taller than my 5'8 frame and I liked that. He was all man, but there was a sensitive side I noticed repeatedly. Yeahhhh he's the one, I said to myself. I remember wanting to jump him right there!

Our conversation started winding down, and after taking care of the bill he walked me to my car as the early fall wind whipped all around us. I pulled my coat tighter around me and shivered as I stopped next to my car and looked up at him. The moment of truth. I knew he was going to kiss me, and I knew this was going to be the deciding factor. I thought back to all the handsome, confident successful men I had met on typical dating sites. Most of them did not know how to kiss a woman. A kiss said EVERYTHING in my opinion. It was like a movie trailer that hit on every aspect of the plot. Most of the kisses I'd had with prospective boyfriends and "lovers" in the past were a complete let-down. Damn I hoped this one would be different.

Luckily, he did not disappoint me.

He bent down slowly, almost giving me the chance to back away and in some part of my mind I took note of that considerate gesture. And then his lips were on mine. The thought that my lips were finally meeting those big beautiful ones I had dreamed of for these past weeks was almost too much to bear. I felt a moist heat begin down below. Yes, dammit, his lips WERE as soft as they looked, I realized as he lined his mouth up with mine, barely touching. He gently began to kiss me, not making any move initially to slip his tongue in my mouth. I was struck then that this was not like kisses I'd experienced in the past, when someone begins to invade your mouth with their tongue right off the bat. He just softly, slowly moved his lips on mine, and I thought, "this is one patient motherfucker right here!" I prided myself on self-control and yet I was about to lose it.

I knew we were in a well-lit parking lot at a busy bar and grill, I had an image to uphold, what if someone saw me and blah, blah, blah but fortunately I just did not give one little fuck at that moment! My tongue decided to come out and play, and I tentatively ran my tongue over the seam of his lips. He retreated then and looked down at me with a small, surprised smile. Hmm. Maybe he wasn't used to women taking the upper hand?

He leaned down once more and this time he hit me with the full assault.

Holy. Shit!

Slowly, deeply, his tongue made love to my mouth. In that moment I didn't think about what my next move was going to be as was my typical MO. My mind wasn't filled with anxiety about what to say when this kiss was over. I was just right there in the moment as I had never been before. Our tongues did a soft little duel (I had read about the "tongue duel" in romance novels and though I always thought it sounded super corny, but I now understood what all those authors meant!) and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pressing just my fingertips against the warm skin of his neck. Damn he's so smooth! I thought. I felt his hand reach down to gently cup my ass through my coat and pull me closer, and once more I couldn't give a FUCK about who was watching us in that parking lot.

Finally, he lifted his head and looked into my eyes. He whispered something to me. I was in some kind of a daze where I saw his lips moving but couldn't comprehend the words. I couldn't say how we left it as he opened my door for me and I put my seatbelt on, but I felt sure he was as pleased with the kiss as I was. He gave me one more quick kiss and shut my door gently, and in a fog I watched him cross the parking lot and unlock his car. All I could think was that I was fairly certain my future sex life was about to get pretty damn exciting!

Which brings me back to the current day in our little room at the Days Inn. Damn I had been dreaming about this rendezvous almost constantly in the week since we had met that night. And you know what? I realized that it was all a beautiful kind of foreplay; anticipation the likes of which I hadn't felt it in ages. Wanting to make the most of our first real encounter, I didn't dare use any of my toys during that week between our first meeting and now. I wanted my libido to run with that momentum and make it a night we both wouldn't forget.

He was late. Again. I usually didn't stand for that shit in my life, but the promise of good dick made me forget all my stupid little rules. Reminding myself that there actually were no rules anymore, I looked down at my attire. I was dressed simply in jeans and a pink hoodie. I had a very plain black bra and black bikini panties on underneath. Although I had two drawers full of lingerie, stockings, and sexy bra and panties sets, for some reason I wasn't about that tonight. Tonight, I just wanted it to be me and him, putting on no airs or false pretenses. I couldn't say why I felt this way, but I decided to trust my instincts this one time.

Finally, there was a knock at the door. I approached and peered through the peephole at those stunning brown eyes, smooth chocolate skin and the lips I'd been dreaming of. Quickly I flung the door open and wrapped my arms around him. Overeager? Yeah, I wasn't fucking around. I was craving everything he had to offer.

He enveloped me in his arms and kissed me as we stood there in the doorway, and this kiss was so different from the first one. This kiss was raw and definitely sent a message. Shit was about to go DOWN! I couldn't help smiling a little around his lips because I was feeling so damn good. So alive and excited. When had I felt this way before? Although I was sure I had, it had been a LONG time. In some part of my head that was still functioning I noted that, although there had been no question, this was definitely the missing piece I'd been searching for. I'd solved the puzzle, and now it was time to sit back and enjoy it.

I started to move my hands down to his ass. Ohhh yes, I had been checking him out the night we met too and had been looking forward touching this glorious body. Then he abruptly ended our kiss.

"Just let me shower baby," he said with a smile that said this motherfucker knew just how impatient I was.

"Grrrrr!" I released him abruptly, pouted and stomped over to sit on the bed.

He was doing that silent laughter thing in his chest as he swaggered to the bathroom. "Don't fall asleep," he warned me with a smile as he closed the bathroom door.

"Don't keep me waiting," I shot right back at the closed door, making him laugh.

It was already midnight and I had been pre-gaming with a few shots of whiskey before he arrived, but hell no, I wouldn't be falling asleep. I was bursting with energy. I hoped he took fast showers!

After what felt like a lifetime, he opened the door and came out of the bathroom slowly, a misty fog surrounding him. It made this surreal encounter feel even more so. While waiting, I had sat there worried about how to appear when he came out - should I get naked? Should I wait and undress slowly in front of him? Should I strip down to my bra and panties and recline against the headboard seductively?? Haha.

No, I had reminded myself. I was being real here. So, I had stripped off my clothes, folded them neatly and placed them on the dresser, and waited for him at the foot of the bed in just my plain bra and panties. I smiled up at him as he approached, a soft smile that probably still gave away my excitement but damn, I couldn't help that.

He was sporting a white terry cloth towel riding low on his hips and a smile. I remained seated there on the bed, unhurriedly reaching my arms out to touch the moist skin on his belly. He was warm. I reach further, feeling the skin on his back as I lightly wrapped my arms around his waist. My nose against his belly, I gave it a wet kiss. He smelled clean and masculine. He put his hands lightly on my shoulders as I finally looked up to meet his gaze.

"Well, damn," he whispered, gazing down at me. We were both smiling widely at each other.

I looked back down and noticed his erection was tenting the towel now. I wanted so badly to be that bold woman who took the lead and just pulled it off and flung it across the room!

So, pulling on years of reserves of steel nerves I had built up over a lifetime, I grabbed the edge of the towel, took a deep calming breath, and did just that! It landed haphazardly on the nightstand as I took in the feast in front of me.