Sex with my Ex-

Why had I put myself through all this. But at least I had John. He would love me and make love to me, with me. It would be wonderful to feel him close to me. I realized I really missed him. I missed the kids, our house, my life. I would get counseling and try to never take another trip.

JOHN

Well, she's gone. Off to New York for the week, with her dresses and lingerie. Gone 'for work.'

I'd taken the day off, so once I'd finished taking care of the kids, I went into the home office to do a deep dive into Chris's papers. She was an accountant. Everything was orderly and where it should be. She saved everything. Every scrap. Yup, there was the stuff in the very back. Credit card summaries for all the charges on that new card. All the charges were related to the tickets or stuff she paid for in New York. Either she was a big eater or she was paying for two.

Since our accounts were shared, I requested and was emailed a summary of the texts and calls from and to her phone. Lots of texts to New York. All the same number. I blocked my ID and called the number. "Hi, may I please speak with Jonathan Walters? I'm returning his call."

"There's no Jonathan here. I'm Greg. You must have the wrong number."

"Sorry." Who the hell was Greg? That was the name of her Ex-. But surely not....

When my mother-in-law arrived we asked about each other's weekends and if Chris got off Ok? I then asked, "Mom, Chris's Ex- was named Greg, right?"

She gave me a curious look. "Yes it was. Why do you ask?"

"Oh, I was just trying to think of it, but couldn't remember it. Do you happen to know where he lives?"

"Why, I think he lives in New York. Is something wrong, John. She loves you and the kids to death. She never even mentions Greg. But you look concerned. What is it?"

"Oh, probably nothing. I just worry about her being gone so often and for so long this time. You know how you can get."

"John, I'm very sure you have nothing to worry about."

That said, I hurried to the attorney's office. After a lengthy discussion in which he assured me that if she fights things I would get screwed, I still told him to ask for full custody, the house, no alimony since she made the same as did, we each keep our own retirement and we split the rest 50:50. Yes, he could have the papers by Thursday for me.

My aching in my nut was getting a lot better. My throat was less sore. Good. The antibiotics Bob gave me were working.

I got home checked on the kids. Everything looked fine, but Chris must have had it when she delivered. Although there were no signs of anything, I thought Hailey should be checked. I would just rest more easily. So, just in case.

"Doc, I have chlamydia. I got it from Chris and I have to assume that she had it when she delivered. I had no clue. She was going on her 'business' trips well into her pregnancy. I only found out I had it because things got infected down there."

"Well, John, if the mother has Chlamydia at the time of delivery, 50% of the time the baby'll get it. Most commonly it's with an eye infection, but may be all sorts of things. Almost always, the infection shows up in the first few days. It's rare for it to develop at eight weeks although it has been reported up to a year. I think I should culture everything just to make sure. OK?"

"Sure, Doc. Let's just make sure."

"I don't see any signs at all, John. But if it is Chlamydia, I'll have to report it to social services."

"What? Why?"

"Because although it can happen from birth, it's pretty late for it to show up. So, it's an STD and can happen because of sexual abuse."

"Oh, crap, Doctor. No way would either of us do anything like that to the kids. No way. God, this is turning into a nightmare.

"When will the results be in?"

"Not for a few days. Towards the end of the week, I'd bet. I'll call as soon as I get 'em."

I tried Chris. She needs to know. Voicemail. I tried late afternoon. Voicemail. I tried that evening. Voicemail. I tried at fucking 2AM. Voicemail.

I took the week off. No call Monday. No call Tuesday. And I got only voicemails when I called. I decided to call George. We're good friends and I had his number. "How are you doing George?"

"You know, working away. I hate these trips even though they're short. I miss the kids and Sherry."

"I've been trying to reach Chris. There's an issue. Is she nearby? She said you, Sandy, and she went with you as a team."

"John. She didn't come with us. Oh crap! I'm so sorry. Maybe it's not what we think."

"No, it's what we think. She is seeing her Ex- husband, I fear. What city are you in George?"

"Chicago."

"Ok. Thanks. She's in New York. Please don't tell her or anyone until I have a chance to get this squared away. Even you wife, Ok?"

"Sure, John. Damn, of all the people...."

On Wednesday I finally got some good news. All the cultures were negative. Nothing in the eyes, throat, vagina, or butt. Thank God for that.

Chris finally called. "John, I am so, so sorry that I haven't returned your calls. I've just been so busy and so tired by the end of the day. And with the time change, it made it even worse. So how are you? How are the kids?"

"Fine, we're all fine. Nothing could be better." We had about a two minute talk and she said she was so tired she had to take a shower and go to bed. I heard a man in the background tell her to hurry up. So she did. Dumbass, Chris. Chicago is in the same time zone. New York was an hour ahead. You're supposed to be in Chicago. It would have given you more time to call me.

Her mom finally asked what the hell was going on. She knew something was up. So I explained what appeared to be going on with Chris. Her Mom cried and shook her head. "But Greg is such a loser. Why would she do it?"

"Apparently she's been doing it the whole time we've been married and I was so stupid I never even suspected."

"No, John. You were so much in love with my daughter there would have been no reason to doubt her. I never suspected either. What the hell is wrong with her, John? She's traded all this for nothing. He doesn't care about her. She was always just a piece of ass with money."

"Still like that. Looks like she pays for all the meals and entertainment. Listen, would you please not tell anyone including Chris, if she ever calls, and let me talk to her first?" She nodded. "She's only called once and that was today for about two minutes. So it's unlikely she'll call. And her cell just goes to voicemail 'because work is so tough.' But just in case, please just tell her everything is fine."

"Ok. I'm so sorry John. So, so sorry this is happening to you and the kids. It's just not right! And poor Hailey! Thank goodness she's OK. My God!

"I assume you're going to divorce her?" I nodded. "Just remember, that Carl and I are here for you and the kids no matter what. I just can't believe it. Her dad will be so upset." We hugged. I thanked her. She left with tears in her eyes. Why, Chris?

By Friday, my junk was pretty much back to normal. I could swallow with no scratchiness. That swelling on my testicle was gone. I took the kids to her mom's house. Then went back home and waited. I decided to text Chris and tell her to find a way home. A new first. That should get her thinking, but I just couldn't face being in the car with her on the way home.

And then she walked through the front door carrying he luggage and purse. I did not get up.

CHRIS

I walked in the door and John was sitting at the breakfast table in the kitchen. Oh, shit. I feel the ground starting to shift beneath my feet. "John, John, I'm home. I missed you so much. I am so glad to be here. You wouldn't believe...where are the kids?" I gave him a kiss, but he didn't respond. Uh, oh.

"The kids are at your mom's for now. Yes, you missed me so much you called once. And all my calls went to voicemail." Phwew! Maybe that's what he's pissed about. I can deal with that.

"We were just so busy. I was exhausted the whole time. I'm sorry. It just seemed there was never time."

"Sure I understand. How did things go with George and Sandy?"

"Oh, great. We make a terrific team. It was still brutal, but we got it all done." So far so good.

"Where was the meeting again?"

"New York. I'm sure I told you that."

"Well, you didn't, but I'm not sure I understand. George and Sandy were in Chicago and came home Wednesday." Oh no, oh no, oh no!

"John, it's not what you think. It was just work. I guess I was in Chicago. One city is just like the other...I can explain. John, I love you. I love the kids, this house, our life together. I would never..." But I did do something. I did cheat on him, again. He's way too calm. He's scaring me to death.

"Let's open you suitcase, Chris." Nooooooooo! Shock and fear filled me and had to be mirrored on my face.

"No, actually you don't have to." Thank God.

"I checked it before you left. One of the reasons I begged you to stay." Oh, God! How stupid was I? "Now, let me think. What's in New York? It's too early for Christmas shopping and you didn't bring anything home. What? No, WHO could it be?"

The walls were closing in. My life was being sucked into a black hole of pain, guilt, and regret. Why didn't you listen to him and stay home? Why do I always pick up the phone when Greg calls and come when he says 'come?' Why didn't you turn around? Why didn't you do anything but what you did? Over and over again.

"Let's see. The only person you know in New York is Greg. And that's why you have a special credit card." Oh no, he knows about that. How could he know about that? "And hell, Chris, it looks like you pay for everything. What the fuck is wrong with you?

"Oh, yea, and here are all the calls and texts to this number. I was curious so I called and the person on the other line was Greg." How could I have been such a fool. He had the call summary. Please, John, please stop there.

"But wait, there's more." He slid a lab report to her.

"What is...Oh, hell, John. You have Chlamydia? How on earth could you have...." I gasped, collapsed, started to sob uncontrollably. "Oh, John. I am so sorry. So, so sorry. Please forgive me. I've been fucked up. I've been out of my head since Hailey was born. I must have that postpartum depression or psychosis or something. I'll get help. I love you. I don't know why I looked him up...."

"Cut the shit, Chris. You can't stop lying even now, can you? Our whole marriage was based on a lie. You wanted stability and kids or something and I was the sucker you selected to provide it while you still fucked you're Ex-.

"I've apparently had Chlamydia for a long time. It means you had sex with Greg or somebody who gave it to you BEFORE you delivered. You could have given it to Hailey!

"Oh yes, and I spoke to George again. You never had any business trips out of town. So all those trips, for our entire marriage were to cheat on me and, hell, you cheated and were unfaithful to our whole family, not just me."

I was sobbing so hard I couldn't catch my breath. What have I done? What have I done? The axe is about to fall. I could feel it and I deserve it.

"So, Chris, I think you need a lot of counseling to figure out why you're obsessed by a loser who has always treated you like shit. You played me for a fool the whole fucking time.

"But there will be no counseling for US. The time for that is past." He slid an envelope towards me. Oh no. No. No. No.

"John, please. I don't want a divorce. I'm begging. I will crawl on my hands and knees. I'll get better. I'll never do it again..."

"Too late, Chris. You're just lying again. I begged you not to go. Had you stayed, maybe we could work things out. I doubt it, if I ever saw your records, but maybe. But you left anyway. You can get better on your own time.

"Get a lawyer, Chris. I'm asking for the moon. Oh, and here's your fucking antibiotic for your Chlamydia. 'Please follow directions.' I'm going to get the kids. Pull yourself together. And take a shower. You smell all spermy or something.

"Merriam is old enough that your appearance will freak her out. Just put on your lying fucking face and pretend that you are the good, loving mom and faithful spouse like you have for the last four years or so. I'm done. I don't think I can talk to you about anything but caring for the kids again.

"You killed everything I had inside. I moved all your shit to the guest bedroom. We can work out the details later when I'm not about to rip your fucking heart out and stomp on it like you did to mine."

He walked to the front door and slammed it shut on his way out. He had just closed the door on everything good in my life. Everything that brought me joy. And happiness.

I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I had traded everything for nothing. Greg won't want me and I don't want him. I will never be able to forgive myself for what I did to Hailey, Merriam, John, myself. I've destroyed it all. Why?