Shooting Matt Ch. 25

"Yeah, it does but maybe not as much as you think. I still love Mary Beth. I hated her for a long time and if you'd asked me a year ago if I loved her I'd have laughed in your face. I'm sure you can kill love but even then, you're left with the memory of it. It'd still be a ghost you'd carry around, inside, even if you didn't know it was there most of the time."

"Fuck, dude. That doesn't exactly make me feel better. How fucking horrible would it be for me to remember loving Liam but not loving him at the same time?" He leans his head against the window, eyes closed.

"Did you two get into a fight? Why are you worrying about this all of a sudden?"

"All of a sudden? Randy, I worry about it all the time. I'm starting to think I'm bipolar or something. I'm either in heaven, thinking about Liam or in hell, thinking about losing him."

I pat his knee. "I don't know what to tell ya, champ. Ask when something seems wrong, listen, don't assume. Easy to say, hard to do. I fail at it all the time, not just with Mary Beth but with you, with Liam...with Leon."

"You were in love with him, weren't you?"

"Oh, yeah. I was in love with him," I admit. "Still am."

"Huh?"

"I still am. Love isn't a zero-sum game. It's not a pie that has to be divided. If I give you some, that doesn't mean there's less for Liam or Kent? I can love you and Kent. I can love Kent and Leon, Kent and Glenna, Kent and Mary Beth. I love all of you, each in a slightly different way." I pat his knee again. The light is red so I turn to look at him. "What isn't infinite, is your time and attention. If I spend more of my finite time and energy on Leon than I do on Kent, then that's a problem. It isn't how many people you love or even how many people you're in love with; it's how you prioritize your resources between them that gets tricky."

"I'm not shitting you, dude. This is way harder, way scarier, than I imagined. Fuck, all I wanted to do was suck your dick, suck a dick and now bam. Fuck."

I can't help it. I chuckle.

"What?" Matt demands.

"I was remembering that afternoon you rang the doorbell, for your photoshoot, that's all. You were fucking cute, fucking hot, and we were both pretty ridiculous."

He laughs; it's a wonderful sound.

"Speak for yourself, dude. I was one suave and debonair bitch and don't try denyin' it."

"I won't."

***

I look around, shocked. The place is almost empty. I look at Kent. He smiles, shrugs.

"It sold. Two days. Boom. I close after the Fourth of July holiday."

"You're kidding?"

"Nope. The realtor said to ask for more. I thought the price was already ridiculous. It would appear the realtor was right. I got way more than I expected. I'm happy. The realtor should be; he's still getting a nice chuck of change for a few days' work. He didn't even have to stage an open house."

"Kent, this place is fuckin' baller. Why are you bailing?"

"Time to go, Matt. It's beautiful but it's not really me. It might have been us, Brad and I, but it's not me."

"You have a place lined up?" I ask, putting my arm around his waist.

"No," he chuckles. "It happened so fast. I'm glad actually. I'm going to rent. The buyer wanted some of the furniture. The rest, as you can see," he gestures around the living room. "Has already been snapped up. No wonder newspapers are going out of business. A few minutes on Graigslist and poof, done."

"You still have beds?"

He looks down at his feet. "One," he admits finally.

"One?" I can't believe this. He has to be fucking with me. "Seriously? You're fucking with me, right?"

"No, Randy. I'm sorry. I knew you guys where coming; I didn't forget. The guy wanted the stuff that day. He sent a van over for it. He owns some hotshot realty staging company and he needed the stuff right away. I'm sorry. I'll pay for a hotel for you guys."

I shake my head. "I don't want a hotel, Kent. I can afford a hotel. What I want is to spend the night with you."

"So, do I," he pleads. "We can go to a hotel. Matt can go to a hotel. Don't be pissed. It'll be fine."

"How big's the bed?"

I turn to look at Matt. He's smiling. "No, no fucking way, Matt. Uh-uh, not happening. I don't want to just sleep with Kent. I want to fuck Kent and I'm not doing that with you in bed with us."

"So, fuck first. I'll go to a movie. I don't see what the big deal is. We've fucked." He gestures back and forth between us with one hand.

"Yes, we did but that was before you claim to have fallen in love with my son. Jesus, Matt. Think."

"I am. Dude, you're the one not thinking. Do all the nasty you want. I'll go to a movie or watch TV." He looks around and spots a TV on the far wall. "Yeah, TV. All I need is a blanket, a pillow would be ..." His eyes get wide. "Fuck! Hold the motherfucking horses, bitches! I have an idea!"

I clutch at my head. "Oh, great. I don't suppose I could talk you into keeping it to yourself?"

He ignores me. I knew he would. He addresses Kent more than me.

"I'll video you guys. I know Randy won't mind; he's done it before. And, just between you and me," he tells Kent with a wink as if I've suddenly disappeared. "It was fucking awesome, scorching, bro, totally fucking scorching. What ya say?"

"I did do it before and it was a huge mistake. Matt, have you totally gone off the rails? You're a former lover, now the lover of my son and you want to make a porno of me and my new lover, is that right?"

"Nice summation, counselor. I leave the decision in the hands of your peers, or peer." He looks at Kent.

"Might be fun." I stare at Kent, not believing my ears.