by mr. grey
Really like the fun, twisted story... But I'm way over the constant 'bitch, whore, slut' bullshit. Not a turn on at all :/
Yeah I agree...This thing is getting out of hand. The "Thing" needs to be revealed and explained. Nancy 1, 2 and 3 is just a bit too much, and just confuses the hell out of the reader. Muddies up the dialogue like a bitch. Rein this one in...
The premise of the story and potential eroticism were great, but you took it down to a base level of "fuck me, oh baby, fuck me" instead of erotically teasing the family members into "can't help myself" sex with each other (one alien encounter would have been enough). In other words, get it started with one person (say, in the sauna with Dad) and the daughter walks in on him and his imaginary partner. Startled and aroused, the daughter helps Dad out.
Just too much sex and no eroticism. Hope to see more from you.
Dixiebullfrog