Shawn and Kendall Ch. 05-06

Shawn headed downstairs with his keys and wallet in his pockets, fully committed to his hunger impulse. There was no sign of Kendall, but he could faintly hear the washer and dryer rumbling downstairs. She must have been in the laundry room. He slipped his shoes on at the door and grabbed the handle. The basement door suddenly swung open behind him as he opened the front door.

"Hey!" Kendall called out, "where are you headed?"

"Just grabbing a bite to eat," Shawn answered, quickly leaving the house without looking at her.

He felt guilty as he approached his car. He knew his behavior was not ideal, but he needed more time to process what had happened the night before. The burrito shop was less than five minutes down the road, so he knew he wouldn't be gone long anyways.

Kendall stared at the door in confusion as anxiety began to build within her. She knew she wasn't overthinking now. Something happened, and Kendall did not have the bravery to confront him about it for the first time in her life. She looked down at the ground as the pit in her stomach made her slightly nauseous. What happened last night?

Upon arriving, Shawn was pleased to see the burrito shop completely dead, being the only person there. He could taste that burrito as the smell of ingredients on the grill took over his senses. The sound of fresh veggies sizzling was music to his ears. He ordered his favorite thing to eat and grew more excited to eradicate it by the second.

Then, suddenly, Shawn apologized at the register as he pulled his wallet out and added another item to his order. He felt terrible for leaving rudely and wanted to get Kendall her favorite thing there, which he knew by heart.

"I'm so sorry," he pled, "may I also have one with carnitas, bell peppers, pinto beans, rice, and cheese? Thank you so much, and sorry again."

They happily obliged him, and before he knew it, he walked out with a hefty bag of burritos.

As he headed home, he concluded that his distant behavior needed to stop. Kendall was not to blame for how he felt. His twisted feelings for her were his problem, and he needed to find a better way to deal with them. His mind recalled how awful it felt when Kendall began acting distant towards him once she moved in with Bradley. That was the only reminder he needed to realize he was not making the right decision today.

He wanted to surprise her with her favorite burrito and eat lunch with her. That would fix things, and they would be okay again.

Shawn's revised optimism was short-lived as he pulled into the driveway and saw that Kendall's car was no longer there.

"Great," he grumbled to himself as he hurried inside.

He saw his mom in the kitchen as he set the bag on the table.

"Hey, Mom! Have you seen Kendall?" He asked.

"Yeah, you just missed her," she replied as she loaded the dishwasher, "she said she was going out for a bit."

"Did she say where?" Shawn nervously asked as he began regretting how he's acted towards her with each passing second.

"Not a clue," she responded, "it is her last weekend before she returns to work, though. She's probably trying to do as much as she can. I'm sure she'll be back soon."

"Yeah. Sure," Shawn mumbled as he put the bag straight in the fridge, losing his appetite.

He thought about calling or texting her but quickly dismissed the idea. His gut told him that he was why she left, and she likely wouldn't answer him. He began to feel the weight of his actions as he retreated to his room. Shawn flopped on his bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering when she'd come home or if she'd come home. All of this was happening because of him. Kendall would be home eating lunch with him if he had just been a big enough person to act as if nothing had happened. But that would be lying to her, which was no better—what a stressful situation.

He reached for his phone and began typing a message to her, quickly deleting it to start over.

"Hey, come home. I got us burritos-" Shawn mouthed to himself audibly.

"No, no, that's stupid," he whispered in disagreement.

"I know things have been weird between us lately, and maybe we can talk about it-" he attempted again.

"Shit!" Shawn grunted in frustration, not knowing what to say as he backspaced every single message he composed.

His frantic typing went on for several attempts before he eventually gave up and dropped his phone on the bed next to him. He felt like such an idiot.

Kendall sat alone at a local park with a nice view of their city, thinking about everything. She sat up there to think about how she wanted to approach Shawn when she got home. She saw every attempt he made to send her a message on her phone because she, too, was trying to think of something to say but couldn't. Seeing his typing bubble keep returning and disappearing told her he likely had the same problem. It made her feel better that he at least tried to say something, but she wished he would have instead of giving up.

Her mind worried that whatever happened in that fifteen minutes may have caused some form of damage between them. She desperately wanted answers but was too afraid to ask. Kendall began to question if these new feelings caused this to happen. Over and over again, in her head, she looked for anything she may have done wrong. Nothing added up.

Her mind circled back to their kiss. Kendall remembered Shawn's big, dumb grin when they shared their kiss the day before. She was sure he had to have felt the same way she did, so what changed? What could Kendall have done or said last night that created this strain between them? Did she come on to him? Or worse, was Kendall wrong about everything, and Shawn truly didn't see her like that? Had she ruined their relationship for good?

Kendall sat in the same spot at the park and spiraled into a crying mess until the sun began to set. When she realized it was time to go home, it dawned on her that she still didn't know what to say to him. She had no idea what to do other than return home and hope everything was okay.

"Why can't I just ask him what's wrong?" She cried into her hands, "why am I so scared he hates me now?"

Her heart had sunk to such a low place it was bracing for the extreme. She wiped her tears and got into her car to leave. For the first time, Kendall felt trapped. She couldn't confide in her friends or their parents over her dilemma. Anyone and everyone who would usually be there to help pull her out of the dark wouldn't understand this situation. How do you ask someone for clarity in a scenario that involves crossing a line with your sibling?

Kendall pulled into the driveway and saw Shawn's car still there. The house was silent and dimly lit as she quietly made her way in, intentionally not making any sound. Shawn was not playing video games in the living room like she anticipated he would be. The kitchen light was off. It seemed like nobody was home, but his car was there, so she knew he was up in his room.

Her first thought was to go down and finish her laundry. She wasn't ready to knock on Shawn's door yet, so it would be a nice buffer while she thought about what she wanted to say. Kendall went downstairs into the basement and headed towards the spider-infested laundry room she hated. She wasn't looking where she was going, and suddenly, right before her, stood Shawn in the doorway. She froze in place at the sight of him. He held a basket with all her clean clothes neatly folded in his arms. He was on his way to take it to her room. He finished drying and folding all of it for her while she was gone.

Kendall's eyes wandered down to the basket, then back to his face. Shawn instinctively sat the basket down on the table to his immediate left as Kendall rushed forward and threw her arms around him, bursting into tears with her face buried in his chest.

As Kendall broke into a million pieces against him, Shawn felt paralyzed with guilt. He couldn't even move his arms to hold her as his soul began to feel like the world's disgrace. His poor decision-making and inability to communicate did this to his sister, whom he loved with all of his heart. All this because he wasn't brave enough to face her after what happened.

At this moment, his only worldly desire was to take this pain away from her and undo his behavior. He was willing to do whatever it took to pull her out of whatever awful place she had spiraled into all day. So he did what he thought any good sibling would do.

"Hey, come on, ya weirdo," he said, wrapping his arms around her and gently rubbing her back.

His voice and gentle touch rushed over her like warm water as her worries evaporated. She gripped the back of his shirt as her whimpering began to come from a place of relief.

"You're not mad at me?" She asked almost inaudibly, refusing to look up from his chest.

"Uh, no?" He responded, looking down at her.

Kendall finally peeked up at him. She wasn't expecting their faces to be so deathly close as Shawn stared at her. Her eyes wandered curiously to his lips, and then her anger took over.

"Then why are you being such a butt to me!?" She growled, "do you know what I've been through today!? I thought you hated me!" She scolded him point blank, clawing his shirt in her hands.

Shawn maintained eye contact and accepted his well-deserved verbal onslaught. He felt worse and worse as he analyzed her face. Her eyes were swollen and red. The feeling of knowing he made her cry was abysmal.

"I thought... I thought that I..." Kendall mumbled as her eyes returned to his chest, fighting the urge to cry again.

"What?" Shawn asked calmly.

She looked back up, her gaze bouncing back and forth between his lips and his eyes.

"What happened last night?" She asked as she slowly let go of his shirt and stepped back.

The moment Shawn dreaded was finally here, but he needed to be brave. Lying to Kendall and acting as if nothing happened would only worsen things. Instead, he needed to communicate what happened and deal with the results no matter their shape.

Shawn swallowed hard as he began to answer her.

"Well, you came home pretty messed up," Shawn began as he scratched the back of his head, "so I walked you over to the couch and got you some water."

Kendall continued staring at him with a worried expression on her face. Shawn struggled to find the courage to tell her what had happened.

"And, uh... You, well," Shawn stuttered as his heart rate elevated and his hands began to shake and clam up.

"What?" Kendall demanded anxiously.

Shawn nervously scratched the back of his head as his eyes wandered down, searching for bravery on the basement floor. Kendall's eyebrows raised as she made an impatient face and shook her head. His nervous behavior was beginning to make her brace for the worst. Shawn swallowed hard again and decided it was time to come forward. Whatever happens, happens.

"You tried to kiss me- twice- and... And I wouldn't let you," Shawn fumbled nervously, his eyes closed, not wanting to see her reaction.

Silence. Kendall said nothing. Shawn finally opened his eyes to see her face buried in her hands.

"I knew it..." She groaned, "I had this terrible feeling that I did something stupid last night."

"Kendall... Hey," Shawn said, trying to stop what was coming.

"You probably do hate me," she interrupted, looking up at him in tears, "for trying to do something stupid like that with you."

Kendall turned around, deciding that running to her room was the best course of action at this point. She just wanted to get away. Her worst fear was materializing into existence in front of her. She turned to run, but a firm grip seized her wrist.

"No!" Shawn's voice called out as he quickly grabbed her hand before she could take her first step, preventing her from escaping.

Kendall gasped in shock, not expecting him to grab onto her so suddenly.

His strength startled her as she immediately realized how much stronger he was, and she could feel how clammy his hands were.

"It's not like that," Shawn said as he held onto her.

Kendall finally found the courage to turn back around and face him.

"What are you talking about?" She asked, trying not to cry, "Shawn... You're my brother, and I tried to..."

"That's not why I didn't do it!" Shawn furiously interrupted her, gripping her wrist in his hand.

Kendall's eyes grew wide as she stared up at him, frozen in place and not knowing what would happen next. Then, his firm grip slowly melted off of her.

"It's just that... I-I couldn't do it while you were so drunk," he stumbled out, feeling his hands shake, "because what if you decided it wasn't okay the next day? That you didn't like it? What then?" He asked in a panic.

Shawn exhaled and closed his eyes as he lowered his head and shoulders, unsure of what to expect now that his feelings were entirely in the open. It was time to face the aftermath of living in a fantasy world for all these years. He still wasn't sure how Kendall felt about any of this, and he took the ultimate chance to find out.

"So, hold on..." Kendall's voice mumbled as she wiped her tears away, "you were worried about me being drunk?"

Shawn immediately looked up at her in shock. Her face was grave. Kendall had wiped her tears away, and she was staring into his soul, waiting for a response. Did the alcohol genuinely have nothing to do with her desire to kiss him? His mouth dried up as he tried to swallow.

"Um, definitely," he answered cautiously, wondering where his honesty would lead them.

Kendall looked down with a puzzled expression. Shawn waited for her to respond, nervously wiping his hands on the back of his shorts.

"So... It didn't freak you out that I tried to kiss you again?" Kendall asked in confusion.

Shawn shook his head.

"I wanted to. It's just that... I was afraid it was the alcohol," he finished, unable to look her in the eye.

Kendall stared at him as reality sank in. Her suspicion that Shawn enjoyed their first kiss was true. He had now freely admitted to her that he didn't think it was weird for them to kiss each other. She felt like an idiot for not trusting her gut and knew it was her turn to come forward and tell the truth.

"It wasn't," she said timidly, causing Shawn to look straight into her eyes, "that was me, not the alcohol..."

Kendall looked away, embarrassed, as she began to turn slightly red. Shawn's chest pounded. He could feel his heartbeat behind his eyeballs as his breathing stiffened.

"You mean... You liked it?" He mumbled quietly.

Kendall looked back at him with the cutest, most vulnerable look he had ever seen on her face as she gently nodded, confirming she wanted to kiss him again because of her feelings, not because she was drunk. Shawn couldn't help but stare at her lips and remember their taste as the gravity of their talk overtook him.

They both stared at each other, not knowing what to say or do now that they had exposed such unexpected and inappropriate feelings for one another. Siblings aren't supposed to kiss one another. They both realized that they had now crossed a line with each other. Kendall's last bit of resistance against these frightening, invasive feelings of late had now evaporated. She no longer cared if it was wrong now that she knew how Shawn felt.

The clutches of Shawn's fantasy world clawed even deeper into him now. All he could think about was how they had somehow taken a step closer to that place despite his efforts to avoid being consumed by it.

"Um!" Shawn broke the silence as he reached for the laundry basket, "I finished up your laundry for you. I know you hate it down here," he said.

"Thanks," Kendall said quietly as a gentle smile crossed her face.

"You hungry?" Shawn asked as he began to walk past her with the basket in his arms.

"Famished," Kendall responded as she began following him up the steps, realizing that the only thing she'd eaten today was a bowl of cereal.

"Look in the fridge on the middle shelf next to the milk," he said as he began climbing the next set of steps up to her room.

Kendall curiously hurried over to the fridge and opened it, noticing a bag with a familiar wrapping inside.

"You got burritos!" Her voice thundered through the house.

Shawn made it downstairs just in time to see her holding the bag in pure bliss as she sprinted to the microwave. She slid towards the counter in her socks and tossed the bag inside.

"You even got the one I wanted!" She praised with excitement.

"Duh," Shawn retorted as he reached into the cabinet for some drinking glasses.

Standing before him, Kendall peeked around Shawn to ensure nobody was nearby. Shawn curiously checked behind him where she was looking, unsure why she was acting so paranoid.

"Um..." Kendall mumbled, looking up at him.

Shawn waited to hear what she had to say.

"You're sure it didn't bother you that I tried to kiss you again? Do you promise?" She asked, nervously fidgeting with her hands against her chest.

Shawn gently reached forward and separated her hands to prevent her from picking.

"Stop," he said firmly, "I promise."

Kendall's eyes wandered away as she wondered if he was telling the truth. Her thoughts were interrupted by Shawn's pinky nearly poking her in the nose.

"Best friends?" He asked with a slight grin.

Kendall looked at his pinky, then up at him. Her face scrunched up like she was trying to fight the smile from forming as she locked pinkies with him.

"Best friends."

The two of them took their burritos into the living room and watched movies as they ate, laughing together until they eventually fell asleep on the couch. Kendall dozed off in her usual position underneath Shawn's arm, with hers stretched across his chest. Her hair covered half of her face as she lightly snored with her head against his collar. He never got tired of her sleeping against him like this.

As he sat there and watched the muted screen, his mind drifted to thoughts of everything that had happened that night. He pondered what might happen next now that they had both shown mutual interest in a new and abnormal behavior. Was kissing each other okay? He wasn't sure what to make of it because he had never imagined it happening. Of course, their parents would never approve and would undoubtedly freak out if they ever learned about it. But on the other hand, it was not normal behavior for siblings. So why did they both suddenly decide that it was normal for them?

His chest began to pound as he basked in the thought of kissing her again. Even asleep, she was perfect. Everything about her drove him wild. Her soft breathing, how she smelled, and her gorgeous lips captivated him. He thought about how easy it would be to steal a kiss from her as she slept on him.

His thoughts were interrupted as Kendall suddenly breathed in sharply through her nose and woke up, lifting her head from his collar.

"Your heart's beating fast," she mumbled, half asleep as she moved her hair from her face, "what's up?"

Shawn didn't know what to say as he realized that her ear was right against his chest while she slept, and he had likely just woken her up.

"Uh- probably my arteries struggling from that burrito, I dunno," he said awkwardly.

Kendall stared at him for a few seconds before suddenly snorting through her nose and laughing. Shawn gradually started giggling, asking her what was so funny. Her smile was always contagious. He loved seeing her like this and took in the moment.

As Kendall stopped laughing and regained her composure, she sat up and began scooting closer to him on her knees. Shawn watched her reposition herself so closely that she was nearly sitting on him. Their faces were frighteningly close, and their bodies touched.

"You're the world's worst liar," she said quietly, closing in and pressing her lips against his.