All Comments on 'Sheffali's Caravan'

It's great to read a story based of Jack and the tiks (hope you can write another one with him in it)

Thank you

I enjoyed this story. Thank you.

Another excellent story. Thank you for sharing your imagination and hard work. I look forward to your next post.

Superb writing once again you drew me into your imagination and just kept me totally engrossed- thank you for sharing your brilliant mind

Truly masterful writing. You always blow me away. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed reading this story. I thought reading 13 pages was going to take me some time, but I was able to breeze right through it. Thank you for sharing this brilliant story.

A very cool imagining. Loved it.

Easy to tell the good guys from the bad guys in this story! Great character development.

Wow! This was so good. Every bit as good as A Gardner's Touch, which I think is one of your best. As much as I love the Jack Danner Saga, these standalones set in that world are excellent and I hope for more. Please keep up the excellent work. You are definitely one of the best authors on here.

The premise has a big flaw -- How do you keep a war EVERY Borrellian knows about a secret from the Tik until Zell comes along to blow the whistle, finally? Every Borrellian who comes into contact with the Tik agrees to keep the secret, never slips up, never has a moment of conscience?

Another masterpiece. Absolutely loved it.

Excellent plot, but too much description instead of storytelling. First 50% is a list of facts describing the world and characters. Only in chapter 5, the reader can finally submerge into the world and see it through the eyes of Julia.

Great Story! I enjoyed it.

Thank you Burnt Redstone!

Written with your usual flair and creativity!

I’m sorry it’s not at least the triple length it is 😉 because I feel sad the reading is over...

,,,for now...

More Ben Shepherd please!

Well done! Good story with a great lesson.

The info dump in the beginning put me off. Just too much text and not enough to grab or hold my interest.

This did not grab me like other related stories. It's most likely from all the front-loading of the information, which probably would have been better interspersed at critical times to explain the situation when readers would have wanted it. I didn't make it through the first page.

You are a fine, warm and very human writer.

The narrative flows smoothly and is satisfyingly inventive.

Your values are tasty and as an old SF fan (and artist blacksmith),

i'm appreciative.

Don’t stop! Fantastic! Wonderful! Love the story and characters!

Although a good story it didn't grab my attention like so many of your other stories. You introduced so many characters in the beginning that I couldn't remember who was who in the family and it was confusing. I would definitely read more about them but hopefully it won't be as jumbled.

Absolutely brilliant read would more about zell and family. The info at the beginning was abit to much for my tastes so only really skimmed through it, but when I got to the actual story I was really enjoying it and sad I got to the end please write more of zell.

Loved the story, had a bit of trouble with the primary info dump, but it was soooooooo worth it once I got to the story!!!! Would that all people could be as compassionate & generous as the Sheffali’s, our world would be a better place.

I enjoyed the story. The additional detail was needed. Look forward to your next submission!

I enjoyed this work as I have enjoyed the others. With the whole alien situation needing to be defined for potentially new readers not knowing Jack's story. The I formation dump made sense and established the setting though I will say a bit of exposition within the story itself might have helped. Looking forward to more Ben and Jack to come!!

A wonderful story. Beautifully written. Very sad it’s over already. Those in the comments who are complaining about ‘too much informationa’ in the beginning are apparently looking for a stroker. This is a story I could sit in a library to read. 10/10

Ignore the anonymous people they are delusional. This story was amazing 5 stars perfect beginning, middle, and end. More of Zell would be much appreciated. This story is definitely in my top 10

The "info dump", was necessary for me as this is the first story in this universe that I have read. It was worth persevering through as the story that followed was excellent. Ignore the carpers that appear to have the attention span of a gnat and the patience of a fractious toddler, I'm off to read the rest of the saga. Thanks BurntRedstone!

I liked the front loaded info. Thought it was a nice touch. Great read thanks n keep up the great work

Most excellent read.

With some names or hints of names and planet etc "borrowed " from other authors?

I'm OK with that.

Cheers.

Bravo ! What a wonderful world you have created and awesome characters in a awesome story . 5 star stuff !

The front load info was too much for me and left me wondering who was who and how they were related for most of the story. Just a kind of confusion hung over the story for me as a result, sorry.

Really enjoyed the story. The explanations of the caste system and the machinations of the Borrelian leaders at the start was tough to slog through. I felt it could have been wound into the narrative more smoothly. Once past that though, the story flowed wonderfully. I find myself wondering if Jack's going to end up with an Ush in his sexual network.

Great. As far as I'm concerned a typical Burnt story. I think the detail was necessary to provide the backdrop for the story and while a 'brainful' it was well worth working through it.

Length wasn't an issue and never had been with any of your stories. In fact, the length could have been greater as the final part seemed a little rushed and curtailed. Perhaps this is so a sequel can be slotted in.

Agree with sensualsigma, the first part was a little too much exposition. Maybe it would have been better to weave more story into it...

The first page, first chapter was a LOT to take in all at once and the temptation to skip as i scrolled was there, i'm glad i didn't or i'd of been confused pretty damn quickly but i have to agree with the others that was a lil bit too much of an info dump straight away that could have been doled out in portions. Having said that as always an excellent story that i enjoyed immensely and i hope to see more from you soon :)

Excellent story - and piddle on the complaints about the length. (Though there's some small merit to the complaints about how quickly characters were introduced.)

I sincerely hope this isn't the last we see of Sheffalis - they're good characters that deserve more stories of their own.

Brilliant as usual! Awaiting continuation of the Satyr series. Really reading your works has made the lockdown more bearable. Thank you for sharing it with us readers.

Great story. The exposition was necessary I think.

Phenomenal story. Excellent sci-fi. I loved the way you created a whole culture and then tied it seamlessly into your other works in this universe. Thank you for sharing your Art with us.

Simply excellent. Glad to see this universe expanding. The species are subtly developed and richly so. Fantastic.

Now you are a writer. Thank you for this.

I loved this story. Sci-fi has always been 1st and foremost with my love of reading. This was a great story and would make a GREAT series. So much left to do, so much backstop to fill in and so many untold stories. Commander Gorresh...her trials and tribulations on her rise to commander. Zell's childhood, Lorrenz and Lissan patnership/Love. Make a hell of a novel if you wrote it as well as this story. Keep up the good work.

Just Excellent. Great story with great writing. I loved it and I can see a great series if you chose to pursue it. Love the species, the "caste" system, and in general ...everything. So many storylines you could write about; Zell growing up, Commander Gorresh's trials and tribulations on her rise to commander, Lorrenz and Lissan's early relationship....so much to expand on. There is a novel in there and maybe more than one. Keep up the great stories and I will wait for more

To build a new world so quickly and fully takes real talent! Very impressive!

Thank you for a new, exciting story, and for new compelling characters to care about. Love your writing and your imagination!

Okay, I read this a little over a week ago but didn't comment at the time mainly due to reader remorse (finishing the story and no longer being able to read it). But I love this story and I love this universe! I don't think this can be referred to as the Jack Danner Universe anymore because of this story, maybe it should be coined the Tik Universe?

The gate network and the Tik that oversee it have become a system of justice and diplomacy, a framework for economic trade, travel and cultural exchange. They are the core for all these stories and once you mention them in a story, someone who knows about them from the Jack Danner series or eventually this tale, will instantly be able to understand the surrounding universe. The Tik being based in the enclave on Churruthia also gives an origin point that you can bring the story back to whenever you want in order to ground the story and you can probably be as absurd as you want with the story and not lose the reader just by returning them to familiar territory.

So, I just wanted to say, I really enjoyed this story, these beings and these characters. I hope it's not the last time we hear from the Sheffali's and maybe some similar stories from the expanded universe in the future? Thankyou.

Fantastic. Truly, truly fantastic. There is still a lot of potential as well! So much open space (no pun intended) to explore! A new shared universe, a new character, the seemingly infinite possibilities of the Tik and their Gate network. Thank you for your addition to science fiction/fantasy and the skill and talent to share it with us! I have been following your work for over a year now, and each story delivers splendidly. Keep up the fantastic work!

An excellent story! As I was reading the story, I would occasionally notice the lack of certain elements one usually finds on this site, but the story would quickly draw me back in. I started reading Science Fiction & Fantasy over 57 years ago. I've read hundreds of novels, and thousands of shorter fiction pieces. I believe this story could stand proudly in their ranks.

Thank you for an incredible read! AND opening a gateway to a new universe of possibilities! Don't stop!

An awesome single story set in the Jack Danner universe,.. and with the involvement of the gate keepers, the Tik, it was like a slice of home,.. I am looking forward to Jack's Moonlighting adventure soon,.. maybe then you'll mention how the shake up of Lorrenz's many worlds is progressing,.. thanks a bunch!! ;-) TTFN

I have enjoyed all of your stories published on this site and watched you improve as a writer for several years. Sheffali's Caravan is worthy of submission to major publishers as it is clearly the most polished and best plotted short story you have written here to date.

Thank you! Another great story.

Hello

It took me a little while to get into the story because the "Borealans" are a main race in Snekguys universe. The names were so similar but the races so different that my brain took a while to cope with the change.

Regards

Al

A bit different, but compelling! I thoroughly enjoyed this tale from the Master Storyteller!!!

Once again an inspiring story to warm my soul. I always look forward to finding a new BurntRedstone story in my feed. The story of Zell’s strength and haunting plight coupled with the nobility of the Sheffali family and the Fleet Commander really brightened my day. May we all strengthen their characteristics within ourselves. A great addition to growing universe of the Gate Network.

So good! Fantastic work yet again. Love seeing new stories from you. Always worthwhile! Thanks!

It had come to its end and now I have to find another of your works to read. Thank you for your hard work. The only thing I can add is we are waiting for more new stories from you.

Thanks again

Woodmanone

Really good story. The good guys win and the bad guys get in the ass. A good follow on would the rulers comeuppance and the transformation of the Borealan society.

Great story, just realized it was one of your newer stories. Keep up the good writing 👍

Another one of your consistently exceptional stories. Alas, I am coming to the end of your list of works; there is none other that gets it "write" every time like you. Thanks unending.

As always; fantastic and comforting! Please nourish us all some more with your inspiring creativity. A major fan.

My 2 cents

Excellent story! This is my first story of yours that I have read. I love the way you brought out the characters. I love the plot and the descriptions of the scenes. 8/5 stars. I have read many stories on this website, but this really kept my attention. I will be reading more of your stories. Thanks for your time and your imagination.

A beautiful story, well written with well defined characters, gripping and romantic. Wonderful.

Well done!

Yet another enthralling story, Believable characters and plot linked to a consistent environment make for a very enjoyable read.

Masterful as always. All your work is good, but I think Sci-Fi is where you truly excel. <3

The ending to this story leaves an opening to the continuation of it. Will Gorresh succeeding ousting the elite of the Borellians? Will the Ush be able to return to the levels of population they once had? Will Noola and Zell's love go further, or is he destined to bring forth children with the Ush, are Borelians and Ush even compatible genetically? So many questionsvyet to answer, but the most important...Will there be a sequel?

Wow… just wow. An excellent addition to the Jack Danner universe. Really looking forward to more with Jack Danner himself; and with the Sheffali family. Thank-you for your excellent writing skills… so good!!!

Thank you for continuing your marvelous skill of writing! At 70yo, I enjoy your sci-fi more than anything!

nice !!

Excellant

Loved it.

A great non-erotic Jack Danner Universe story.

I noticed that while Zell has a more alien psychology, the Borrellian psychology is pretty much human, presumably so that the readers can relate.

So pleased that I found this story. Guess I am a guy who enjoys seeing the Good Guys win. If they do it with helps from others, so much the better. 5*s. DogFuzz

Again a job well done. You build your characters in depth and weave a great story around them. I wish some of the other alleged authors would take the time to build stories the way you do, they are in to much of a hurry to post a couple of pages and call that either a complete story or a chapter. To often it's just garbage, all they're looking for is the comments from the easily impressed. Please keep writing your wonderful stories.

Anony Mous

Great story, worthy of a sequel.

Brilliant, what more can I say.

Awesome. Mythic in the true sense.

Amazing! I don't know how I missed this story, as I thought I had read all your stories. I am glad I found it! Thank you for your works. Mike

Even after all of your work I've read, I still find myself moved by your talent. We are the fortunate ones who get to enjoy your imagination and story telling skill.

Thank you for sharing; rarely do I find myself thinking, 'Five is just not enough.' It comes as no surprise, it has happened multiple times, over the many years, with your works.

GeoD

Burnt Red Stone, you are truly a masterful Author. Every story you've written, I have given 5 stars. You scores are definitely deserving of their scores, some of the highest I have seen. I hope that you will soon submit a 'Satyr Play 04 Part 02' and maybe another chapter for Ben with 'A Shepherd Afield Chapter 06'. Thank you

Another bunch of truly amazing characters. I can't believe that I cried at the start of the story when Zell's mom died, but I did.

Who has the movie rights?

Throughly enjoyed another story from the Tik universe.

As always, enjoyable and well written.

Wow. I think I liked this better than the original “Jack” series and those were 5* as well.

is this a re release?

Loved this as usual. Can’t get enough of your Tik Universe; you write so well and create such memorable characters. I’m appalled that some grifters would try to profit off your hard work by stealing your stories. Completely disgraceful. Thank you for sharing your talents with us.

Did I miss the erotic parts?

Great read!!!!!*****

Well done.

Nice to read this again. I gave it a 5 the first time. It is still a 5. Thanks for sharing it with us again.

I could read stories like this 24/7! ***********

Congrats on the win!

Read it again, for the 3rd time. I hope for a sequel some day. Maybe some other bandits or beast come down from the north.,

Still a great story, I don't know how you do it but I'm glad you do and share it with us.

Congrats I keep going back to read your works over and over again. And totally enjoy them each andevery time

I saw this story win an award and decided to treat myself with a reread. Wonderfully written with very engaging characters who become special to me in their own ways. Truly a joy to read.

This story started very slowly. Several times I nearly stopped reading. I’m glad I read through the end. It’s not your typical Lit works, but very good for SciFi fans, which I am.

Loved the story and especially the ending. I kept wondering how Zell was going to save the Ush in only 13 pages, but you did it and it is outstanding!!!!!!!!!!!

Simply epic! Loved it!

Great story. Leaves the door open to explore more connected species. Keep them coming.

Really enjoyed your story and the trip into a different world and time. Thank you for sharing this with us. Certainly top marks are deserved. 5*s.

Loved the story, even if keeping the players in order was a little difficult at first, lol. Hate to say it, but the scene where Zell finally made contact with the Tik and was given refuge, kind of tugged at the old heart strings, just a little bit. Got to give it all five stars and looking forward to reading more of the same.