All Comments on 'Shawn and Kendall Ch. 04'

Sorry uv lost me. I like slow burns with a good build up but with 2 page chapters n the same things pretty well repeated in each chapter i gotta move on. At this rate it will be chapter 20 n u will still be writing about fighting games n a reluctance to talk or acknowledge anything between 2 ppl who are supposed to be really close to each other

Okay, I have to take issue with something in the story that either comes down to an indication of a personality flaw or a sign that Shawn is no better for Kendall than Bradley was. Quoting:

"Shawn couldn't find it in himself to bail her out. He wasn't willing to put anything in front of this new game. This tournament was important to him, and he took fighting games seriously."

So all of this time, you've been building up your audience to believe that Sean loves Kendall more than anyone else on Earth. 🌎 She is supposed to be "The One". No other female on this planet can compare in his eyes. But yet "he wasn't willing to put anything in front of this new game." 🤔 That's seriously fucked up.

I understand where you were trying to get to in your plot. You wanted to have this game playing showdown between the siblings and you needed a plausible vehicle to get there. So you came up with the whole thing about I'm short of pocket money 💰/I'm not loaning it to you thing. But you just turned Shawn into an asshole who only THINKS that he's in love with Kendall.

When you truly love someone, you always put your desires behind their needs. Hell, you should be putting your own needs behind their needs as well. Kendall clearly stated that SHE HAS THE MONEY to pay him back. This isn’t a case of "please loan it to me until payday." This tournament is definitely a DESIRE, not a necessity. SHAME ON SHAWN!!!

If the kiss on the lips was your ultimate goal in order to move them closer to tearing down the walls between them, then Kendall could have kissed Shawn out of gratitude for spotting her the money making the whole battle royale superfluous anyway. Bottom line is that whole scene sucked big time and needs to be rewritten.

There's also a minor spelling error when Shawn "takes the bate." That should have been "bait" instead. 4/5

Please continue this series I want to know what happens next.

I don't understand the disconnect with some of these comments. Kendall didn't NEED to go out with friends, same as Shawn didn't NEED the video game. Comparing Shawn to the ex is exponentially dramatic. He isolated her. Pressured her into having a baby. Refused to accept that he could be the reason for the inability to get pregnant. And broke off a 4 year relationship when she didn't get pregnant fast enough. Solely placing the burden and guilt on her. That fucks people up mentally. And as for the gripe about the slow burn? The author is building up getting to know the characters. It's literature. If you wanted the scene, why not just go watch a film? And picking apart minor errors? While simultaneously hounding for more to be churned out? Make it make sense.

I think the author does a fantastic job of keeping the readers engaged. The build up, the internal turmoil, the progression is on point. It's incest. Not an enemies to lovers trope. There should be hesitation and conflict.

5/5

I'm on the edge of my seat. Keep up the great work.

I think you need tore-edit this one….spell/grammar check for sure, there’s a difference between peaking and peeking….