All Comments on 'Simon Says Ch. 01'

I absolutely love mind control incest!! Thank you

A good story until you had him pissing on and in his sisters. Forcing the sister to clean up after his mum's arse was another step down the ladder. He has mind control over everyone, he doesn't need to be a douche. Apart from those bits, it was a nice read.

Great story. Looking forward to another chapter.

I liked everything except the piss stuff.

I love this story! Mind control incest is a very hot topic and this is well told. Looking forward to Chapter 2.

Far too many stupid mistakes. He had two older sisters one of whom was the baby of the family. ( How does that work, eh?) That is just an amateur careless error that shows lack of attention.

Would have been a 5* tale, without the watersports.

4/5

Awesome story. Write your story as you want to. But I'd say keep the stories the way they are, watersports and all. You have a warning at the start so if people don't like it they can read something else. Keep up the good work.

Start to finish, this was great. I loved that his sisters enjoyed drinking his piss. Forget those that did not like the watersports. All in all.....a great story.

Edit edit edit. Edit again. I get it. Writing is tough. And you take a load of shit for small mistakes. But most of that can be mitigated by editing ruthlessly. And a bit of research. Good fiction has a healthy portion of truth. If you are going to use electricity as a tool to move your story along, you should probably understand it more than your story indicates. Without going into a huge lesson on it, here in America most household circuits, lights, switches, outlets, run on 110 volt 15 amp circuits controlled by a circuit breaker. The air conditioning runs on a 220 volt 30 or 50 amp circuit with breaker. AND NEVER THE TWAIN SHALL MEET. There is a physical disconnect between the two. Other than an excuse to ogle the girls there was no reason that the ac couldn't have been running the entire time. And 110 volts is enough to startle you, I know from experience, it isn't enough to knock you on your ass, unconscious.

My point is not to tear your story apart, because you've put the effort in to write it, which is more than 99.999% of people here. My point is that if you are going to use electricity you have to remember that it is predictable and moves and behaves according to known parameters and laws. And you'll always have some asshole like me who reads this and says bullshit, not possible. But will accept the whole mind control part with no problems.

Keep writing hope this was constructive.

I actually loved the story up till the point the father joined in, I'm not one for sharing a harem, no matter how hypocritical that sounds.

NOOO SHARING EVER!!!!! you ruined it