All Comments on 'Seven Bad Years'

Far, far too long. Your story didn't have the bones to support itself. Decent writing skills, but you need to find some more help.

Really liked this story, well written and interesting. I give it 4.1/2 stars out of five prison bars.

What a great, great story. Love it. AAAAAA++++++

Inconsistent. The daughter apeared in courtroom at his trial, but she didnt said anything and kept silent. That is not how a person who doesnt know what is going on acts. Any daughter would have jumped up and denied the acusations if she wasnt in the know. So a weak plothole just to give some hallmark ending to your story. It would have been better to just make meet and part as aquinances at best.

I like it.

As in a lot.

5/5

Drawn out overwrought drivel

Very well written.

The writer is definately a transsexual ( atleast deep down) and a lover of black cock( really).

His writing style sucks so so much ...he has tried to make a normal wronged man into Gandhi...

And the sugar he has tried to put into making the ending sweet is likely to give diabetes to readers ...

Sucks to be you!

Absolutely impeccable.

If there were grammatical or typographical errors I didn't notice.

That was how absorbed I was in this story.

Every word was read even the punctuation marks were noticed.

I couldn't say anything about the story nothing but an excellent plotline.

Yeah, somebody could say that the husband again is a saint; but no he did plan his revenge, had his pound of flesh from Ramsay and a little flesh also from his daughter and ex-wife.

I am glad he was able to forgive and even helped out Lydia and Tommie.

The ending was quite consistent with the storyline.

I liked the fact that Isaac helped out ex-convicts too.

Ex-convicts are humans too and if treated with the respect they too can become responsible citizens. Some, like Ramsay, need to be locked in and the key is thrown away.

/

An outstanding piece here, JoshFrom53.

You have some serious good writing/storytelling skills.

Thanks.

It was good, but the ending was disappointing.

Lydia was a narcissistic monster, who conspired to have her husband jailed because he wouldn't agree to being a willing cuckold. Even if she thought it was just going to be a scaring tactic, that doesn't explain why she testified against her husband in court! She framed an innocent man and he lost five years of his life.

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With the above in mind, all the forgiveness and tolerance at the end was nauseating. Why on earth would he persuade Tommie to keep in contact with her mother? Lydia was a lying whore, who betrayed her husband, and destroyed their happy family. She'd be a terrible influence on his daughter and would only bring her trouble in the future.

A very good story considering the garbage that has been submitted into this category as of late.

I stop reading stories when the protagonist is a genius computer tech who secretly wired a state of the art camera security system that just happened to catch his wife in an act of infidelity, or the ubiquitous ex army ranger who has a network of top operatives that protect him and help dispose of the bodies, or the perfect husband who is sble to commit murder and get away with because the court aystem is actually fair to men and police detectives are secretly supportive.

I hate those stories because it’s bullshit. You might as well include the cartoon characters from family guy or Southpark because it’s just a fucking joke.

1 well deserved star.

Was ready to give 5 stars until Tommie and Laura’s conversation. After that it was obviously going to be some kind of reconciliation with the women that betrayed him so I scored it lower. Issac should not have let them back into his life. Any help Lydia received from the trust and ExCon services should have included requirements that Lydia leave town and never contact Doc Issac.

Good stuff, had a bit of a Shawshank feel in the beginning there, then went off on its own thing. Some parts like the frame job felt a little rushed. Also we never get even a sniff of a reason why Lydia would do what she did. Considering how much it's hammered how much of a great husband Isaac was, there was zero benefit for her to hook up with a corrupt drug=dealing sheriff and fuck up her life. Isaac's strange civility to her after her release also felt off, that dance at the end was totally awkward and unnecessary, considering what she did to him.

But in comparison to the dreck that's been posted in the past few days, this one feels like a masterpiece. Easy 4 stars.

Having a ex- wife, I wouldn’t do a thing for her or anyone she a relationship with. I have a relationship with my son and that’s all.

That was brutal. Zero restraint or subtlety. Thanks for the effort though.

Not bad. The bad guys lost and the good guys won. Thanks for writing.

A real good read.

I am glad that in the end he won but I don't see any need for him to be nice to her at all. Once she did her time he should just let he be on her own and figure things out for herself. Daughter or not her betrayal was way over done.

Good start. Then it became long winded. Best end was for the copper.

Excellent story in every aspect. Thanks for writing!

Excellent. The character development was well done (for all characters even those with supporting roles) although the end result was foregone. I would have preferred that you made Isaac a little less saintly, which would have made him more believable and more like the rest of us--but that would have made this a different story.

Besides, there is nothing wrong with predictable outcomes; there are only 7 plotlines in existence and you handled this one very well. Kudos on a job well done. More please.

Overall pretty good but for the daughter part to be believable, she really should have been in the dark. Who would do photos of someone with a badly bruised face for a portfolio? Why wouldnt she speak up before or after the trial or even during the trial? She was present and just looking uncomfortable. She could have talked to his lawyer, could have used social media. Could have given testimony on behalf of her father, nobody could have stopped her. The picture you painted was that she was in on it because she had to be, the way her father was railroaded. Brings also the question up why she wasnt later accused like her mother. They both gave false sworn testimony. But that was the only weak spot in the story wich took away alot of credibility and felt lazy, but the rest was fine.

I tore apart another story today because it lacked realism. It was a simple conversation in a cemetary, something that could happen. The events and actions that took place here might be improbable in the real world due to disparity of wealth and resources but in your world you made it believable. The emotions presented and the motivations, realistic. That, my friends, is verisimilitude.

Well done.

Very nice story. Interesting plot. Justice was finally served. Isaac rebuilt his life and found retribution, love, and happiness. Thanks for the story and the effort. Ignore the die-hard critics. They don't create things, they demolish them.

A well crafted tale. Grammar and punctuation were good. Very few mis-spellings. Good job.

I liked it for the most parts but two things. First, the solution of his wrongful imprisonment brings up a massive plot issue. Why didn't he told Brian after his arrest, to go into his house, and give instructions how to access the security system, for at least to get some evidence for her adultery and involvment with the sheriff? That would've been a conflict of interest, and after that Brian would've seen the part of them plotting faking the whole beating incident. That wouldn't be the same as the drug and murder charges of course, but it would've been grounds enough, no matter how crooked the judge was, because if he still won't bulge, feds could've been involved. That way, the entire imprisonment arc is kinda forced into the plot.

The other thing is Lydia. I don't know why you decided to use one of the biggest and most annoying LW tropes out there, where the father, no matter what the wife did to him or the children they have, still tells the children that she is their mother and have to forgive no matter what. In some mild adultery cases that might stand, though the entire "taking the high road just to show he's better" is a bullshit trope and it more often makes them more like a wimp, because no one thinks the third way of not giving a fuck, after all if she ruined it she fixes it. But in this case, she sent him to prison for years, used the daughter and make her an accessory to a crime, then shacked her up with someone who wanted to molest her. For what fucking reason he'd encourage her to make amends with her mother? None. Let alone Lydia living them being Tommies idea in the first place, since she left her after reaching 18. It's not only against you but anyone who writes LW and uses this trope, just stop it, you don't have to go all psycho on burning the bitch and make their kids hate them, but you don't have to be fucking buddha either, there's something called a middle ground where at best these wronged husbands won't intervene.

Well done indeed! I've always been a sap for a happy ending - this is most deserving of the 5*

I really enjoyed your work and how well you have developed

Welcome back hooper more stories arrived soon

Ridiculous to the point of being unreadable. The whole "railroaded into prison" was so unrealistic as to be the stuff of an old Roger Corman drive-in movie! If you write about legal things, at least defer to some basic, functional Constitutional realities. There are reasons why interrogations are recorded. Why suspects must sign a freaking paper when they waive Miranda rights. Reading a statement from his wife and daughter in open court, whey they are sitting there, means his lawyer didn't call them to the witness stand for cross-examination under oath.

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The divorce agreement was ludicrous. How could his wife not know about his "investment fund"? Did her attorney not do any kind of financial discovery? You know Ben was legally obligated by the court to provide a full financial disclosure. Likewise Lydia.

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His brother "scolded him" and alienated him? That's a visual that doesn't lend itself to "seeing" as any reader should be led to doing by good writing.

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I'll leave it there. There's a compelling story in here, but you need someone to beta read your work and edit it. Much of the dialogue is painful to read. Get someone to put it into American (or UK, or Mongolian, or...) vernacular. 3/5

Good story if a little long.

Very enjoyable.5*

This was fine. A little long.

And one quibble: when a character ‘says’ “OMG” in a story, I always wonder whether they actually said ‘Oh my God’ aloud, and the author short handed it. Or if they actually verbalized text speak and literally said “Oh-Em-Gee”.

This happens a fair bit in stories here and I’m still not sure which option is funnier.

WOW!!!! Amazing story. Good job.

That was all over the place. Some was pretty good. I notice the trend toward cheating wives' boyfriends losing a ball or two was incorporated into this story. I have decided to post a story and have a character with one nut in honor of this questionable search for 'justice' and truth. Once I realized you are European, I was able to understand and forgive some oddly worded sentences and expressions. I was trying to determine in what country this was in but now realize it is a mythical place, somewhere between the moon and New York City. The story was a bit wordy and overly long, but I will be looking for more from you.

Sure, it was over the top in so many ways, but put together so well I had to love it. A clear 5, and I'll have to read the other stories from this author.

Superb. Another 5 for this fairly new contributor. Who divides his time between LW and R. All 3 of his LW postings have been stone 5's, while the first Romance wasn't. I'll have to catch up with the other 2, and see how they go. Anyway, JoshFrom53 thus far has spun longish winding sagas for LW, each with an arc from heartbreak due to a bad cheating wife to redemptive fulfillment with a new, truly loving second wife. Because of the Dutch setting, comparisons with the German Stev2244 are inevitable. Both create strong atmospherics, though Stev2244 introduces a bit more mystery (and, occasionally, mysticism) than J53 has thus far shown. Anyway, a fine and satisfying tale here, and as in "Death of a Marriage," the at-a-distance reconciliation with the ex works because the MMC has clearly landed somewhere better, and thus can afford a bit of generosity.

QuickMagazine

A wonderful tale of betrayal, retribution, and rebuilding.

Good writing but could be shorter.

No real conversation between the husband and whore wife.

I liked the story a lot. The story drew me in. Unrealistic, but I don't care. 5 stars!

Even though the story is almost comic-book like in terms of character development and plot, it is still an interesting and well-paced read. One note of irony - the evil guy is the sheriff and the good guys are the FBI, which is almost 1960’s attitude. Everywhere I have lived the sheriffs are good guys and it unfortunately the FBI is more interested in protecting school boards from parental input, developing fraudulent FISA warrants, and evening news photo ops then actually fighting or preventing crime. That said, the story wouldn’t have worked if the villain was FBI as hubby would have been in a Federal prison and never gotten out.

Nice writing, felt like a complete story.

Very well written but it ran on too long….thanks for sharing.

Loved it! 5 Stars!

Thank you for your story. A bit long, and predicable, well written. Please do not listen to the nay sayers. Your talent, is there, with a bit of polish you could be amazing.

Good story but WAY too long and overblown

It's scoring a 4.53 at the moment, but it's a little too formulaic: great guy, perfect husband, sent to prison by being framed, becomes the prisoner all the convicts admire, gets out, gets revenge, scores the perfect new wife, and finally, the ex wife realizes, too late, what a great husband she had.

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If he was such a sexpert, why did Lydia screw around on him in the first place? Even if she had a moment of weakness, why continue the affair? A lot of wives cheat, but they really do need a reason for an extended affair.

Really liked it!

Constructive criticism--I once read a book on creative writing that recommend trying to cut 25% of the words from your first complete draft. I really think that idea would served you well.

Thanks for the read! cd

Well, the later part didn't live up to the beginning. The beginning had conflict and problems. Do you realize that, after he entered prison, he never failed at anything at all? I find it less interesting when someone catches all the breaks.

My problem is just with the story. The writing itself was quite good.

Despite some inconsistencies I liked your story. Could have been a little more story pretrial and more on wife and daughter. 5*****

"The Martian Slut Ray" strikes again. You wrote a lengthy story and yet gave no reason for her cheating on her husband(who is a fantastic lover), much less for the insane actions that got him into prison. You excuse the daughter by saying she thought the fake makeup was for a portfolio? Seriously? There are some big plot holes in this. Some of the writing and story are quite good. Overall 4* from me.

Really enjoyed this, easily five star and exactly the right length.

Thank you.

Simply implausible that "ignorance" could have formed the role played by the daughter before, during and after her father's trial and imprisonment.

Her role lacking plausibility, much of the story's plot is undermined.

Thanks for a good effort and a good story idea, but that hole yields an average result (3-stars).

I liked the story but if I can give a small tip. Here in the good ole US of A, words like crickey, bloody anything unless you're talking about a female during that time of the month, saying whilst, these are words, and phrases not spoken. The garden is a yard here. Easiest thing to do is just base your stories in the Uk, or Aus. It just makes it easier to read. Don't get me wrong, I did like your story.

Good story and well written. The fact that Fabian's son just happened to be Tommie's fiancé took me out of it a little. Too much of a coincidence.

Absolutely wonderful story! One of the best I've read here. 5 stars all the way. Kept me enthralled the entire time. That shows that you are an excellent writer. Great job!!!

You had a very good story going until you turned your hero and his friends into pussies.

I am sorry but the story does not make any sense. I do not understand why anyone did anything. I don't understand why a drug runner would want a residential home as his warehouse then let it turn into a drug den right our of central casting. That was the least of the problems.

Bravo! An excellent telling of human nature on both ends of the spectrum. 5+ stars.

I gave this 5 stars because overall I really liked it, however the whole "coincidence" that Tommie was Timothy's teacher & that Julian was a teacher at the same school & that Tommie and Julian fell in love was too much. It's one thing to have one of these happen but all of them are a problem. Otherwise a fun LW story.

Wow, I forgot that I was reading a story and half way through thought I had purchased a fine book to read. I appreciated the plot and the personalities of the characters involved. Very well written. A Five on my behalf.

Good story!

4

What you sow, so shall you reap.

I'm sorry, this thing rambled all over the place and never made any sense. First off, LW writers really need to come up with a new plot trigger; "Just let me have this one affair and it'll be all over or I'll destroy you in court because I love you so much," is way, way, way over done!

There were so many plot holes throughout this thing it was laughable. They were all waiting for him outside the prison and had tears in their eyes when he went out the back... except that according to the daughter she hadn't seen her mother since turning 18. If the daughter was hoodwinked into believing she was helping the make-up artist, why didn't she stand up in court and say so? There are just too many holes to point out.

5 stars and a fav. A hard story to read at times because of how how terrible the MC got it but overall had a happy ending for just about everyone who deserved it. Would have liked a bit more explained who the sheriff was so easily able to seduce Lydia and turned into into such a self centered person even if it explained why she continued (the excitement and power). Great story.

Nah, the daughter can go to hell right alongside her mother. I swear, so many of these types of stories are dragged down by the children. No matter how old they are, no matter how big a role they played in ruining their own father's life, they just have to be forgiven time and again. Fuck that. She wasn't 6, she was 16; that's old enough to know better. That's the most common age of consent around the world, and here in the States that's old enough to drive, old enough to have a job, and old enough to be tried as an adult depending on the severity of the crime. But according to these stories, not old enough to take responsibility for your actions and suffer the consequences. Riiiiight.

4 stars for a decent story.

I see that your English grammar skills have advanced enough to barely notice.

Please continue writing and I look forward to reading your next story

why in the world would those ppl be waiting for him to get out? i mean maybe the ex-wife is extremely delusional but all of them? almost sounds like a genetic mental issue lol

Started good, turned into the usual dumb assed half baked, thrown together LW trope.

So you get a 3 for the beginning and then it drops to a 2 because you literally yanwed your way through the rest of it.

NOT a good Friday around here at all.

Excellent story loved. So much better than the cuck crap most stories are about. Actually read the whole thing rather than skim over it like I do with 90% of the stories. Hope you will consider doing Lydia’s story and her long road back. That would be a good story.

Good…but not great. Lack of any real explanation for Lydia’s treachery. Lack of any real explanation for Tommie’s cooperation in it. Fantasy contrivance about the huge success of his ex-con business. Oh…and he just happened to have a so.ar powered security system that recorded both the corrupt sheriff’s drug business…AND the planning with his wife of his own demise.

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That said…it still entertained, and very well.

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4 ****

Your use of an Umlaut over a capital I intrigued me so I looked it up on Google

I am of Norwegian heritage (both of my grand-fathers were born in Norway and both of my grand-mothers were born in the USA of Norwegian parents) I was was surprised to learn about the Southern Sami Alphabet

I feel as if we are almost related

Great tale but it didn’t quite get a five for me. Decent plot but it had too many disconnects and globs of occasional syrup. Solid four from me.

Why did she cheat with Ramsday in the first place?. LP

Thank you for such a wonderful story.

Bullshit excuse for reconciliation with the daughter. She was into her late teens when the shit went down. "The make-up artist was working on her portfolio"? Her father is up on charges of abusing her and her mother and she's getting made up with bruises and evidence of a beating and she she doesn't make that connection? That sounds too stupid to be a teacher. Good story overall but finished weak.

I gave you 5 stars. Your story was convoluted and far more complex than needed. By complex I don't involved. Saint Isaac was too much. An editor would have dropped half. Maybe kept the other half for a continuation.

You left several things unsaid. like why the ex-wife screwed the sheriff in the first place. Why stay with him? What did she get out of the arrangement after she broke it off? Big holes in the plot where every other detail is explained.

As a story that makes you feel good, this is good one.

A powerful, well written story. I cannot imagine the work you put into it. Thank you. And to the nit pickers. It is a story, fiction. Entertainment for us at no cost. Grow up little children

Good story. I enjoyed it.

I'm surprised you didn't have Lidia fall in love with Fabian. The story was just a little to sugar coated for me. I couldn't give you more than three stars. Keep writing, maybe your next one will work for me. This one just kind of flopped.

Quite a story, I very much enjoyed it.

One hell of a story line! Great writing . Well done

What happened to all the fight training he received in prison. After he got out it was never used or mentioned again.

Not sure what to say about this. Agree with Carolina Dreamer about cutting 25%. Far too much superfluous dialogue that added nothing to the story making it difficult to navigate. Good story idea, but failed to deliver. 3*

what happened that made the whore flip from loyal loving faithful wife and mother into a monstrous cruel lying cheating slut? Oh, the local sheriff said she had a nice ass, and next moment she's letting him fuck that ass? And apparently this sheriff is the equivalent of King Kong in the political, criminal, and social world, but he uses all his power and prestige to fuck some middle-aged milf? Oh, and he wants to use THAT particular house for his drug business, in a small middle class suburban neighborhood, and seducing the wife is going to make that happen? And why would this piece of dog shit of a human being want to adopt a daughter that he also wants to rape? And of course the good guy made all his revenge and restoration happen through the power of electronics and computers. Plus of course his charm, compassion, virtue, and razor sharp intelligence. Except when it comes to noticing that his wife and daughter have somehow changed into betraying aardvarks right before his eyes, and he never notices the transition until weeks or months later.

It was a great effort, with a good plot, but the execution was ridiculous, and ridiculously long. Try again. And thanks for the effort.

Nice story line......but very poorly written. PS: Please in your future stories do not use the USA as a setting, you know very little about the US. Thank you!

Because we are both generous commentators, it was a big surprise to find the views of Legio_Patria_Nostra to be so different from mine, regarding this story. While no doubt LPN knows what he's talking about, let me offer some potential demurs. One, this story takes place in the Netherlands, not the USA. Probably a weak demur, since both are western nations, presumably with similar legal systems. Still, I offer it. Two, the railroading appears to have happened in a small town environment with the legal establishment bought and paid for by a corrupt prosecutor. So it's remotely possible. Three, OK, I obviously suspended disbelief in order to read the story, while the knowledgeable LPN couldn't get past the improbabilities. That's me, in that if I like an author, I go into a story prepared to accept what he or she has written. So, while I continue to feel 5-like about this story, I have to admit that these weak demurs don't invalidate LPN's valid criticisms. But I still loved it.

QuickMagazine

BuzzCzar: I don't see it as a martian slut ray. Author did a decent job of portraying the wife as someone with motives. She got complacent with her husband, she forgot sex and love with him because she swam in it daily, she laments how used to it she had become, and took it for granted. She was pretty open about the power thrill she got. From fucking a 'bad boy', to demeaning her husband when caught. She originally didn't wanna get caught, her lover set that up. But she has a power kink, and her lover exploited that long before he set up the confrontation. And it's a very common kink, both to relinquish power or to have all the power.

When caught, she had no other option in her mind than to threaten him. She got off on it, but she also didn't see divorce as a possible option. The daughter thing makes sense to me. If her own mother came up to her...and demanded she take the make-up photo.....teens are very very easy to push around. Even if the daughter didn't completely believe her mother....it's...well...her mother. Why would her own mother lie? So she probably went along with it reluctantly. When she found out what the photo was really for....she said her pleas were denied. If her mother's lover had enough influence....Tommie would have had to present her case to the right person. She's a teenager without money and credibility. And it's very easy for a teenager to just...give up. She may have only been denied 4-12 times and just felt the system was corrupt like her father.

The real problem is we know why Lydia cheated. It's not the magical slut ray. It's greed and ego. She's a monster, and doesn't deserve a marriage. If she feels remorse, it's only because she paid a price. Pain was her only teacher. She's an animal that can only learn by doing. She lacks the empathy and thinking to reason into future scenarios. The only reason she'll be kind in the future is because the animal received a painful lesson. She was very happy to live her life 'getting away with it'.

Loved it

IMHO, After such a great beginning, and middle, the ending could not be perfect. Saying that, this is still one of my all time favorites I have read on this site.

Thank you for sharing this wonderful tale.

They should had ramsay eat is left nut. Then there never would have been a word from him again

You've garnered a lot of responses for a story posted only a day or so ago, and that says a lot and in a positive way about your writing. This is only your 7th story here, so you've already gathered a bit of a following and that helps account for the number of responses. But the responses themselves I think come from reading the story itself and being moved to respond, some with nothing but praise, some with well founded criticism coupled with encouragement. There may be some who simply didn't like Iike it and wanted to say so. No matter how well done or how popularly someone's work may be acclaimed, there will always be those who simply for whatever reason do not like it, will not like it and want to say so. That just comes with the territory. If only a few, just accept that there will be those and it probably has less to do with your work than with their own personal issues and thought processes.

As for me, the story captivated me right from the start and kept me in it. I enjoyed it, and was even moved by it in a couple of places, most notably his reconnection with his daughter. That said, I'm torn between giving you three stars or four. Why, you say, after everything I've said to this point?

Chiefly because of what to me is a very glaring weakness, one that was noted by a couple of other comments already. (I haven't read but only a few, to get an overall flavor of the reaction to the story.) Both onbothsides and Reed Richard noted it. It's weakness is that your protagonist has no apparent weaknesses; no faults. The man is simply too perfect. And that to me is an enormous flaw in the construction of the charactor. He simply is not believable, to me. Likeable, but not believable.

So 3 or 4? Oh what the hey. I liked it, and 3.5 isn't an option. I give it a 4.

Good tale of slow redemption, but….. he coulda had the lawyer access the drive long before serving the 5 years and the majority of the plot would still have been applicable

This was your story to write, you put your thoughts to words for us to read. You own it and should be proud of it. I enjoyed it immensely and look forward to reading more of your stories.

5*****

Impossibly trite and poorly done. I know the writer's first language isn't English and this posting is likely a result of using some online translation program. Even allowing for that, the metaphors used are almost indecipherable, the dialogue stilted and sophomoric, the story is so poorly advanced, I kept expecting to see "see spot run" in the next line of text. I must admit, I didn't read the last 2/3 of the story, so that line may actually have appeared in the unread portion--I don't know. Frankly, this just isn't good.

As for feeding Ramsday his left testicle, just say it a mountain oyster.

Very nicely done! You've given us a seriously engaging story with a captivating, yet believable, plot line that always maintained a forward tension. Thanks for the time and effort it took to craft, polish and present this tale of flawed humanity.

What can be said? It would be exceptional to have a writer actually write a story where the betrayers received their retribution. This just another story using the same tired format of cruel betrayal, hypocritical measures of payback and the inane sub plot of forgiveness and assisting the cheater who was much closer to you.

A rating of two piles of 💩💩

Good story, but...

You, use too, many commas, in, your sentences. So much so, that it, is at times, unreadable.

2nd point : the protagonist's middle name may as well have been God. I understand that this is fiction but if a story isn't in "sci-fi" section, then the events in the story, at least to me, must sound reasonable.