Shaming the Boastful Centaur Ch. 01

Dad looked at Bill, a tad warily, and decided to give him another chance. "Son, would you like to offer a prayer before our meal?"

Bill perked up and said "Gee Willikers, sure dad!" sounding 12 years younger than the college freshman he was.

The entire table bowed their heads, in a worrying mixture of piety and horrified anticipation.

"Persephone, Maiden of the Spring, Queen of Hades, Mistress of the Pomegranate, bring unto me a lover whose loins are fruitful like the ripened oranges of Valencia and whose phallus would shame the boastful centaur." He looked around the table, smirking. "Amen."

The rest of the table sighed, and his mom made a cross.

"God damnit Bill. Do you really need to say that at the table?" Bill's dad asked in exasperation.

Bill grinned to himself and looked around the dining room, the smile fading as he realized that his sister was already playing on her phone, and his mom was rubbing her temples as she swallowed half a glass of wine in one go.

The meal was frosty, the small talk getting crushed under the feet of Big Tech, namely in the form of Instagram, Twitter, and Youtube. Still, Bill finished his plate and went for seconds, enjoying the change from dining hall grade volume.

He looked at the port he'd poured himself before the meal, sighed, and took a large gulp, nearly finishing it. Then sighed again and tilted it over, watching the fortified wine gather in a drop, then fall, hitting the tablecloth and coloring the cream fabric blood red.

The world stood still for a moment, then came together in a bang.

From the backyard, came a crash that echoed through the neighborhood, shaking the windows and setting off all three car alarms in the back.

Everyone jumped up from the table, and looked around wildly. Dad and Jane ran for the front door, adrenaline twitchy fingers scrabbling to call 911, as Mom and Bill ran for the rear door, shoving it open.

The back garden was lit by a ring of flame, centered on a crater, cutting into both Dad's prized lawn and Mom's prized tulip bed. Mom grabbed a knife, presumably to stab the meteor that had crushed uncountable hours of effort in her garden, and cautiously walked out towards the crater, Bill following closely, eyes trying to see past the guttering ring of flame.

As they crossed the border of the ring of fire, a wave of... not silence, but anti-noise surged out, blanketing the entire area in not just quiet, but silence powerful enough to drive them to their knees, a sensation akin to suddenly running into hurricane force winds, overwhelming and utterly surprising.

Moments later, the car alarms stopped, and dozens of people wondered why they were standing outside, before sheepishly heading back indoors.

Mom looked around, blinked, and stood up straight. A few seconds later, she looked at the knife in her hand then walked over to the mint patch, carefully cut a few sprigs, and started to walk back inside, as Bill looked around the garden dumbfounded.

"What the hell just happened!?" He asked, getting back up, looking at the crater in utter bewilderment.

"We needed some mint to garnish the dessert. And your roommate slipped into the planned duck pond. Mind helping him out? I think he's a little too proud to ask for it." Mom replied, an undercurrent of suppressed loathing coloring her words, as she slipped inside. Bill looked at her, confused, then turned on his phone's flashlight and looked inside the crater. There was an embarrassed tanned young man at the bottom.

"Erm... hello, where am I?" He asked, trying to get a grip in the slippery clay. "And I think I need some help."

"... sure." Bill said, reaching down and offering a hand to the newcomer. "What... how are you here?"

"No idea. Was hoping you could tell me." He said, surprisingly upbeat. He managed to squirm around and reached up towards Bill, grabbing his hand tightly.

A wave of warmth radiated from the hand grab, and the duo twitched in shock. Then, Bill grunted and helped pull the magical teleporting stranger out of the hole.

"Many thanks." he said, looking over himself and seeming to debate whether to clean off the clay. After a few moments hesitation, he sighed, and looked up at Bill. "Well, I'm Pholus. What's your name?"

Bill was stunned now that he was able to take in all of Pholus. He was a slight young man, barely shoulder height to Bill, with curly brown hair, brown eyes, and a patchy brown beard. He wasn't that muscular, but very defined, barely any body fat. He wasn't a nudist, the stark tanlines on his legs and arms said he wore... something. Didn't look like shorts, not sharp enough. All that was secondary to the organ dangling between his legs. It was almost bestial, the balls as large as eggs, his cockhead dangling a solid hand's breath beneath those ponderous orbs. It was framed by a thin fuzz of brown hair, and the foreskin seemed to be already stretched over the glans. Pholus blushed as he realized how... fixated Bill was, and tried to cover himself up.

Bill started, and shook his head. "Sorry, my name's Bill. You... want to get washed up?" Bill asked, suddenly very fixated on not letting the stranger go.

"You have a river nearby?"

"No? There's a bath upstairs."

"An upstairs bath? That sounds marvelous." Pholus said, eyes suddenly wide and impressed.

Bill shook his head, feeling like they were talking at cross purposes. "Let's go." Pholus followed like an obedient puppy as the two crossed the yard and clumped upstairs, getting mud and clay on the carpet. Pholus stared at the lights for a moment, shook his head, and kept walking.

"Alright, bathroom's in here. There's a towel over here. Soap and shampoo is here. You need anything else?"

"Erm... how do you use this?"

Bill blinked. "Did you come from space?"

"No? You can do that? I came from Pēlion."

"Where's that?"

"Erm..." Pholus seemed unsure how to answer that.

Bill decided that Pholus was probably from space. "Alright, here's how you use the bath. This closes the drain, this adds warm water, this adds cold water, this goes in your hair. Rub it to get it soapy. Here's the soap, and a washcloth. And here's a towel. You know how to use a towel?"

Pholus's lips quirked. "Rub it on wet parts?" Bill smiled and nodded, then turned and started for the door. "Wait, you're leaving? How can I get my back?"

Bill froze and turned around. "Erm... you want me to stay in here with you?" Pholus nodded, a bit nonplussed. "Alright... yeah, I can do that." Bill said, suddenly dry mouthed.

He turned on the water, letting it warm up, and pulled off his shirt. Pholus was looking at the toilet, interested. He pressed the lever, and nodded to himself as the water in the tank flushed away. "And... this... is what you use to wipe? Do I... put it in there?"

"Erm... yeah, that's the toilet. You wipe with the toilet paper, then just flush it with the water."

"Huh... neat." Pholus said, then sat down on the floor and started scraping off pieces of clay from his feet and legs, shivering a bit as his cock laid against the cold tiles. Bill remembered himself after a few moments, and, hesitating slightly, pulled off his pants, standing naked in front of the newcomer. It was hard not to try to cover himself up with his hands. He was... chubby, it had to be said, with some build from regular gym visits. His own dick wasn't anything special, barely enough for one hand, and he was doing his best to stop it from hardening. He turned towards the bath, making sure it was a comfortable temperature, and Pholus walked up behind him.

"Huh..." He said, looking at the steam coming off the water's surface. "I suppose water flows downhill... is there a boiler... on the top floor? That sounds dangerous..."

Bill turned around, almost chest to chest with the smaller man, his intense brown eyes staring into his own green. "As it happens, erm... no. There's a boiler in the basement, and... well, it heats the water, and uses the pressure from the central water main to pump the water up to this floor."

"So there's an aquaduct leading to the house?"

"Sort of... we have it in pipes underground..."

A rich female voice laughed nearby, causing the two men to jump in surprise and turn toward the sound.

A woman wearing a toga sat on a beanbag sized floating flower, clearly enjoying the scene.

"What happens when two cute naked guys spend time alone in a private bath?" She asked, then answered her own question. "Apparently they talk about the plumbing. Don't forget to tell him that you can let the water flow out. You don't need to recycle it for the rest of the family."

She rested her chin on one hand, the other holding a glass of some deep red liquid, apparently deeply amused.

Bill covered himself up, as did Pholus. "Who are you, how did you get in?"

"I'm Persephone. And you both called me with an appropriate offering. And I was just bored enough to do something about it."

"Offering?" Bill asked. "The wine?"

She nodded. "Good vintage, enjoy the hints of pomegranate." She took a sip of the drink. "Though, what I was more interested in was the particular phrasing."

Bill looked at her in confusion. "What..." Persephone's smile took on a hint of a leer and Bill's eyes darted towards Pholus. "Oh..."

"Oh indeed." She crossed her legs, leaning forward, inspecting the raw materials. "Of course, you two aren't quite up to your... prayers. But I've always been a strong believer in hard work improving my worshipers. And in the value of a ripening crop. It's how the harvest happens after all." She took another sip and reclined, as Bill and Pholus both felt a wave of what felt like strong alcohol cascade over the brains. It became a lot harder to worry, and... well, Persephone would have done something if she wasn't enjoying herself...

"Now, there is quite a bit of work to be done here. And I won't let people call me an unfair goddess... so... what do you two propose?"

"Erm... what?" Bill asked, through the sudden feeling of drunkenness.

"What should you two do to deserve my blessings?"

"Um, complete a great challenge?"

"But there's so much to be done here... is one challenge truly enough?" Persephone asked, as the two men shook their heads, blushing at they looked at themselves.

"What... about a bunch?" Bill offered. Pholus nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, we can complete the same quests as Hercules!" He said enthuesastically.

"You think you can complete the same tasks as Hercules?" Persephone smile was turning into a smirk. "What am I to say to such confidence? For each task you complete, you will get closer to your goals. And I will even alter the past so that people don't question it... too much."

"You can change the past?"

"Of course. Why do you think your mother didn't question why there was a naked boy from Ancient Greece in the garden? Pholus is now your nudist roommate from school. Your mother is convinced that he's led you down a path of villainy and debauchery, but would never say no to a guest. Do try to make a better impression, she's going to give you quite the cold shoulder if you don't get your act together."

"But... I don't... remember that?" Pholus said, confused.

"Of course not. It's too simple and boring to actually press into reality, but it'll give you a roof over your head and three meals a day, plus a cute boyfriend. Get on those quests and I'll start filling out your backstory properly."

The two men looked at each other, suddenly hyperaware of the other's presence. Bill coughed. "Yeah... yeah, we can do that."

Persephone's smirk widened into a grin. "Then I look forward to your success." She slowly faded from view, just leaving a lingering scent of flowers and two blushing horny men.

"Erm... you want to get into the bath?" Bill asked Pholus.

"Yeah! Yeah, that... that sounds nice."

They clambered into the bath, and ended up back to back, feeling each other's warmth, relaxing into the warm water.

"So... what did you pray for?" Pholus asked after a bit.

"Erm... a boyfriend with balls bigger than oranges and a cock bigger than a centaur's."

"What?!" Pholus yelped.

"Yeah, I'm a massive perv... It was a joke and- "

"No, no, you like big penises?"

"Yeah...?" Bill said, confused.

"That's... not really a thing where I'm from... well... not from anyone who isn't powerful..."

"What?"

"Well, it's this whole thing about submission and domination. You always want a partner with a smaller penis and a long foreskin... and I'm just a farmer."

"So, you're too big to get a date?"

He shrugged against Bill. "Well... it's a stereotype. Farmers and satyrs, even if I've never met one. Huge bestial cocks for everyone not civilized enough to live in a city." Bill's breathing became deeper, and he shook against Pholus.

It kept going. "Are... are you masturbating against me?"

"Fuck, that sounds hot." Bill said, and Pholus burst out laughing. Bill joined in, slowing and stopping his efforts.

"Well, I guess that's... pretty reassuring... Guess a lot is different here."

"Persephone said, ancient Greek... is that true?" Bill asked. Pholus shrugged.

"How could I tell what's ancient to you? I know how to farm on a small plot of land in a place called Pēlion."

After a minute, Bill asked "Would you recognize coins?"

Pholus shrugged again. "Does it matter? I don't care where I am, as long as it's a long long way away from there. Magical lights, hot water from a tap, strange fabrics... as long as you're here for me to ask about it, I'm happy."

Bill blushed hard. "You... you really trust Persephone that much?"

"Well, you could have probably made that happen, but... hey, if you can fake being a god, there's nothing I can do anyway. Might as well enjoy the water."

"What... did you pray for?"

"Someone muscular and wise to protect me..."

"Aww. That's adorable."

Pholus seemed like he wanted to say more, but didn't.

"Erm... you want me to scrub your back?" Bill asked.

"Yeah... I'd really appreciate it."

Bill turned around and started scrubbing. "Hey are you alright?"

"Eh... just feels a bit... tight. I'll be alright... when I calm down." Pholus said, sounding a bit strained.

"What are you talking about?" Bill asked, "Oh wow..." he said, looking over Pholus's shoulder. His cock was half hard, draped nearly past his hip. The foreskin was stretched taut, and looked red and painful. "How big do you get when you're hard?"

Pholus pointed aggressively at his dick.

"Oh... this has been going on for a while?"

"Years... Always wakes me up a few times a night."

"And you can't get circumcised?"

Pholus looked affronted. "Absolutely not."

"Huh... I guess we could go talk to a doctor in the morning... see what treatments are available..." Bill said.

"You can just do that?" Pholus was surprised. "I thought they were only in large cities."

"Erm... It's only about half an hour to a city from here. Our general practitioner is about 45 minutes down the road."

"What is this place?" Pholus asked, amazed.

Bill laughed a bit. "It has other problems, but let's get you cleaned up. You feeling hungry?"

Pholus nodded. "I... could do with a bite."

"Excellent, food should still be on the table. Let's see if we can get you some pants." Bill started scrubbing Pholus's back, and helped with his legs and feet. The two were feeling giggly, being that close together, bathing in each other's scents, mixed with the chemical freshness of shampoo and soaps, but tried to restrain themselves a bit.

"So, you've never been able to get hard?" Bill asked, as they were drying off.

Pholus shrugged. "For years, when this thing really started growing. Bit of a joke with the other workers. They kept assigning me to preparing the horses for breeding." He rolled his eyes and huffed. "Something about it being the closest I'd ever get.

Bill rolled his eyes. "Alright, if it's just foreskin, it shouldn't be too difficult to fix. If there's something like scarring, the that's also pretty easy, an extremely simple surgery."

"If you say so..." Pholus said, looking around. "Erm... you said something about pants?"

"Right! My room. Let's see if there's something comfortable we can get you in." He tied his towel around his waist and stepped out into the hallway, stumbling a bit from the aftereffects of meeting a goddess.

Pholus copied the action, and tried walking after him, then gave up and left the towel hung up. The bedroom was set up differently than Bill had remembered, with an inflatable mattress and an open bag.

"Erm... I guess that's yours?" He said to Pholus, who looked inside curiously.

"Huh... these are weird..." He said, holding up a pair of pants.

"I mean, they're what I'm wearing..." Bill said, a bit confused.

"But why not a... tunic?" Pholus asked.

"... erm... I think those are only used for girl's sportswear now?"

"Erm... alright." Pholus pulled on a loose pair of sweatpants, his cock dangling down one side, and felt around in the pockets. "Huh, these are convenient." He remarked, pulling out a wallet. "What's this?"

"A wallet, it stores money and cards and stuff. Let's see what's inside it." Bill said. He opened it to find a driver's license, some cash, a school ID, and a school medical insurance card. "Huh, that's useful. This makes life a bit easier." Bill handed the wallet back to Pholus, who put it in his pants.

"Alright, you ready to eat?" Bill asked, looking through the bag and tossing Pholus a shirt.

"I'm hungry for many things." Pholus said, pulling on the top, taking in his new boyfriend's form. Bill blushed, and threw on some of his own clothes. A few minutes later, the two headed down together.

The plates from dinner were still there, with a new spot for Pholus. It had a towel over the cushion, and the rest of the family looked up at the two as they walked in. Bill's mom appeared pleasantly surprised, but nodded as the two took their place.

Pholus didn't notice, he was fixated on the sheer amount of food on the table. "What... how..." He shook his head and sat down, then looked at the family using their fork and knives, and tried to imitate them.

It was a bit messy, but the family was trying to be polite to the Greek.

"So... how are you settling in?" Bill's dad asked after a few minutes of munching. "Thanks again for spending your first day digging a pond. It's something I've wanted to do for a while."

Pholus was digging in, as if he hadn't eaten in a week. Bill waited a few seconds and answered. "Think he's doing fine, and really appreciating your cooking. Thanks mom." She nodded and made an 'it was nothing' gesture. Bill continued. "Yeah, felt like we got it done in a flash, at least until he slipped."

There was a weird pressure at the base of Bill's head, and it felt like his ears popped. A few different memories jumbled together. What had happened with the explosion, the two of them spending the day digging, Pholus naked, trying to make the best of things, and the two of them digging in muddy clothes. The first two faded. Bill could remember what had 'happened' but it was muddy, like vivid dream from a couple nights back.

His mom blinked. "I'm sorry that I got in such a tizzy over you two getting your clothes so dirty. If you can leave them to soak overnight, I'll get them tomorrow."

Pontus and Bill looked at each other, then turned back to their food. Guess this is what Persephone had meant by "reality changes." Bill's mom had seen him nude, and had formed a certain reality. Bill's dad hadn't. Which one made more sense? The one where Pontus had shoes on, apparently.

The rest of the night was fairly uneventful. Pholus was stunned enough to just take everything in and accept it as what it was. Bill was still feeling the effects of whatever Persephone had done to them.