Serena

"If that's true, how did you end up living with a cop?"

"Phil was my saviour. He was part of an operation that broke the ring. When he saw me, we fell in love. He saved me, married me and brought me into his life."

"Didn't he care that you were a hooker?"

"Phil, loves me for who I am, not what I was."

We finished the dishes and I went to play with Edward. I lifted him out of his playpen and we rolled around on the floor. He was a cutie. Big eyes like his momma, brown hair like his father and light chocolate-coloured skin.

We talked a little about her life. Suddenly, my life didn't seem so bad. Her life had been no easy ride, that's for sure. The day vanished and thoughts of escape had melted away.

Phil turned up later with my things. Serena, who had been clanging and banging around in one of the bedrooms, came bustling out, her arms full of boxes. She came and went with arms full of stuff. As Phil walked through, his arms full, he barked. "What are we doing?"

She chuckled softly. "We are preparing Chelsea's new bedroom."

There was a brief conversation. Not an argument, but the tone was tense. He came out minutes later with another big box in his arms on his way to the garage. He gave me a concerned glare. Not angry, but not happy either.

The next few days were pretty frantic. There were lots of visits with counsellors and child care workers. Lots of papers to sign. I was asked, "Do you want to live with Mr. and Mrs. Anderson?"

The answer wasn't easy. I knew if I said no, I was headed straight back to the orphanage. Okay, that wasn't a bad thing, but I was feeling things I hadn't ever felt before. I felt wanted. Serena talked to me like an adult. She didn't talk down to me. She didn't tell me what to do. She only growled when I swore.

Okay, I swore a lot. It was part of my defence mechanism, part of my tough girl persona. I got by because other girls were scared of me. My "I don't give a fuck" attitude intimidated them. Even the boys were afraid of me. That was something that saved me many times.

There was more to it than that. I was drawn to Serena. We shared one thing in common: she loved to read. She had a part-time job at the library; consequently, the house was full of books.

Being stolen as a child meant she had no education, but she tried. We had already talked about a couple of our favourites. She struggled with some words and comprehension, and it was a funny twist explaining them to her.

I loved her voice, so soft and beautifully soothing. Even with her accent, it was warm and comforting. She somehow exuded warmth and love.

So, when the counsellor asked again, I said. "Yes."

The moment I said yes, Serena rushed to me and I was soon enshrined in her arms. She might be tiny, but she sure was strong. She kissed me warmly and gushed, "Welcome to our family."

In all my years and different homes, nobody had ever made me feel welcome. Yeah, they all said the words, but that's all they were: empty words.

That was it, I was in a new foster home. Serena, and even Phil, although reluctant, went out of their way to make me feel like part of their family. I knew Phil wasn't entirely onboard, but Serena outweighed him in the power stakes. He might be telling his friends he was the boss, but we all knew who wore the pants in this house.

I started a new school; that was hard. It had taken me a long time to establish my rep as the bad-ass take-no-shit chick at the previous school. Now I had to start all over again.

It didn't get off to a good start, because the moment Serena saw me walk into the kitchen dressed in my school clothes, she shrieked, "No, no, no, no you cannot go to school dressed like that. You are not a gangster."

I gave her a sour glare. "But this is how I dress. This is me." I glanced across at Phil, hoping for support, but he just grinned before giving me the news. "You aren't going to win this battle, girl. Just go with the flow."

Serena grabbed my hand and dragged me back to the bedroom. She started rummaging through my clothes until she found something she thought suitable. She handed them to me. "These will look nice. You will fit in."

I shook my head. "I'm not wearing those. They will all think I'm a fucking pushover."

She gave me a very nasty angry glare. "We do not swear in this house."

I rubbed my face. "Sorry, but I'll look like a fu... a geek."

"Rubbish," she snapped. "You must fit in. No more rebellion. I love you, but you must try." She held out the clothes. I pulled on the skirt and blouse. I looked in the mirror and was horrified to see some goody-two-shoes staring back at me. I hated it. I wanted my jeans, my flannel shirt and cut off denim jacket with shiny studs. My cheery Doc Martin's, my odd socks.

I wanted to say no. I did say no, in fact I screamed "No." Serena, though, pulled me into her comforting arms. "You can't go through life fighting everything. Try for once to not be so stubborn. Listen to what I am saying. Try to fit in with the other kids."

It was a one-sided fight. I screamed and yelled defiantly, but she won as she always did. This was something I came to find out later. Serena was a force of nature and hard to quell.

As I walked back out, Phil gave a snigger. "Told ya."

My first day at the new school was every bit as painful as I expected. I knew I wouldn't fit in. From the moment the teacher introduced me to my classmates, I could see them all judging me. Fair enough, I suppose. I had already assessed them. The scholars, the geeks and nerds, the popular kids and of course, the jocks.

As I sat in the cafeteria alone, eating the lunch Serena so lovingly made for me, I was surprised by two of the girls from my class. "Can we share your table?"

I shrugged casually, and they sat with me. I had already decided they were part of the popular kid group. Huh, turns out I was wrong. They were actually pretty nice. We talked about different stuff. In the past I had always kept my personal shit private, but for some god-awful reason I shared. When I talked about the orphanage and the many foster homes. I saw the looks of shock. I expected disdain, but no, they were sympathetic. For the first time in well, forever, I had friends.

Over the next couple of months, we became pretty tight. Best friends, and we shared most things. They came to visit and got the Serena seal of approval.

Serena became my guru. She guided me on clothes, on styles and how to dress to impress, or at least fit in.

She became my protector. When the local boys started to hit on me, she soon sent them packing. She was also my tutor in life skills. She recognised my desire for independence and to be my own person. Once I established friends, she no longer enforced her dress code. Granted, most days I dressed as she would say: normally, but some days I just wanted to be me, Chelsea.

Of course, the school didn't see it quite the same. I was given detention and told in no uncertain terms that my dress sense was not appreciated. The letter they gave me to take home incensed Serena so much she went to school with me the next day. This time she almost forced me to wear the scruffiest clothes she could find.

I loved it. That is, until we got to the headmaster's office. I sat outside, listening to Serena lambasting the Principal loudly about me being my own person. I almost felt sorry for him.

Half an hour later she opened the door, walked over, gave me a kiss and walked off down the corridor. That was the last day any of the teachers gave me a hard time over my clothes choices. It was also the first time in my life that anybody had ever stood up for me.

I was not popular amongst the teachers. They hated my rebellious disobedience. I refused to just accept, several times I caught them out and couldn't help pointing out they were wrong.

Serena gave me such a telling off when I bragged to her about how I bested them. She sniggered and hissed. "Bested them, huh? Smart girl, but sometimes stupid girl."

Confused, I spluttered, "Why?"

She snapped, "You think you bested them? Hah, who will fill out your end of year report? Who will grade you? You do not gain their respect by pointing out their flaws. All you have done is make enemies."

I guess I could see her point of view, but it annoyed me that she wanted me to play dumb and just bow to them.

The one saving grace I had was my intellect. I was clever. Armed with a good memory, I excelled in the classes I enjoyed. I loved English and science. I hated math, even though I was incredibly good with numbers.

School was a breeze. Serena became my other best friend and little Eddie became my toy. I loved playing with him, taking him for walks, but most I loved to hug him and hold him in my arms like a living breathing doll.

I wasn't the only one studying, either. Serena was studying, as well. She worked part time in the library, but she wanted more. Her problem was she had no education, not even school cert. She studied at night while I cared for Eddie. The pupil became the teacher. I could see her struggling, and Phil was often too tired to help. I think it took her by surprise when she sat with her face contorted in pain as she tried to solve a problem. I put Eddie down and sat beside her. "This is pretty easy, actually."

She snorted. "For you perhaps, not for me."

"I could help, if you want."

She turned, eyes pleading. "You would help?"

I eased in closer and showed her how to work through the equation. I felt her arm over my shoulder as I worked. I felt little teary droplets on my T-shirt. "Thank you," she whispered.

As the days drifted by, it became our nightly ritual. We studied together. I don't know who was more surprised, them or me. Helping Serena made me feel special, not clever or superior, but needed, wanted, valued. I had never experienced that feeling before.

I can't explain how our bond became so tight. Suddenly we were giggling and laughing as we studied. As we studied, we shared stories. Some not so nice, but she never judged me, never accused me. Just love and affection.

It wasn't just the studies. She worked hard, and I could see how hard she worked. It made me feel guilty, so I tried to help out as much as possible. I helped her with meals, I did my share of housework. There was another affect which crept up on all of us: Phil started to soften towards me.

Our bond was sports. He was sports mad and he loved going down to the park with his friends and kicking the ball around. I also loved sports, and night after night I watched enviously as he went off to the park with his gear. I wanted so much to go with him. It was Serena who noticed my jealous stares. One day she quietly said, "Why don't you go with him?"

"He wouldn't want me hanging around. He would be annoyed," I mumbled

She sighed. "I think you are wrong, if you do not ask you will never know."

I watched for a few more days before I built up the courage to ask.

He was a bit shocked when I asked. "Can I go with? I mean just to watch."

With a confused frown he replied. "Sure, if you want."

From the first time I went with him, it changed everything. I sat on the side-lines, watching keenly. He was pretty good, for a big guy he moved easily, and I enjoyed watching, but really, I wanted to join in. I sat with a burning desire to join in. Every time the ball came nearby, I ran after it and kicked it back to them before sitting back down to watch.

The game went on and I saw him come to a standstill in the middle of the park. The game continued around him, he ignored it and walked straight over to me and reached out his hand. "Do you want to play with us?"

"Could I?"

He laughed and pulled me up. "Come on, but I warn you, it might get rough."

He welcomed me into his band of friends and they let me join in.

It was so much fun. I loved it. That became our ritual.

A few days later I was on the rug in the living room playing with Eddie. We were giggling and laughing, when Phil's huge shadow fell over us. I glanced up uneasily, wondering what I had done wrong.

He held out a pair of cross trainers. The beautiful pink Puma's Serena and I had drooled over at the mall.

"you are going to need these." he mumbled hesitantly.

I stammered. Thanks." but he was gone before the words out. I rushed to the chair to pull them on.

Phil and I went down to the park every night, even if his friends weren't around. I watched excitedly as he put on his sneakers, and got the ball from the closet he would ask, "Well, are you coming?"

That was silly, because I loved it as much as he did. Especially now I had my new pink trainers. We would end up running around together. It was crazy, wild and fun. It was his passion, and that flowed into me.

He stood up for me on many occasions. I became attached and I missed our walks when he had to work double shifts or do overtime. I loved the way he draped his arm over my shoulder when we walked down to the park. I felt protected and loved.

As we got closer, I realised he was pretty clever, himself. Perhaps not in a scholarly way, but worldly wise. As we walked, we talked, and he had stories and anecdotes that told inner stories.

It was a shock to me, feeling included, loved.

There were moments of pride, as well, like when I received certificates of merit at school. Standing in the crowd was Phil, clapping as hard as he could, screaming for everyone to hear. "That's my girl... Yeah."

Serena would be there, as well, sitting beside him with her head buried in her hands, her face bright red, embarrassed.

She may have been embarrassed, but whenever she introduced me to her friends or anybody, it was never Chelsea: it was always, "this is my daughter."

Books, what can I say? I loved reading. It was one of my greatest life-long pleasures and it was something else Serena and I shared. We had our own little book club. We shared the same books. She took me to the library with her and we spent ages picking out our favourites.

We read them and then spent hours pulling apart the stories. We laughed about the good bits and complained bitterly about the bad. It was amazing how closely our likes and dislikes aligned. We were as one.

The first time I got my period was a shocker. It came out of the blue during maths class. I felt weird and when I put my hand between my legs and it came away bloody, I was in shock.

I wasn't naïve; I knew what was happening, but it caught me unawares. I had to rush to the school nurse who found me some sanitary pads. She called Serena and explained what happened. Within minutes Serena was there, carrying fresh clothes and sanitary products. She held me in her arms and whispered, "I'm sorry, Angel, I should have known. I should have prepared you. You are growing up fast."

I returned her hug and cried. "It's okay, Mom, it's not your fault."

She held me as we both realised what I said. She pulled me back into her arms and held me tightly. "Thank you," was all she said.

It was a pivotal moment for me. Our relationship had changed forever. I had to admit to myself that was how I felt. She was my Mom. I felt it, I knew it. I felt totally confident about one thing: I knew she would never let me down.

That night as I played with Eddie, I heard her tell Phil. I heard her sobs of elation, and I heard his as well.

He was a beast of a man, big and strong, and to hear him crying made me realise how much I loved them both.

It was later in the week. Phil took me down to the park as usual and we played football with some other kids. He ran around after me making sure the bigger boys didn't hurt me. He was my protector. We laughed and kidded around as we always did, but he seemed more paternal, closer, warmer.

Later as we walked home, he chirpily suggested, "What say we stop off at the ice-cream parlour?"

I smiled; it was our secret. Serena didn't like him eating ice-cream. He had diabetes and he had to be careful. But it was our thing. As we walked his arm draped over my shoulder and my arm circled his waist. "Thanks Dad," I whispered.

He didn't say anything, but I felt the pressure of his arm around me. And we sat opposite each other in a booth at the parlour. When I gazed at him, his eyes were moist and I giggled. "Softy."

He returned my laugh but he spoke earnestly. "I might be soft, but what you just said means a lot to me. We both love you, Chelsea. We are so glad you became part of our family."

That was the end of Serena and Phil and the start of Mom and Dad.

Life for me really blossomed. I did well at school and my life seemed complete. I had friends and a family. Over the next couple of years life was idyllic, but things were changing. I was growing up. I felt it. I knew that I was a little different from the other girls.

The difference? Boys. My best friends, Michelle and Alison, were mad on boys. They were crazy about them and I didn't feel that way. Not the way they did, anyway. I was mildly interested, but not obsessed.

We shared many things, and on one sleepover we huddled together and they related their sexual adventures: who they had kissed, who they liked, and it was becoming apparent that I was out of step. They were shocked when I told them I had never kissed a boy.

It was like I lit a match under them. They were suddenly discussing my life as if I wasn't even there. They grilled me about which boys I liked, who I thought was handsome. I felt trapped, and even though I didn't really feel that way, I spilled a couple of names just to shut them up.

Serena picked up on my sullen mood over the next few days and we ended up having the "talk." "Do not let anybody talk you into anything," she said harshly. "If you want to talk, I am always here."

I wanted to, but couldn't find the words. The last thing I wanted to do was lose her respect and love. "Thanks Mom." We ended up hugging, the strength in her tiny little body still amazed me.

I shouldn't have been shocked when Hayden, one of the boys I mentioned, suddenly started hanging around like a bad smell. I didn't really like him; he was everything I hated about the snooty popular kids. He was brash and he had an air of superiority. His cheesy chat-up lines didn't sit well with me, but he didn't even pick up on it. All he wanted to do is talk about himself. Dipshit, just because he came from a wealthy family, drove a flash car he thought he was the king, Mr. bigshot.

I had to find the girls, figure out what was going on. I found Michelle by the water fountain. I grabbed her and dragged her away. "What the hell did you say to Hayden?" I growled.

She sniggered. "We just told him what you said. That you like him, and couldn't wait to go on a date with him." She gave me a snide confident glare. "Don't fret, Babes, he's into you, he thinks you're hot."

What the fuck... I didn't want to date him. I heard the clip-clop of running feet and before I could turn, Alison jumped on my back. "You lucky bitch. I saw you talking to Hayden. Did he ask you out?"

They were so into it, if I wanted to remain friends, I felt the need to try and fit in. "Yes, he tried, but I am playing hard to get."

Michelle looked shocked. "Don't keep him waiting, girl, he might go elsewhere."

Our date was terrible. We went to a movie, and then afterwards he drove out to the beach and parked. I was nervous enough, but when he pounced on me and tried to shove his hand up my dress I freaked out and punched him hard. He screamed, crying out. "What the fuck, bitch?"

"Take me home," I sobbed.

"Like fuck, either I get laid or you walk."

I jumped out and screamed, "Then I'm walking." I stomped off, heading for home. As I strode, he pulled up beside me and with the window wound down said, "I'm sorry, c'mon, I was just joking. Get in the car."

"Fuck off, you weasel."

He drove along beside me, trying to get me back in the car but I refused. Eventually, he lost patience and sped away in a flurry of burning rubber and flying stones.