All Comments on 'Sex Rooms'

You’re feedback and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated here.

I saw your request in the Public Feedback section, so here's a couple of things you might consider.

The starting point would be a few minor spellings such as 'lie' instead of 'lay' and 'screen' instead of 'scream'. These wouldn't matter too much if the rest of the story's construction had engaged the reader so that the little things can be ignored.

However, it is difficult to engage the reader when all that the 'story' does is describe a situation and some people doing things. Dialogue and the internal thoughts and emotions of the characters are among the things that turn a situation into an engaging story.

The concept is unrealistic, which is OK for most erotic stories because most of them are fantasy anyhow. But even then, the author should describe the things the characters are doing so that they sound reasonable. I had no idea what was going on with various named boys and girls and therapists etc coming and going from the situation. (Boys were "scissoring"?)

Finally, one thing which helps with clear and impactful writing is to have one idea per paragraph. Long paragraphs that drift on beyond the original idea they start with lose impact.

I suggest that you look at the 'Writers Resources' on the Literotica site. It is very helpful. For stories like this with a young female main character, read a few of the better young female authors such as Nora Fares, Girl In The Moon, One Hit Wanda, and several others. For more raunchy young female writing, read some of Chloe Tzang's sex scenes.

I hope that's helpful,

Lue

I don’t know about story telling but I do know I was turned on. I so want this story to continue. Please write more as this wonderful young woman gets her fantasies fulfilled at this establishment.

I would like to read more. TY