All Comments on 'Simon and Aunt Sophia'

You're writing a story, not a script. Stop with the

Simon: So Aunt how's your vacation so far?

Sophia: Best vacation i've ever had. I think today may be the best day of my life.

shit. Dialogue uses quotation marks.

That was quite enjoyable, I would very much like to read more. Please tell me there will be a part 2.

You do not need to write who is saying what. I wasn't able to read the story for long. Give the reader some credit. Hated it!

Awesome story! Wish I had a hot aunt.

stop with the script lines! annoying!

I agree with others, you need to learn to write dialogue. This is terrible.

Punctuating Dialogue 101

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When one paragraph ends with a quotation mark and the very next one starts with a mark, that indicates the character speaking has changed.

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When one character is speaking and is not uninterrupted by narrative or another character talking, every paragraph starts with a mark, but only the last one has a closing mark.

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If a paragraph doesn’t begin with a quotation mark, that indicates it’s narrative.

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Some of your lines in English.

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"So Aunt how's your vacation so far?" Simon asked

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Sophia replied, "Best vacation I've ever had. I think today may be the best day of my life."

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"Just wait til tomorrow."

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"I still want to slap that grin off your face."

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" I have no doubt."

punctuation for chrissake

I'm not an expert, but.....

So what if there are flaw's. Your comments are how someone learns. Just be nice when you point out area's of improvement.

Great story line.

This is still my favorite story but I just reread it for the first time in a long time and it is terribly written. So if you can't overlook that then I understand.

Crap. This is a website for stories not a place to publish rubbish play manuscripts.

Learn the art of writing conversation, rewrite this, republish here and then try again. Then again and then lots more. Every effort will get better.

This story however is unreadable in its current form. The breaks and names inserted everywhere destroy the flow of the story. I admit that I never got past the lobby after the “My cock’s so big it has its own postcode billshit”. You see I’ve seen other so called stories with the speakers name in them and it was so shit I didn’t even read the first bit. Skipped to the end, trashed your score with a big fat 1 because they don’t offer anything lower and then left this message that should be fucking obvious to anyone who has put pen to paper or learned to read.

Have you read a novel or a story formatted like you can’t write such that the flow and the intent signifies the speaker?

Yes, Dickhead. My comment right before yours was, although still my favorite story, it was poorly written and my first attempt at a story like that. But please keep opining away.