All Comments on 'September Blue'

Excellent story, very well written. Loved it. Thanks for what you do

This could be movie. Well done and thanks.

Firstly, thanks for putting me back with Chris Rea, lots of memories there, and the story, as said before, 'epic' movie stuff. Well done.

"while the protagonists are not biological siblings, the relationship retains that "forbidden" aspect with regard to the emotional side of a brother-sister relationship"

Almost all stories here on the Lit, by definition, deal with subjects that are "forbidden" or "taboo" in some way.

So forbidden" or "taboo" are obviously not categories but simply describe almost all of the content on this foum.

These "authors" are intelligent folks and are not imbeciles and so they do know that they are posting the story in the wrong cat, yet due to their own peculiar compulsions, they continue to do so!

If you are aiming at the "Emotional side of a NON brother-sister relationship" then please do so in Erotic Couplings, Romance or in your case even Non Erotic!

Why place the story in the category which it does not belong in?

When a story can bring a lump to the throat and tears to the eyes of a cynical geriatric it's got to be good.

Thank you.

I give you 8 stars. Very well written. It's hard to write sex scene after sex scene and make them all as vibrant and erotic as the first but you managed it. You like writing. So you don't really have a choice. You have to keep it up and keep developing, keep becoming the fine writer you already are.

I haven't finished reading all, but so far you've really hit it out-of the park!

Excellent. Very erotic and well done!

Deliciously erotic sex scenes and an overarching love story that tied it together nicely. I particularly liked the way that you showed Ashlee's emotions of love, lust and finally grief.

That was an emotional jag, Chloe. Nice start, setting the scene, just hot sex scene and after hot sex scene and as someone else commented, that's hard to doand make each one so different but you did a great job. And then that ending. WOW! That was so moving. I actually did have tears in my eyes and that's not something that happens much. Beautifully written, hot sex and totally moving. 5 stars from me and if I could give it more, I would.

And as for incest, seems to me an adopted girl works for the category. Just my opinion. To be honest, when I come across a story this good, I don't care what category it's in. There were a couple of typo's but that's minor stuff. Great writing.

Your tale continues in the vein of all those that have preceded I -- consistently excellent. You continue to set the bar for erotic tales. Would love to read a story against a Hawaii backdrop.

Once again thanks Chloe

You're an amazing writer. Good job. 5*

Hey Chloe,

I'm from germany and love your story. You write so emotional. Great! You are my favorite of this contest, hope you'll win.

5 stars of course.

BHNC

Breath taking, yet tragic. Shakespearian. A wonderful tale full of love. You have gone over the top with this.

TBC

Just plain wow. What a writer.

What a beautiful story! Five Stars! However one suggestion I would make is that it doesn't really belong in this Halloween contest, with all the scary and creepy stories.

Had September Blue playing while I was browsing this excellent work, eyes started leaking.

Got a real surprise when I came back to check on September Blue and found it already up and with so many views, comments and ratings. Thank you ALL so much for reading, rating and commenting.

That was awesome and intense. Well done

And only two random apostrophes in the wrong place ! A new record.

I loved every bit of this story. Even the sex scenes on just about every page had their place in a story about a couple who have found each other, broken the dam and let loose all that early passion. The sex was not at all gratuitous.

The emotions Ashlee went through; from the first description of morning sickness and the reveal of her pregnancy, through the discovery of her love for Ryan, to the eventual practicality of living a life after her loss; were all so realistically and sensitively described.

Worth every one of the five stars I gave it.

Lue

The first scene captured my attention and I couldn't stop reading! Several people have mentioned how you incorporate all these sex scenes without sounding repetitious. That's an amazing feat. (Personally, I could have done with several fewer; I found myself skipping stuff.) The love was real, it was palpable, and Ashlee's feelings were presented so clearly and so realistically.

Incidentally, for those who fuss about adopted-sibling relationships and the category of this story: in most states of the U.S., marriage is prohibited not only between natural-born siblings but between adopted- and step-siblings.

1. I recommend this author's other stories to those new to her writing. You will not be disappointed.

2. You seduced me like a stealth fighter plane. The sex scenes were your usual graphic greatness, but it was the poignancy in the hospital, the emotional hit I was not expecting that pushes this story into unique territory here at Literotica.

3. I have more to say on your use of the dramatic here, but that will have to wait as I digest the ending.

Honestly I was just looking for porn but now I'm crying in a bathtub and 😩😭😭😭

You're not alone. One minute I'm sitting there reading hot sex and jerking off and now I'm sitting here listening to Chris Rea singing September Blue and reading this story for the second time with tears in my eyes. What a perfect song that captures the mood of the story so well - or is it the other way round. Just a beautiful story, Chloe, with an ending that's so moving. You are one talented writer.

simply beautiful

How dare you make me cry?! My libido is now in mourning..... Asshole 😂😂😂🙁

What Chloe and Ryan had was special. It's sad they won't have a life together, but they were well matched and with a loving to their sex that is not often seen on Literotica. This story deserves the five stars I gave it, and I look forward to reading more of your stories.

What a truly beautiful story. Thank you so much.

This was the first story of yours that I've read. Very well done!

The best I've ever read.

Thank you.

great read love how deep the love was between Ryan and Ashlee was there before they hooked up at the party.Also the tease at the beginning about she was have ryans baby . then went into the story plot .

for sharing that story with us. What a beautiful and poignant love. I knew what was coming and it still broke my heart for her.

You never disappoint. You're a good girl.

Fantastic Well Written Story that left a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes!!

The story inspires tears and a heart-wrenching conclusion. Love Ryan and Ashlee together. I imagined Ryan with a dusting of silky blonde chest hair -- just enough for a maturing young man and just enough for Ashlee to feel dusting again her breast during their love making.

The opening set the scene yet opened many questions as to how Ashlee got to this point.

The flashback filled in all the holes created by the opening very nicely.

At one point I began to think the sex scenes were too much but as I read on, I realized the sex was necessary to convey the incredible emotional bond between Ryan and Ashlee.

It became obvious at least to me that they were in love with one another without the conscious realization at the Halloween party. That realization began to dawn once the masks were off and they recognized one another.

As I read the initial sex between them and Ashlee thinking how good he smelled, I began to wonder if she had subconsciously learned his scent having lived with him for most of her life and had registered them as a couple without a conscious awareness.

Ashlee seemed to have an acute sense of smell and it’s entirely likely in my perception that this could have been a strong bonding influence at the subconscious level.

And the ending was incredibly emotion evocative. Intense comes close to describing the emotional responses and reactions the story evokes. This is truly a love story of intense measure.

I also think that having Lee turn out to be a good man who loves Ashlee and is accepting of her as she came is in itself a demonstration of the positive life view of the author.

In short, well done, a superb story!

Chloe, This would have earned 5* just for the Chris Rea reference so the great story was an additional bonus. I shared some of the concerns about the amount of sex but then when I read the input from other readers I understand where you were coming from, if you'll excuse the pun, and that's why I'm a mere reader and not a writer. Keep up the good work. GJ

Really, I'm totally grateful and appreciative for all the comments and feedback and I'm so happy you enjoyed reading this little story, tears in the bathtub and all. Love that it got some of you listening to Chris Rea again too. I only ran into him for the first time a few months ago and I love his music. Anyhow, I guess I was really pouring my soul into this story, and that you got it and the ending really means a lot to me. I know it's not the usual LIT story, let alone for a Halloween competition, but thank you again so much, all of you....... Chloe

What can I say. This is up to your usual high standard i dont know how you find enough time to write these tales but I'm glad you do.

There's a few odd spelling mistakes which given the time you had to write it isn't surprising and don't detract from the story. I guess the spell checker is part to blame.

I wondered at some point whether she might be dreaming this and Ryan would turn up on but sadly not. Al la Bobby in Dallas.

Well done Chloe and thanks again for a riveting story.

Always look forward to reading your stories. They bring a smile to my face every time I read one.

This beautiful story deserves far more than a mere five, it deserves to win!

I knew that it had to end like this. Well, I thought it would. The title and the poem sort of gave that part away, to me anyway. Wonderfully written and thought out. Beautifully graphic sex/love scenes. Thank you for a well-crafted love story. Keep up the great work.

one of the best stories on the site!!

Has to cheat in the scoring to get stories in the fours. The bio pic is a fake, too. I wonder who she really is. Some 50 year old fat bald guy, probably

Talentless maybe, but not a hack. One page is a hack. Nine pages is writing.

Those who can (and want to), write, those who can't, remain anonymous and troll. I'm kind of mixed here on the lower life-form, troll or literary critic. That's a hard one. On the whole, I think I'd rate an anonymous troll higher than a literary critic - trolls are honest in their dislikes. So kudos to you for openly saying what you think.

Fantastic all around.

Great back story, good plot, great sex scenes (I'm strange for these parts in that I'd like the story just about as much without explicit sex scenes, but these were definitely well done).

Hope you win the contest!

I can only rate it a 5 but if I could it would be a 15. Excellent through and through!

The repetitive dialog hurt the perfect sex and emotional scenes

Thx, that's a point that's been made about my writing and not just on LIT. Have to really work on that and thx again for pointing that out. Next personal goal - improve plotting / cut out repetition from dialog and from narrative.

This is the second story of yours I have read. God, it sounds like you have been there also. This just doesn't sound like some made-up story some twerp has wet dreams about. It sounds real, like it really happened.

Reminds me of a song "I felt all flushed with fever, embarrassed by the sound, I felt she found my letters and read each one out loud."

As long as you can keep the human element, and keep the stories sounding real you will have a fan for life.

What else would I have liked to have heard in this one. You alluded to anal intercourse. Several times Ashlee almost pleaded for him to do anything and everything to her. Perhaps I missed it, it seemed you came so close. Like when she stuffed her panties in her mouth to keep from crying out. She wanted to be totally used by him, a complete and total surrender.

That wouldn't have worked as well for the first story I read but it would have for this one.

Ah, I talk to much!

Thx Rhodney, so happy you enjoyed September Blue and "A Teddy Bear for Christmas." If you liked these, you'll probably enjoy "Sometimes Harder is Best." I'm just finishing of another Winter Holidays competition story - "Phuket Xmas Special - Half Price Sale" - should be submitting it after the Thanksgiving weekend. It's not at all romantic but you might enjoy.....

I was a wet puddle of mess reading this. It took an unexpected turn at the end and my eyes leaked. Well done. Well written.

TBC

I agree that there is too much repetition, but be careful how much you cut out. Your descriptions are amazing-extremely vivid and very, very personal. The story was obviously written by a woman-no guy could ever write how intensely Ashlee experienced sex and especially her orgasms. Some of your repetition hammered home that intensity. But, the repetition between paragraphs was, indeed, distracting.

Awesome....just darn right AWESOME! Very well written and your description of the sex/lovemaking/LUST...the dirty talk that I so love when I am with a woman, the deep and passionate showing of feelings for each other....it brought back some very nice memories of two certain ladies in my life. Keep writing and entertaining us out here across the "internet world"! OUTSTANDING!!

You have talent, and it's fun to see it as a reader. You can be undisciplined and a little careless -- you mix up "to" and "too" on more than one occasion in this story, to give just one tiny example --but there's something about your style that works, especially for erotica. I think some of the other commentators are correct that you repeat yourself, and your stories could use some editing, and perhaps shortening, But there's so much to like. I love the way you handle sex scenes. You draw them out, maybe too long, but they're really sexy. I think the key to your success in doing them is the combination of describing in detail the anatomy of what's going on outside along with the description of what's happening inside the characters' hearts and minds. It's like you wring every bit of eroticism out of a scene. Nothing is left on the table. You leave the reader spent, like your characters.

And there are little passages I really like, like this one: "He was and he did and it was wonderful and the look on his face as he came in me filled me with happiness. Filled me with joy and love. Just as his cock filled me with his cum." Nice. Genuine emotion and explicit sexual release in one short paragraph, in simple words. That's what it's all about.

Keep up the good work.

Chloe,

I think you have set the bar high for other writers. I also have ADHD and don't really finish writings in one night. Yours dear I can't stop reading and when I get to the bitter end of a series. I feel like I just hit a brick wall and have a flat face. I know It is going to happen but the writing is so eloquent that it is once again repeated, ADDICTIVE !!

This had me in tears and goes up with a novella I read here. You don't just write you, express emotion. You paint with your words getting deep into detail. 20 stars.

Aloha

Jeff

It is a known fact that a mother can tell her child from others by smell when blindfolded because of that bond at birth and holding them. As for sex, it depends on the time of month that the gentleman is either smelling good at ovulation or bad after her period. Not many men can do that.

Aloha

Jeff

Chloe - what a magnificent writer you are. I've read every single one of your stories at least twice - this the best by a country mile. You have a wonderful gift, and you use it to create magic. Thank you, Steve

Thank you. Simply, thank you :)

A very sad but lovely story that I had a good cry too. I Loved reading it keep up the great work you do.

Thank you so much. It's comments like yours that are the real reward for writing here and I'm so happy you enjoyed September Blue.

If you had wrote this story with another sad song in mind like Chris Isaak - Wicked Game, I would never been able to finish this great moving story of love & loss. I wish you good luck with all your future stories & keep up the great work.

Great story , we loved reading it. It felt personal to us and it defiantly had an emotional ending.

Chris Rae, hadn't heard him in awhile and fool if you think it's over was one of my favorite back in the late 70's. Being from the south growing up and listening to blues was a part of life.........

Its so romantic and hot but in last it is very emotional. Loved reading it.

I really loved it. Nice work Chloe. Keep it up!

Loved this story. It was so full of emotions. Love joy, happiness, grief and sorrow all in a loving and lovely story.

September is when summer ends, fall begins and winter consumes the earth.

But it also gives the promise of spring to come, when life renews. Warm sun chases away those dark and cold times and hearts are renewed.

She will feel that in the spring, and have to believe Lee will be there with and for her.

Another great story of love, life and all the emotions.

So I had things to do they went undone, not until I finished this story. It was in a word exquisite. Not my particular peccadillo, but enrapturing nonetheless. The love of these two and their obvious chemistry were addictive. Even though it is bookended in Tragedy perhaps that makes every act every word even more poignant. Absolute winner.

Wow, just wow

I blame Literotica

I have read this story several times.

I have no way of expressing how impressed I am with the writing, other than this tiny editorial.

In my humble opinion, this is the finest piece I've found here, on this site.

The story, plot, dialogue, sex, every single element is intergrel to the story.

I am truly looking forward to reading her (now) published works.

I hope she finishes some of her already started work, and offers them as completed novels (Jeung Park, Chinese Takeout) Both of those are fabulous but virgins have been left behind. Lol.

Wow! Came for the porn, stayed for the story.

And, a helluva a story it is!

...by the most talented author on Literotica. Chloe Tzang can pull at your heartstrings while making your genitals uber-orgasmic.

Exceptional, I’ve not read it’s like here. I’m an old Happy Endind guy and this is both sad and happy.

Thank you

Bigtoz

You wrote an excellent story. The only thing needed to make it better was a good proof reader. There were several places where you used the wrong or a partial word.

Excellent ! I loved the writing style, made me feel as though I was part of the story.

I gave it a 5 star but i will pretent the story ended there

Chloe, your story just brings everything to life. You put your audience right in the room with. It’s almost like a threesome. I loved the story. Keep up the good work.

I'll be all right though I may cry

The tears that flow they always dry

I lost my first true love to a brain tumor and yet today I share my life with a woman I love. We are happy and deeply in love, but I will always remember the my first love who taught me so much about myself and about love.

This story vividly captures the experience of the deep loss and the slow drying of the tears that follows.

But now old friends are acting strange

They shake their heads, they say I've changed

Well something's lost, but something's gained

In living every day

I love your stuff Chloe, but I wish you would quit making me cry.

Oh my god... I think it's the first erotic story I ever read, that brought tears to my eyes. I didn't even know that was possible, and I've been coming to the Literotica site, for better than twenty years now. You don't usually see an author write about emotional ties in this particular category. That's a sad reality of writing erotica, in the I/T category. Very few of the authors in this category draw on emotion, yet make full use of physical descriptions in ever sense of the word. Chloe Tzang, you're a genius. A fucking genius. You've actually succeeded in reaching something emotional inside my head, while reading this story. You should write more of these, I think. I know you don't write in the I/T category very often... (and the category is much the poorer, because you don't!)

This category has a few very good authors, and a great many utterly terrible authors contributing to it. Most of the authors contributing to the I/T format, tend to keep things a lot more light-hearted, and not so emotionally heavy. This is NOT a criticism, Chloe, it's an observation. DON'T CHANGE the way you write, please. It's already perfect. It's just that I've never really had an author hit me from an emotional perspective. This is what sets your stories apart from the rest of the authorship in this category. I'd give you creative criticism... (such as your need to have someone proofread your material, before submitting it here, but that's minor...) but you really don't need much to be perfect. Your story's plot progression is done at just the right pace. You don't rush it, but it never drags either. Your characters are well fleshed out, and you don't rush our introductions to them. Your descriptions are precise enough to let us see what you're wanting to show us, but without it bogging down the plot, or character development. That's a rare balance to achieve, and you do it effortlessly. You are five out of five stars, madame... and my Chapeaux is permanently off to your style. I say this, without bias, even though we are friends. All of your stories are good, hon... but this one really was a prize winner. I think it may be the best I/T story I've ever read on Literotica. As I said...I've been here for better than twenty years. Way to go, girl. I look forward to reading many more from you.

Such a beautiful story. :~)