All Comments on 'She's Not Mine Tonight'

Can anyone say...run on sentences? This story has a nice idea about it but it is all over the place. Too many run on sentences and the action is confusing. Slow yourself down next time and build the characters. Describe the action in detail and make it so the reader believes it is actually happening. It appears to me that your girl getting gangbanged excites you, and this is reflected in how fast you wrote it. It seems that your mind was going faster than your hands could type it. This is an ok start, but try and slow things down for your next story

Sick fucked up shit story. You are a wimp cuckold wannbe and should be put out of your misery like all other so called men with your fetish.