All Comments on 'Shirley Becomes a Maid'

You helped me cum. Twice. Thank you.

There is a lot to like in this story. The idea of someone getting trapped in self-bondage isn’t new, but you handled it fairly well. You do need to think about verb tense. You particularly need to pick one and stick to it. You switch kind of randomly between present and past tense, sometimes within the same sentence. Most stories are written in past tense, so I suggest that, especially since you describe yourself as a beginner. Get an editor if you need one.

Shirley becomes an out of the closet self-bondage person <stroke, stroke> and fall into the clutches of that dastardly cooperative Alex. <Stroke, Stroke> Only Alex is pretty tentative <stroke> and then just as it is getting good ,better, come On Alex, - The End. You left us hanging. Bad, bad Nerdick. I know you can do better with such a promising beginning.

You need to work on verb tense, but also flow and cohesion. Too many short, repetitive sentences.

First off, great concept, came a couple times to your story, so thanks! A couple people already mention how you flip between past and present tense. It’s important to fix that because it takes you completely out of the story and kinda confuses your brain when you’re just trying to focus. Another thing I noticed is that you’re probably a man, because when you write from the perspective of a woman, it’s pretty unrealistic. At least to me as a woman. I don’t feel my breasts to asses their weight, I feel them cause they feel good. That sorta stuff. I’m not saying you should try to get into the head of a woman more, but why not just write from the perspective of a man? You have more experience as a man, have a better understanding of what turns you on as a man, and everyone will find that sexy. Keep writing, you’ve got a ton of potential!

Like a good bondage story, first in a series?