All Comments on 'Shock and Awe on First Swap'

Betty, Allan, Bill and Su are having a great time in this chapter. I understand now how swinger group get together and this is working out so far.

this is NOT how swingers get together. Mature, responsible swingers are NOT looking to break-up marriages, and they NEVER work one spouse against the other. half of the husbands out there, when told that their WHORE of a wife pre-arranged the set-up, would kill their wife... which is exactly why crap like this NEVER happens except in the fantasy mind of immature, inexperienced losers like the authors on this site.

That about sums up how bad this. Boy do you need an editor. But changing tenses in mid-stream, oh I loved that. Good basis for a story here, don't get me wrong. Tea tootler.

There are two first person narratives going in this story--the narrator husband and Su. Changing from one "I" to another "I" in the narrative is quite confusing. Either keep the husband as the first person author ("I") and put Su's statements as "Su said. . .", or "then she said . . ." or similar usage. Alternatively, you could have an outside narrator with everything in the third person. (Husband said "x", then Su said "y", then Bill said "z" and so on.)

Also, the common written English language convention when directly quoting a person's speech is to enclose it in quotation marks ("Stick ...."). That way what is otherwise a non-sensible statement becomes understandable. Having to puzzle out the sentence and figuring out where the quotation marks should go detracts from the flow of the story.

Need someone to kill these shitty 'authors'.

to offset the asshole of LIT's 1 vote

fag cuck shit.

Another one for the second class losers know as cucks. Just ridiculous. Divorce and anger will be down the road.

No one worth caring about in this story. Let them ruin their lives.

How weird the entire series click for other things in the story massage just what they’re writing about I’ll look for with the storyline is how to get to it other things the big problem with the story is she assumed I made a unilateral decision he would go along with it what would’ve happened if he backed out she would have sex with another man destroyed her family his family he would’ve been without a friend because he got rid of all of them of course Berry might’ve gone home and been friends with the other couples but he would’ve been bomb self bad idea always always discuss this upfront before doing something like this

It Turned out OK in the end but it could’ve blown up in everybody’s face

It's a pretty good story but willing swapping is not my cup of tea. There are some improvements that can be made and errors to be avoided but you have already been told that.