Siblingly Binding Ch. 07

She looked so happy: laughing, kissing him... my heart bled out on the spot. As they were giggling about something, Brooke gazed up at my window, and I was sure she made me. I swiftly backed up and returned to bed. I lit up my pipe and ruminated on this whole thing. I could still hear their laughter and even their kissing from my bed. They were too loud for my capable ears not to notice.

Enough was enough. I knew when I needed to finally back down. She was never going to forgive me, and we would never have any relationship, romantic or otherwise. Certainly, she was aware that she was deeply hurting me with this behavior, and yet she didn't hold back. It sounded as if she were raping him out there. It was time for me to acknowledge that she sincerely hated me.

***

It was still Saturday, but now it was night, and the first day in months I hadn't called, texted, or emailed her. I knew it would be easier for her if I stopped. It was surely easier for me. Being ignored and rejected on a daily basis wasn't doing any good to my battered psyche. That night, I finally went out to a bar with my friends. Four months I hadn't gone out with them to a bar, but it was now time for me to try to salvage whatever I could of my broken heart.

After a couple of drinks, I was beginning to feel better, more confident, less aching... my friends and I were having a great time. A few had girlfriends now, but they were easygoing and were trying to hook me up with friends of theirs, which I didn't mind so much as my confidence was at an all-time low, and my ego was bruised beyond recognition. My prick had been barely functioning for months, so that was going to be a problem with meeting girls, but I needed to first come to the bridge before thinking how to cross it.

As I was walking to the restroom to empty my beer-brimming bladder, I was shocked to see that my sister was also at the bar, sitting at a table with her newest boyfriend and a large group of friends, Veronica included, which astonished me. Brooke apparently had forgiven her, though I had no clue about that.

The first time I was out in months, and Brooke had to go out to the same bar as I did... I was clinically depressed by now. The fact that Veronica was also present didn't help, either. Veronicas' boyfriend was sitting next to her, although neither she nor Brooke were paying much attention to their dates as their eyes followed me. I instantly looked away and proceeded to the restroom, which had quite the line outside of it.

"Nice to see you, too."

I pivoted to see Veronica standing in line behind me. "Um..."

"Very eloquently put," she said, her voice harsh and bitter.

I turned around, giving her my back.

"Oh, that's nice... classy."

I swiveled to face her again. "I genuinely don't know what to say or how to act."

"Well, how about... 'Hi, Veronica, you look good. By the way, I'm sorry for playing you, ignoring you, and hurting you.' That could be a start."

"You do look good although I plead not guilty on the 'playing you' count."

"And here comes the jury with a verdict: Guilty."

"I'm sorry you feel that way; however, I'm glad to see that you didn't lose your best friend after all."

"No thanks to you."

I nodded, guilt swelling in my chest. "Guilty as charged." I took a few steps up the line. "Does my sister know you're talking to me?"

"Indeed, she does. She was the one who encouraged me to go to the bathroom now."

"Oh..." I mused.

I tried working out what it meant for me that Brooke wanted Veronica to talk to me.

"So, are you going to take advantage of this rare meet and explain to me why you in fact weren't playing me?"

"Veronica, I told you I was—"

"Yeah, damaged, I remember... but I thought we had something, Josh. I could have sworn I felt something from your end, as well... I must have been really off, huh? I bet you were laughing your ass off, seeing that I had made a complete fool out of myself while risking losing my best friend in the process."

I kept my back to her. "Why are you saying this? I care about you, Veronica; I'm not that kind of a guy. I didn't want to hurt you, and look how great things have turned out for you: you've got your best friend back, you have a boyfriend..."

She snorted bitterly. "Fairytale ending, isn't it, Josh?"

"Sure seems like it."

"I have a question for you, and I want you to be truthful with me this time: were you feeling something?"

"What good will it do to—"

"I wanna know. Can you respect me with an answer? Or are you going to treat me now like you did four months ago: like garbage."

"Jesus, Veronica, you couldn't be more off about how I treated you."

"You're stalling... why can't you answer me?"

I spun to face her. "The truth?"

"And nothing but."

I sighed. "I might have felt something. Not a lot, but there was probably something there. You can take comfort in knowing that that was the most I've felt for any girl the past year, excluding that girl."

My answer seemed to have triggered a turbulence within her eyes. "You son of bitch..."

"What now?"

"I knew you felt something, but you were trying your hardest to convince me I was imagining it! God, you're such a... piece of shit!"

I heaved a sigh as I turned back to face the long line to the restroom. "Yeah. I've been told that once or twice."

She pulled me by my arm to face her again, her piercing blue eyes boring into mine.

I shook my head, hating the pain in her gaze. "I am so sorry."

"Then why? We had something going, something really good... why?!"

"Because I... I couldn't risk losing that girl, not while there was still a chance for me to get her, and you... you were getting too close."

"Oh my god," she murmured, considering me incredulously. "You're way more damaged than I thought."

"Yeah... it was good seeing you, Veronica. I think I'll go later."

"You stay put!" She pushed me back. "This is really fucked up, Josh, what you just said... I was getting too close?!"

I shook my head, averting my eyes. "Christ... you can't possibly understand. Don't even try."

She stared at me for a tense moment that seemed to last an eternity. "That something... is it still here?"

"Forget about—"

"Josh?!"

"It's not important because she is still here."

"Which means it's still here."

I looked away.

"Jesus... it is still here."

"Veronica, stop this. What are you doing? You have a boyf—"

"I'm not going to dump him for you, don't worry. I'm just... speechless. You're admitting to feel something for me, and you're so afraid that I might actually be able to make you fall in love with me... that's more damaged than damaged. That's really sad, Josh."

"What can I say? I'm a sad person. Good luck, Veronica. I truly wish you all the best." I started for my table.

"For the record, Josh, I can make you fall in love with me, and you're letting me go... is the biggest mistake you will ever make in your sad life."

I bobbed my head, my gut wrenching at the dour prophecy. "I know."

I returned to my table, said goodbye to my friends, and evacuated from the premises.

That chat with Veronica had unsettled me. Mostly because I was afraid that she was right: that I would lose both her and Brooke in the end, that I did just make the biggest mistake of my life, for it was now painfully clear to Brooke, Veronica, and myself that Veronica seemed to have an influence on me that Shannon had never had. I did feel something for her, however miniscule that something was compared to what I was feeling for my sister.

Seeing Brooke there with her boyfriend had crushed me completely. I felt like crying when I walked past her table, watching them kissing as I left. I was willing to do anything for her. I even rejected Veronica, who might have been my only hope to ever escape this incest nightmare, and how did she repay me? By sucking on her boyfriend's tongue in front of me.

But I didn't want to let Brooke go. I was so crazy in love with her, and I wanted nothing more than for her to want me back. I had already accepted that I would never have a normal life. My normal life had ended the moment we fell in love. I could never be okay with her being with another guy. Never. Even so, it seemed I had no choice in the matter.

***

I entered my home and turned on the lights in the living room. Our parents were once again away for the weekend to a resort with friends. Now that Brooke and I were adults, our parents were making up for all the years they had stayed home and missed out on gatherings etc. It became common practice for them to desert us during the weekends.

I dragged my feet to the kitchen to fetch myself a beer. I then plopped myself down on the sofa and tried to think of where to go from here. Not only did Brooke move on, but she was doing everything in her power to prove that to me, and I wasn't willing to take my chances with Veronica, nor was I going to hurt their relationship in any manner.

I needed some time off, off everything. I spontaneously decided I was going to pack a suitcase and go on vacation somewhere far... maybe Maine. That should be far enough. Upon returning from my holiday, I was going to move out. I couldn't live in the same house with Brooke any longer.

I went up to my room, put some music on, and started packing. As I was halfway through, I felt a weird vibe, and at that exact moment, my phone vibrated. I picked it up and saw that I had a text from my sister, the first in maybe four months, "What's with the suitcase?"

I looked back over my shoulder; Brooke was standing in my doorway.

I walked to my computer and turned down the volume before we locked eyes for at least a minute. It was such a powerful and charged moment. My heart was racing as I watched my sister in her short black dress and high heels, loose hair draping down her back, makeup sexier than ever... she was so inconceivably ravishing. I couldn't look away.

"So where are you going?"

It was the first sentence she uttered to me in four months.

I snapped out of it and resumed packing. "I don't know yet."

She strutted into my room. "When will you be back?"

I laid the stack of shirts I had readied beforehand in my suitcase. "I haven't decided that, either."

She stood by my window, looking outside absentmindedly. "You haven't called today. You haven't texted... and I don't assume you have another one of those cheesy love letters waiting for me somewhere in here."

"What do you want?" I pointedly asked, keeping myself busy with my suitcase.

"So now you don't want to talk anymore? After months of begging me to—"

"What do you want?"

She shot me a condescending look. "Well, if you're acting like that, I might as well leave." She scooted to my door.

I ignored her, turned up my music, and focused back on my suitcase.

A few seconds later, my music died down. Brooke was standing next to my computer, glaring at me. "You've got some nerve, Josh. You're ignoring me?! You should kiss both of my feet for even—"

"Get out," I chimed in, firing back a look of my own. "Don't say another word, just... get out."

She stared at me in bewilderment. "What the fuck is wrong with you? You've been harassing me for months, and when I—"

"You have made your point, and I'm not willing to entertain you anymore, Brooke. So if you don't mind, I'm packing my suitcase, and assuming you're done dissing me, you know your way out."

"I wasn't dissing you."

"Oh? Then what were you doing?"

"I was—" She sat in my chair and began loading tobacco into my pipe. "Point taken."

"What are you doing here anyway?"

"I didn't feel well, so I cut my night short."

"And I'm sure your boyfriend ate it up. I meant to ask: why are you really here?"

She cut her eyes at me as she lit up my pipe. "I wanted to talk to you."

I opened my closet to get my underwear. "I'm all ears."

She took a few drags. "Why didn't you call today?"

"Because... I finally realized I was too late. I'm in your way... and in mine."

"In yours?"

I shot her a look, insulted. "Yeah, I'm a living person, too. I should move on just like you did."

"Move on to where?"

"I don't know yet. First, I'm going on a long vacation. When I get back, I'll be moving out... and we'll see from there."

"You're moving out?"

I nodded while cramming into my suitcase what was left on my bed. "Us living together isn't doing any good to either of us. I'll get out of your way, and you wouldn't need to see or speak to me anymore, and I'll be able to try getting back my life on track."

She quietly smoked my pipe while I lit up a cigarette and finished my beer.

"So that is how much you love me: four months. That's your... immortal love for me."

"I will love you forever, Brooke, but you don't want me; you've made it very clear. You've been going out with so many guys that I can't keep track anymore, and it hurts. What the eye doesn't see, the heart doesn't grieve over."

A smug smirk curled her lips. "I want a beer. Go get me a beer."

I went downstairs and returned with two beers. I handed her one, and she sipped without even thanking me.

"I bet you were surprised seeing Veronica and me at the same table."

I bobbed my head.

"I forgave her a couple of months ago. I couldn't stay mad at her when she was so... hurt by you."

"I'm sorry to hear that, though I'm happy you forgave her."

She took another drag and examined my pipe. "You two had an interesting talk, I hear."

I kept quiet.

"Yeah... apparently, Veronica might've been able to get you to fall out of love with me."

I took a draft from my beer. "She might have."

"She still wants you, Josh. If you give her a call tonight... she's yours."

"What are you doing? What is this?"

"Nothing. I'm just... handing you some inside information. What's wrong with that?"

I stood up and placed my suitcase next to the door. "Well, Brooke, I appreciate this friendly stopover; nevertheless, I have a plane to catch. It's time for you to leave."

"So you don't want Veronica?"

"With all due respect to your 'inside information', you didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. I don't want Veronica. I thought I made it clear by now."

"Then who do you want?"

"I don't think I want anyone anymore. I want to be alone. That's what I want."

"So you don't want me anymore?"

"I want the old Brooke, the one I fell in love with. Not this... whatever persona you've assumed in recent months. This Brooke isn't doing it for me."

"I am what you made me, Josh. If you cared about me and treated me with the respect and love I deserved, I wouldn't have become this... persona in the first place."

"And I am so very sorry for how I treated you as I conveyed through every possible mean of communication in past months. But you don't seem to want to forgive me. You just wanna make me miserable, and that tells me that it's time for me to move on."

"You deserve to feel miserable. You fucked my best friend."

"Yes, I did. I still think it was justified, seeing that you insisted convincing me that you've been penetrated in all your holes and was sweating cum."

I swigged my beer while she was pondering to herself.

She placed my pipe on the desk. "Maybe I just need time... to think."

"What are you saying here?"

"I don't know, but if you give up on me now... you will never know, either."

I shook my head. "This is exactly what I'm talking about. The old Brooke would've never said something like that -- vague and vicious. I'm not going to keep feeding your already massive ego any longer."

"Then I guess you don't deserve me after all."

"No, I don't. I deserve better. Much better. Now leave."

"Don't tell me—"

"Get out. I don't want to talk to you anymore, I don't want to see you anymore, and frankly, I genuinely don't want anything to do with you anymore. I may have made mistakes, but I never took pleasure in hurting you. Never. But what you're doing now... that's just plain evil."

She kept still in my chair although now she looked a bit rattled.

I scowled at her. "I told you to get out."

"I heard you the first time."

"Then what's the holdup?"

She didn't reply. She just kept staring at me with her beautiful hazel eyes that now seemed to have been taken by a storm.

I paced to my chair and yanked her to a standing position. "Out."

She struck an aching pose and darted to the exit, but then she abruptly halted at the threshold, her hands reaching for the doorframe. "Fuck," she sighed, spinning around. "Josh, I'm—"

"I don't care. Out."

"Stop kicking me out! Listen to me!"

"Do it quick."

"I'm... I'm sorry, okay? I took it too far, and I'm sorry. I never meant... for this persona to exist that long, but it felt so good to see you—"

"Hurting?"

Her head shook with pain. "—courting me, wanting me... you never once let me feel like that, like I was that special to you, and I just loved feeling like that... like I was the most important thing in the world to you, like I was the only thing that mattered to you... I got addicted."

"I was going to make you feel like that forever; I said so in my letters. You needed not torture me."

She nodded. "I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted. Goodbye, Brooke."

I whirled around to my desk.

"I love you, Josh."

My heart jerked in reply; nonetheless, I ignored her and lit up another cigarette as I shut down my computer.

"Did you hear me?" she timidly murmured, taking a step closer. "I love you."

I turned to face her. "No, you don't. If you'd loved me, you wouldn't have treated me like that. It's just like you said: you love being courted. I get that, and I'm sure your current boyfriend—"

"I love you! Don't tell me how I feel! I was out of control, and I'm so sorry! But you gotta know that I love you, Josh... you've got to."

"I can't handle this right—"

"Do you wanna know why I'm really here?"

"Why are you here?"

"I'm here 'cause... I got scared when you didn't call or text today. I was afraid you were giving up on me."

I took a drag, quietly pondering. "Veronica, why did you tell her to go talk to me?"

"I was... I was testing you. I needed to reassure myself that you wanted me and not her. That you were willing to do anything... for me."

"You knew I was going be there, didn't you? It wasn't a coincidence that we ran into each other. You knew."

She nodded. "Jim and I are friends on Facebook, and he posted earlier this evening that you were finally joining them, so I called Veronica, and..."

She left out the rest.

"I see... so what now?"

"I will tell you, but I need you to forgive me first."

"I don't know." I tried steadying my shaking vocals as tears stifled my throat. "You were pretty brutal with my heart... like it was nothing."

Her bottom lip quivered as her eyes welled up with tears, as well. "I know..."

I looked out my window, wiping off the few tears that flowed down my cheeks.

"Josh, please... I love you so much. Please forgive me."

I put out my cigarette and turned to look at her. "Let's... assume I forgive you. Your move."

"Are you invested in me?" She wiped off her tears. "Do you love me like I love you?"

"I love you more than life itself, Brooke."

She nodded, giving her upper lip a soft lick. She then slipped her right arm out of her shoulder strap and repeated it with her left. She let go of both straps simultaneously, and her black dress pooled at her slender waist.

My little sister was standing in my doorway with her upper torso exposed, save her breasts, which were cupped in a sexy black lace push-up bra that I hadn't seen before. Her toned tummy and naval piercing had my cock twitching in an instant.