Sinful Beauty Ch. 03

Authors note: I would once again like to thank Privates1stClass for his helpful comments and expert editing.

Sinful Beauty Chapter Three

By Rachel Anne Wallace

My heart was beating furiously as we slowly approached my parents' home. It didn't look any different than the last time I saw it and I wondered why I would even think it should. Now, it seemed as if I had lived there many years ago, not mere months. I was a different person now—I had tasted the sweet fruits of independence and of Benson's love. I studied the house as if it would tell me how the occupants would react to my presence there again. Could it tell me how they would react to the man who sat beside me who had helped make me who I was now? We pulled into the driveway as two figures in the window disappeared from view. I was home, yet wasn't.

Benson shut the car engine off and looked at me, placing his hand on my arm, "Ready?"

I smiled as I placed my hand on his, "As ready as I'm ever going to be. I love you."

Benson smiled, unbuckled his seat belt, walked around to my door, and opened it for me. I stepped out and immediately sought his hand. Feeling my hand within his gave me strength, and confidence, just as it always had. Now, our holding hands affirmed to me and to any other person who saw us we were a couple. There could be no other explanation for them to make. In my mind, it was meant to show that very thing—we were a couple.

We had decided on the drive home we would stop at my parents' home first, then go to his parents' home after we had talked to my Mother, and Father briefly. It would give us an opportunity to gauge my parents' demeanor. I was looking forward to seeing his parents as it would be the first time we would be received as a couple by them. Our visit with Benson's parents would allow us a short respite before returning to share a meal with my parents after Tess and Alan arrived. Of course, I hoped the presence of Tess and Alan would dissipate some of the tension I was sure would be present.

We walked to the door, and it opened as my father appeared with a smile on his face. That alone helped the butterflies in my stomach settle down. I smiled and gave a cheery, "Hello, Dad," and gave him a kiss on the cheek. I watched as he extended his hand to Benson with a smile—I wondered how sincere his smile really was. A minister was capable of smiling even when it seemed the occasion was nothing to celebrate based upon my past experience.

"Thank you Benson, for bringing Janet home with you. It saved us a trip. Please come in."

"Thank you sir, Janet is good company. It made the trip home go faster than I think it would have otherwise," Benson replied with seeming ease.

I was very pleased with the exchange, giving Benson a quick glance, noticing he appeared comfortable. One down, one to go, I reasoned as we walked into the living room where my mother was standing. She wasn't smiling, but she wasn't giving a scowl either—her expression not telling me much as I approached her to give her a hug and kiss. Afterward, she looked at me as I stepped back and appraised me, finally saying, "You look well, Janet."

Then she looked at Benson, "Thank you for getting Janet home safely."

"It was my pleasure, Mrs. Hall," Benson replied with a warm smile.

All in all, our first interactions suggested they were making an effort to make us feel welcome—I began to feel a little more relaxed. We proceeded to sit down, the conversation turned to how we were doing at school and what our immediate plans were for our break. We explained we would have Thanksgiving dinner with Benson's parents the next day, then head back to campus to begin preparing for classes the a few days later.

It was then I realized they might expect me to spend the night in my old room. Now, I wished I had told them we were staying at Benson's parents' house that night. I hadn't mentioned that the last time I talked with my mother on the phone. My mother gave me a glance, but didn't say anything, though it was clear she had something on her mind.

It was then my father looked out the window announcing, "Tess and Alan are here," as he got up from his chair and headed for the front door.

Moments later, the door opened and friendly greetings were exchanged as the group headed towards the living room. Mother stood and walked to Tess for a hug. Then to Alan—she offered a firm hug and smile. Alan appeared relaxed and after a few words to my mother walked to Benson to shake his hand. Tess and I shared a hug. Tess, then went to Benson, giving him a firm hug and warm greeting.

My mother was watching. She seemed a little surprised as Alan and Benson sat down and shared a few words together laughing amiably. We talked for a few more minutes before my mother announced dinner would be ready in about an hour, a cue Tess and I should help her start to get the table set and food placed onto serving platters and bowls in preparation for eating.

I looked at Benson, then to my mother, "Mom, Benson, and I need to see his parents for a few minutes to let them know we're here. We'll be back in about half an hour, unless you need me to come back sooner to help."

She looked at me as if she didn't comprehend what I had said. Then she replied, somewhat cautiously, after looking at my father. "Janet, half an hour is fine. Tess and I will visit until you return. Give our best regards to Benson's family for your father and me."

Benson and I walked down the road to his parents' home. Benson knocked on the door, then slowly opened the door himself as he called out, "Hey! We're here."

Mrs. Thornton was just approaching the door, wearing a huge smile that lit her entire face. She and Benson shared a warm embrace, then Benson kissed her cheek, then placed his arm around her shoulders. She looked at me with a warm smile, "Janet you look lovely. I'm so pleased you'll be spending some time with us. I've been looking forward to it ever since Benson told us of your plans."

I smiled in return as she stepped to me and gave me a firm hug, "Mrs. Thornton, thank you."

Just then Benson's father came into the room and shook hands with Benson as they exchanged a few words. Then Mr. Thornton turned to me, a sparkle in his eye, "Janet, you look wonderful. Quite the young lady. Benson has told us you are a very serious and gifted student."

I stepped to Mr. Thornton, giving him a quick hug, "I think Benson is exaggerating. I'm doing great in all of my classes, but Benson puts in a lot of time too. I guess we complement one another by making sure our studies are our first priority."

"Well, good for both of you. Knowing both of you are excelling at your studies is great news. I'm sure your parents are thrilled too. So, when will you be coming back? After dinner and a few hours for some conversation I suppose. I'm sure your parents and Tess will want to find out a bit more about your life on campus."

I looked at Benson and shrugged my shoulders, "Maybe six, or seven? By the way, my parents send their best regards."

"Please extend our best wishes as well." Mr. Thornton replied amiably.

"I think that sounds reasonable. Dad, we'll call you if it's later than seven."

"Good. Benson your room is ready to use with fresh linens. There are, clean towels, and washcloths for both of you in the bathroom. Janet, the guest room is yours if it suits you better," Mrs. Thornton offered as we took a step towards the door.

"Thanks, Mom. We'll see you later," Benson replied as he opened the front door.

I took Benson's arm as we started down the walk. The snow and packed ice on the road was just enough to make my smooth soled shoes slip; we had learned that on the walk over.

Benson's parents had always been kind to me and to Tess as we grew up. I wondered what they thought of my parents after all these years. They knew how hard my parents had tried to keep Benson and me apart. I had never heard them utter a single word which would suggest they disliked them. I couldn't say that about my parents in terms of how they felt about Benson's family—it had never been cruel or harsh, but the negative tone was usually evident.

Once inside my parents' home we removed our coats, hung them in the foyer closet, and walked in to join the others in the living room. After a few minutes Tess and I left with mother to start setting the table and plate the food. I glanced at Benson with a smile thinking things were going well so far.

We were in the process of setting the table when my mother asked Tess if she had moved her things into her bedroom for the night. I saw the expression on Tess's face go almost white, then she glanced at me, then back to my mother.

"Mom, I thought you knew I'm not going to stay here tonight," Tess replied, her expression going tight lipped.

"What do you mean you're not staying here tonight? Where else would you stay?" Mother asked incredulously while looking at her.

"Alan and I will go back to his apartment for the night."

My mother shot her a cool look, but said nothing for a few seconds. Then with a sigh of resignation she said, "I guess I should have expected this."

I wasn't expecting Tess to reply, electing to let the issue fade away. Tess gave me another glance, then she looked at my mother. "Mom, I'm an adult now, not a little girl. Alan was ready to spend the night alone and I told him no. We sleep together every night at his apartment. Why do you think I would do something different today?"

"You what! Never mind. I don't want to talk about this now," she replied irritably.

We finished setting the table in silence. I wondered now what I should do. Tell my mother I was planning on staying at Benson's parents' house rather than in my bedroom? I knew I was putting it off, but I preferred to deal with it after we had dinner. That way, the meal would be a little more comfortable to sit through. I looked around and saw the men weren't in sight and wondered if they had adjourned to my father's den.

It was about ten minutes later when the men appeared and approached the dinner table. All of them appeared to be in good spirits. Benson was such a gentleman, helping me into my seat before he sat down in his. Once he sat down next to me I placed my hand on his knee under the table and smiled at him. He leaned to me and whispered into my ear, telling me to behave myself. I could see my mother wasn't totally amused.

It was time to say grace and my stomach tensed, what was I going to do now? I decided I would bow my head and close my eyes, then not say anything. It seemed a good compromise. To my complete surprise my father looked at all of us.

"Rather than saying a traditional grace, I would like each of us to say what we are thankful for this Thanksgiving. It seems appropriate as all of us have faced our own trials and tribulations over these past few months. I'm also sure all of us have found something to be thankful for in some way—I'll start off."

The look on my mother's face was one of bewilderment. It was obvious she had not expected this turn of events. I couldn't blame her—I was speechless at this point. I gave Tess a glance and it looked as if she was as surprised as I was. In the past we had always, without fail, been given a lengthy grace before this meal.

Then my father continued, "I'm thankful for a loving wife and two wonderful daughters who have found someone they care enough about to share a Thanksgiving meal with our family."

It was my turn next as we went around the table. I found myself searching for words which were truthful, yet sensitive enough to avoid offending my parents. I finally decided to keep it short, "I'm thankful I've done well enough this first semester at college to make the Dean's list and for roommates who are supportive."

In a way, my father had allowed me the freedom not to mention my relationship with Benson directly. Benson's presence at my side was evidence enough of my feelings for him. I wondered if that was why he had spoken of that in his remark. If so, something had changed in the way he viewed Benson and perhaps myself.

I listened as Benson told us he was thankful for the opportunity to continue his education, and for the love and affection I had shown him. I noticed the small smile on my father's face, while that of my mother remained passive, showing no discernable emotion one way of the other—my mother, always the more reserved of the two.

Alan's comments were similar to Benson's, adding he was pleased to be included in this Thanksgiving celebration for the first time.

Then, it was Tess's turn as she looked around the table. "I'm thankful that for the first time in my life I feel at peace with myself. I know who I am, what I believe, and who I love."

There was silence after she spoke. I knew she had just spoken words describing my own feelings, but had been afraid to say. Her journey had been similar to my own, though in some respects more difficult. I had had Benson to support me over all the years, while she had not enjoyed the same advantage. Only her recent relationship with Alan had provided that same kind of support, and she had clung to him as if he were a life ring thrown to a drowning victim. I was so pleased it had worked out for both of them.

My mother squirmed in her seat, her chair making a small squeak against the oak flooring. She looked at us, her face turned a little softer, not smiling exactly, perhaps showing a hint of acceptance.

"I'm not sure what to be thankful for. In the past, I would have prayed and given thanks for the fine meal the Lord had provided. Today, it seems to be much more than about food or about faith. It seems to be about accepting change. I'm thankful for a patient, loving husband. I'm thankful for daughters who love me. But I see two young men sitting next to them who have given them the strength to love in ways I could not give them myself. So, I'm thankful for their presence here today."

The table was incredibly silent for long seconds. Then my mother grew a small smile, "Come, let's eat before the food gets cold. I'm sorry I was so sappy. But I'm new at this. Benson, don't just sit there, pass the turkey please."

I was pleased as I looked at Tess as she passed the plate of dinner rolls to Alan. She looked genuinely happy. My mother noticed too and her face grew a bright smile. The tension which had been present when we first sat down faded away. Replaced with questions about the future and comments about those little things Tess and I did as little girls that would embarrass us to the benefit of Alan and Benson. There was gentle laughter and the holding of hands beneath the table—well, most of the time my hand was on Benson's, otherwise, it was on his knee rubbing gently.

The meal finished, we started to clear the table, Benson helping me after I told mother she should sit and relax as she had done all of the cooking. She accepted graciously, only offering advice on a few things, rather than acting as a stern drill instructor. Tess and I traded glances, each of us aware that there had been dramatic changes in our parents—changes that remained unexplained, but welcome.

It was Tess who suggested we should get the family photo albums out and look through them with Alan and Benson. We were going through an album that held older photographs including many of our grandparents and aunts and uncles. It gave us an opportunity to engage Mom and Dad and I found I learned a great deal more than I had known before about my ancestors.

Mom and Dad retreated to their chairs while we finished the last few pages. It was then Tess found an envelope tucked between the pages that appeared to be a wedding invitation. I was showing Benson a photograph of Mom and Dad on their wedding day when Tess nudged my arm, "Look at this."

She handed me a printed wedding invitation. I read it over, not noticing anything in particular—the location, date, and name of the pastor of the wedding were all there. I was about to hand it back when Tess whispered, "Look at the wedding date."

I looked at it and didn't notice anything unusual. I was puzzled.

Tess said quietly into my ear, "Janet, mother was almost five months pregnant with me."

I looked at the date again, remembering Tess's birthdate, as I did the subtraction in my head. I gave a little gasp. It was then I looked at their wedding pictures again—all showed mother from above the waist, the single photograph of them standing together was from behind a small table filled with flowers hiding mother from the waist down. It was confirmation enough of our suspicions. Tess and I just looked at one another knowing each of us understood.

It was a minute later when my father appeared and asked if he could talk with me. Benson and Alan were now sitting in the living room talking with my mother as I placed the photo albums back onto the shelf. I wondered what had transpired while Tess and I had talked quietly about what we had found for a few minutes. I gave a quick glance to Benson as I passed him, giving me a small smile that put me at ease.

My father led me into his den where I immediately saw two of my binders sitting on his desk. I had left them in a cardboard box at the back of my closet thinking they would be out of the way and of no interest to my parents. My father closed the door quietly as I moved to sit down in one of the chairs in front of his desk. I wasn't nervous—I guess curious more than anything as he picked up one of the binders.

He smiled at me, "Janet, I was looking for something a few months ago and found these notebooks in your closet. I took a quick look at them, noticed the titles of a few of the articles, and decided I should read some of what was in them. After I did, I was impressed. Though to tell you the truth, I was very upset at first. After a few days, I looked at them again and reread several of the articles they contained. Given what you and Benson had told me when we met on campus just after the semester began, I started putting two and two together. It set me to thinking about how it was I came into the ministry and realized I had never questioned my faith as you have done."

"Dad, I never meant for you to see these...I..."

"Janet, that's quite alright. I understand why you wouldn't have wanted me to see them. But now that I have, I want you to know I think I understand what you may have been going through and how Benson served as a sounding board. While growing up, I accepted whatever I was taught in Sunday school—I never questioned a thing. I certainly didn't appreciate the breadth of religious beliefs held by other people until I read what was contained in these notebooks."

"Dad, what are you trying to tell me?"

"Only that I understand why you changed. Why it was Benson was there for you when your mother and I were not. I know Tess has changed too, only she had Alan to talk to. I suspect she has continued to go to worship to please us rather than disappoint us with what she really believes."

"So, does Tess know?"

"Not yet, but she will. Your mother is still dealing with this in her own way. So, give her some breathing room. You know we love both of you. I wanted you to know."

"Thanks Dad. I never expected this to happen and it's been hard because I didn't want to disappoint you and mom. I just couldn't see a way to avoid it."

"Honey, there wasn't a way to avoid it. Your mother and I will have to adapt in our own way. Just give us some time. Come on, I'm sure your mother is growing impatient, we should rejoin the others."

To say I was relieved hardly described my feelings. I knew there was another shoe to drop, but Tess and Alan had already gone before us. If my parents had dealt with their sleeping together, they would deal with Benson and me. I felt a huge weight come off my shoulders as we left his den.