Serena

Belle was reluctant, at first i didn't understand, but after meeting them I quickly understood. Deeply religious they were horrified. To say they freaked, is a major understatement.

I tried as hard as I could to win them over, but they were disgusted. They made me abundantly aware that I was not welcome in their home. I had destroyed their daughters life. Corrupted her, somehow made her impure.

Belle struggled after that. She loved her family, their bond was obvious. Deep down they loved her and wanted to fix her. In their eyes she was infected with some ugly disease. The tension between them really made her question herself. I think she actually started to believe them, she felt torn in half. That gradually built up a barrier between us. I wanted to tell the world and she wanted to crawl under a rock.

I wanted to be out and proud. Empowered by my Mom I wanted to the live she wanted for me. She said, "If you are a lesbian, then be one, but be proud. Never cower." I felt that was so powerful, and great advice. I wanted that to be our mantra. I never felt like I had to make excuses for who i was, and that included my sexuality. I am who I am and fuck anybody who could not, or would not accept that.

Belle on the other hand pulled back, rather than grow stronger she hid from the truth, she refused to accept who she was. Unfortunately that progressively eroded away our love. We fought, gradually at first, but then the arguments became bitter, nasty, spiteful. We said things we hated to say, and regretted immediately. A deep poisonous toxicity developed. In the end it corroded the very foundations of our relationship and it exploded. The final argument was beyond caustic, it was cataclysmic. She walked out of my life in a flood of tears and accusations. Why, I still don't fully understand. I have asked myself that question so many times. She was the centre of my universe and the love I felt for her cut deep. I think her parents had eroded her self belief. Caused her to question, not just me, her, our relationship but everything.

It might have been the end of our relationship, but it wasn't the end of my life. At the time I thought everything was over, I had nothing to live for. I cried for weeks. I had to go home. I needed my Mom. A girl needs her Mom when the world collapses around her. We cried together, her arms wrapped lovingly around me. Eddie, little brother Eddie. He added the laughter.

It was a dark time for me, and It took me a long time to lift my head from beneath the sea of despair. The dark mire of self doubt and insecurity.

Mom's answer was to take my hand and walk down to the cemetery. It had been a while since I visited, but looking at the huge pile of flowers, Mom came every day. We sat beside his grave and with Mom urging me I told him the story. The words flowed out like water from a broken vase and I felt good, whole again.

talking to Dad had always been that way. With Mom's arms around me, it felt good. We both knew he was there. Just talking to him was enough, to feel his veil of love.

It was the love of Mom and of course, Eddie and his incessant laughter, silly jokes and his desire for me to teach him to drive. Together they provided the impetus for me to go forth and love.

Mom never found a replacement for Dad. At Eddie's and my insistence, she did date a couple of men, but it never went past the first date. She did, however, have a couple of very close female friends and although she never said as much, I think they were more than friends.

The end.