She Was Keeping Her Word

To give Clete, a teenage boy, some needed motivation, Sally promised him that if he completed high school before he was 21, she would "relieve him of his virginity." She gave her word. She figured that it was the type of thing that might really motivate him. As expected, that promise helped him get through the multiple procedures, the drug routines, and his schooling. He even had brain surgery while awake and responsive - he read a history book.

Her promise was made well before she met me, during a time when she was sexually active.

Clete graduated in May (age 20) then ran into Sally where she worked, he was sometimes a patient (but not hers) at the her clinic. He had written down her promise in this notebook that he had at all times. She arranged this meeting for them because I was supposed to be at work. Plus it was the longest day so it would still be light out when he left, since night vision was one of his issues.

His skull was an issue, it was still impaired and subject to a great risk of injury. Normally he wore a helmet (imagine high school wearing a helmet all day), but not when in bed with Sally. So when I was about to hit him Sally saved me from a potential murder charge.

There was no question, peace officers have to keep the peace, so what I did to McBride bought me a night in jail. I knew that was on me.

-

Attitude Adjustment

By the bail hearing the next morning Dad had gotten into it and made arrangements, some of which were not shared with me. The DA was open to a plea, but all parties (except me) talked about it. I needed to be educated. Dad had a suggestion and they were inclined to listen. Things proceeded accordingly.

I went before the judge and agreed with the terms given. For the next two weeks I would wear an ankle monitor and agreed to be in my home or at work or driving in between, nothing else. Sally agreed to stay with my folks. I was not to try to contact her in any way. Dad would call every day to get anything I needed. After the two weeks the terms would be discussed.

The very next Saturday morning officer McBride showed up at my door with an invitation to the courthouse, it seemed a judge awaited my company. I normally would have groused and said that I had no notice, but instead I said I was sorry and held me hands out for the cuffs. I thought the courthouse was usually empty of the weekends, but it seemed that today was an exception. I saw my lawyer for the first time, and the rest of the folks (DA, bailiff, etc.) were there. Dad and Sally were sitting right behind me.

It was a strange proceeding. First of all, when the judge walked in, it was a guy who I knew was retired. My lawyer mentioned that retired judges often heard cases to fill in the schedules. I recalled that from one of the council meetings, I had approved paying this guy. They read the list of charges while I looked at the list and the penalties for each. No question I could be in trouble. Then the strangest thing happened, both lawyers "stipulated" to a reading of the events. I admit it was a fair reading, listing all that happened starting with the 911 call from my neighbor before I arrived. Some stuff was a little fuzzy, like there were several charges listed for my pulling Clete off the bed. My lawyer explained that "intent" was a issue to be "found" by the court. If my mind said "rape," it was one thing, if my mind said "slut," then it was another, and if I knew Clete it could be premeditated and that was real bad.

Apparently the parties had decided that my slapping Sally was the thing on which the other findings would substantially rest, so Sally was called and sworn. She explained that she was a faithful wife until that day, but she was keeping her word to Clete, who had never been to the house before, or even talked to her since our wedding, except in the medical building. She knew that keeping her word was important to me.

That was when it really struck home to me, she wasn't looking for it, she was keeping her word to Clete. But what about keeping her word to me?

The next question the DA asked was whether she had promised fidelity to me. That was when it occurred to me that our simple marriage vows did not include the laundry list. In fact we had never explicitly promised fidelity, our only vow was to stay married.

That is what Sally said, but she was smarter than that. She said that while we had no explicit vow, we both understood that marriage incorporated a general, and reasonable, expectation of fidelity. So she would not seek infidelity. However, she agreed that it was not an absolute promise, because one could not promise to never be raped, or to never be drugged, or never be stranded on an island with men, or never to be told her husband was dead when he was alive, as happened to an Air Force guy I knew. Also, she felt that it was reasonable to expect that the general promise was subordinate to a prior specific promise. After all, we both decided and agreed on the "all in one" abbreviated vows.

I did not like to hear that, but I really could not argue with it. We had both agreed not to make a tiresome list of vows, or try to do some love prose as our vow.

Since this was about striking her I wanted my lawyer to ask her if I hit her hard. But the lawyer said "How will she answer? She might well say, 'do you mean as hard as usual?' for her answer?" I realized that the guy was sharp and had my best interest at heart.

After Sally testified and stepped down there was a five-minute recess while my lawyer talked to me. The question was, did I want to take the stand? The DA could ask a lot of things. But on the other side, since I did not look so good with the facts speaking for me, was I comfortable sitting mute?

I figured I better say something. Dad and Sally agreed with me. It was my right not to, no question, but we all thought the judge needed to hear my side.

So after the recess I was called to the stand by the DA and swore to tell the truth. Then the DA asked for a sidebar, off the record, which the judge granted saying I did not have to answer, and our talk would not be taken down.

The DA said first that she was aware of my honorable service, my wounds, and thanked me for serving; she could not imagine getting on a C-17 or C-130 knowing it would land someplace bad, maybe someplace with a dirt runway.

But she said she had to ask if the Bible used was appropriate for my swearing. "It contains the story about 'casting the first stone' against a woman who was an adulteress." Yes I knew the story. "Perhaps you would prefer the old testament, or the Koran instead, as they are more absolutist in their judgement."

I was shocked at the question, but I admit that it noodled around in the back of my brain. I answered, before the judge cut me off, that I thought the act was not adultery but an assault against my wife. The judge scowled at both of us and said the DA's question was not appropriate and that we were now on the record.

I testified, honestly, that I did not expect my wife to invite another man into bed with her, so I thought it was assault, and I reacted accordingly. I also stated that I had guns and knives in the house, and that Clete was larger than me, but I chose an immediate physical act over something lethal, which was a sign that my actions were impulsive.

Next, the DA asked me about oaths I had taken. I mentioned the wedding vows but she repeated the question and emphasized "oaths." I could not see what she was driving at so she got permission to lead a bit, and asked if had I taken an oath when I entered the service. Then I saw where this was going. I said that I had taken such an oath, and also I took one when I became a selectman five months ago. I also took a Pledge of Allegiance every day in grade school.

Could I, as a man who keeps his word, differentiate between a vow, a oath, a pledge and a promise? Well, I did not have a dictionary, but in plain usage I thought they were all binding promises given in different settings. I also agreed that there was no particular order to them.

-

How About A Foolish Promise

She asked if a man was obligated to keep all his promises and I said he was obligated to keep all promises.

"What if a man promised to always drive in a lane on the road that was on the right side of the center line, would he have to keep that promise?" she asked.

"I would think that a foolish promise," I said.

She said she was not asking me if a promise was foolish or smart, that was a judgement matter she would get to. "I could draw a more complicated scenario that goes the same place." But I should answer the question she asked. So I said that yes, the man would have to keep the promise.

"What if, having made such a promise, that in the course of his duties he found himself in England. Would he have to keep his promise, or would he bow to the will of that society?"

"Obviously, it would be a danger to drive on the wrong side of the road over there, so breaking his foolish promise would be the better choice over endangering life."

"So it is your contention that a man... or woman, must break his promise if they have a reason, which implicitly assumes that ALL promises are subject to judgement about how foolish they are? Yes or no please."

"Er... Yes. But..."

"Who is empowered to decide if a promise is foolish or not? Is is always you?" My lawyer rose to object the that question, but she saved him the breath. "Withdrawn."

I have to say, that got me thinking.

Next, she asked what the "United States" meant to me, in my oaths and pledges and such. I had to agree that simple geography was not sufficient, one had to include the peoples and their customs and the primary law from which other laws in society flowed, the law named, which was the Constitution. I recalled my training, that war crimes trumped orders in the US military.

Next she asked if I was aware of the term, 'Roe versus Wade" and what it meant. That was when I saw the trap. Yes, I was aware, and I understood that the laws of the land allowed a woman to make choices about her body, including who to give it to. But I stressed that rights could be surrendered, and that was what Sally had done.

"Do you mean she surrendered her body, as was her right, to Clete when she made the promise for a one-time affair?"

Yeah, that was the bear trap snapping shut. She had me. I thought about the time before our marriage, maybe if we had taken more time to talk, I would have learned some more things about her. But I realized in a moment that one could not know everything about another person, and even if they did, people change as soon as they get married.

I was trapped because I was a man of my word, and I had broken my word that day in my home when I violated my wife's rights to her body and broke the peace and assaulted three people who were without blame. I said as much, plainly and with remorse.

-

After

It seemed that everybody suddenly had a reason to leave the court. The judge banged his little hammer, got up, thanked all present, and left, then the other also left until I was there with just Sally, Dad and McBride, who was on the phone.

Dad explained that this was theater, not a trial. The judge was a buddy of his, and since the judge knew a trial would mean expense for the county, "he was willing to help save a little money and do right." I was not out of the woods yet, I would have a plea bargain to deal with, but now that the DA had a better idea of my state-of-mind it would be something I could deal with. "The DA is not trying to 'get' anybody, he is looking for justice, and it never hurts to save a few bucks."

The trial DA I faced was real enough. She was just hired out of law school and this gave her some practice before a judge without the normal expense and consequences. She would sum up the case for her boss, who would also get a tape of her work.

McBride, like many cops, had a pet cause. "My biggest concern is guys who don't support their kids, like your sister's guy. I met your Dad because of her. But I am also down on men who abuse a woman's right to choose, in all forms. I know that not everybody agrees with it, even I have real issues with women who abort as a gender selection technique, but somebody has to make the call and I trust the Supreme Court more than congress. There are a lot of boyfriends and husbands who think their women are slaves, and they are plantation owners. They may exchange promises and then the guy does not keep his promise but goes nuts when the woman does not keep hers. Also, when a woman does break her promise, a lot of guys think they have the right to go all out against her, when in fact society has set real limits."

"What is your position on guys who head butt?" I asked.

"You were set up. I could have controlled you but I wanted to see if you would run or escalate. I am not saying you were right to try, but rather I allowed you and that was my bad."

McBride had my new modified Bail Release conditions, issued by the real judge. My restrictions were dropped as long as I did not leave the county without prior notice. She actually had two sets, my judge okayed the lenient one on the phone because I saw my guilt and expressed remorse.

On the way home I told Sally that I was sorry. I asked about any other obligations she might have outstanding, but she said Clete was it, and now she was all mine. I reminded her that she had not promised that, so I had to work every day to be worthy of her. We both felt better saying it that way.

We both agreed that foolish promises, made without knowledge of future needs, future externalities and what we ourselves were capable of, were the Devil's joy and there is enough of that in the world.