All Comments on 'Silvertree Chronicles Bk. 01 Ch. 27'

You are truly an artist of the written word. I look forward to more from you hopefully.

you are a great storyteller. I am really enjoying re-reading this and your other stories. i rush home each day to read the next chapter, even after having read them a few times already. thanks for the time you have put into these stories and the enjoyment derived form them.

a creative, gripping tale. Well done.

The two pieces of writting advice I'd suggest has to do with mixing first person voice vs narrative voice, and sentence fragmentation.

Re: first person vs narrative voice

Any time you type the word me, reconsider. During proofing doa search on 'me'. I'm seeing a fairly consistence tendency to begin a sentence about Eldar in narrative, then switch to first person; it usually involves the word 'me'.

I didn't copy an example, but here's an approximation:

'Elder dismounted from his horse, and approached the group. They stepped back from me, in fear. Eldar's anger was obvious.'

The first sentence is narrative voice, the second switches to first person, and the last switches back to narrative. The outcome is reader whiplash; never a good thing. lol

I think once you can identify the switches in voice, you'll begin to eliminate them.

Re: sentence fragments

Twenty to forty paragraphs from the end, Eldar is communicating with the human King. Eldar says something to the effect, 'Your men encountered a horde a scout got back to your main force.'

You may have meant to make this two sentences, or you left out a connecting word or phrase. Bottom line, it looks like you are thinking faster than you can write, a common problem. Again, like the voice issue once you train yourself to identify these, you will eliminate them.

The reason they make a difference is they create a jerkiness to the normal rhythm of the normal flow of your writing. Some of them create enough confusion, a reader will have to stop and re-read the passage a time, or more.

In a previous comment, I think I recommended reading your work aloud. That proofing technique will go a long way to catching both of these issues more readily.

Thanks for sharing the incredible world you've created, and thanks for all the work to put this together for submission.

GeoD