September Sunsets Pt. 01

Saoirse laughed and hugged him round the waist. "Permission to take photos of me when I'm not looking? Yeah, go on then." They sat on rocks near the top of the beach while Neil took some photos of the beach and the sea. Then they made their way down on to the beach. "Slow down, long legs!" Saoirse gasped. "I'm going to fall!" she said, clasping Neil's hand tightly while he led them quickly down the sand dune. Neil turned round swiftly, lifted her in a fireman's lift and ran/slid the rest of the way down the dunes with Saoirse shrieking and clinging on to him as he laughed his cheeky chuckle. "NEIL YOU MANIAC!" Saoirse screeched as he set her down on the sand at the bottom. She caught her breath and clasped his hand with both of hers as they walked along the beach.

They located Jay, Mike and Emma in the water and sat down further along the beach so Neil could take more photos. "Are you alright?" Neil asked, looking out to sea through the lens of his camera. Saoirse hummed in agreement. "Sure about that?" Neil asked.

"Yeah, why?" Saoirse asked, looking round at him.

Neil put down his camera and looked at her. "You're not usually this quiet." he said softly. "You seem uptight."

"Do you mean cos I didn't want to have sex last night?" she asked.

"No, not at all." Neil shook his head, furrowing his brow as he thought. "Why do you say that...?" he asked.

"This is embarrassing." Saoirse said, looking down. Neil turned his body towards her. "So I got a new bikini wax and I think the wax was too hot. I mean my skin is sensitive anyway but... it's a bit red and sore." she said and glanced up to see him looking at her.

"I just thought you didn't fancy it. Nothing wrong with that." he shook his head and stroked her hand with his fingers. "Or maybe you had your period and felt uncomfortable cos we aren't at home." he shrugged.

Saoirse swallowed hard and looked down at her hands. "Well, not exactly. Sort of...but..." Saoirse stumbled over her words. Neil took a deep breath and Saoirse looked up to see him staring at her. "So you know I have the coil?" she asked. Neil frowned and nodded. "And that I've been bleeding recently?" she said. Neil nodded again. "Well, that's not supposed to happen. My periods stopped when I got the coil put in. It isn't just for contraception, because I have..." she stopped and sighed. "I don't know if you even want to know this..." she said, looking at him with an embarrassed smile.

"Yes, tell me. It's important." Neil said reassuringly, stroking her shoulder.

Just then Emma arrived, interrupting them. "The guys were just saying we should stay here for the sunset and then get food later on?" she asked.

Neil and Saoirse looked at each other and nodded. "Yeah, do you fancy a cuppa now?" Neil asked them.

"Yeah, that'd be good. There's a little horse box cafe up the hill and along the road that does hot drinks and maybe ice creams." Emma pointed back up the sand dunes.

"Yeah? Fancy a poke, Saoirse?" Neil asked with a chuckle, looking at Saoirse. She laughed and agreed. "Ok, Saoirse and I'll go and get something...ehh...2 teas, a coffee, whatever we're having and 5 ice creams if they sell them?" Neil asked, looking at Emma who nodded. "See you in about 20 minutes."

Neil got up and reached out his arm to Saoirse, pulling her to stand up and they headed back towards the sand dunes. "Sorry we got interrupted there." Neil said as they got to the top of the sand dunes. He squeezed Saoirse's hand in his and led her over to sit on the rocks. "Tell me what's happening." he said, looking at her with a softness in his face.

Saoirse put her hand on his thigh and smiled shyly. "Maybe it would be better later on?" she asked.

"They can wait," Neil said, gesturing towards the beach. Saoirse looked him in the eyes and grasped at his t-shirt. "But yeah, later if you'd feel more comfortable." he said.

Saoirse put her arms around his waist and hugged him tightly, sighing with relief. "Thanks Neil." she whispered. He leaned down and kissed her. They sat in silence for a moment before making their way towards the kiosk and bringing back hot drinks to Neil's friends on the beach.

They watched the sunset all together on the beach, mostly in silence. Neil and Jay took photographs. Saoirse felt so peaceful, the sound of the waves and the fresh air were so calming. The sunset was beautiful and she enjoyed watching it with Neil and watching how much he appreciated it. She stroked his back and he lifted his arm to put it round her, hugging her to him and kissing her softly on the lips. "Ok?" he whispered, looking in her eyes. Saoirse nodded and smiled warmly at him.

Once the sun set they made their way home via the takeaway to get fish and chips for dinner then they gathered around the table in the kitchen of the Air B&B to eat together and review the day. It had been a successful first day of their September Surfing trip.

After they ate their fish & chips they scattered around the house; Neil disappeared upstairs, Mike worked on his board by the patio doors in the kitchen, Saoirse curled herself into the armchair and listened to Jay and Emma debating some controversial subject together on the sofa.

The day was catching up with Saoirse and just as she felt herself about to fall asleep, Neil appeared quietly by the arm of the armchair dressed for the outdoors, peering over her. She looked up at him and he tilted his head towards the door. She got up and stretched standing beside him. "I've got your coat." he said softly and nodded towards his arm. He stood by the kitchen door and waited for her to go and put her warmer clothes and shoes on. "We're taking the new lens out to meet the stars." Neil said.

"Ok!" Jay and Emma said in unison.

"Where are you headed?" Mike asked.

"Not too far, just up to the Point. It's a clear night." Neil replied. "Break her in gently."

"The lens or Saoirse?" Mike asked. Neil laughed. "Sha-Sha?" Mike shouted across the kitchen. "Your man here is taking you to the premier local dogging spot, do you know about this?" he shouted to Saoirse.

Saoirse walked back into the kitchen and Neil held out her coat helping her put it on. "Do YOU know about this, Mikey?" Saoirse asked.

"Probably best not to ask, he's a dirty dog himself." Neil said, pretending to kick something at Mike. Mike stuck his tongue out and made a heavy panting noise. "Right, we're away." Neil said, carrying his camera bag and putting his hand on Saoirse's lower back as he guided her out into the hallway. "It's NOT a dogging spot, by the way." he said quietly to her as they walked to the front door. "Well, not as far as I know!"

"Careful he doesn't make a move on you, Sha-Sha!" Mike shouted with a laugh.

"Mike, would you ever shut the fuck up!" hissed Emma. "Enjoy folks!" she called after them.

Saoirse and Neil drove to the lookout point and got out of the car. Saoirse walked over onto the grass in front of the car and gasped looking up at the clear black sky covered in stars that stretched out over the forest in the valley down below them. "Wow! Oh my god, look at all the stars! Oh my god it's so pretty!" she gasped, clutching her arms to her chest and looking around. "I feel like I'm gonna cry!" she said with an embarrassed giggle as her voice wobbled. Neil turned the side lights on the car, took out his camera and started snapping photos of her. She took a deep breath and cleared her throat. "It almost doesn't look real, more like a painting. And look at the moon! It's so bright." she called out into the darkness.

Neil turned off the car lights and walked up on to the grass behind her. "Do you know what phase that is?" Neil asked.

Saoirse glanced briefly round at him, winced and shook her head. "My 3rd year Science teacher Mr Walsh would be so disappointed..." she said.

"Don't worry, I won't tell him. It'll be our secret." Neil teased. "I'll give you a clue: it's a waning..."

"Ermmm...something to do with a monkey?" she asked, squinting as she thought.

"A monkey?" Neil laughed. "Nah, waning gibbous!" he announced.

"I knew it was something to do with a monkey!" Saoirse protested. "Gibbous...gibbon!" she shrugged.

"A gibbon isn't a monkey, it's an ape!" Neil replied.

"Is it? Oh, well, close. I was always better at English than Science!" she giggled. "Waning gibbous sounds like an insult though, doesn't it?" she asked, looking round at him as he moved beside her. "Like something you'd call Mike if you bumped into him when you were out at the premier local dogging site!" she said with a straight face.

"Fuck sake, Saoirse!" Neil laughed loudly. Saoirse smiled and stuck her tongue out at him. "You're funny!" he said, wrapping his right arm round her shoulders and squeezing her against him. "Do you want to have a go with the DSLR?" he asked. Saoirse agreed and Neil put the strap over her neck, handed her the camera and stood back. "Be careful. You wouldn't think it but it's heavier than it looks." he warned. She gave him a look that, even in the dark, let him know to shut up.

She lifted it and looked through the lens, snapping a few pictures of the star-filled sky and the moon shining on the tree tops before letting the camera hang round her neck. "It really is just like a big blanket of stars over us. Look there's the Plough... and there's... is that Pegasus?" she asked, pointing up. Neil agreed. "Did you know the word 'constellation' comes from Latin meaning 'set of stars'?" she asked without waiting for an answer. "'Constellation' sounds much more elegant, don't you think?" she cooed with contentment. "Especially for something so stunning." Neil hummed in agreement, hugged her against him, wrapping his arms round her waist from behind and rested his chin on her head, relishing these moments between them. Saoirse sighed as they looked out at the stars. "It's so beautiful and peaceful. It makes me feel so small." she said.

Neil chuckled to himself. "I'm sorry if this is news to you, honeybunch but you're already really small." Neil said softly, squeezing her round the waist and kissing her head.

Saoirse sighed a quiet laugh. "Haha! Yes, Big Bird, I know. I just mean...look at it! Look how vast it is." she said, clasping his arms and looking up at the sky. "And this is only the tiny corner of the universe that WE can see right now."

"Yeah, we don't get to appreciate anything like this do we, us city folks. Now you understand why I love getting away from it all to see this." he said softly. They stood in silence for a few moments gazing out over the valley. "I've got a poem for you." Neil said confidently, standing up straight. Saoirse looked up at him. "Now, I didn't write it. It's by a poet called 'Martin' but I'll do my best dramatic interpretation of it." he said. He pulled her closer against him and rested his chin on her head again. He cleared his throat in an exaggerated and comical way then started "LOOK, at the stars. LOOK, how they shine for you and everything you do yeah. They were all..."

He felt Saoirse giggling. "Is this 'Martin' Chris Martin from Coldplay by any chance?" she interrupted gently.

"Oh do you know of him?" Neil asked in a playful voice.

"Yes, I particularly like this song they do called Yellow. Have you heard it?" she teased back.

"Hmm not sure I have," he joked, tickling her briefly. "but I think those words are true tonight." he said sincerely.

Saoirse smiled and turned round to face him. He reached down, lifted her up and Saoirse wrapped her legs round his waist. "Watch the camera!" she warned. He kissed her in a flurry of short, sloppy kisses, the bristles of his beard grazing her skin, before he put her back down on the ground and she hugged him round the waist. "It's so damp out here, I wish it was more crispy autumnal weather." she shivered. "I love hearing the wind through the trees though, it's my favorite sound. Can you hear it?" she asked. Neil hummed in agreement as he rubbed his hands up and down her back. "It's called psithurisum."

"What is it?" he asked.

"Psith-ur-ism." she repeated in syllables. "There's a silent 'P' at the start." she said.

"I love that you know the word for your favorite sound. Or that there IS a word for your favorite sound!" Neil said with a thoughtful, caring smile on his face.

"There's a word for nearly everything; all the things you're not even sure how to describe: feelings, sounds, phenomena. Language is so beautiful and it gives us so many tools that we don't even have the capability to realise we can use." she said. "Which is such a shame on us."

"Fucking hell, I love you." Neil sighed. Saoirse looked up at him and smiled, her eyes shone in the moonlight. "I've never met anyone who can express themselves like you can." he said. "What you said just then...in a nutshell, that's why you're so good at your job." he said. "The way your brain works and the way you use words, it's poetic."

"Thanks," she said shyly. "Love you too." she stood up on her tiptoes and kissed him. "I'd give 'Martin' a run for his money then?" she joked.

Neil laughed and nodded. "You're properly shivering now, let's get back in the car and I'll crank up the heat." he said.

As they got into the car Neil reached into the back seat, bringing out a blanket and lying it across Saoirse's lap. "Did you bring a flask of tea as well?" Saoirse asked. "Or is that poor dogging etiquette?" she giggled. Neil turned on the heater and the light in the car, sighed a laugh, shook his head and looked at her.

"I know it's not the ideal place," he said, gesturing to the car. "But do you want to finish what you were trying to tell me at the beach earlier?" he asked, lifting both of her freezing cold hands in his and rubbing them. "It usually heats up pretty quickly in here, by the way." he said about the car.

"Yeah, if that's OK with you?" she asked timidly. Neil nodded. "Tell me to stop if you get grossed out or anything." she said. Neil shook his head dismissively. "Ok so...ehhm. This is kinda information that leads into information that leads into information." she mumbled. Neil nodded. "I have PCOS which is Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. So I get cysts on my ovaries, my periods are all over the place, I have acne and excess hair on my body, I have a hard time keeping my weight stable..." she said as quickly as she could, looking at Neil who stared at her but didn't react or say anything.

She took a deep breath. "A couple of years ago I was bleeding really heavily and irregularly so I had a surgery called a D & C to basically scrape out the lining of my womb and then also got the coil put in." Neil winced and nodded. "It went well but the results came back from the lab as abnormal which can indicate pre-cancerous cells. The surgeon said it was OK and they just monitored me every 6 months with a scan and blood tests. The coil was doing a good job of keeping the lining of my womb thin so I had no periods at all." she said, looking at him. Neil nodded and she could see his mind whirring.

Neil turned the heat down and shuffled closer to her in the seat. "After 2 years I started to have bleeding again so I had scans, bloods, a camera investigation, a cyst excised on my ovary and biopsies taken of my womb." Saoirse said. Neil rubbed his forehead with his hand and swallowed hard. "The results came back normal but the lining of my womb is a bit thicker than they would prefer." she paused. "So this last 10 months when I've been bleeding it hasn't been what they call a 'true period', it's caused by the lining getting thicker." she said, looking nervously at him.

"OK, right...OK...wait...all that, the camera, the cyst and the biopsies," he winced. "That's all happened since we've been together?" he asked, looking at her with his mouth open. She nodded nervously, looking at him. "Ah...WOW. Ah...OK. I don't really know what to say." he said slowly. They sat in silence for a long time, Saoirse looked between Neil's face and their hands in her lap and Neil stared at their hands and fidgeted with the zip on her coat with his right hand. "How come you've never mentioned anything about it before?" he asked, eventually, his voice faltering.

"Well..." she shrugged. "I didn't know how things were going to go with us." She hesitated. "We wouldn't have even called it a relationship yet at the time, it was right at the start and I thought it might be a bit much if I told you about the history." she smiled shyly at him. "Never mind what was happening then. Especially 'cos it's gynae stuff...but also, I didn't know what the investigations were going to show." she said softly. "I didn't want to freak you out until it was necessary and we knew each other better!" she laughed nervously. "There's still time to run away if you want!" she joked.

Neil frowned at her, shook his head and leaned in to stroke her face and kiss her. "So what happens now?" he asked. She looked at him, almost surprised at his concern.

"Well, it's good news that the results came back normal so no cancerous cells were found." she smiled. "I kinda knew it was OK cos it took over 8 weeks for the results. Whereas the first time it only took 2 weeks, if that." Neil squeezed her hand. "I got a letter yesterday and a phone call from the surgeon before you picked me up to say they want to do another D & C surgery and replace the coil in the next few months." she smiled and sighed with relief.

"Hang on, so you have to have the scraping thing done again?" Neil asked, putting his hand over his eyes and cringing.

Saoirse looked at him. "Yes, just as a precaution but then hopefully that's it until I need my coil changed in 5 years." she smiled and nodded reassuringly.

"5 years? OK." he looked overloaded with information. They sat in silence again.

"I know we haven't spoken seriously about 'the future', I mean it's still early days but we're not young'uns, are we?" Saoirse asked, trying to gauge his reaction. She took a slow, deep breath. "So I guess that leads on to the kids talk?" she asked, nervously. Neil raised his eyebrows. "PCOS affects fertility and being 37 I'm already 'old' in a reproductive sense." Neil looked alarmed. "Just putting it out there, even before any of this I never wanted to have kids and that hasn't changed." she said quickly, trying to read his reaction.

"Suits me down to the ground!" he said as he held his hands up in front of him. "I'm nearly 43 and I enjoy my sleep." he said softly. "Plus you've seen how crazy my nephews are!" he laughed.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to downplay it because of what I've just told you." Saoirse said.

"Saoirse, if I wasn't sure, I'd tell you. You know me well enough now to know I wouldn't bullshit you about this." he said sternly. "Honestly." he said with a reassuring smile.

"The coil is used for contraception so we're good." she smiled quickly at him. "And I can keep it right through the menopause since it's used as HRT, I just have to get it changed every 5 years until then." she nodded.

Neil sat back in his seat and leaned his head back, exhaling loudly. "Wow Saoirse. I can't believe...how did you..." he shook his head. "That's so much to take in. Sorry." he said, putting his hands over his face.

Saoirse bit her lip nervously. "I'm sorry to tell you all that in one go, Neil." she said softly. "I wasn't sure how to...I didn't plan to unburden myself...or burden you with it," she sighed an awkward laugh. "I didn't want to overshadow or ruin the trip, a lot just happened all at once..." she said.

"Ruin the trip? Nah!" Neil talked over her, throwing his hands on his lap. "Don't say that, I'm glad you told me." he turned towards her.

"You're not weirded out?" she asked, looking at him nervously.

"Nah, I'm a bit stunned at how you've managed to carry on like everything is fine through the entirety of our relationship though!" he said with a laugh. "And I had no idea. For someone so open, you hide it well." he said quietly.