Shaping Our Lives

She stood up and dashed towards me with her arms open. "Thank god you're safe." She squeezed me tight and suddenly things seemed better.

"What happened and why'd you run off? They're going frantic with worry."

"Jane wanted to know what was wrong with me. I told her nothing, but she knew that wasn't true and I couldn't tell her. She thought that you'd upset me or we'd fallen out. I didn't know what to do so I sneaked out and then I wasn't sure where to go so I came here. I came to you"

"It's okay, we'll fix this, but you scared the life out of me and them. I love you so much."

"Sophie, I'm sorry. I couldn't stop thinking about you and us. I know, I know what I want and I'm prepared to do anything for us. As long as that's what you want as well, if not that's okay. But I want you. I want you forever. Only you, I love you very much." I was rambling, but hopefully, she understood.

"I've thought as well. The two of us, I want that. I love you too. I need to phone them, they're worried sick."

Sophie put the phone on speaker and called them. As it started to ring she turned to me, "Let me do the talking." I nodded.

"Jane, it's me. She's here, Milly's here, she just turned up. She's safe and fine."

"Mum, I'm sorry. I panicked; I didn't mean to worry you."

"Okay. We're pleased that you're safe, but what's wrong?"

"Mum, Milly's been struggling with something for a few weeks. She spoke to me about it when we were away and it's okay now. I have some meetings tomorrow that I need to go to and we'll get a train as soon as we can and be there at about eight tomorrow evening. In the meantime, she's fine and safe with me."

There were a few more questions and some speculation, but Sophie was firm, "Tomorrow."

"Thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you. I've dumped you in this. I'm sorry."

"I'm as responsible for this as you are. Don't worry. Even if they go mental, we have a home here and I have money. It'll be fine and so will they. They love us."

I made some dinner; we talked for a while and then went to bed. There was no sex, just the two of us holding each other. I looked into those deep brown eyes and I could see right inside her. She loved me, she always had, but it had changed. I closed my eyes with a smile on my face until I realised that tomorrow was going to be a challenge.

I sat beside Sophie on the train. My knees weren't knocking, but I was terrified. I hadn't eaten all day and felt sick. My foot kept bouncing. I could see that Sophie was nervous as well despite her constantly telling me that it would be okay.

They greeted us at the station and we both got hugs. Fiona could barely contain her desire to know and I was convinced that I was going to throw up.

"Okay. Something's wrong, there's a problem and it's a big thing whatever it is so please tell us so that we can fix it." Fiona was glowering.

Sophie held my hand. She looked Fiona in the eyes. "We're in love. We have been for a while, but we only really found out how we were feeling whilst we were away." She held up her hand. "I've been around the block, but I've never felt anything for anyone like I feel for M and she feels the same about me. I know that you're going to be unhappy, but you cannot treat her like you did yesterday."

Fiona blew her stack. She ranted and shouted, told us that we were crazy. Told Sophie that she should know better and told me that I was too young and naive to know what I was doing. Sophie looked at her and with a sneer and simply said, "That's a bit rich from you, from you of all people. I love you, but you're a bloody hypocrite."

I was waiting for a bomb to go off. Fiona's face turned red and was knotted with anger. Much to my surprise, it was Jane who laughed, loudly, before speaking.

"About thirty-five years ago you and I sat just like this, on a sofa, not two miles from here, with Milly in between us. You sounded just like Jess did that day, just as crazy and Sophie's right."

"What?" Fiona snarled.

"You came to tell Jess and Vic that you'd fallen in love with Milly. She was Mum's best friend, more than twice your age and you were younger than M is now. You and I live together as a couple, we have sex together and we're actual sisters. Sophie is a wonderfully clever woman and I'm proud of her and how we raised her. M is wonderful as well. They grew up like sisters, but remember they're not blood relatives."

She rose from her chair and came to kneel in front of us, she took our hands, "I love you both and as long as you're both happy, so am I." She hugged us. Fiona sat silent, thinking.

"I'm sorry, Jane's right as usual. I was being a hypocrite and unfair. Sophie, I'm sorry. Jane and I were blessed when you came to us. I wish it had been different for you, but it wasn't and you made the four of us a family and I love you so much. I'm sorry, please forgive me."

Jane went to make tea and the three of us sat quietly. I was holding Sophie's hand tightly. I was still scared, still feeling a little sick, but holding out hope that this would turn out okay.

After a few minutes, Jane came back and Fiona who had clearly been thinking deeply spoke again. "Jane's right. It won't be easy for you, but it should be easier than it has been for us. I thought about that day thirty-five years ago and something else that Jess said which is relevant. She told Milly that if she hurt me Jess would kill her and I think that she meant it. She told me that if I hurt Milly she'd do something unpleasant to me. What she said is valid today. If you hurt each other I'll do something unpleasant to you, even though I have no idea what. If your feelings change you have to be honest. Sophie is a good catch and so is M. I hope that you are okay."

I felt a small smile for the first time.

Jane was smiling as well. "If I had one wish, it would be for my family, the four of us, to be healthy and happy. If I had more than one ..." Jane paused and I could see tears filling her eyes, "If I had more than one, my second would be for Izzy and Emily to be able to see you or at least let them see how you turned out Sophie. I think that they'd be pleased and proud. They were nice people and I hope that they somehow ..." She stopped. The words had stuck in her mouth. She came over to Sophie and took her in her arms.

It took a minute or so before Jane could speak again. "I love you, Sophie, I love you so much and am so proud of you, but I wish with all my heart that we hadn't had to adopt you. I wish your Mums were still here."

I stood up and wrapped my arms around the two of them.

Sophie pulled away from her a little. "I cried many tears for a long time. Your wish is a nice thought, but it isn't going to happen. I hope they know that I turned out okay. I hope they know how great you and Fiona were to me. I couldn't have asked for any more than you gave. Thank you, all three of you."

We spent the rest of the evening talking and covered a lot of ground. I told them the real story about the Empire State Building and our kisses there. They all laughed at me and I blushed.

Sophie and I went to my room, the room that I kept there. From now on it would be our room if we were visiting. We held each other tightly all night.

Saturday was a strange day, we read papers and talked. Sophie and I went for a walk. I'd been thinking about the coming week and then made a decision. "Sophie, I've been thinking."

"What is it?"

"I'm going back with you tomorrow. I know what I want. I want to be with you, in London. I want to be there when you come home and get used to the two of us in our new relationship."

"Are you sure that's what you want?"

"Yes, very sure. I love you."

"I'd be delighted. Let's go home, let's go home tonight." I smiled at her.

They were pretty stunned when we told them and they wanted us to stay. It was my turn to speak. "Ever since she went away to uni I've felt that something was missing from my life. When she came to my party I felt whole again and I've felt like that ever since. I love her very much and I want to be with her. It's best if we go tonight and give ourselves time to learn about how this is going to work. I still love you both, but I need to be with her." I grabbed her wrist raised it to my mouth and kissed the back of Sophie's hand.

Jane looked at Fiona and she nodded. "Okay, let's get your bags and we'll take you to the station. You might be right about this."

I felt the weight falling from me as Sophie opened the door. We both went through the house and I was about to take my bag into the room that I'd used for the last two years when she took my hand. She pulled me through the door to her bedroom. I looked at her, "I didn't want you to go into that other room, I want this to be our room. Where we go to sleep each night and wake up each morning; with each other."

I smiled at her, "I'd like that."

"Maybe tomorrow we can move some clothes around so that your stuff is in here as well." I nodded my head and grinned.

We did move some clothes around and at one point Sophie came through with her arms full of my shoes to find me staring into the open doors of the wardrobe. "Hey, M, what's wrong?"

I shook my head as I turned towards her. I took the two paces and pushed her back onto the bed. She smiled as she shoved the shoes aside and I sat looking down at her grinning like an idiot. "There's nothing wrong, nothing at all. But my clothes are sharing a wardrobe with yours; I'm sharing this room with you. I looked in there and was a little stunned by all of this. You're my hero and now my girlfriend. It's amazing." I bent over and kissed her.

She sat up and looked back at me. "I thought that I was pretty smart, confident and yet I missed the very thing that was under my nose. I've always loved you, but I never really thought about it like this and now that I have ... Give me another kiss." I was happy to oblige and it took about twenty minutes before we got back to sorting out our clothes.

Later that evening I cooked as Sophie read some papers that she would need the next day. We ate dinner and then cuddled on the sofa with the TV on. I wasn't watching it, whatever it was; I had my head on Sophie's shoulder and a hand on her leg. I could feel her breathing and sure that I could hear her blink. Her hand was around my back and there was warmth where it sat.

I had an idea and wriggled free. "Sophie, can I try something?" She looked at me, slightly puzzled.

"What?"

"Can I take your trousers off, please?" She just smiled at me and helped me to pull them and her panties off. I knelt on the floor between her legs.

"M, maybe I should shower first we've been busy all day and I might be a bit ... Oh shit!"

I knew what I wanted to do to her, for her, and I didn't care what she tasted like or how sweaty she was. I plunged my tongue inside her used a hand to stroke her thighs, with my other hand I slid a couple of fingers inside her. She was sweaty but she was mine and I loved how she tasted. I just ignored most of what she said until I realised that she was giving me directions, most of which consisted of, yes, no, more, harder, like that or please. I continued to ignore her and carried on.

It didn't take long before she screamed at me and I felt the orgasm in every part of her body. She did make several statements, the actual words of which were all jumbled up and made no sense but I was pretty sure that she wasn't unhappy. I kept going until I made her come again. This time she pushed me away and I looked up. She was covered in sweat, her hair was a mess and she was trembling. "Please no more, please, no more." Her eyes closed and I hugged her.

It took ten minutes before she opened her eyes again and looked at me. "Never in my life have I ever felt anything like that. I ... "

"So, I did okay then?"

She just laughed before replying, "More than okay. I have no idea where you got that from, but wow"

I could see that she was exhausted so I helped her to the shower, washed her and then towelled her dry and she just let me with continuous sighs. As I tucked her in bed she looked at me and muttered. "I'm so sorry; you've wiped me out and taken such good care of me."

"I'm not sorry about any of it. I love you and I've loved this evening. I'd like to do it again. Go to sleep and I'll be through shortly to cuddle you."

She was making those cute raspy snoring noises before I got to the door. I went to make myself a cup of tea and I replayed those last couple of hours. It was wonderful and I couldn't be happier. I'd reduced her to a quivering mess and was so proud of myself. I sipped my tea, then dashed through to hold her. I smiled as I stared at her.

I was up sharp the next morning and made scrambled eggs and coffee before Sophie appeared dressed and ready for work. She looked smart and business-like. My knees trembled I wanted to drag her back to bed, but that would have to wait.

"M, thanks for this, but you don't have to get up and make breakfast for me every day."

"I know and I won't. But today is special. I love you."

She stroked my arm. "Thank you for last night and I'm sorry I flaked out on you, but I'll make it up to you."

"I'm not sorry about it at all. I'd like to repeat it, every detail, but I'll let you make it up to me sometime soon." I got a kiss and a hug before she left, grinning.

I spent the next week out and about visiting art galleries, museums or just walking. I realised that I needed to get back running soon. Each evening I was waiting for Sophie with dinner ready. We didn't have sex every night that week, but that was because Sophie was on the phone to a colleague for two hours one evening sorting out something for a case the following day. I was in bed when she finally stopped talking and I just pulled her into bed beside me and held her. Nothing else, but I didn't want anything else right at that moment.

At first, I'd been apprehensive about our relationship. It was beyond anything that I'd thought possible, but everything that Sophie did and said showed that she really did have strong feelings for me. Despite all of the things that we'd done I was still a little nervous about sex. She was patient with me, took her time to help me to find out what I liked. She told me that I already seemed to understand what she liked.

I was astounded at how good it was what satisfaction I felt and as much of that was from giving rather than receiving. Several times Sophie told me that it was very special and that she was experiencing something that she'd never had before.

My confidence grew and my apprehension reduced. I was prepared to try anything, I was crazy about her.

I knew what my reading list was for the following year so I sourced all of the books and set out to work my way through them. Each morning I'd do a little and three or four times a week I'd go for a run. Then I'd spend another hour or two reading depending on what I else I had planned. By the time that the new term started, I'd finished all but a few chapters in the last one. At least I had a good idea of what was coming up and it helped me a great deal. It was also obvious that I was the only real swot on the course, but I kept that knowledge to myself. Well apart from Sophie who ribbed me about it frequently.

University and research

It was good to get back and move on with my studies. So much had changed in the months since I was last here. I had a girlfriend who was just wonderful and who I trusted with my life.

The advance reading that I'd done was invaluable and I buckled down. Somehow it seemed easier and I had plenty of time to run after and care for Sophie, which I loved to do.

I was back at Mum's for a few days; Sophie was away because of a court case that she was involved with and I thought that it was a chance to catch up with my parents. "Mum, there are a couple of books by Alex Morgan in the study. She was Milly's first wife and a political analyst wasn't she?"

"Yes she was, although I never met her, I was only three or four when she died. Milly went to work for her and they fell in love."

"I was reading one of her books and it's given me an idea for an essay," I explained my idea. I wanted to look back at a significant event from about forty years ago, to see how it was viewed at the time and how views have changed over the years and with other events impacting upon how we see it now.

"I know nothing about what you're studying, I'm a geek remember. But it sounds like a good idea." It was clear that she was thinking. "Get a torch and come to the loft with me."

About twenty minutes later Fiona found two dusty boxes which we dragged downstairs. "Milly had these when we moved here. It's some of Alex's stuff. Maybe something would be useful."

I sat on the study floor with the boxes. There were several personal items, but most of the contents were magazines containing articles that Alex had written, a book that I'd not seen before and a manuscript for another book that looked as if it was being prepared for publication. Three hours later I realised that had a wealth of material, a gold mine actually.

I was back at home and we'd just finished dinner. "Okay, you need to tell me what it is or you're going to burst. Hit me." Sophie smiled at me.

"You know all that stuff of Milly's first wife that Fiona had kept? Well, my tutor loved the essay that I wrote and wanted to speak to me about it. When I told him about all the material I had, he suggested that I base my dissertation on the same idea. Consider a range of events, rather than just one as I did for the essay, do the same for each one. Then take a view of what they can collectively teach us about events and how we might be able to use that knowledge to inform decision making going forward."

"That sounds really exciting and I can see that you love the idea. It's great, I'm very proud of you."

"Does that mean that you'll take me to bed later and do filthy things with me?"

"What sort of filthy things?"

"Kissing, licking, touching, sucking, fucking, that sort of thing."

"It doesn't sound dirty."

"Trust me, it will be."

It was late November and my course was going well. I seemed to have gained new confidence in myself, I had no idea where it came from but it grew slowly and I wondered if was down to my studies. My confidence in our relationship had grown as well and our sex lives had been good from the start despite my fears and Sophie was good at encouraging me and I loved to see her smile.

That new confidence had started to spill over into the bedroom. When I say spill, that makes it sound like a bad thing, it wasn't. I'd found myself being more forceful, not only in taking more but in giving and being far more assertive about it.

We were recovering late one evening after a lengthy and torrid session when Sophie rolled onto her side to look at me. "Where did that come from?"

"Where did what come from?"

"You, you suddenly became forceful, dominant. You took the lead and ... I don't know. I've never seen you like that, so powerful, almost scary."

"Oh God, I'm sorry."

"No, no need to be sorry. You started telling me what to do, demanded things, took the lead. You were in charge and I felt a sense of determination from you and a sense of compliance in me."

"Don't be stupid. I'm the more, what submissive? Less experienced of us, always have been."

"Not tonight M. You were in charge and it was thrilling. I like my little sister getting all dominant with me. It's a new thing and I'm not complaining."

I lay awake that night thinking about what she'd said. 'Had I really been like that?' I couldn't let it go and it bugged me for days, 'I'm not like that.'

We'd made love a number of times over the next couple of weeks. They were lovely occasions, just two people willing to give and take, ensuring that the other person was pleasured.