All Comments on 'Sherry'

5 stars isn't enough for this...10 is more like it.....keep this story going.

You have the kernel of a very good story. Please get an editor. Beth can't suddenly become Ruth for a paragraph. Did Sherry get heavy or lose weight, in one paragraph she did both. Pick a person to write in, don't meander through jumping from first person to second/third willy nilly. You have good intentions with your characters, do not diminish them by sloppy writing.

I usually skip stories longer than 3 pages for 'new' authors. I'm glad I made an exception in this case.

I thought this was an excellent story - well told.

I was a virgin on my 33rd birthday. (No abuse involved -- personal decision.) But at 34, I married a lovely and voluptuous lady, and we had a wonderful sex life for most of our 23-year marriage. She died at age 56. Last year, I had a gorgeous girlfriend who was 25 years younger than me. She gave me the best blowjob of my life on my 59th birthday. So some of the themes in your story resonate with me. This is worth another chapter or two, to allow Paul and Sherry to heal each others' hearts -- but please proofread what you write, with editorial help if needed.

Love Lost love found .. Beautful!!!

2

2 stars in 1

Switching between the two characters' perspectives can work, but you need to be careful to STAY IN a character's perspective within a section that you've clearly marked as theirs! You did well with that for the most part, but slipped up a few times, such as:

1. In "Paul" sections:

"I put his arm around her" (should be "I put MY arm around her")

"Paul whistled and she blushed." ("I whistled and she blushed.")

"Beth always dressed conservatively when other people were around. But when it was just the two of them, she often wore very revealing..."

("Beth always dressed conservatively when other people were around. But when it was just the two of US, she often wore very revealing...")

2. In "Sherry" sections:

"When I returned with the robe wrapped around her," ("When I returned with the robe wrapped around ME,")

"with him saying how good...desirable...she looks." ("with him saying how good...desirable...I LOOK.")

...And there were a number of other, smaller issues as well. As others have already commented, YOU NEED TO USE AN EDITOR!

Thanks to all for taking the time to read and particular thanks are due those that provided comments. And you're right...I do need an editor. Sorry for the errors; I will try to do better next time, with the help of an editor I hope.

The story was excellent, but spoilt when you brought in the course language during their first coupling. In the real world guys would be a tad more tactful, and the girl would certainly not be that au fait with such language.,,,That comes with experience.

Despite that minor fault, a nice story, and do keep on writing.

Contact me via the Editor List if you still need an editor. I'd be happy to assist. Kudos!! Keep writing.