Shaping Our Lives

I sniffed and wiped my eyes. I couldn't look at her at that moment. I sat up on the bed and hunched up into as small a space as I could manage and pulling the towel back to partly cover me I glanced at her. She was watching me carefully. I looked away, "Around Valentine's Day."

"What happened then?"

"You didn't get a card from anyone and I started thinking about why not. You're gorgeous, clever, funny, caring and would be a great girlfriend. I also realised that you hadn't dated, not properly, for over a year, maybe longer."

"You realised that you loved me because I didn't get a card?"

"No, no, not because of that. I got a card, someone at Uni had stuffed one in my bag, I had no idea who and I realised that I didn't want a card from anyone, but it made no sense until I was in bed one night." I sniffed again; I was finding this really difficult.

Sophie stroked my hair and she smiled at me. When I found the courage to look her in the face I spoke, nervously, "I was lying in bed when I realised that I was glad that you hadn't had a card from anyone. I knew that was cruel until I worked out why. I didn't want you to get one and I didn't want one because it was you that I was in love with. I was embarrassed and ashamed. You'd been so kind to me."

"Is that all of it?"

"No, I kept dreaming about you?"

"Why was that so bad?"

"Because of the things that I was dreaming, sexual things." I hung my head again.

"It's okay. What happened when I stumbled just then was an accident, honestly. But when you went for a shower, after that little kiss, I realised what I was feeling, had been feeling for a while. I'd never acknowledged it until then. M, I'm in love with you too."

I thought there had been an earthquake, because the whole room just moved, lurched. I'd misheard, surely. "What did you say?"

She didn't answer. She moved up the bed onto her knees facing me. One hand came up to my cheek; she got close to me and whispered, "I love you." Then she kissed me. I was right there had been an earthquake and this was an aftershock, she was kissing me. It was so amazing and relegated the kisses that had preceded this one, which had all been amazing, to the third division, rubbish, second grade compared to this one.

Sophie kept kissing and I was waiting to wake up from the dream, a great dream. She pulled me gently and the two of us were lying down side by side. I held her hip and she stroked mine which was still naked. When she stopped kissing me my lips felt as if they had frayed or swollen or something. But then I felt her touching my nipple, my left nipple with her hand underneath my breast. My brain was no longer engaged because it was telling me that things were happening that are impossible. She couldn't be holding my breast and tweaking my nipple with the same hand and I could feel that her other arm was under me, unless it was her mouth. It was her mouth; Sophie had my nipple in her mouth. The sensations were overwhelming me, her touch was gentle and yet deliberate, soft and yet firm. My nipple felt as if it was on fire, but it was not painful, quite the opposite, it was wonderful.

Sophie paused and removed her mouth and looked at me. "Are you okay with this? Do you want me to stop?"

I have no idea what I said or did, but somehow I must have agreed that it was okay because she resumed and then I felt something on the inside of my leg. A hand, a finger, something and whatever it was stroked my slit. This was ecstasy, mind-blowing, I was feeling things, nice things, but I didn't know what they were, it was just total confusion and then I exploded. Somewhere deep inside me, a hand grenade had gone off. My body stiffened, I shook and then fell apart like melting jelly. My mind was trashed and my body was useless. It was as if I was looking down at myself from somewhere on the ceiling. I'd had an orgasm, but nothing like those that I'd instigated by myself.

I stared at Sophie with wide eyes and a sense of disbelief. My sister, my beloved Sophie, had made me come and it was something that I didn't understand or believe was real. I closed my eyes and hoped that my senses would reset. Sophie held me for several minutes, she stroked me gently and whispered to me, but I have no idea what she was saying.

Eventually, I came to my senses and Sophie asked if I was okay? "No, no I'm not. What was that?"

"I made you come little one."

She'd called me little one, how lovely. "That cannot be normal that had to be a special kind of magic."

She laughed, "A Special kind of Magic is a song, Freddie Mercury I think. That's what it should be like between two people who are in love and give themselves to each other. It was special from where I was too."

We lay for a few minutes and then she told me to get dressed because we needed to eat. "But I want to do that to you, please."

"Let's get food and talk. This has been something momentous for the two of us and we need to take time to process it. Just know this; I love you so very much."

We ate at a Chinese place, simple crude tables, but incredible food and great service. Too loud to talk properly so I just stared at her. I stared at Sophie as if I was crazy.

We walked, it was quiet and we could talk. "I think that it began at your party. I hadn't seen you for such a long time and then there you were, all grown up and gorgeous, not the gangly teenager that I'd last seen. After you moved in with me I didn't want to date, I had offers, plenty, but I wanted to come home to you and watch TV, talk or go out somewhere. It was you that I wanted to be with, but I refused to acknowledge to myself how I felt."

I was stunned and had nothing to say.

"When you kissed me earlier it was like a balloon had popped inside my head. A recognition, realisation, something. I want to go back to the room and hold you."

I kept walking, that was what I wanted as well. Or at least I thought that I did until another idea popped up from somewhere. "We need to get a taxi." I flagged one down and we got in.

"Empire State Building, please."

"M? We've been there."

"But we didn't do it right. Please do this with me, please."

On the observation deck, I took Sophie's hand and lead her so that we were looking down Manhattan towards the Statue of Liberty. I moved in front of her and smiled as I spoke. "I think that this is a very romantic place and I want to kiss you right here." I leaned in and grabbed her tight and kissed her. I gave it everything that I had and it was magical. I used my phone to take a selfie and then dragged Sophie round to the other side looking towards Central Park and we repeated the kiss.

"Thanks for that. It was wonderful and now I want to taste you. I've never done it and I may not be very good, but I've practised in my dreams."

When we got back to the room we stripped and lay down. Sophie was bare, not a hair to be seen and she was glistening. I'd never seen this piece of anatomy close up before and I knew two things. I need to be hairless and I knew what I wanted. I took my time and reacted to Sophie going yes or giving other signals and I made her come. It was the most joyous thing that I'd experienced to that point of my life.

I think that I passed out in Sophie's arms.

We avoided eye contact the following morning as we packed. We left our luggage at the hotel and went for breakfast. Over coffee, I had to speak or I was going to explode. "Sophie, I love you very much, but what are we going to do? Can we really go back to the way we were a week ago? What are we going to tell our Moms? I'm scared."

She sipped her coffee and I could see the wheels turning as she considered her reply. "I do love you and not as my sister. What happened yesterday was great, the best sex I've ever had, but we were both fumbling and I'm sure that it'll get better as we learn together and I want that, very much. I think that you do too. I don't want to go back to how it was a week ago. I'm a little scared too and I have no idea how we're going to tell them. For now, I want to finish breakfast and then we have a few hours to kill before we head to the airport."

We went to Washington Square Park and spent time in the sun people watching. We sat with coffees and ignored the world around us. We talked. I told her how I felt, about my confusion, about my dreams. "When you went to uni I suddenly felt different. It took me a long time to realise that I felt incomplete. I didn't feel that when you were home, but it was a subtle thing and I didn't realise what it was for a long time. Then you turned up for my birthday and I suddenly felt 'right' again. We've hardly been apart ever since and the realisation has been growing steadily, until around Valentine's Day when it hit me in bed. I cried that night because I knew how stupid I was being, how it could never work and in any case, I thought that it was a one-way thing."

"Well you were wrong, it's not one way. When we get home tomorrow would you stay for a couple of days? I'd like us to 'get to know one another' better," she made air quotes with her fingers as she said that and grinned at me, "Then you need to go back and we'll have a few days apart to let things settle between us. Give ourselves time to think about things. Then we can talk again."

"Okay, but I'd rather not be apart. I like the 'getting to know' bit though, I'm nervous about that, I've never been with anyone else before."

"No one at all?"

"Some fumbles with boys, which I hated and a couple of experimental snogs with pals, but I'm a virgin." I was slightly embarrassed.

"No need to be embarrassed any more than I should be. I've been around the block a few times, boys and girls. Some of it was good but not earth-shattering." She looked away from me and then after a deep breath carried on, "Nothing felt like it did with you last night. Others have done the same things and with more skill, but it never felt like when you did it. When I was loving you, before we went out, I felt things that were new and exciting and you never really did anything. I want to try things with you M. I love you very much."

I floated through Manhattan that afternoon holding Sophie's hand. We took selfies, checked out some shops and watched the world go by. I was in heaven.

I fell asleep on the plane with my head on Sophie's shoulder holding her hand. When I woke up she was resting the side of her face on my head and I think that she was smiling. We held hands as we came into land and, exhausted, we found our bags and a taxi to take us back to our flat.

I called Jane to let her know that we were home, fine and had enjoyed ourselves. I also told her that I was staying with Sophie for a couple of days to get over jet lag. Not entirely true, but good enough.

We sorted out laundry and got most of our stuff put away then dashed to the supermarket to get supplies. I made us a snack, but we were fading fast and about four o'clock I took Sophie by the hand and lead her towards her bedroom.

I paused and bit my lip at the door, "Do you mind if we use your room?" She nodded so I led her in and undressed her. She did nothing to help but didn't obstruct me, she just grinned. I got her naked and sat back on my heels as I drank in the view. I pushed her back and as she fell I started to strip, it took seconds and I dived alongside her. She was still grinning and said, "You are beautiful you know."

"I'm not so sure, but I'm here right now and I need to do something. I need the practice so just enjoy it if you can and you can point me in the right direction when I get something wrong."

I kissed her passionately and then moved down the bed. I took her breasts in my hands and caressed them and then I gently pinched her nipples. She groaned, doing fine I thought, but something inside of me was stirring and I knew what I was going to do next. I took her left nipple in my mouth. This was heaven, I'd never felt anything like it. The nipple grew and hardened, I nipped it, kissed it and sucked on it then I heard Sophie groan again, actually it was more of a squeak, a lovely little squeak. I liked it.

I moved over to the other nipple and found that it was already engorged and she squeaked again within seconds. I heard her take a breath and she whispered, "What are you doing to me?"

I ignored that question and assumed that she had a much better idea than I did. I slid my hand up her left leg and it quivered. Wow, I ran my hand back down to her knee and then up again. She quivered again and she kept doing it as I moved inside her thigh. This time she squeaked again. I stroked her lips which were wet; they also seemed to be swollen. I slid a finger inside and felt her whole body shiver. I added a second. She opened her mouth to speak, but it came out a mess. I think that she tried to say 'Oh fuck' so that is what I did. I'd seen enough porn to have an idea of what I was doing and from her reactions, things were going well.

The nipple in my mouth was rigid and for a moment I thought that it was trying to interact with my tongue. I almost laughed to myself as I thought 'sorry nipple, I'll get you again later, but I have to be somewhere else right now.'

I slid down between her thighs and licked her body as I went. Sophie groaned throughout and again I felt her quiver. I licked her thighs as I continued to move my fingers inside her and when I licked her slit around them she squeaked loudly, swore and I felt her go rigid. I'd made her come and it seemed to have been a pretty good one. I owed Sophie much more than I could ever repay her but knew that whilst I was here I was going to try and move the balance back in my favour.

I stayed still for a few moments, then started my probing and got back to kissing and licking until I found her clit. I thought that she was going to leave the bed. She tried to speak, but nothing came out. I was doing okay so I kept going, but now I removed my fingers. I felt her try to follow me, but I replaced them with my tongue. I was in unchartered waters here, but I kissed, licked and probed pushing my face into her as far as I could. She took hold of my hair and I felt her holding me so that I couldn't move, not that I wanted to. She came again and kept hold of me, so I carried on. After a minute or so she went rigid again, pulled on my hair, screamed and then fell apart.

She tried to say 'no more,' I could see her lips mouthing those words, but nothing came out. She looked at me, smiled and then mouthed 'Thank you, I love you.' Her eyes closed and she was gone. I pulled the duvet over us and snuggled into her side with one arm under her and the other across her stomach. She's not getting away from me. I, too, fell asleep.

Sophie woke me as she tried to move and I grabbed her tighter, 'she's trying to escape,' was my only thought. "M, it's 2 am and I need the loo, can you let me go."

My brain was still telling me that she was trying to get away, but slowly I realised what she'd said so I released my grip. I watched her backside as she walked away and my stomach did a back-flip. As she walked back towards me I could only see her silhouette, but it was still a fine sight.

She held me, "Thank you for earlier. You don't have much to learn little one. That was incredible."

I smiled. "Thank you, it was. Your pussy is beautiful, it's so sensitive. Do you shave?"

She laughed a full-throated laugh. "I used to, but stubble is a pain in more ways than one, so I had it removed with a laser."

"I want the same, I want it too." I was asleep as soon as the words left me.

We both woke at about the same time. It was still early and we stared at each other. I was about to speak but she got there first. "It's not a mistake. Us, it's not a mistake. That was an incredible night. I've never felt like this before. I could never work out what was wrong with me, what was missing; now I know. I love you. I love how you held me."

"I love you too. I always have, but now this is different. Can I really be your girlfriend?"

"Yes of course, and my lover." That gave me a feeling as if I'd just been hugged by a giant teddy bear.

I went to the loo, realised that I felt grubby so I hopped into the shower. I nearly fainted when Sophie started to stroke my back. I hadn't been aware of her presence. "That's lovely, thank you."

"I know. It's not the first time I've done it."

"What? Washed someone's back?"

"I've only ever washed one person's back, yours. When you were still tiny, I bathed you lots of times, I loved to do it and you used to giggle all the time."

I let out an involuntary giggle. "Just like that."

"I don't remember it."

"I was distraught when my mums were killed. I watched over you because I didn't want you to go, I felt that you were all that I had to love. That's stupid because Jane and Fiona were brilliant, but somehow it was you who helped me. We used to share a bath quite often. Maybe we could do that again sometime, but we'd need a bigger bathtub."

Sophie washed my hair, rinsed it and then lathered my body and cleaned me. It was gentle and tender. When she was done I turned round to face her. "I need to return your kindness." She let me and it was the most wonderful thing, so very satisfying.

We towelled each other dry and stood to stare at each other. "What would you like to do now."

"I'd like to eat. You again, please."

We went back to bed and I ate her until she moved and we ended up in a sixty-nine position. It was awkward to start with, but we learned as we went. After about half an hour I concluded that we'd learned plenty and I was exhausted again. Well, sexually exhausted.

I needed some proper exercise and some fresh air so we went out for a run, over to Hyde Park and back. We showered again, together. I'd never had an orgasm in the shower before, I like them.

Interrogation

I was missing Sophie already and I was still on the train. Whilst the sex had been far more than I'd ever hoped for it was the fact that we were together and had stated our love for each other was more important. Jane collected me and wanted to know the details of our trip. I sat with Jane and Fiona that evening for a long time telling them about the sights and the things that I'd done on my own and with Sophie.

"Did you enjoy it?" Fiona asked. I nodded. "What was your favourite thing?" I wasn't sure to answer that because I wanted to say making love to my sister, but instead, I told them about being on the Empire State Building.

The next two days passed and I have no real idea what I did until Thursday lunchtime. Jane was home and asked me what was wrong. I told her nothing was wrong and she looked at me.

"There's something bothering you. I can see it and it's not 'nothing.' What is it?"

I shook my head and repeated, "Nothing."

She looked at me again. "There's something, has Sophie done something to upset you?"

I snapped at her and shouted, "No."

"Are you in trouble? You're not pregnant are you?"

That enraged me and I snapped at her."I'm not in trouble and I couldn't be pregnant because I've never been with a boy."

"Milly, there's something and you need to tell us because we will be able to fix it."

"No you won't, leave me alone." I ran off and hid in my room. I heard her at the door.

"It's okay we can fix it." I tried to call Sophie, but there was no answer. I didn't know what to do so I grabbed my bag, a jacket and managed to slip out of the house. Now, where do I go? There was only one thing I could think of, safety and it wasn't here.

I was terrified when I opened the door and I could hear Sophie talking on the phone. "... no idea where she is and I can't get her on the phone either. I'm worried too and no, I haven't done anything to upset her."

She looked up, saw me and released a huge breath. "I'll call you back in a minute. Yes, I'll call you back."