All Comments on 'Senior Year Super Tanks Ch. 01'

lovely story! i'd love to read the next part

Much better story without Huff. His relationship with Roxi doesn't make sense....

"It wasn't just because I got called that a while back, Huff's offered my chest to a lot of the people at this party"

"I learned he wasn't as huge a super villain as Roxi'd made him out to be"

Almost being her pimp and making her serve his friends was an asshole move if not actually "villain"

Does it mean that she lied?

I think this is the most realistic story I've read on here in terms of the social situations. I don't really have any experience with high school parties, I was basically Griffin except I never started going to parties or really being part of the social scene, but the way he misses cues seems like exactly how I'd behave in those situations. And the bullying and manipulative relations are always way more complicated than just "this person was at fault." There's always some kind of psychological cause that makes you blame that person less if you find out. Like, Huff isn't just a terrible person, he's flawed and hurting and he doesn't know how to deal with what he's feeling. And Roxi isn't just a victim, she actually said she got into the "Huff telling her to feed other people" thing because it was kinda kinky, until it wasn't. The people around her weren't just ignoring the situation, they stopped going along with it when she did. So their relationship actually makes a lot of sense.

While you excel at that side of writing, I recommend you proofread more carefully or even get someone else to proofread if you can. There were a few places where simple errors really affected the meaning/function of the sentence, e.g. that one spot where you said "it wasn't just that... it was that..." and ended up saying the same thing twice by mistake. A lot of simple fixes would make a huge difference, and I care about that because the quality is so good otherwise.

(As an unfortunate side effect of your realistic high school relationship writing, I found it impossible to get off, but that's quite beside the point and doesn't really matter.)

I love the story. I love how she let herself be manipulated and taken advantage of, and that strikes me as realistic , but I think we needed to know she was lying about that ex a bit - he's not passing her around, she's passing herself around. just makes more sense to me, and it would make that line about him not being a super villain stronger - she was lying, because deep down she's still addicted to the way her toxic ex makes whimper. like a lot of us are.

loved it and loved how it made her feel, too.